"This D20 will self destruct in 15 seconds, good luck, Jim!"
*mission Impossible music plays...
dudduh! dudduuuduuuuh! Duduh!"
*crack geek squad breaks into house, gasses the players, while unconcious, they fix their game!*
-Stale pizza exchanged for fresh, thin crust special, WARM too!
-vacuum up all the trash and find all those lost dice in corners.
-Replace bits of carboard on battlemat with "TROLL" and "ORC" and "PC1" etc, with fine painted Reaper Minis instead.
-Eau de Cologne as needed.
-Slaps Rules Lawyer on gonads with a ball pein hammer, places same hammer in the hands of the guy who keeps stealing DM's books and never returning them.
-Slips $500 in DM's pocket, for services rendered but never bloody well appreciated or recognized!
-Exchanges scrawled, illegible, eraser grimed PC sheets, with nice, neat typed ones (and slips copy into DM's notes, highlighted for any cheats)
-Installs beer/soft drink holders on table and repair the table so it's no longer wobbly, plus add edges on table so dice don't roll off.
-Installs home theatre/PC system, so inspiring D&D moments can be played, like, the "Crypt" scene from Conan the Destroyer and "Harem" sequence from "The Longships".
Then our "Mission D&D" team sneak out, release antidote gas, and game recomences!!