Gaming Group Troubles

[billd91]

I have to say that loss of momentum is the risk you take whenever a campaign goes on hiatus, and that would include a 3 week hiatus in the PF campaign that's taken the place of the 4e game. So I can't really fault the other guy for not wanting to give up the time.

It sounds to me like you're resigned (maybe even in favor) of cutting back to the non-PF players, but it sounds like you're helping to drive a wedge in your gaming group. If I were players 1-3, I'd be a bit miffed at that. The PF game didn't start up to usurp your gaming time, but you're treating it like it was because the GM isn't very flexible on his schedule.

 

[pukunui]

As I said, I've been there. Here's my brief experience.

Thanks for sharing. Honestly, it's helped a lot just having people say "I've been there. I know how you feel." I don't feel so alone now, I guess.

I have to say that loss of momentum is the risk you take whenever a campaign goes on hiatus

I know, and that's why I was so keen to get some momentum back again, but it just hasn't happened. EDIT: I was just reviewing my e-mails with the other GM and the whole "momentum" thing was actually how I managed to convince the other guy to let me run my game three weeks in a row when I was first restarting the campaign, but of course we didn't end up playing three weeks in a row after all, and so I was never able to build up any momentum in the first place.

The PF game didn't start up to usurp your gaming time, but you're treating it like it was because the GM isn't very flexible on his schedule.

That's not quite right. I'm treating it like a usurpation because he didn't keep me in the loop when he was planning the game. He just sprang it on me. If I hadn't asked him why he couldn't meet with me one Friday, I would never have known it was happening until perhaps one of the other players mentioned it in passing at my table, or perhaps not until I sent out an e-mail saying I wanted to run my game three weeks in a row only to have someone e-mail me back to say, "Er, actually ..."

This is actually what I'm most upset about. The scheduling conflicts are the "last straw", as it were, but the lack of communication/perceived betrayal of trust is the bigger, underlying issue. Whether or not it's true, it feels to me like I was being deliberately kept in the dark about the whole thing. As I said, I wouldn't have expected the other guy to ask my permission or anything, but it sure would've been nice to at least have been kept in the loop with a courtesy head's up e-mail or something. Is that really too much to ask? I'm just talking about something along the lines of: "Hey Jonathan, I'm looking at running a Pathfinder game during the 'off' nights for your Star Wars game and three of your guys are interested in playing too. Just FYI." I think something as simple as that would've made a world of difference with regards to my attitude about the whole thing. At the very least, I would've been able to discuss the schedule with him in advance, instead of having to fight with him about it after it was too late to change it.

Here's how it went down: I e-mailed the guy to ask if I could meet up with him to collect some minis and other gaming aids off him. I asked if he was free Friday night. His response was: "Playing Pathfinder ..."

Now, I know that it's easy to misinterpret tone and intent with e-mails, but I took that little ellipsis as a sign of a guilty conscience on his part, like he didn't really want to tell me that's what he was doing. I could just picture him doing that guilty shifty eye thing and muttering his response out the side of his mouth. "I should've told you this before, but ..."

I said: "Ah. So does that mean you wouldn't be able to do Star Wars on a weekly basis? I was thinking of doing it every week for a few weeks in a row when we first restart, but I wouldn't keep it that way for long."

Only then did he spill the beans: "Yeah - sorry, we're playing on the alternate week to SW, & the group includes [Players #1-3] amoungst others...so it wouldn't be just me... I'm DMing an adventure path called Kingmaker, which I'm really looking forward to - I just hope I can do it justice. I'd love to be a PC in it...sigh... Funnily enough, we're playing weekly from tomorrow night, up until when we start SW again." [I just love that "funnily enough" bit ... it's like he was rubbing it in without even necessarily trying ... "I'll get to run my game for a few weeks in a row but you won't! Nyah nyah nyah!"]

That's when I "jokingly" said, "Oh I see. Usurping my group, eh? " and he "jokingly" replied with the "Booyah! Yoinked whilst you were sleeping pal! " bit. The thing is: while I'm pretty sure he was joking, I'm not entirely sure that I was. I think I was just pretending to be joking but was really being serious.

 

[On Puget Sound]

Sorry, I don't see a big issue here. You had a game that normally ran on weeks 1 and 3, the game that interspersed on weeks 2 and 4 went away so someone else created one. Since it was a game system you actively disliked, no one bothered mentioning it to you, until you wanted to run an off-schedule session that conflicted with it. Rather than "oh, you're doing something else? OK, never mind then, see you at our regular time", you took offense that your players had filled the time that used to be filled with game B with a new game, C. Your game A is unaffected, on the same schedule it had when it alternated with game B before the summer. The new GM is not treading on your toes, in fact if I were that GM I'd be a bit put off by your presuming to ask me to cancel one of my sessions so you could run an extra one.

There may well be interpersonal issues or communication gaps that are causing your resentment, but I see nothing in the scheduling that warrants your sense of aggrievement or entitlement.

 

[pukunui]

Sorry, I don't see a big issue here.

That's because you missed the part where I said that I mostly ran my game on "weeks 1 and 3" but with the caveat that I would also occasionally run it on "weeks 2 and 4". Before, we had one group playing two different games, and there was some wiggle room in terms of who ran what when. Now I've got a competing group running a competing game in the same time slot, and really the only reason it's an issue is because half the group is now playing in both games. If it was only one or two players, I wouldn't give a damn. I'd just play without them on the conflicting nights.

Also, as of the restart, I hadn't been intending to stick to the normal fortnightly schedule. To find out that the others had already started up another game and that it was already too late to have any input in it was more than a little annoying, as it put a real crimp in my own plans.

Anyway, it's become a non-issue now because I've made my decision. I'm forging ahead on my own terms with just the two players. The others can go have their fun with Pathfinder. I wish them well.

 

[chaochou]

IME, games that get put on pause can struggle to get restarted. I've had it happen loads, both as a GM and a player.

It's not a commentary on the quality of your game, or the quality of your friend's PF game, just the nature of the beast. As a player it's easier to be playing something which is continuation of last week than trying to fumble your way through what was happening a month or two ago.

So, as others have said, don't take it personally. Keep your friends, let it lie and run a new game when you're ready.

 

[pukunui]

I had actually paused the game for about two months early on, after we'd finished the first DoD module. I was going to be going overseas for a few weeks, and I didn't really want to start the next module only to leave it hanging while I was away, so I took some time off and then started the next module when I got back. I did the same thing over the summer: we had finished the second module and had gotten through some sidequest stuff I'd thrown together, and so when we restarted, it was to begin the third module. I don't think the players struggled to remember what had happened before. It has been almost a whole year since we first started the campaign, though, and we're only halfway through the third module (out of ten). That's partly why I wanted to ramp things up and start running more frequent games. There's no way I could sustain a weekly game on a long-term basis, but I don't want to stick to a locked-in fortnightly schedule. I'd like to run weekly bursts from time to time when I feel it's needed. We'll see how things go. I intend to continue the campaign, just with a slight downsizing of personnel.

 

[Redcrow]

I really, really don't want to take it personally, and I think that I am doing better today than I was yesterday, but even so ... "not taking it personally" and also "letting go" are two skills in which I am severely deficient. I think I must have been sick the day they taught that stuff, because I honestly have no clue how to let go of emotional stuff. I hang on to it for dear life and I hold grudges even when I don't want to. I can remember "wrongs" that were done to me when I was a kid. I still haven't really forgiven the perpetrators. I'd like to think I have. I mean, it's not like I dwell on that ancient history every day and let it get to me. The point is I haven't forgotten that stuff. It's still there in the back of my head. Anyway ... this is all my problem that I need to deal with. If only the Jedi Order was real. I would love to learn to be calmly in control of myself and my emotions like that.

This could have a lot to do with your players lack of communication in telling you what they 'like' or 'dislike' about your games and may be an underlying reason why noone was eager to tell you about the PF game.

If your players see you as someone who gets 'emotional' easily or is quick to jump on the defensive when given an honest critique then why should they want to be the one to light that fuse.

Even in this very thread you have appeared to get a bit defensive when given an honest opinion of your situation even though that is exactly what you were asking for in your OP.

Just my $0.02

 

[pukunui]

This could have a lot to do with your players lack of communication in telling you what they 'like' or 'dislike' about your games and may be an underlying reason why noone was eager to tell you about the PF game.

If your players see you as someone who gets 'emotional' easily or is quick to jump on the defensive when given an honest critique then why should they want to be the one to light that fuse.

Even in this very thread you have appeared to get a bit defensive when given an honest opinion of your situation even though that is exactly what you were asking for in your OP.

Just my $0.02

It's possible, but I doubt it. I think it's more that they're either busy or aren't all that tech-savvy or they just can't be bothered or something along those lines. And they're not all bad communicators. Some of them are pretty good at it. And some are just inconsistent. The two that I'll be gaming with from now on are pretty good. The important thing I have to remember about them though is they're very much story gamers. They aren't all that into the mechanics of the game. So I'll probably need to go a little easy on them in terms of my NPCs (I'm a bit of a powergamer myself, and I know the ins and outs of the game pretty well and I enjoy the "mini-game" of building characters and such).

 

[Oryan77]

This situation really isn't a problem at all. It shouldn't have even gotten to the point that it has because you forgot one little thing that fixes every gaming group...

...get a girl in the group!

I am of course joking. But the sad thing is, I'll bet money on it that if you recruited a girl in the group that the players would be attracted to, they'd all suddenly & mysteriously flock back to your game, including the PF DM.

It's strange how women have that effect on us. I mean, I'm a handsome man if I do say so myself, but I know my players wouldn't drive an hour out of their way just to play D&D with me. Yet, one of them drove that far to play in a PF game just because there were 2 hot chicks in that group. He said, "it's worth it."

So take it from me, get a girl in your group. Get several if you can swing it. Then all of your problems will just go away.

 

[WHW4]

So take it from me, get a girl in your group. Get several if you can swing it. Then all of your problems will just go away.

Cue the next thead: "I invited these girls to our group and they stole my players away to go on dates, HELP!"