[IRON DM] Spring 2004 Contest Thread FINAL JUDGMENT POSTED, CHAMPION ANNOUNCED!

[Zappo]

Crematorium: important adventure location.
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Tarantella: the key to avoiding an extremely dangerous trap.
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Gnoll archer: the main antagonist.
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Beloved icon: the item to be recovered.
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Blunt instrument: the main clue telling the PCs that something is wrong in the crematorium.
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Tunnel vision: the clue to how to avoid the trap.
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POISON FOR THE MIND
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A D&D adventure for 4th-6th level characters.
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BACKGROUND
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The adventure takes place in a woodland region that up to about 200 years ago was invaded by dark elves from the Underdark. Eventually, an alliance of humans and elves repelled the drow forces, driving them back underground. Saithas Airin, the human leader of the combined armies, was a skilled fighter and master diplomat who convinced the two races to join against their common foe. It is said that so great was the might and wisdom of this human, that after the final victory the elven god Corellon Larethian himself decided to show his approval of the alliance by inspiring his greatest cleric to paint a holy icon depicting Saithas Airin locked in mortal combat against the drow leader. The elves presented this icon to the warrior, who placed it in a shrine and founded the town of Shepherd’s Rest around it.

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Shepherd’s Rest is now one of the very few places in the world where a holy item of an elven god is worshipped by humans. The icon is a symbol of freedom from evil and union between races. It is much beloved by the folk of Shepherd’s Rest, who believe that the icon protects their town from all harm. It is a fact that the area surrounding Shepherd’s Rest is exceptionally fertile and free from dangers.

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Saithas Airin instituted a yearly tournament and fair, with the unbroken rule that noone may be denied access to its events on the basis of his race. But not even the most progressive townsfolk could hide their doubts at this year’s surprise…

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PREFACE
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A gnoll sorcerer devoted to the demon god Yeenoghu is plotting to bring ruin to Shepherd’s Rest. He has heard of the relic held in the town, and he has located the burial site of the ashes of Saithas Airin himself. He is now planning to steal the icon and destroy it in that site, desecrating both in order to gain favor in the eyes of his master. The shrine of the Icon is open for worship by anyone, but gnolls are generally attacked on sight and certainly not welcome within the city walls. While it would be far too dangerous for him to try to sneak into town, he has heard of the tournament and of how it’s supposed to be open to anyone, regardless of race. And the winner of each contest is presented his prize in a ceremony taking place before the Icon of Airin.

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Ghiaia – this is the monster’s name – is already pretty good with a bow, having trained in youth, but a hidden true strike spell is what he’s going to use to give him an edge in the tournament. Not with every hit of course, but enough to stay ahead.

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Ghiaia is a sorcerer 4rd/cleric of Yeenoghu 3rd/Mystic theurge 2nd. He has the Silent Spell feat and will use it on each casting of true strike during the tournament. The focus for the spell – a small wooden replica of a target – has been embedded in the handle of his bow as a decoration. It can’t be seen without close examination. He’ll carry a scroll of dimension door with him to the ceremony.

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He’ll keep the rest of his gear hidden in the forest, not far from town: a pair of boots of striding and springing, 1000 gold coins and the bulk of his spell components. They are protected by his pack of trained hyenas.

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THE TOURNAMENT
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As the PCs get out of the woods and reach the town of Shepherd’s Rest on their way to their next adventure (or to purchase supplies), they see that the village is full of movement and excitement. It seems that there is a big fair, and some members of the town guard are setting up several big tents and carrying bedrolls.

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The guards tell them that the fair has just begun, and already all inns in town are full. People come for the dances, the food, the merchants, but most importantly for Saithas Airin’s tournament. It’s a traditional event of Shepherd’s Rest, they explain, and they invite them to stop for the fair or join the tournament (they’ll get free meals, too!). The prizes – exceptional weapons indeed – will be awarded in a ceremony taking place in the shrine where Airin’s icon is kept. If the PCs ask about the icon, the guard can explain the town’s history. While they are talking, they suddenly hear noise from the tournament sign up booth. Various members of the town guard are getting there and unsheathing their weapons. The man the PCs were talking with runs towards the booth.

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Near the booth, several armed guardsmen are surrounding a single gnoll. The creature doesn’t appear to be doing anything threatening, and is looking around quietly. He has a bow and quiver on his back. As more guards arrive, the monster speaks, in fluent Common, demanding access to the tournament as per Airin’s law and custom.

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This seems to put some doubt into the guardsmen. The town mayor is summoned, and after having had the situation explained to him and thinking for a while, he declares that the rules of the tournament are clear: the gnoll will be accepted. This prompts a loud murmuring from the assembled crowd, until the mayor lifts a hand. He adds that the gnoll cannot enter the town, limiting him to the tournament ground. The gnoll states that he has understood, and grins like only a gnoll can do.

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After this incident, the fair proceeds normally, although most of the talk is centered around this gnoll, who has signed up for the archery tournament as Ghiaia. Other events include a sword fight contest, jousting, and any other martial competition the DM thinks the PCs would enjoy. All competitors can use their own weapons, but no magic is allowed (items are checked with detect magic). The PCs can join any of them. Merchants from most neighboring regions are camped outside the walls and the PCs can shop for items or supplies. There’s also all sort of musical entertainment, dances and performers. If the PCs visit the fair and go around a bit, they can hear the following information and rumors (roll Gather Information check: one randomly chosen rumor for every five points in the check):
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1. The gnoll is called Ghiaia. He says that he is glad to compete in the tournament, and to see that this town can look past appearances.
2. The gnoll has a very well-made bone bow. It has been tested like all the others, and it’s not magical.
3. The gnoll is behaving very well. He’s been shopping around the market and he pays with good gold – foreign coins from some northern kingdom.
4. Tarantella is a very popular dance here in Shepherd’s Rest. It is said that it prevents poisoning and that Airin himself loved it.
5. There are no spiders within a radius of several miles from Shepherd’s Rest. It is said that the victory against the drow two centuries ago was so great that all spiders fled underground with the dark elves.
6. There are a bunch of old drow buildings all around the forest. They are all desert of course, and many have been torn down to provide construction material for the city. Some are used as refuges or storage. A few have even been consecrated and find use as small shrines, though all drow decoration has been removed. People around here don’t mind too much to where a good building comes from!
7. The Icon of Airin protects the city from harm. It is located in the shrine in the center of town. Anyone can visit and pay homage to it.
8. A townsfolk relates a bit of town history to the PCs.

The fair lasts for two days; if any PCs is among the participants, run the tournament contests as you prefer. The melees are basically subdual fights with various weapons, and the contestants are on average no better than the PCs. The archery contest is mainly divided in aim tests (three arrows) and speed tests (hit the target as many times as you can in a fixed time), with progressively harder targets. The gnoll is doing surprisingly well in the archery tournament, especially in the aim tests. By the middle of the second day, people are starting to get worried; he’s tied with another contestant (which could be a PC) and the prospect of a gnoll archer champion doesn’t sit well with anyone. But many are confident that the final round will work out against the creature – it’s played in the dark of the evening, and careful aim is very difficult. The dim lighting prevents characters from seeing the target clearly, so each shot has a 40% concealment miss chance (30% for characters with low-light vision; darkvision doesn’t help at this range). Of course, true strike allows the gnoll to ignore that. He wins easily, astonishing the crowd with several perfect hits even in the dark.

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BETRAYAL
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After some short discussion with the village elders, the mayor recognizes that Ghiaia has to be present to the ceremony. He orders that Ghiaia be given safe passage in town until the ceremony is over, provided that two guards stay at his side at all times.

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Each winner is given a masterwork weapon of the type that was used in the contest, forged with the use of alchemical silver and bearing the Saithas Airin’s house symbol. For the archery contest, it is a masterwork composite longbow made from darkwood. The ceremony proceeds normally up to the gnoll’s turn. Before Airin’s Icon and a crowd of a half thousand people, Ghiaia quietly picks up his prize, strapping the dark bow to his back, and thanks the city of Shepherd’s Rest. Then, he suddenly grabs the icon with a hand, pulling out a magical scroll from his cape with the other. Before anyone can react, some short magical words are spoken and the gnoll has vanished with the relic.

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The spell’s range is not enough to get him out of town, but most of the city (including most of the town guard) is at the shrine now. Ghiaia casts invisibility and slips out of the gates just moments before the spell expires. Noone sees him, except a young woman named Teresa. She never trusted the gnoll, and she quickly starts going after him, into the woods, taking care not to be seen. When the PCs arrive, Ghiaia is nowhere to be found and noone has seen him. Search parties are immediately organized, and the PCs are invited to form one. Unfortunately, it starts raining heavily.

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The PCs get lucky and after one hour or so they find the place where he was hiding his stuff. There are signs of digging and some spell components are on the ground, apparently spilled from a pouch picked up hastily. While they are looking at it, a pack of 10 hyenas come running from hiding and assault the heroes ferociously. If the PCs defeat them, they may get back to town (it’s just five minutes from where they are) or search for tracks. The DC is 27 right now, mostly because of the dark, but tomorrow morning it will be 23.

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The following day, as the search groups are being organized, the new strikes that Teresa is missing. A lot of the villagers are very worried, both for their beloved Icon and for the woman. The PCs can find out the following information:
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1. Teresa is a priestess of good. She worships all Good gods equally.
2. Teresa had magical abilities, but nothing powerful.
3. Teresa was outside when Ghiaia stole the Icon. She was helping with the fair, so she was wearing work clothes instead of her robe.
4. Teresa also maintained the Icon shrine, together with a few other low-level clerics.
5. Teresa was a good performer. She played her accordion at the fair. She loved playing.

As the search resumes in a worried mood, the PCs tour the forest for many hours without success. The tracks starting from the dig only lead up to a small stream and then seem to vanish.

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Eventually, the PCs see a trail of dark smoke rising from the trees not far from where they are. If they get there, they reach an ancient building. Anyone familiar with dark elves can recognize drow architecture.
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Inside, they are greeted by an aged, thin human. He’s wearing a sack robe and he has evident circles around his eyes. He’s wielding a heavy quarterstaff. The man has quite an unnerving stare, but he is otherwise quite kind. His name is Toralon, and he says he is a priest of Pelor. A Sense Motive check, DC 18, will reveal a certain hesitation in his voice. The building the PCs have entered is a crematorium which has been in use since the defeat of the drow for about one century. Customs slowly switched towards burials, and now Toralon is the only keeper. The priest looks quite sad about this.

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Have all PCs roll Listen; those who beat DC 20 can hear some kind of faint moaning from the inner chambers of the building. If they question Toralon about the smoke, he says that he has picked up a woman’s corpse from the forest. Any PC that beats DC 13 with Sense Motive can tell that Toralon is getting nervous. He says that the woman was killed by a poisonous spider, and that her face was so bloated by the venom as to be unrecognizable. He is burning her corpse now, and he’d rather the PCs do not disturb it. Most likely, the characters will run towards the furnaces instead. When the heroes reach them, only a blackened skeleton remains. Near the furnace door, there is a bag.

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Suddenly, a ghostly form appears in the air, causing Toralon to startle. The figure looks like a woman dressed in work clothes, but it is very evanescent. It turns towards the priest and opens her mouth, letting out a frightful moan. Teresa’s ghost is not strong enough to truly affect the Material plane (though she might become, if she’s not avenged); the moan has no supernatural effect. Toralon raises his hands and turns undead, and the ghost screams again and turns to look at the PCs before diving underground. Toralon then starts babbling incoherently about disturbing the dead, and how the PCs must go away now.

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It will take just one round and a Spot check to see that the cranium is broken, probably by a blunt instrument. If the PCs become hostile, or if they try to touch the skeleton, or if they reach for the bag, he will attack them. Toralon is an 8th level cleric, but the lack of purpose, the loneliness, the strong feeling of being useless, has caused him to become insane and lose his faith a long time ago. He can still turn undead, but he has no spells (reduce the XP rewards accordingly) and shouldn’t pose too much of a threat. During the fight, however, arrows and magic missiles start coming down from holes in the ceiling. Ghiaia is up there! As soon as the PCs finish off Toralon, or when they go after the gnoll, he will enter a secret passage on the second floor of the building, which leads down into a sort of crypt.
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Toralon’s quarterstaff is masterwork quality. It is the item that was used to kill Teresa. In his belt pouch, the PCs can find 100 gold coins; the coins are of the same type that Ghiaia was using. The ex-priest was bribed by the gnoll to keep guard.

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The bag contains Teresa’s accordion. As the PCs open the bag, they see her face clearly for just one moment, and then it vanishes. The character who picks up the accordion has a vision. It’s as if he was flying along a long, long tunnel or corridor. He can’t turn his head or slow down, and the tunnel’s walls are a blur of vivid colors around him. At the end of the tunnel, far, far away, he can see a bright white light, and as he gets closer he can hear some kind of music. It is a fast, obsessive rhythm that only adds to the terrifying sense of claustrophobia of the whole experience. As the light shines brighter and brighter, the PC has the feeling of bobbing sideways, accelerating and decelerating, as if he was dancing. When the music stops, he is into the light itself, and the vision ends. Teresa has seen the crematorium underground in her ghostly form, and this is the most that her current powers can do: show someone the way to avoid its trap.

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If the PCs find the passage (Search DC 20 on the second floor) and follow it downwards, they enter an underground crypt. It looks very old, and the only signs of someone else’s presence are boot prints in the dust. The PCs enter a long corridor; the walls are brightly painted with frescoes depicting scenes of a battle between drow, elves and humans. After twelve meters or so, the battle pictures give way to rural, comforting scenes, and finally to a huge, long scene of peasants and townsfolk dancing. The frescoes end abruptly at a point where the floor paving changes from stone to marble squares, about twelve meters before the corridor ends in a wooden door. The PCs arrive just in time to see the door slam closed; someone has just entered. Some skeletons are strewn around, but there is no sign of combat.

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A rogue can Search (DC 25) and determine that there is a trap involving pressure plates and either arrows or gas, but the device is very complex. The DC to disable one of the squares is 30, and at least six of them must be disabled before the end of the corridor can be reached. There is a sequence in which they must be pressed to cross without triggering the trap, but the rogue can’t determine it.

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The trick here is dancing the traditional dance of Shepherd’s Rest, as depicted in the painting. The PCs can make a Perform (dance) check, with the following DCs and using Dex instead of Cha:
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• Base DC is 14. Even characters who have never danced before can try, by watching the frescoes.
• A PC who has watched the dances at the fair gets a +1 circumstance bonus; +3 if he actually participated.
• If someone is playing the accordion, the DC is reduced by 2 for every 5 points in his Perform check.

If anyone fails the check, the trap goes off. A stream of poisoned arrows fills the marble-paved area; each PC in this area is attacked by 1d4 arrows which hit with a +8 modifier. The damage is 1d6 from the arrows, but the powerful poison (DC 16) deals 1d4 Con damage as primary and secondary damage!

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Beyond the door lies the chamber where Saithas Airin was buried. Ghiaia is here, clutching the Icon. Two arrows are embedded in his body. Ghiaia is a powerful spellcasters, but he has taken 4 points of Con damage from the poison. Ten rounds after the PCs have first reached the trap, he takes 4 more points (but if the PCs take that long, he will hear them and cast invisibility). This makes the fight doable for the PCs, despite the vast difference in levels; factor this in the XP awards.

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If the PCs defeat Ghiaia, they can recover the Icon and return it to the village. As they pass through the crematorium again, they see and feel that the ghost has vanished. While everyone mourns the loss of Teresa, they are greeted as heroes… and offered a spot in next year’s tournament!
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[Zappo]

AAGH! Blasted editor, it has eaten all the paragraph breaks! Sorry Wulf, if you want a more readable version, I've uploaded a .doc to http://members.xoom.virgilio.com/zappo/irondm.doc. It is verbatim as this one, of course.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

ROUND 1, MATCH 1: Zappo vs Spacemonkey JUDGEMENT

It’s interesting how a genuinely random assortment of elements can come together in theme.

As I laid out before we started, an entry that uses six closely-tied and well-blended ingredients should carry the event. Some judges place other criteria ahead in their judging, but to this judge, that is the essence of the competition.

SM’s entry starts very strong, with an interesting setup, locations, and NPCs. I completely buy in to the core premise of his adventure: using the Tarantella to “smoke out” the dancing girl; as a competitor I appreciate the creative leap that tied the gnoll archer to the Tarantella through the desert setting and the dancing girl. The girl, though not an ingredient, forms the “bridge” between these two ingredients.

It is finding those bridges, those creative ties, that makes a good Iron DM competitor.

But when the bridges are weak, the whole thing can fall down—and Spacemonkey definitely has some weak bridges. Most entries do—you’ll always end up feeling like you’ve shoe-horned an ingredient in there somewhere.

The trick is to hide it from the judge.

I really like the Gnoll Archer, Garesk; he comes to life most vividly in my mind, and as I tend to craft adventures “cinematically,” looking for good “scenes,” Garesk is a fine foil. The “running battle” seems as if it could be particularly fun—a lanky, loping gnoll archer with Shot On the Run. Very cool. I wonder if the PCs will keep after him, or give up in frustration—leaving a potential recurring enemy.

The Tarantella is also well used, as I said before, as the method for finding Jareena. The crematorium is the next strongest element, a bit weak perhaps but saved by the use of the ashes as the vehicle for the dancing curse. Then we start to see problems.

I had also mentioned verisimilitude as an important factor in my judging. Why do Garesk’s arrows disappear? Sure, it makes a certain kind of sense for an assassin, but I couldn’t help feeling that they disappeared because, to make the scenario work, they simply had to. And even though they disappear, I just don’t buy that the villagers wouldn’t know an arrow wound when they saw one, even if it did come complete with the club-shaped marking of their dancing god.

Now we start to go around and around as you try to make the ingredients work together. You could have Garesk inflict the poison in other ways—he’s a trained assassin, after all. He could poison the well with the ashes. The blunt instrument was also poorly used-- perhaps Garesk could have used a blunt instrument to inflict the necessary wounds. Perhaps that blunt instrument could have been a beloved icon from the shrine—the dancing sticks?

Sure, you can buttress these ingredients to make them stronger, but at the risk of the judge starting to ask, “Why isn’t the “archer” aspect played up more strongly?” This is the frenzied dance that every Iron DM competitor must dance. I have to believe the entry would have stood stronger if the archery aspect was played down a bit to give better treatment to these other ingredients. I could have lived with Garesk’s archery being less important, if for no other reason than to preserve verisimilitude.

The blunt instrument was poorly used—particularly the club-shaped marking of the Dancing God. Although I hadn’t expressly mentioned it, I had told myself that one important judging criteria for me was No “Huh?” Moments. Using the blunt instrument as the dancing god’s marking was a major “Huh?” The dancing sticks, used to pound out a rhythm for the dancers, was a much better use (and in fact, if presented first, or more emphatically, would have made the mark make more sense, and I do appreciate an ingredient used multiple times in multiple ways). Used as the Beloved Icon and given a stronger, more vital role overall, it would have been a slam-dunk.

(I would like to note that it didn’t even occur to me, when placing ingredients, that the Beloved Icon and the Blunt Instrument could so easily do double duty.)

Most damningly, though, we have the Tunnel Vision. It wasn’t really mentioned in the entry at all, and while I can buy into the summary explanation, this ingredient needed to be more strongly presented in the entry itself.

All in all, Spacemonkey has what I consider to be a very creative start, with a very strong foundation for those essential creative bridges—the Gnoll Archer > the dancer > the Tarantella > the dancing god > the Crematorium/cursed ashes. The use of the Beloved Icon, Blunt Instrument, and Tunnel Vision would have to be made a lot stronger. It can be done, but they are just not there in this entry.

Now let’s see how Zappo fared.

Once again, the Gnoll Archer is the strongest ingredient, which I credit to the fact that he’s the only “actor” in the list of ingredients. No surprise there. I find spacemonkey’s assassin a more interesting character overall, though Giaia’s motivations are well-presented.

The Beloved Icon—once again used here as an object, rather than a person—pretty much falls right into the MacGuffin category. It’s a thing, doesn’t do anything, and the players have to retrieve it.

The Tarantella and the Tunnel Vision—in this case, a vision of a tunnel—are blended well together. I would have liked the Tarantella to be more strongly presented in the entry, but my mind can fill in the blanks here easy enough. Town fights off drow; do a little spider dance in celebration. Works for me. Tying that dance to bypassing the trap, as shown in the tunnel vision, is very well done, though I had a brief “Huh?” moment, here. Who left the trap in the crematorium? Presumably the drow—so why would the celebratory dance of the human victors bypass it?

Speaking of which, both the crematorium and the blunt instrument and are pretty weak. Zappo’s summary says the blunt instrument—the crazy priest’s staff—is the major clue that something’s going wrong in the crematorium. I beg to differ. If I know players, the crazy old hermit’s unsettling stare is pretty much all most PCs are going to need to draw steel. But maybe that’s just me—drawing steel on crazy old priests is a bad habit.

But, dear Lord! There’s a lot going on in Zappo’s entry. It feels like it’s all over the place, and worse yet, there’s a heavy whiff of railroading in the air. Does detect magic not detect spellcasting? I just don’t see how the Gnoll is going to win in the first place. And if he doesn’t win, what then?

These are the sort of questions I would have asked myself, and worked towards a solution. And I think there’s a solution that would eliminate a lot of my concerns with verisimilitude and railroading. If the gnoll can’t win the Icon, I could see him stealing back into the town to steal it, bludgeoning Theresa to death to get it; and most of the other elements still fall into place ok. A judge appreciates that kind of foresight that allows the PCs to at least feel like they aren’t being bum rushed through an adventure:

The gnoll is destined to win…
He’s destined to get away…
It starts raining the night he escapes…
Presumably to keep the PCs from following hot on his heels…
(Presumably so there’s time for Theresa to be bludgeoned to death AND burned…)
Yet after all that rain it’s somehow easier the next morning to track him…
Theresa’s ghost appears right on cue to deliver a major clue…
And the PCs bust in on the gnoll just in time to kill him.

This one has a lot of railroading moments, for a payoff that is, essentially, one good fight, and I hate that.

Why can’t the PCs win the tournament? Why can’t they foil the cheating? Why can’t they pursue the gnoll right away? These questions bug me.

What Zappo did, however, was present a lot of “options by incorporation.” He doesn’t go into great detail about the tournament/fair, and the sorts of things you can do there, but he does later come back and present options for the PCs IF they did certain things at the fair. That helps.

And while I’m no fan of perfumed foppery, giving a PC a chance to (God forbid) actually use Perform (dance) to evade a trap—well, that’s the sort of touch that the players of perfumed fops spend their entire adventuring careers waiting for.

Ultimately my decision doesn’t come down to any of that. There’s no balancing of ingredient vs ingredient, except to say that I think it’s obvious spacemonkey balked on the Tunnel Vision. Zappo made at least mediocre use of all the ingredients.

Yet my gut reaction goes against him. I am experiencing incredible empathy for past judges at this moment.

What’s a judge to do? If you ask two men to build you a house, do you reward the man who builds a ramshackle hut that puts a roof over your head, or do you reward the man that pours you the foundation of a beautiful palace—and stops there?

I give this round to

Spoiler

ZAPPO, though I don’t do it with any fanfare. I think that spacemonkey had all the elements of the superior entry, he just didn’t tie them up as tightly as he should have, and the lack of the Tunnel Vision ingredient is too obvious an oversight to forgive.

Were I a current competitor, I wouldn’t want to predict what bearing this judgement will have on future judgements.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

ROUND ONE, MATCH THREE: Enkhidu vs Howandwhy99

Ingredients:

Ghetto
Bird of Paradise
Fresh Poison
Racial Paragon
Harridan
Renaissance



You have 24 hours from the time of this post to submit your entries.

As the boards are wonky, make sure you give yourself extra time for lag.

Do not read your competitor's entry before posting; do not edit your entry after posting.

Make sure you post a list of your ingredients at the beginning of your entry. You may wish to add a short, one line summary of how you use the ingredient in your entry.

Brevity, grammar, and clear formatting are appreciated.

 

[Capellan]

Ingredients
Comic timing
Club foot
Formian overlords
Trailblazer
Brewery
Mustard seed


A Bitter Brew
For a party of 9th-11th level characters.


Introduction
Twenty years ago the Duke and Duchess of Northam were having difficulty conceiving a child. Wykros Salander, a wandering alchemist, offered his services to solve these problems, guaranteeing a child within a year. In truth, he plotted to induce the physical effects of pregnancy in the Duchess, then 'deliver' her of a child he had arranged to have smuggled into the birth chamber.

Unfortunately for Wykros, the child he procured - an abandoned babe - had a club foot. Realising this too late (he did not see immediately as the child was wrapped in a blanket), and fearing that he would be imprisoned for delivering a 'malformed' child, he fled, and his attempt at deception was discovered.

Six months later, however, the duchess gave birth to a true son. The two children were raised together. Now, the old duke has passed, and the young duke, Reythe, is about to succeed to the duchy. With him is his companion and court jester, the club footed young man, Albador.

Wykros, embittered at never receiving a reward for the pregnancy he has convinced himself he engendered, plans to murder the young duke at the ducal coronation, and place the blame on Albador. To this end, he has returned to the Duchy under the name Derwent Monteith, and established a great brewery in the city, fast becoming its most successful brewer of ale.

Wykros, in his role as Derwent, is providing the ale for the ducal feast. He'd originally planned simply to poison Reythe, but - realising that the family might have the resources to raise the young man - he's developed a far more extravagant plan. At the conclusion of Albador's performance at the feast - which, fittingly, is a comical parody of Wykros' bungled fraud - he will unleash several mustard jellies, which he has succeeded in reducing to a dormant state as seed-like pellets (it's all-but-impossible, after all, to smuggle giant gelatinous monsters into the castle ... 'mustard seeds', on the other hand, are very easy to get into a feast). This will give him his revenge on both the Ducal family and the young man who - however innocently - spoilt his plot. And the timing of his revenge carries a certain irony of its own.

As might be guessed from this plan, Wykros is not all that balanced. It comes from breathing all those fumes in the laboratory


Act One: Formian Orderly Queue to See the Duke
The PCs are in Northam during the week leading up to the young duke's coronation. They might have official business with the new duke, or have come to take advantage of the massive markets being held (goods of all kinds are available - including magical items), or simply be there by happenstance.

In any case, the markets are abuzz, not just with trade and merriment, but with news of a series of attacks by the strange ant-like creatures known as Formians. These interplanar raiders have been kidnapping bards and other performers, all of whom have been noted for their skills with comedy (5+ ranks in perform (comedy)).

This scene serves to establish both the duke's coronation and the attacks. Introduce both plot points, then move on to describe other aspects of the fair/market, before having a troupe of clowns appear and begin a performance.

Shortly after this performance begins, a group of Formians gate into the area and attempt to capture the performers. They aren't too discriminating about who they attack; so even if the PCs initially refuse to intervene, they should end up embroiled in the fight.

The Formians aren't expecting serious opposition, however, and the PCs should manage to beat them off reasonably readily. After this occurs, messengers arrive from the Duke asking them to attend him at his castle.

His purpose in summoning them is to reward them for the defence of his subjects, and to ask them to seek out the cause of the Formian attacks. The scene also serves to introduce Albador, and the old duchess.

If the PCs suggest that the attacks might be an act against the Duke, this is considered possible, but, as the Duke asks, 'what is the motive?'. He wishes them, if possible, to contact the Formians peacefully. To this end, he asks them to plane shift to the Formian Hive and contact the Overlords of the colony. In addition to offering them 10,000 gold pieces for the task, Duke Reythe makes arrangements to purchase two divine scrolls of plane shift from one of the magic traders in the fair, so that the PCs will readily be able to make the journey. He will also arrange for the group to be given the scent glands from one of the dead Formians (like ants, Formians leave a trail of scent markers for others of their Hive to follow). This will allow the group to trace their way to the correct Hive.

As the PCs leave to make whatever preparations they require, a guard brings Wykros into the room. Wykros is of course disguised as Monteith. The PCs will notice that he smells of hops and mustard. They will also hear the Duke greet him and asks him how the preparations for the feast are going. Don't require rolls for this - it should all be mentioned fairly casually. After all, his role in the celebrations explains his odour.


Intermission: Investigation
The PCs should be allowed to do any investigation they please, during the 24 hours it takes for the scrolls of plane shift to be procured. Wykros' identity as Monteith will stand up to the investigation they can manage in the time it takes to arrange the scrolls (should they even think to ask about him). Of more use to them is enquiring about possible enemies of the Duke. In addition to the usual assortment of political rivals and humanoid chieftains, they will hear the story of Wykros. Local folk, when telling this tale, give the details as listed in the Introduction, but usually end with a comment to the likes of "Albador be the young Duke's fool, now. Makes ye wonder if he resents the fact that he could be Duke himself, were it not for his foot". (This appellation to the tale is most commonly told in those taverns where Monteith ale is sold: Wykros has been subtly encouraging that version for some months)


Act Two: All's Vel that Ends Vel
After plane shifting to the Formians' home plane, the PCs can make the trek to the Hive, using the scent glands they were given as a method of checking they are on the right trail. DMs are encouraged to create their own adversities for this journey, depending on the proclivities of their campaign and their players.

Arriving at the Hive, it should rapidly be clear that it is far too large and powerful for an attack (not to mention that, after all, they were sent to negotiate, rather than fight).

If approached peacefully, the Formians are suspicious, but will eventually allow the PCs to meet with one of their Overlords

The Overlord will explain that their attacks are in response to a robbery committed at one of their hives: a significant quantity of Formian Jelly was stolen. When this substance is fed to immature larvae, they develop into Formian Overlords, rather than the more common, lesser varieties. As might be imagined, it is a rare and valuable substance.

One of the thieves, a man named Talan Vel, was captured, and told the Formians what he knew of the man who hired him: that he was a clown, and he hired Vel in Northam. Lacking the ability to readily distinguish between different mortal performers, so the Formians have taken the 'logical' step of kidnapping them all, one after another, until they find the culprit. Vel is still alive at this time, but won't be for much longer, as he is slated to become food for the Hive. The Formians are unapologetic about this, as they consider him a heinous criminal.

It's possible, at this point, that the PCs will go rushing off to accuse Albador. Which is unfortunate, but what can you do

Unknown to the Formians, Wykros was actually behind the theft: he required the jelly for creating his 'mustard jelly seeds'. To this end, he hired a group of planar explorers to steal the substance, donning a disguise as a clown to do so (in order, should his actions be uncovered, to cast suspicion on Albador). PCs with a high knowledge (arcana) or craft (alchemy) check will be able to determine some of the uses of Formian Jelly, which include serving as a material component for [lawful] spells, breeding powerful vermin, and use in alchemy to create compounds that transmute or restore objects or creatures.

In any case, assuming they don't just rush off, the PCs will be allowed to see Talan Vel, who will repeat what he already told the Formians, though he will add that he thinks the clown costume was a disguise - after all, it's a very distinctive and unusual thing to wear to a secret meeting. Vel also offers the PCs a deal: if they get them out of the Formian Hive, he will tell them one extra piece of information he knows which might reveal the identity of the man who hired him. Sense Motive reveals that he is not bluffing about this information.

The Formians, of course, won't be willing to let the man go, though astonishingly persuasive PCs may eventually win his freedom (and reckless ones might just spring him from jail). If the PCs are not able to persuade the Formians, and are not willing to cross them, Vel will change his offer to the group severing his finger and taking it to his compatriots, so that he can be resurrected. The Formians will allow this with only a modest diplomacy check (or the PCs could just not tell them they're doing it).

Vel's information is that the man who hired him had a very distinctive odour: he smelt of hops and mustard.

Which ought to trigger some alarm bells for the PCs


Act Three: Last Call (or Roll out the Barrel)
For the purposes of drama, the PCs arrive back at the Duke's castle just in time to see Albador end his performance of 'The Alchemist's Folly', at which point all hell breaks loose. Mustard jellies start spawning all around the room, and dozens of panicking people run and scream and shout and generally get in the way of the group's efforts to protect the Duke and put an end to the creatures.

Don't be afraid to play up the absurd side of this battle: tables get knocked over, food and drink spatters on the floor, people slip and slide as they try to flee or to fight. Flags get dislodged from walls and fall on people, and pandemonium generally ensues.

Wykros spawns as many jellies as you judge appropriate, while the PCs can rely on assistance in the fight from Albador (a Rog3/Ftr3). The young Duke (Ari4) might also be rather more eager to help than the PCs (and his mother) would like.

Eventually, of course, the group should succeed in destroying all the mustard jellies, but in all the confusion, Wykros will escape. The PCs will have to chase him back to the brewery he has been using as his base, and engage him in a final battle amidst the giant barrels, copper pipes and other strange contraptions. The brewery should be a very interesting, dynamic place to fight a battle, and should entail a new magically created foe, such as Barrel Golems. DMs are encouraged to include narrow catwalks over vats of hops, levers and wheels that can be used to spray gouts of ale, and vents that release occasional bursts of scalding steam.

Having cackled madly throughout the fight, Wykros (who should be a Wizard or Sorcerer of roughly the PCs' own level, plus having 3 levels of Expert) should ideally go to his death in some suitably over-the-top fashion: plunging into one of those vats of hops, for instance, or being crushed by giant clockwork gears.


Ingredient Use
Comic timing - Albador's routine used for assassination, comedy within scenes
Club foot - Albador has one, which set everything up in the plot
Formian overlords - 'villains' / hook
Trailblazer - Wykros' magical innovations, Formian trail markers
Brewery - villain's hideout/final battle
Mustard seed - creates mustard jellies

 

[Enkhidu]

ROUND ONE, MATCH THREE: Enkhidu vs Howandwhy99

Ingredients:

Ghetto
Bird of Paradise
Fresh Poison
Racial Paragon
Harridan
Renaissance

Got' em. See you in 24 or so.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

A little over an hour left for carpedavid to post his entry.

I'll try to turn the judgement around quickly again. (Slow work week! )

Wulf

 

[carpedavid]

ROUND ONE, MATCH TWO: CarpeDavid vs Capellan

A little over an hour left for carpedavid to post his entry.

I'll try to turn the judgement around quickly again. (Slow work week! )

Wulf

Sorry this took so long. I've been moving sooooo sloooowly today. anyway, here it is.

ROUND ONE, MATCH TWO: CarpeDavid vs Capellan (alternate)

Ingredients:

Brewery
Formian Overlords
Mustard Seed
Trailblazer
Club Foot
Comic Timing



12:2

The formian hive-city of El-ak-aru casts a shadow over the fields of Arborea. Created when a fertilized, female formian stumbled through a fleeting planar gate, El-ak-aru grew quickly, as the stranded queen sought to build shelter in the unfamiliar land. The city now stands a thousand feet tall, testament to the ability of order to triumph over chaos.



Stretching out for miles from the base of the city are the fields that the formians tend for food. As the colony has grown, so has the extent of their farming, occasionally bringing them into conflict with the native creatures of Arborea. Now is one such time.



An adventure for four 10-14th level, plane-hopping PCs

Background

Arborea is big, and filled with uninhabited expanses, so when a formian hive-city began to grow in the middle of a field of mustard, few people took notice. Of those that did, the most notable is the famous, adventuring brewmaster, Abu Cimar. As the proprietor of the Ox Tail Breweries, the producers of the finest exotic ales available outside the Abyss, Abu travels the planes far and wide, searching for the most interesting ingredients with which to craft his beer. "Leave no stone unturned, no trail unexplored, and no beer undrunk," is the motto proudly printed on the label of all Ox Tail brews.



Abu was the one to take notice because, two years prior to the founding of the hive, he had constructed a large brewery in the vicinity. It was close to fields of barley and wheat, sat above a natural spring, and was within easy reach of a number of exotic ingredients, the most important of which was Arborean white mustard - prized for its therapeutic powers.



When Abu first noticed the hive, he managed to negotiate a truce with the queen, and a treaty that included the protection of his lands. Lately, however, the truce has become uneasy. Some of the formian myrmarchs have directed their workers to begin tending land very close to the Ox Tail mustard fields - much too close for Abu's comfort, and he fears that the formians are close to breaking the truce entirely.

Hooks

• An inquisitive band of PCs might be drawn in by the sight of a formian hive in the chaotic realm of Arborea. Upon investigation, they will learn of the brewing conflict, and, depending on their allegiances, they may decide to intervene on behalf of either side.
  
  The formians have been interested in Abu's mustard fields for quite a while. They discovered, quite by accident, that the spice holds the same therapeutic power for them as it does for humanoids. Several influential myrmarchs have begun to speculate that the good of the many now outweighs the good of the few with regard to respecting their treaty.
  
  Abu does have one ally among the myrmarchs - an old, disabled formian named 12:2. As the head of the hive nursery he actually holds great power, but he is disliked by the myrmarchs that lead the formian warriors.
  
  
• Abu realizes that he is incapable of taking on an entire formian hive, should they decide to break the treaty. He is looking for someone more powerful than he to intervene, and is willing to hire the PCs as negotiators.
  
  
• The three formian myrmarchs who lead the hive's warriors have begun scheming to get rid of 12:2, because they feel he stands in the way of the expansion of the hive. If the PCs are morally ambiguous, these three are willing to hire them to eliminate both 12:2 and Abu.

NPCs

12:2 - Formian Myrmarch Bard 3 - 12:2 is an aberration in the normally uniform, formian society - he was born with a disability, a clubfoot. Normally, deformed individuals are given no assistance, and, depending on the severity of the deformity, end up living short lives. 12:2, though, adapted to his disability in a way that is alien to formian society: with humor. At first, his jokes and physical comedy were looked upon with disbelief, and even pity, but eventually, an appreciation for humor began to spread via the hive-mind.

He now is the myrmarch assigned to running the hive's nursery. His workers sort the queen's eggs, care for and feed the larva, and assist the pupa as they metamorphose into adult formians. As the overseer of the developing formians, he has enormous influence over how the young formians grow. The leaders of the formian warriors believe that 12:2 is weakening the hive by exposing the young to his humorous influence.



Because he is not a warrior, 12:2 seeks peace with Abu Cimar. He believes, unlike most formians, that not everything needs to be assimilated into their society.



12:2 has three levels of bard, and uses his comedic talents instead of music. His comedic timing is impeccable, and can use verbal gags to achieve bardic music effects. He specializes in counterspelling by using puns to trip up his opponent's casting.



13:27, 19:18, and 30:22 - Formian Myrmarchs - these three are the myrmarchs in charge of the hive's warriors. They see 12:2 as a corrupting influence, and believe that his humor is beginning to awaken further emotion in the formian workers, something they see as a dire threat to the order of the hive. They do not recognize the validity of the treaty between themselves and Abu Cimar, and are willing to eliminate 12:2 in order to eliminate the treaty.



Abu Cimar - Human Ranger 5/Horizon Walker 3 - Abu is a native of Arborea, having been born to a plane-hopping wizard and priestess nearly 40 years ago. For the past five years, he has been running the Ox Tail Brewery, which specializes in creating exotic ales for exotic clientele.



He is extremely worldly, a bit cocky, and a hair too greedy for his own good. He is loyal to his friends, and considers 12:2 one. If he finds out about 13:27, 19:18, and 30:22's plans to eliminate 12:2, he will grant the deformed formian sanctuary in his brewery.



Encounters

Formian Hive - the formian hive is a massive complex of mud and straw packed together into a network of chambers and tunnels. It soars over a thousand feet high, with a population of around 15,000 formians. The queen is securely guarded at the relatively quiet center of the hive, but the rest of the complex is constantly in well-oiled motion. Each of the units of the hive serves a different function, and thousands of workers coordinate the operations via the hive-mind.



If the PCs are hired by the formian leaders, they'll encounter very minimal resistance from the workers and warriors. They'll have been provided instructions on how to reach 12:2, and only if they venture off of the prescribed path, or if the queen is somehow alerted to their presence will the hive attack.



If the PCs are hired by Abu to act as negotiators, the myrmarch leaders will agree to meet with them. Again, if they stray anywhere outside of where they are explicitly instructed to go, they will be deemed a threat, and instantly attacked by any and all formians that they encounter. In that case, the formians will use the hive-mind to coordinate trapping and eliminating the PCs.



Assuming that they do not meet a violent end, though, the PCs can expect a tough time convincing the myrmarchs to cease coveting Abu's lands. Treat the initial attitude of the three as hostile for purposes of a Diplomacy check, with a -2 penalty due to the unusual formian mindset, and the PCs must influence their attitude to friendly in order to secure a new treaty. Managing to get them to "indifferent" will at least secure the promise of no hostilities in the very near future.



The Ox Tail Brewery - If the PCs discover the plot against 12:2, Abu will offer him sanctuary in the brewery. It is not an especially secure location, but it is built solidly enough to withstand a small attack. Abu employs a crew of 25, mostly Experts 4 and Experts 2, who do the laborious portions of the brewing. They are capable of defending themselves against group of bandits, but would be no match for an actual formian army.



If 12:2 does take sanctuary in the brewery, the PCs may face an assault by mercenaries covertly hired by the myrmarchs. If they have managed to overtly offend the myrmarchs in their role as negotiators, they may face an assault by formian forces. If, on the other hand, the PCs are the ones hired by the myrmarchs, and do not manage to take 12:2 in the hive, they may attempt to assault the brewery.



Should combat take place within, the PCs will have to avoid a number of obstacles: Giant copper vats of boiling liquid can be knocked over or fallen into. If the pipes carrying the fresh springwater are broken and the water comes in contact with the vats, great gouts of steam will obscure vision in the area.



Sacks of mustard seeds may be torn open by swinging swords, spilling their contents across the floor, requiring Balance checks to avoid falling prone. Sacks of wheat, if torn open, will create flammable clouds of dust.



Resolution

Depending on how the PCs were brought in, there can be several favorable resolutions to this adventure:

• The PCs find and slay 12:2 - Assuming that they have not alerted the queen to their presence, they will be rewarded by the myrmarchs, but will earn the eternal enmity of Abu (assuming that they haven't killed him, too).
• The PCs defeat the rogue myrmarchs - in this case, Abu will richly reward the PCs. The hive queen, if informed of the myrmarchs' plans, will also reward the PCs for rooting out rogue elements in her city.
• The PCs negotiate a truce for Abu Cimar. If the PCs are successful in negotiating a truce, the plan against 12:2 will be dropped, for the time being. They will be paid by Abu, and thanked by 12:2.

Item Review

Brewery - The Ox Tail Brewery, owned by Abu Cimar.
Formian Overlords - 13:27, 19:18, and 30:22.
Mustard Seed - coveted by both the formians and the brewery
Trailblazer - Abu Cimar, the Horizon Walker.
Club Foot - the deformity suffered by 12:2 that lead to his unique development.
Comic Timing - 12:2's bardic ability

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

At first glance, carpedavid’s entry is only four pages to Capellan’s five, and with a layout that’s easy on the eyes. While not strictly a judging criteria, competitors should be aware that this can only engender happy feelings in the judge.

But now, on to the criticism.

I had hoped by simply including the Comic Timing ingredient, that I would have some laugh out loud moments reading these entries, and neither entrant let me down. Capellan had a pun or two that were just terrible, terrible—by which I mean, of course, they were very good. And CD incorporates puns right into 12:2’s abilities—I absolutely love the idea of counterspelling by using puns to distract his opponents.

It is never a good idea, in this judge’s opinion, for an entry to bog down with mechanics. However, when the mechanics are central to the resolution of the adventure—as they are in the case of CD’s Diplomacy check against the formian overlords—they are a much appreciated touch. An entrant can always spare a line or a parenthetical reference for key mechanics, especially skills and DCs.

CD’s adventure builds to one great scene: A fight in the brewery. Now, as I’ve just finished chastising a prior entry for building to “one big fight” I’d like to point out a couple of things that CD did differently, and did right. (And, for the record, Capellan did just as well.)

First, he’s offered several ways for the PCs to get to this point, whether they are there in support of 12:2 or in pursuit of him. There are ways for the DM to subtly direct players to a particular scene that he would like to play out, without making them feel like they are being railroaded.

And once there, you’ll note that he offers lots of vivid details of the locale that make the fight interesting—the vats, the pipes, the flammable clouds of wheat chaff. If you are going to end your adventure with a fight, make sure it is spectacular.

If I had a criticism of CD’s handling here, it would be to more explicitly build towards this scene. If the players take 12:2 in the formian hive, there are not details provided to make that scene come to life. As such, I think it’s imperative that the DM drive the PCs to the brewery, and a few notes showing how the DM can deftly do that would have helped.

Ultimately, and I think quite obviously, it isn’t patently wrong for an adventure to end in just one big fight—in fact I would say that most adventures do. The trick is to make sure that when you get there, it is a scene, a spectacle—and not anti-climactic. You don’t want to feel that the adventure ended with just a fight, you want to end it with a climactic battle. That’s the essence of it, and both entrants did a fine job with just such a setup.

Overall CD’s entry is very tight, all of the elements are blended together well and none seem out of place. The Arborean setting overall, with the rolling fields of grain for the brewery and the giant anthill in the middle, seems very clear in my mind.

There are a few ingredients CD used weakly, of course—there always are. Trailblazer is probably the most weakly used; and perhaps the Mustard Seed and Club Foot, as well. I always look for the ingredients to be presented in such a way that they are tangible[/I] to the PCs, something that they can interact with. Ingredients used as part of the setup or background are not, in my opinion, ingredients that are well-used. Just a few more notes about the effects of the mustard seed should the PCs interact with it, a bit more about how the club foot affects 12:2 (he’s got 5 more good ones, after all…) and the trailblazer…

Well, the trailblazer is hardly used at all. I keep asking myself if it scuttles the entire entry. I can accept that Abu is a trailblazer, but where is the evidence of it for the PCs to see? It would have been less of a throwaway if Abu’s ales were called, “Trailblazer Brews.” It still wouldn’t have been a good use, but at least it would have been an ingredient that was more clearly there for the PCs “to taste,” so to speak. Don’t tell me he’s a trailblazer; show me.

And one last parting shot: If the ingredient is Formian Overlords, don’t keep calling them Formian Myrmarchs (as much as I love saying the word Myrmarch).

Capellan’s entry has some good stuff, too, but right off the bat my immediate suspicion is that perhaps that Capellan was struggling with the Comic Timing element, and so sought to sprinkle the whole affair with a taste of whimsy. The timing of Wykros’ revenge does have a certain irony, as Capellan points out, but I don’t find it particularly comic.

Capellan says there is comedy in the other scenes, but I think he knows me too well if he believes that the random slaughter of innocents qualifies as comedy. Okay, I admit it, the random slaughter of a troupe of clowns makes me grin. Now, mimes—slaughtering mimes—that’s pure comedy gold.

But it’s not comic timing.

The fight in Act Three, where once again innocent bystanders are sucked into a raging battle—complete with mustard jellies, food fights, spilled tables, falling flags—again, not exactly comic timing.

Which is not to say that carpedavid (if he’s read this far rather than just skipping to the spoiler at the end), should really be feeling any better about his use of this most difficult, abstract ingredient. CD used it literally, and poorly—one of his actors simply has comic timing (though I suppose the DM can fill in the gaps, here). Capellan used it as a thematic element. But, if you’re going to use it as a thematic element, I think that there should be at least one instance of “A ha!” where timing of the comedy reveals itself, and that timing is relevant.

I’m just now struck with the realization that Capellan rearranged the ingredients from the order in which they were assigned. Does that tell us something about the importance he placed on them?

Criticsm for the most part complete, let’s turn to the overall use of ingredients. I think both entrants placed about equal footing on the Club Foot, though in both cases it barely limps along as an ingredient. Both did equally well with the Brewery, setting it up as an interesting locale for the finale to come to a head. Both did poorly with the Trailblazer, which seemed to lag far behind in terms of importance. Capellan tried for the edge here, attempting to do double duty as the formian scent glands, though its use in that manner raised more questions (“Huh?”) than it answered. Both used the Formians as the central threat, though I believe the edge here goes to CD, simply because he placed more of an emphasis on the “Overlords” (despite calling them Myrmarchs and though they really could have been fleshed out a bit more). I’ve already mentioned the Comic Timing, which leaves only the Mustard Seed for comparison. I think clearly, the edge here goes to Capellan, whose tiny, frozen mustard jellies were a very cool twist.

My gut reaction, overall, is that carpedavid had the more cohesive and coherent blend of ingredients. On the other hand, Capellan made more of an earnest effort to use more of the ingredients in a significant way. Carpedavid’s dish seems the more palatable because it did not use any of the ingredients in a heavy handed way, while Capellan, with the enthusiasm and gusto of a novice chef, may well have spoiled the batch through clumsy use of a couple of ingredients. Chief in this respect is his attempt at comic timing—but does a clumsy use warrant a loss against an underplayed use?

So I find myself in much the same position as the last matchup. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, so they say. This round goes to

Spoiler

CarpeDavid. Although I think CD seriously underplayed a couple of the ingredients, I feel that he did a better job of building believable, coherent connections among all six ingredients.

I wish that both entrants had used all ingredients more strongly (and deftly), but such is the nature of this competition, and the whims of this particular judge.

 

[Zappo]

Zappo's commentary on round 1

You're a harsh judge, Wulf. I like this.

I knew that railroading was going to be the main weakness. While SM has given a "situation", I have given a "story". That's a design choice which has pluses and minuses, one of which is that you must provide for the possibility that the PCs screw up, or choose to do something else, or find a Clever Solution (TM).

The problem was that, as you said, there's a lot going on. Far too much. When I realized this it was way too late to redo the entry. The word count was above 4000, and I still had to add all the little "if..then"s that allow a story to work as an adventure. In the end, frantical cutting led to the current version, still above 3000 words and completely impossible to reduce further. The plot grew too complex, and to fit it in a manageable size I was forced to nail it rigidly and eliminate some details.

(btw, the rain was mostly to encourage the PCs to get back to the village after checking the hideout - the effect on the track DC is a mere +1).

OTOH, I was fairly confident on the ingredients. The icon was largely "something to be stolen", that is true. It wasn't completely interchangeable though; depicting the battle of Airin against the drow, it exemplified the proud nature of the village, added to the tone, and hopefully encouraged the players to learn more about the town's history. Well, ok, it could have been something else.

The crematorium underground was built after the battle, as a burial site for Airin, back when the crematorium was still in use. Therefore, no drow are involved, and the walls were painted with scenes depicting his life, accomplishments, and favorite activities, and the trap was related to his favorite dance. Not stating this explicitly has been a bad mistake on my part and the cause of your "huh?" moment. Live to learn, I guess.

As for the blunt instrument; my players don't attack clerics of Good deities just because they look strange, though that may have more to do with the fact that I usually play Planescape. While there are heaps of reasons to suspect him, the crushed skull is the proof that the priest is lying. One of the weakest ingredients, but not too shabby either IMO.

Odd enough, the ingredient that I most feel I had to shoehorn in was the tunnel vision. I had the good description of the vision, tied in with the dungeon and the music, but I couldn't bloody find a way to have someone have it. In the end, the ghost was introduced exclusively for this reason and as you noted, it didn't work much well, appearing far too suddenly.

SM's entry, as I noted, used a completely different approach to good effect. I'm glad I wasn't in Wulf's place, because I find the two entries very hard to compare for this reason. I especially liked that he even found the time to set the adventure in an exotic setting. Thanks to both of you; I look forward to the next round.