Lela said:
1.Resurrection ain't automatic. ...
1. DON'T GET KILLED! If you do, don't complain.
2.Talk wit dat one DM dude 'bout dis stuff:
Character History
Starting Languages (affected by character history)
Class Flavor Changes (encouraged; affected by character history)
Character History (Unlike your teachers)
Starting Wealth (affected by character history)
Extra class skills (affected by character history, like your teachers)
Character History
2. Bring a box of beer and talk with your DM how you imagine your char and all the evil things he did as a child. And later.
2.a) And don't forget the beer. Whiskey works too.
3.Choose an Alignment (based on character 'istry). From there, DM will assign based on da character actions.
3. Bring a new box of beer and ask the DM nicely which alignment he would assign to your character depending on what you told him after the last box of beer.
4. All male character pics must be approved by our resident gay guy. He typed dis ting up. Our DM doesn't enforce dis.
4. Bring a bottle of champagne for the resident gay guy.
5.All characters must 'ave (at least) three allegiances based on character 'istry.
...
Not so obvious Examples: Local tavern, that chick down the street, providing me (remember me, I'm the resident gay guy) with hot male character pics, weapons, craft/professions, finding wenches and showing them a good time (Six Flags counts).
5. Tell me what you like and I tell you what I like. Besides that beer you bring me. Again.
6.Races: Ya haf ta, uh, pick yer “sub race” (based on da character 'istry). Sex 'tween da races is fine (just not 'n public). Half breed freaks 're fine, jus long as ya can splain it (in yer character 'istry). They can shine our shoes.
6. Any race is good enough as long as your beer is good enough.
7.Races: Nonstandard races must be DM approved. Or that that gay guy, if you can provide a hot (male) pic. Again, the DM claims not ta run by dis part'a da rule (poor guy).
7. Again: Mucho beer = mucho munchkinism.
8.Rolling Ability scores.
Take 4 a dos dies wit six sides you stole from yer brudder's Clue game.
Roll 'em.
Reroll all 1s. If yah want.
Keep any 3 dice ya want.
Add 'em up. Ask someone for help wit da math. (Bribe yer teacher)
Do dat 7 times.
Keep any six ya want.
Assign 'em.
Feel special
8. Now we come to the important part: Grown up drunk guys playing with toys/dice.
- Bring your dice bag and a hammer.
- Spend half an hour to choose 4 dice and destroy the others with the hammer.
- Roll 7 abilities with 4d6 drop lowest. Refer to book if you don't know what that means.
- Kick the worst result and arrange the 6 good ones.
- Hug your DM and drink a beer.
9.Hit Points: If ya don't much like a die roll, have the DM roll it again. Ya gotta take his dough.
9. If you can't roll good results, trust your buddy with the beer who's going to provide nice drinking evenings for you soon and let him play with your dice. The DM, not the resident gay one.
10.Additional Armor & Weapon Proficiencies 're based on character 'istry and presentation to da DM (via character 'istry). For example, try trading all da martial weapon proficiencies for one o' those exotic ones. Sure, ya'll be screwed on the longsword but ya'll have a cool chain.
10. Armor & Weapon Profs are subject to the quality of your beer and your background story.
11.Hide 'n Move Silently 're now da same skill. Call it Sneak. Tank Monte Cook (one 'o dem damn half breeds).
11. Hide + Move Silently = Sneak. Blame MC.
12.Everyone gets a talent. Tank Monte Cook again (stupid, mumble, mumble half breeds). Oh, an' it has ta be a talent (check Arcana Evolved).
12. You get an extra feat from an extra book. Without paying with beer.
13.I know yer lazy but ya still haf ta count how much yer stuff weighs. Bags, extra clothes, armor, kids, weapons, kits and that crap in your pockets. Figur how much it weighs an how much ya can carry n such.
...
13. Don't forget Carrying limits, movement rate and write down where you carry what. No excuses.
14.Basic adventuring gear (less than 100 gold) is ignored when creating your sheet. Dis assumes yer higher dan second level.
14. Forget what I said about no excuses at point 13.
15.Rule 15. When someone is speaken in a language ya don know, ya don know what they're sayen. And day don what yer sayen if'n yer speaken in a language day don know. I know it's weird but even dough ya tink ya speak French in real life, ya don't. Trust us; we know. (Stupid mumble mumble half breeds).
15. 15. 15. Languages: That happens to people if they drink the wrong beer. Communication problems.
16.Sorcerers and Favored Souls ('n da like) get ta add bonus spells to der spells known list based on der abilities. Dis is cool if yer a Sorcerer but sucks if'n yer not. Every one else shut up. Sorcerers should shut up too (we're all sick a yer gloaten).
16. Sorcerers rules, wizards ****. If you're a bookluva, go read books.
17.Da DM will only state experience gained tree times. Otherwise, bug da other players. If'n ya have da nerve ta axe 'im again be prepared ta get less dan everyone else. You people 're friggen annoying.
17. Don't ask for XPs. You don't get any.
Exception is for those bums who had to leave early. Yeah, yeah, your grandmother fell and broke her fibula and you had to go help them snow shovel her off the floor and into the ambulance. Whatever. We'll pretend to believe you and give you the experience one more time. (Stupid mumble mumble half breeds) I expect good character history out of this.
If you want XPs, go early and invent a nice excuse.
18.If'n ya ain't here for da game ya ain't here for da fight. We're not runnin yer character for ya. We got enough to do (dat Mountain Dew won't drink itself). We'n ain't dealen wit the continuity errors neither. No laws a physics neither (just like Evasion).
As a side note, shut up about Evasion not following the laws of physics. We don't care what you can imagine. We're drinking Mountain Dew. (Stupid mumble mumble teachers)
18. If you have rules problems of the first kind ("That's not realistic!"): Drink more beer. If you have rules problems of the second kind ("The book says..."): Bring us more beer.
19.If'n ya ain't der for da battle you ain't getten da experience points or da lute. Or da gold. Da rest of us 're sick of getten our **** handed to us by kobolds. We darn well get der sticks 'n copper for ourselves.
19. Wimps get whooped, loot is for the heros.
20.Rule 19. Ur, uh, 20. I give ya one chance ta fill out yer character sheet. ...
20. Do it or the DM will do it for you and you won't like it. Don't complain, bring beer.
21.Oh, and Character 'Istry is important (unlike your teachers).
21. Tell me what you did and I tell you what you'll do. Don't complain, bring beer. Or whiskey.
