Medieval-Style Insults, or: How to start a tavern fight in under six seconds.

[Ferret]

Dwarf insult

Sing for us, little man, sing!

Hey, I've heard of you're kind... halfling, right?

Go Gully, GO!

Son of a Tinker Gnome!

Hey mister, you want to... MY GOD! It's a FEMALE!

I've never seen an elf before! I thought they were taller...
I think you got the wrong place, this is the tavern. The Wizard of Oz auditions are just down the road.

Try this, it's called water...

so which one are you... dopey?

shall call him... ... Mini me

Aren't you gnomes supposed to live in a magical tree or something and give us free cookies?

Awww... how cute... one o' da wee' folk.

 

[ninjajester]

(to an elf) "so is it sir or madam? i never can tell..."

"if your blade is as sharp as your wit i have absolutely nothing to fear from you!"

(texan drawl, to a male elf) "well ain't you pritty, little missy..."

 

[Trevalon Moonleirion]

If someone asks me really nicely, maybe I'll type up (or better yet, just scan) a page I got in my freshman english class. It's a sheet full of "shakespearian-style" insults. It's a 3 columed list of words that you string together to make.

Example: "THOU HIDEOUS, ILL-BREEDING MALIGNANCY!!!"

 

[I'm A Banana]

I'll start with the "D"'s.

TO A DWARF:

"Lawn ornament..."
"I see the norsemen *have* gotten smaller"
"AH! TINY LITTLE YETI!...oh, I'm sorry, Miss..."
"Hey, look! A sponge with legs!"
"Rat-eater..."
"Do you love gold, or do you just tell it that to get it into bed?"
"That's an impressive lineage of failures and orc-spoor you have."
"Is the big axe some sort of compensation?"
"Looks like hell, smells like hell, I think we should try and smite it..."
"Whatcha gonna do? Cut off me shins?"
"Beardless..."
"Hey, look at who got kicked outta the North Pole for bad attitude!"
"I knew you guys loved stone, but did you have to have sex with that statue?"
"Lumberjack..."

TO AN ELF:

"Limp-wrist..."
"

 

[Always_a_DM]

To insult an elf:
"So who's the clumsy, emaciated human ?"

To insult a gnome:
"So who's the boring, illiterate kid ?"

To insult a dwarf:
"If Moradin has Quality Assurance, how come you're here ?"

To insult a half-orc:
"So who's the stoop-shoulder'd runt ?"

To insult an orc:
"Hey ! When did you guys get language skills ?"

 

[Buttercup]

To see an Elizabethan curse generator, go here.

 

[Uller]

Doesn't that count as racism?

Of course, in a D&Dish world, rascism would probably be the rule of the day and most (if not all) people wouldn't think twice about making jokes about it aimed at making their race/group seem superior to other races/groups. After all, we humans hate eachother for (usually) very superficial differences. Imagine if the differences were very very real...

Our modern view that racism is bad is more of an exception to human history rather than the rule.

Of course, most of those jokes (or very similar ones), I've heard applied to occupations, not races...specifically lawyers. Maybe they started out aimed at a race or ethnic group, I don't know.

 

[Flexor the Mighty!]

Your mother was a hampster and your father smells of elderberries!

 

[Deedlit]

To any outsider
Your appearance is so disgusting you must have been kicked out of your own plane for it.

 

[Edena_of_Neith]

To any barbarian:

Let's party!