Humor: What happened during the podcast?

[Saracenus]

*Ringtone: Team America Theme Song*

"You have reached the ruin-a-tor, talk to me"

"So, Mike... you know how you told Ted from accounting to play your PC for you at today's lunch time OD&D game because 'you had really important stuff to do?'"

"Yeah, its a simple PC, heck even my pet chimp could play him..."

"Well, Ted did something stupid..."

[Silence]

"You there Mike?"

"I be right down, tell Ted he has a 5 min head start"

 

[RigaMortus2]

Ever notice how Mike Mearls and the smoke monster from LOST are never in the same room together? I'm just saying...

 

[Dedekind]

*Mike's "Fifth of Beethoven" ringtone goes off*

"Mike here, in living color."

"This is Bill. It finally happened."

"It didn't."

"It did."

"It didn't."

"It did."

"It did?"

"Yes. The new guy proposed Flumph as a player race."

"Tell him he has a 5 minute head start."

 

[ourchair]

In a well lit situation room surrounded by a sea of highly trained intelligence analysts.

“You are Mike Mearls?"

“Yes.”

“Eight counts playing Pathfinder in the office, two counts stealing power cards.”

“Yeah, hey look I already made my deal. I file a report against Heinsoo and I walk.”

*Mearls is shot in the chest*

“Oh god… Chris, are you out of your mind?”

“You want to find the Orcus Bigature, this is what it’s going to take!”

“Killing developers and designers?”

“That’s the thing about people like you Bill, you don’t want to get your hands dirty. I’d start rolling up your sleeves.”

(beat)

“I’m gonna need a hacksaw.”

 

[wedgeski]

Okay I admit it. This thread has the funny.

 

[Riastlin]

*Mike's Imperial March Ringtone Goes Off*

"Lord Mearls speaking, this better be good."

"Y-yes m'Lord, there's a problem here in R&D."

"What is it now Mister Slaviscek?"

"It's Mazzanoble m'Lord."

"The marketing wench? What about her?"

"Well m'Lord, she's back and she's proposing to have monsters stop attacking PCs and to instead simply give them preseants."

*rolls eyes*

"Just tell her no for cryin out loud."

"Y-yes m'Lord, we tried but . . bu 'echh"

"What is it Mister Slaviscek?"

*gasping for breath* "Well m'Lord, its like this you see, she, uhh, well she brought cake so she's hard to resist."

"Oh Christ, I'll be right there."

 

[Dedekind]

*Knock on door, Chris sticks his head in*

"Mike, we have a problem."

"I can't help it if Shelly dropped hummus on your map."

"No, it's worse. A guy at Hasbro says the Red Box is too complicated."

"Too complicated?"

"Yeah, apparently they think using a d20 is too much, and want to just flip coins. Or maybe a collectible card game."

"Did you try shaking the quarterly Magic: The Gathering sales numbers in front of them?"

"Yep, it didn't work. I even used all the buzzwords like 'digital delivery' and 'monthly subscription'."

"Sheesh, I'll be right there. I need my Powerpoint slides with all the animated clipart and a conference room. STAT!"

 

[Dedekind]

 

[Nikosandros]

Whirring sound from a D&D Starter Set. Click.

"Mr Mearls, your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to re-acquire lapsed players, entice new players and retain current players. As always, should you or any of your Dev Force be caught or killed, Hasbro will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This box will self-destruct in 5 seconds".

 

[Dragonhelm]

Mike Mearls sits in his conference room, when outside the window, he sees it.

The signal.