how to hit on girls without being creepy?

[Torm]

My wife, would smack me up side the head, if I lied to her about that sweater.

Mine, too. But, there is a difference between "you look bad in that" and "that doesn't make you look your best." Both are still true....

Hida - the thing I posted earlier about vhemt.org was taken as a sarcastic response to another poster, but I wasn't entirely kidding. If you're really that uncomfortable, maybe you should bear in mind how much dating is going to cut into your gaming time and budget, and that there are already over 6 billion of us, and give it a pass. Legacy is a stupid, stupid reason to be worried about getting married and having kids - especially when there are so many other ways to have a legacy.

My wife and I were very young when we got married and had kids - and I wouldn't take it back, now that they are here. But, in your shoes, without a pre-existing family, knowing what I know now, I don't think I'd give potential children as hostages to fortune in this old, screwed up world. We're programmed to be "breeders" by society and family from when we are very small, but that's not necessarily the only healthy choice - it may not even be a healthy choice at this point in time.....

 

[Torm]

It amazes me how a lot of the "non-conformists" are so much alike.

"I'm different, special, and unique.... just like everyone else."

 

[Pbartender]

I am... a gamer geek. and proud of it. the greatest joy in the world is to play. whether that's a video game, a board game, an RPG, or whatever.

Alright. Fair enough. Everyone here is. Just be careful how you spin it to an unknown girl you're trying to hit on. Treat your gaming like a weekly poker game, and explain it to her that way. Hopefully, she'll think of it as something you do occassionally with your own friends to blow off steam... Assuming she doesn't play herself.

Treat it like a harmless hobby, not an obsession.

...there's nothing like taking on a mental challenge that's safe from real-life consequences for failure.

This, I think, is your real problem. Games are safe from real world consequences. If something goes wrong, you reboot the 'puter, or roll up a new character sheet. You cling to that.

You need to work up a little courage and realize two things... 1. Most real world consequences for failure in dating circle aren't nearly as bad as you think. 2. You'll never succeed if you don't at least try.

i love the amusement park, i'm just a little boy at heart.

Perfect. Focus on that. Taking a girl to an amusement park is a great day-long date. Plenty of time to get to know her. Scary rides offer plentiful chances for her to cozy up. And the whole date can be passed off as more fun than romantic, if things don't pan out.

In addition, I'd encourage you to bone up on the hobbies and activities you enjoy outside of gaming. Be a little more well rounded... mentally speaking.

i'm a rebel and non-conformist. i don't like being told what to do, or doing something because everyone else does it.

That's right... You're just like all the other non-conformists.

So knock that off.

Corrollary: Just because you do something everyone else does, doesn't mean you are not an individual.

Being contrary for the sake of being contrary is stupid.

i'm an ex-christian who's currently an agnostic.

Nothing wrong with that, but I'd recommend using 'dinner table' rules on dates... Until you know where she stands or until she directly asks you, avoid religion and politics.

i have a high sex drive and perverted, twisted sense of humor.

Nice shootin', there Tex. Keep 'em in check and under wraps, until she gives a green light.

star wars rules.

It certainly does.

STEP 2: Cleanliness is next to godliness.

You are already headed in the right direction. However, you need to make it a daily habit, not just a going out thing.

EVERY morning: Wake up, take a shower, wash your hair, brush your teeth, shave (or trim your beam/mustache), comb your hair, put on clean clothes. Not only will you look better, but you will feel better. Both of those combined will immediately raise others' impression of you.

Next, go get a good haircut. When you get to the barbershop, and the barber asks you how you would like it cut, say, "Nothing too fancy, but I've got a hot date tonight. Make me look good." Then, give the barber a good tip when he's done. Repeat this at least once a month.

 

[Obryn]

i've been trying to bathe whenever i leave the apt at this point. even when it's just a taco bell run or the grocery store. that's why i was seriously considering trying to talk to the girl i saw there, cause i had bathed and put deoderant on and everything

Like pbartender said, it's not a "when you go out" thing. It's an "I have respect for myself and am doing this for myself" thing.

exercising is more something i know i should do, but being a low WIS guy, the short-term pain and lack of immediate gratification nature of exercise, tend to combine into me not doing it. it always comes down to "i'll excercise later..."

There you are trying to turn real life into a D&D game again. This is another way to hide from reality and another way to try and justify your behavior without changing it.

i know that's a problem i need to fix. dieting is something that i know is beyond my ability however. i just don't have the willpower to resist the delicious taste of snacks... nor do i have the willpower to close the bag once i open it until i'm stuffed. however, i have managed to replace drinking 2 liters of pop a day with drinking 2 quarts of kool-aid (made with half the sugar the recipe calls for!) a day.

Switch to diet pop. I don't care if you don't like it now; I didn't either at first. Drink it for a few weeks. Some people lose weight just by switching to diet soda... there's a HUGE difference in calories and a very small difference in taste.

It is not "beyond your ability" to diet. Bull. Crap. Nobody's coming to your house and shoving a Twinkie in your mouth. You control what enters your body. And if hooking up is important to you, ask yourself what's more important - that double quarter pounder and large fries, or sex.

If you can't stop eating snack food, DON'T BUY IT. I honestly have the same problem, and that's been my solution. Dude, not too long ago, I was a huge fat*ss. But I lost 85 lbs by finding willpower reserves I didn't know I had. I'm not precisely skinny nowadays, but I can't tell you how much better I liked myself after that.

and i wear clean shirts whenever i go out. and clean underwear and socks too. i reuse pants for a few days though. but i never wear the same pants out that i sleep in.

Good enough. Now try some things that you like, that fit you well, and that aren't t-shirts. It will help, too.

-O

 

[msd]

i've been trying to bathe whenever i leave the apt at this point... that's why i was seriously considering trying to talk to the girl i saw there, cause i had bathed and put deoderant on and everything...and i wear clean shirts whenever i go out. and clean underwear and socks too. i reuse pants for a few days though. but i never wear the same pants out that i sleep in.

Honestly, I have kept up on this entire thread for days now and have kept my mouth shut in keeping with the rule of "if you don't have something nice to say...", but enough is enough.

If what follows is perceived as rude or deserving of reprimand then so be it. I do not apologize, but will accept whatever follows.

Hida...you're 27 and more than a few people are having to tell you things that I just spent 2 weeks reminding my niece about over X-mas holidays...she's 4.

Every morning is a routine. That routine includes bathing, shaving, putting deodarant, brushing your teeth, and putting on a fresh set of clothes....every morning...without fail...in all cases...with no exceptions. For the love of all that is holy, most children know what you are having to be told...repeatedly...at age 27.

You know what? You've gotten some valuable advice in this thread from a lot of different people. And you know what else? None of it will do you a damn bit of good...none of it. If repeated reminders to bathe daily only invokes on your part a "I try...but I still put on the stankpants day after day" and your own embarrassment at your behavior is insufficient to change your ways, nothing these fine people can say will help.

Honestly, at age 27? You should be mortified at some of the things you've written here...forget about girls for now and the immediate future...put your own house in order.

 

[Pbartender]

STEP 3: Your body is a temple.

Losing weight, should you choose to do so, is not that difficult, it just takes patience and tenacity.

Simply put, there are only three ways to reliably lose weight (fat):
1. Eat less.
2. Exercise more.
3. Eat less and exercise more.

Or, for those math geeks out there... Calories in < Calories burned == Weight loss.

Tips for "dieting":

1. Throw out all your junk food, and replace it with fresh fruits and vegetables. The fruit and veggies will have fewer calories, virtually no fat or cholesterol, and will provide you with much needed vitamins and minerals. This alone will help help you look and feel healthier.

2. Stop drinking soda. It's carbonated sugar water. Drink water. Drink black coffee, if you need caffeine. Drink diet soda, or fruit juice, if you need flavor. Drinking one less can of soda per day is roughly equal to a weight loss of one pound per week for most people, if all else stays the same.

3. Learn how to cook. It's not as tough as you might think. And with a good cookbook, you can cook your own healthy tastey meals without all the garbage that makes it bad for you.

4. Eat smaller portions. Take your dinner. Put half of everything back into a tupperware dish and stick in the fridge for dinner tomorrow night. Now eat the half that's still on your plate. Then stop. Do this for a month, and you'll get used to it real quick. You'll wonder how you ever ate so much before.

Exercising:

The important thing about exercising is finding something you enjoy enough to do on a regular basis. Any kind of exercise is good exercise, even if it's just taking a half hour walk after dinner every evening.

If you don't want to go to a gym, find something else... Enroll in a martial arts class. Take dancing lessons. Buy a bicycle, and ride it instead of your car. Take the stairs instead of an elevator. Apply for a job that requires manual labor.

Exercise is only difficult to begin with. Once you start getting into shape, it's less painful, more enjoyable, and often relaxing. As with everything else, it'll make you look and feel better. That gives you confidence. That'll get you girls.

MORE IMPORTANTLY: Good diet and good exercise keeps you healthly. It'll reduce your resting heart rate, reduce your blood pressure, reduce you fat and cholesterol levels, and give you more energy in general.

 

[Pbartender]

STEP 4: "The ladies go crazy for a sharp dressed man!"

ZZ Top said it best.

Now, you don't need to be a trend setter, but you do want to stop looking like a slob. No girl worth anything wants to date a guy schlepping around in a grubby t-shirt and sweatpants.

Remeber... Good Taste never goes out of style.

So, stick all of your old t-shirts in the back of your closet. Keep them for saturday mornings, cleaning days, and the occasional game night with the buddies... ONLY. Whenever else, once you wake up, get dressed in respetable, clean clothes.

Now, there's no need to break the bank with new clothes. Buy what you can afford, but make certain it all fits you properly.

Go buy a pair or two of decent blue jeans, and a pair of two of some nice khaki pants. Pick up a couple of shirts with buttons and collars on them. Get a few sweaters. Keep them simple... That's a great "guy" trick. Clothes of simple cut and pattern are easier to match.

As someone earlier suggested, if you are uncertain, go ask the opinion of the nearest female salesperson. She will know what you will look good in, and will tell you so when you try things on... What a great confidence booster, eh?

 

[Pbartender]

STEP 5: Do it!

Your on your own now. Find a girl and converse.

 

[Obryn]

Hey, Pb! I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents regarding weight loss...

1. Throw out all your junk food, and replace it with fresh fruits and vegetables. The fruit and veggies will have fewer calories, virtually no fat or cholesterol, and will provide you with much needed vitamins and minerals. This alone will help help you look and feel healthier.

Quoted for truth. Honestly, I'd rather have an orange nowadays than most candy. Try it out for a week or 2. See how it works.

2. Stop drinking soda. It's carbonated sugar water. Drink water. Drink black coffee, if you need caffeine. Drink diet soda, or fruit juice, if you need flavor. Drinking one less can of soda per day is roughly equal to a weight loss of one pound per week for most people, if all else stays the same.

I'll agree with everything except the fruit juice for weight loss. Fruit juice is fine for when you're not trying to drop pounds, but it has close to as many calories as soda. Milk's up there too. They're healthy, don't get me wrong - but not low-cal. Eat an apple instead of drinking apple juice, or an orange instead of orange juice.

3. Learn how to cook. It's not as tough as you might think. And with a good cookbook, you can cook your own healthy tastey meals without all the garbage that makes it bad for you.

Foreman grill + chicken + spices = mmmm....

The important thing about exercising is finding something you enjoy enough to do on a regular basis. Any kind of exercise is good exercise, even if it's just taking a half hour walk after dinner every evening.

Again, quoted for truth. My primary exercise while on a diet is walking 30-60 minutes per day. Get an mp3 player and listen to music on your walks. Or get a friend to go with you. Even this little bit of exercise helps your metabolism kick in and helps you burn more calories.

MORE IMPORTANTLY: Good diet and good exercise keeps you healthly. It'll reduce your resting heart rate, reduce your blood pressure, reduce you fat and cholesterol levels, and give you more energy in general.

...and hopefully will help you like yourself better so that maybe, just maybe, you'll work on other ways to improve yourself. And not be creepy.

-O

 

[Droid101]

Okay, I have mostly just dropped in to say how much this thread is making me laugh, but I'm going to get serious a moment.

Hida just mentioned how saying "I'll call you" and not doing it is evil. Saying how he has a low Wisdom score, so he won't work out. Saying how he's a gamer at heart and likes Star Wars.

Jebus...

Drop it already. None of that will help you when it comes to girls.

If you ever actually go up to a girl and talk to one (wait until you follow ALL of the lifestyle changing advice from Pbartender and otheres to do so, for the love of Christ) DO NOT engage in Star Wars or gaming talk.

If she asks "What do you like to do?" You don't answer "Dungeons and Dragons." You answer "Play games with my friends."

If she asks "What do you like?" You don't say "Star Wars rocks!" You say "I like movies."

I hate to be mean, but in this life, most people don't understand gamers, and most don't want to try. Don't try to explain it or debate it or rationalize it. Just don't mention it. It's not worth it.

That's all I got. Here's what you gotta do:

1. Get in shape and clean up your own life. Following all of Pbartender's tips will get you well on your way.

2. Practice talking to girls. If one waves, go up and say hi. You don't have to start a relationship. You just have to say hi. How are you? What's your name? Where you from? Go to school? Whatever! It'll get you on your way.

3. Once you have talked to many girls, then try to get a phone number from the next one you talk to where the conversation is going well.

4. Finally, here you can follow Teflon Billy's advice and be a little jerky. But you must be "proficient" at the first three!!!

One step at a time.