Player schticks that grind your gears

[Agent Oracle]

Yeah, that's allways been a house rule...
This player brings house rules with him from other games, and seems to fall apart completely without said house rules. Sometimes it's as minor and as reasonable as regaining level + con mod in hp after a night of rest, other times it drasticly alters game balance. "a 5' step any time" level imbalance, or "saving throws against my spells = their FULL level + ability mod +10" level imbalance.

MWA-HAHA, MWA-HAHA-HAHA
Overtly evil. Has no qualms with treating NPC's like they were pedestrians in GTA. Is confused when he either has his butt handed to him by a more powerful NPC, or his character is arrested, dragged to trial, and either perminantly incarcerated, or executed. Cannot grasp the concept of "roll up a new character", and simply tries to wheedle for a way to play his old character over again.

Buh... buh.. I have an EIGHT-TEEN!
Believes entirely in one good stat. If he fails any check dependant on that stat will act as if his world fell apart. This is primarily true of spellcasters w/ knowledge checks, fighters with opposed strength checks, and rogues in their reflex saves.

 

[Hitokiri]

I have this character from another game....
Ok, I have let players bring in former PCs from other games, usually with some serious changes. If a player really liked a character concept and want to play it again, I have no real problems with it. But occasionally I get the player who wants their level 18 paladin assassin with all their gear brought over, complete with a bunch of special abilities that came from god knows where. Bonus grumble points if the PC happens to be a drow wielding dual scimitars.

You mean I need to remember stuff?
It's not the GMs job to remind the players what happened in the last game, much less so if the player was busily ignoring the game last time. As I tell my players nowadays, if they don't remember, their PCs don't remember (after all, they didn't have the luxury of having a handy writing utensil and parchment sitting in front of them while the story unfolded). More than one group has lost opportunities or gotten themselves into trouble because they apparently suffered from acute amnesia.

Wait, I have to know these rules?
First, let me state that I routinely take new players into my games and help them along. I have no problems with helping someone figure out what their total attack bonus is, or their AC, when they are new to the game. But I've had a few players that, even after months of playing, seem incapable of determining how to add up their attack, or do anything that has even a faint whiff of math. And of course, do they add the stuff up before the game so they have totaled values at hand that need only be adjusted for any buffs or penalties (something I could tolerate). Heck no, why do a little work yourself when you can get the other players and GM to do it for you.

Sadly enough, I had at least one player that fell into all three of these catagories, as well as a few others already mentioned.

 

[Storyteller01]

The Dim Wit:
The character always seems to become clueless at key points in the game, always for its player's amusement.

Druid in rear of group: I'll wildshape into an owl and scout ahead.

Ranger at point (seeing owl): Hmmm, it's been a long day, and I'm a bit hungry (pulls out bow and shoots owl).

Ranger's player: WHAT!? She was in the rear of the group. How was I supposed to know she changed?

 

[Montague68]

The Storyteller

This player takes up valuable game time with endless tales about his old gaming group, none of whom are in attendance at the table. The stories are usually lame and/or improbable, and no one really cares, however in order to be nice to the player the group usually grins and bears it. Eventually the DM learns that when this player starts saying "Oh gawd, this one time..." it is time to pound the gavel and end the side chatter or else be subjected to 15 minutes of mediocre game story. And speaking of side chatter...

The Mood Killer

This player has the knack of dropping in an OOC side comment at the most inopportune time. He's usually not a good roleplayer and almost always a hack-and-slasher. When the party encounters the BBEG at the adventure's climax and the DM finishes setting up the scene, you can count on the Mood Killer chiming in with: "Hey did anybody see the Undertaker match on RAW last week?"

 

[prosfilaes]

As I tell my players nowadays, if they don't remember, their PCs don't remember (after all, they didn't have the luxury of having a handy writing utensil and parchment sitting in front of them while the story unfolded).

My PCs also didn't have a job and a billion things from Real Life to remember, and he was trying to remember something he actually saw, not something that was quickly read to him in boxed text.

 

[Fishbone]

The Nonfactor: Brings in a character dramatically weaker than the other party members. Slapdash feat, spell, and equipment choices doom the character to obscurity at best and a liability at worse. Constantly whines about not contributing or being heckled for offering nothing to the group.

 

[Felix]

The Aspiring Pickpocket

Any rogue's player who when entering town begins a litany of all the people he robs:

DM: You enter town and --*
Player: Is there a town guard?
DM: Uh, yeah. He's a tall guy with--*
Player: I pick his pocket!

This player is generally playing a 1st level rogue with an 18 Dex and max ranks so there is no possible way he can fail, and therefore is completely unconcerned about consequences.

Double Points for Kender.

 

[Whizbang Dustyboots]

Mr. Chaotic Disruptive needs no explanation.

 

[morrolan]

Dr. Physics: Wants to argue, based on real world physics or science why he can either a: McGyver his way past anything, or b: why your trap/monster wouldn't work. Worse still if he has no grasp of science, real world, or otherwise.

I actually had a player prattle on about how touching a door with a conducting device would protect him from an electricity trap. His conductor of choice was a banana. I think that game made me die a little inside.

 

[Dagger75]

I always play Evil Characters

Then he goes on and on about how he won't screw the party then when he actually plays he is actually just a pyscopath wanting to kill, rape and rob everything.