What? Take a holiday break, and what happens? Some sort of twisted Paladin love fest? What next? Enjoy Arbor Day, and everyone here starts killing puppies?
Let's be clear. Hate is a four letter word. There's only two things I hate.
First, people that are intolerant of other people's choices when playing D&D.
Second, paladins.
Because when you stare into the abyss long enough, the Paladin stares back at you.
Much like our appendix, the Paladin is a useless vestigial appendage of D&D that should be surgically removed, with extreme prejudice. Sure, there are those Paladin-lovers out there, like Satan, and Brad, that try to deceive you with all of that, "This time they are different! With their smites and auras and oaths! Look, I have a cute picture to prove it!"
Do not believe their lies. You can put lipstick on a Paladin, but you cannot remove the true essence of despair that motivates the Paladin and those who advocate for them.
No paladin lover was ever born who isn't a sucker for fudging their die rolls (17 charisma) and power gaming (smites, holy avengers). Few people understand the psychology of dealing with the lovers of paladins. Your normal D&D player will smile and try to get along with others at the table when a reasonable suggestion is made ... and then we play well with others. But this is wrong to the Paladin. It arouses contempt in the Paladin-heart. Instead, they will argue about how much more smitier than thou they can be.
You must always be on the lookout for those who advocate for the Paladin. The Paladin is the d4 of classes; sure, it might be a part of the history of the game, but have you ever wanted to roll a d4? Does it even roll? Or is it something you tolerate because, "It's always been that way," knowing that it's the one die that doesn't roll, shouldn't be in the game, and will repeatedly hurt your tender feet as you step on them like ersatz legos. The Paladin is the d4- useless, and occasionally painful.
I think – no, I’m positive – that paladins are the most worthless class in all of D&D. You know, in the nearly fifty years of the Paladin's existence, the Paladin has demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of personality and even discovered a few new ones. Paladins are physically repulsive, intellectually stunted ... Paladins are morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, they have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and, moreover, Paladins smell even worse than gnomes. A paladin is not even interesting enough to make me sick.
So I must thank @
CTurbo
Normally, the Paladin lovers skulk in the shadows, properly embarrassed of their unfortunate predilection. But this thread has brought them to the light, often with pictorial evidence. And when the revolution comes, they, and their smites, and their Holy Avengers, will be the first against the wall.
