Game session abruptly canceled

[billd91]

Exactly. They're your kids, so why should others suffer in your stead?

Canceling a game session isn't exactly 'suffering'.

 

[billd91]

M never told me that not having a baby sitter was the deal breaker untill I called and asked him about his status Saturday. He tends not to be upfront about things like that in my opinion. That has been a source of my frustration.
I called him around noon. We didn't have a hard start time but we usually try to begin in the early evening. Before 5

It might not have been a deal breaker... until that day when they based their judgements on the mood and behavior of the kids. Small children are mercurial beasts. A trip that was fine a couple weeks ago may not be a good idea today.

 

[Lockridge]

Just a general comment:

I can't believe the number of people coming out with the opinion that "if you agree to a game then thats that". I game for fun and yes a child is a primal force of nature which can change your day and your life in just seconds.

Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

Wulf for the Win!

Ha! And I didn't even have to use The Beacon (TB).

 

[sniffles]

In an ideal world, boerngrim, your nephew would have been considerate enough to call you and let you know that the lack of a babysitter would prevent them from joining you. But sadly we don't live in an ideal world. As Warbringer points out, family members often do things to other family members that they wouldn't do to someone who was a non-relative.

Unfortunately it looks like you will always have to be responsible for following up with your nephew and his wife to check their availability. It's not fair, but then life isn't. And this sort of thing seems to be fairly common with people who have kids, in my experience. The kids, naturally, come first and the parents sometimes lose perspective about how to be considerate of other people in their single-minded focus on their children.

I do wonder, though, why you couldn't leave the pet you were tending for a few hours. Unless the animal was sick it shouldn't need to be fed or let out that often. But I'm sure that wasn't really on your mind at the time - you were feeling frustrated with your nephew's lack of thoughfulness.

My suggestion would be to try to lay some ground rules so this situation won't happen again - they'll call you well in advance if they can't come, or you'll call them. And possibly if you're pet-sitting again you may just want to cancel the game instead of trying to persuade them to change their routine.

Most importantly, try to iron out any hard feelings created by this situation. I strongly recommend you apologize to your nephew, even if you still feel he's the one in the wrong. Family can be the most forgiving, but they can also hold grudges longer than anyone else.

 

[Voadam]

M says he'll try to get his folks to watch the kids while we play. I say its no problem if they can't. Bring the kids with. He says OK. Its my understanding that this is the plan.
Today is game day. I call M today to find out what the plan is for the day. M tells me his parents can't take the kids and he and the wife don't want to bring them with, so they're not coming.

Any reason stated for why he no longer wants to bring the kids with as he agreed to before?

Sickness for example is a valid reason on his part, though regardless he should have called you when he knew they wouldn't be able to come over. If he was not comfortable bringing the kids over and having them in a different house while gaming he should have said so when it was brought up or told you when he came to that conclusion.

Did he apologize for cancelling?

I've cancelled get togethers with friends to handle things that come up with my infant son, but I call the people I'm getting together with, tell them I can't make it, and apologize for not making it.

 

[Kid Socrates]

I am amazed at how many people are acting like the parents are the ones completely to blame. My sister has four children, ranging from ages 9 to 2. For her to go ANYWHERE, for ANYTHING, requires a Herculean effort. You've got to get the kids up and dressed and put together. You've got to make sure you've got all their stuff, who wants what toy, no where'd this go, put that down, why aren't you wearing your shoes. You've got to get them loaded up into the car into their car seats and strapped in (a process that can take about 10 minutes by itself if they're in a sour mood). THEN you've got to make the drive, and kids can be fine on an hour-long drive one day and hellions the next. Then you've got to get them out and unloaded at the destination, and then check on them to make sure they're fine (even at a family member's place), and then repeat that process when it's time to leave. A two-hour round-trip drive can become four to five hours of nothing but kid work and prep time.

It's something parents have to deal with. I don't have kids, so I just hear about it, but I know what my sister goes through. Most of our family lives in the same town, yet she still misses a good deal of the get-togethers just because it can be too much of a hassle to get the kids from place to place, and this is just for a five-minute drive.

As long as there are children involved, face it, they come first. And they should.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Canceling a game session isn't exactly 'suffering'.

That's semantics. Substitute "suffer" with "have a disadvantage". You know what I mean. It's your kids, it's your plans that will be subject to sudden change. It doesn't give you the excuse not to think about other people.

It might not have been a deal breaker... until that day when they based their judgements on the mood and behavior of the kids. Small children are mercurial beasts.

Not my problem, but the parents'. They should know that their kids are mercurial beasts and say something. They should not just say "Okay", they should say "you know how kids are, they might get whiny on the day, and I don't know whether we find someone to look after them. So we can agree on the date, but it's subject to change should the kids get difficult"

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

As a parent of two kids, with a wife who games (or used to, anyway), I have been in the same situation as your friend M. Now, in my situation, we had a gaming group with eight players. If my wife and I cancelled, the game went on. Sometimes one of us would stay with the kids, while the other went to the session.

In M and K's situation, would you have gamed with only one of the two?

On a couple of occasions we brought the kids with us - they were the worst gaming sessions ever for us both. When the kids are with us, they are our top priority, so we were both paying more attention to them than to the game, and their needs disrupted everyone else as well. One person's home was not very babyproof - we spent a lot of time keeping the toddler away from breakable items and this odd open stairwell that we nicknamed the "stairs of death." When we played at our own home, the disruptions were not as bad to deal with because the kids were in their home environment - their own beds, their usual foods, their own toys and plenty of them, not just what we brought with us.

Do you think you would have had a good session with both of them only somewhat involved in the game? Would you have been PO'd at them for their disinterest?


I had my DM in my last group cancel at the last minute because he had been so busy at work he wasn't ready. It was so last minute, he sent the message cancelling after I had left for the 45 minute drive to his house. When I arrived and he explained, he was apologetic. While I was disappointed we weren't gaming and I had spent the time and gas for nothing, I wasn't angry. I understand that sometimes real life takes precedence over a social activity.

 

[Jeysie]

Just a general comment:

I can't believe the number of people coming out with the opinion that "if you agree to a game then thats that". I game for fun and yes a child is a primal force of nature which can change your day and your life in just seconds.

Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

I dunno. I'm a little incredulous at the number of people who think that because they are willing to revolve their lives around their kids, everyone else should be too. I mean, if I wanted to have to cancel my plans at the last minute to deal with the needs of children, I would have my OWN children.

You simply say up front that you may have to cancel at the last minute sometimes on a more-than-occasional basis, and that you should play a character that can be dropped in and out as needed. You let people know ahead of time they can't rely on you.

If you can't deal with the responsibilities of juggling children and commitments, you either drop the commitments or admit you chose to have kids before you were ready to handle it. *shrug* That's why I don't have kids; I know full well I couldn't handle the responsibility, so I don't want any.

Peace & Luv, Liz