How to deal with this DM?

[GMMichael]

I really like the people I'm playing with. I really dont get why either of you two are so willing to walk out of a game, its really not easy to find another...

Say, "you know what would be cool? Is if we could all email each other about what to do in next week's session!"

Get the players' email addresses.

When you email them about next week's session, suggest that what you do is find a new GM for it.

 

[Zhaleskra]

he's buddies with the manager, and has been asked to keep the language down, and responded by just swearing without shouting it so the whole mall can hear.

If I were the manager I'd tell him that his outburst was even more inappropriate than his original behavior, and that I don't want to be friends with people who cannot behave appropriately in a public setting, probably with a warning about a ban for further complaints about his behavior.

 

[Umbran]

If I were the manager....

Unfortunately, you're not the manager...

There is a basic point - if the gent hasn't responded to such requests in the past, and has been allowed to continue, further polite requests are unlikely to change things. You'd have to either force the issue (which may be easy, but won't win any friends to game with) or fundamentally change how someone's looking at the situation (which is harder).

 

[Zhaleskra]

Unfortunately, you're not the manager...

Correct, and I have had management courses, and understood them so I can point out poor management when I see it.

 

[Janx]

Correct, and I have had management courses, and understood them so I can point out poor management when I see it.

I think poor management was pretty obvious.

the problem is not what to do when you are in the position of power. That's a pretty big duh.

The problem is what to do from the position of the customer who wants the product, but doesn't like the service. It's a weaker position, because the business can clearly do without the customer.

 

[Zhaleskra]

Is it? Bad news tends to travel faster than good news. There was a pair of ratios I heard at some point, I think it was something like 1:2 for good service or whatever (if you get good service, a good price, whatever: you tell 2 people), the other was 1:10 for bad service, whatever (if you get bad service, a clearly hiked price, whatever you tell 10 people).

Anyway, we're not talking about the potential of losing a single customer really. We're looking at the potential to lose multiple customers in one fell swoop.

 

[Maggan]

I really dont get why either of you two are so willing to walk out of a game, its really not easy to find another...

For some, finding a new game is simple. It might be from that standpoint that they suggest walking out. If finding a new game is hard, then that option is of course not very tempting.

I suggest being frank, and explaining to the DM that you feel uncomfortable playing with him, and list reasons. And then ask how to resolve it. What can you do, and what can he do?

A bit of bargaining must probably take place, so that he can "save face" and not feel ordered about. Talk in private, or try to do it over email if that helps.

Cheers and good luck!

/Maggan

 

[Man in the Funny Hat]

he's buddies with the manager, and has been asked to keep the language down, and responded by just swearing without shouting it so the whole mall can hear. The thing is that I like him as a DM and I really like the people I'm playing with. I really dont get why either of you two are so willing to walk out of a game, its really not easy to find another...

Well then, that is YOUR choice, isn't it? You can either tell him to knock it off because it's unnecessary, rude, intolerant, and offensive or you can decide that it's more important to you to participate in the game just as you have been up to this point. If you want him to change you have to be willing to risk your participation in the game. You'll just have to satisfy yourself with knowing that if it all falls apart because the DM, deep down, is as big of a jerk as his mouth makes him seem to be, that it won't have been your fault that the game imploded. Nobody continues to take advantage of your tolerance without YOUR permission.

 

[SteveC]

Well then, that is YOUR choice, isn't it? You can either tell him to knock it off because it's unnecessary, rude, intolerant, and offensive or you can decide that it's more important to you to participate in the game just as you have been up to this point. If you want him to change you have to be willing to risk your participation in the game. You'll just have to satisfy yourself with knowing that if it all falls apart because the DM, deep down, is as big of a jerk as his mouth makes him seem to be, that it won't have been your fault that the game imploded. Nobody continues to take advantage of your tolerance without YOUR permission.

You should listen to the Man in the Funny Hat (is that a good principle in general, I wonder...)

It's ultimately up to you: is the game worth more to you than this annoyance? If so, stick it out, otherwise I'd speak up and let the DM know that it's not cool and you don't want to be a part of it. You may find out that the other players agree with you and haven't said anything either. Ultimately the choice is yours.

With that said, I'm going to give my advice on what I'd do. I'm a midwesterner, and a polite non-confrontational guy for the most part. This led to me being involved in games that were really not fun at all at times. When I was in college I had a sort of epiphany where I decided that no gaming was better than bad gaming. That decision cost me some friendships, but also taught me who my true friends really were, so it was ultimately one of the best decisions I've made. It didn't initially seem that way at the time, but it was.

I have zero tolerance for a play style that is creepy to women, since I've seen it drive a lot of them from gaming. I'm also a religious person, and I've learned to respect a lot of different opinions on faith, but have no time for people who insult anyone's core beliefs.

To me, what this DM is doing would be something that I wouldn't tolerate, and I'd call them on it. Politely, with a sense of humor at first, but I'd walk from the game if things didn't change.

That's me, though, and I'm not someone in your shoes. I just wanted to give you the perspective of someone who had to make a decision like this that cost him some friendships and more than a little heartache at the time. Where I am now, I'd only get out from the situation sooner, I wouldn't change anything.

Something to consider is that there are likely plenty of other people to game with in your area: you just have to meet them, which may take some work.

Good luck, and let us know how it works out.

 

[was]

I'd have a serious talk with the DM once. If he ignores your concerns, than advise the owner/buddy that his behavior is offending many of his customers who might have to take their business elsewhere.