Roll20 GMs and Pronouns

[templar1138]

I've been playing on Roll20 for seven years, and one thing I've seen ramp up in the last couple has been GMs requesting preferred pronouns on their applications. The many vague profile names alone makes this understandable, but my name is Erik, and that's my displayed name on Roll20 as well, so I omit that part of the application. Regardless of whether I'm cis or trans, my name makes it clear that I'm a man.

Still, I can't help but feel that prospective GMs may be throwing out my application because of that omission. I have no proof, and I definitely am aware of other, more reasonable factors that could contribute. However, people tend to take extreme and unreasonable stances that detract from the idea of social equality.

Not interested in dating that boring person who happens to be black? You're a racist; Don't want to hang out with the coworker with a lisp who won't stop talking about his new leopard-print rubber gloves? You're a homophobe; Omit your pronouns because your name and/or appearance should make it obvious?....

I'm sorry if this thread is in the wrong place. Roll20 doesn't have off-topic forums anymore and I needed to get this off my chest. I've struggled with loneliness and depression for a while now, and tabletops over the internet are pretty much my only social option. I'd hate to think that I'm being rejected for not being comfortable with answering a question that is already answered through other visible things about me. And alluding to that in an answer would just come across as hostility.

EDIT: To be clear, the aforementioned loneliness and depression has been going on since long before the pandemic.

 

[Blackrat]

but my name is Erik, and that's my displayed name on Roll20 as well, so I omit that part of the application. Regardless of whether I'm cis or trans, my name makes it clear that I'm a man.

I kind of disagree on this. So sure yeah, if the GM is from nordic countries, germany, uk or usa, and they know you are from any of those, then your assumption is valid and your name implies that you are a male. But there are a lot of names in the world that in one language is considered masculine and in another feminine. I would not assume anything by any name. For example my name, Mika, is clearly masculine to anyone living in finland. However, as it ends in a, most spanish speakers would think it a feminine name, and any asian character by that name in movies/tv/games is female. So, as masculine as your name is to westerners, without other context, assuming is not safe.

 

[tommybahama]

Free games get the most applicants so you may be getting lost in the flood of posts. Try direct messaging the DM. Also check the box for campaigns with mature content. I think DMs use that to screen out kids since there are 3x as many games in that category. Paid games seem to have less talk about pronouns.

Good luck. And when this epidemic is over try Adventurers League at your flgs. Everyone I've met there is nice and inclusive even to the socially awkward. You'll eventually find a group of regulars to play with.

 

[templar1138]

But there are a lot of names in the world that in one language is considered masculine and in another feminine. I would not assume anything by any name... So, as masculine as your name is to westerners, without other context, assuming is not safe.

A reasonable stance, except that I search for games within very specific time parameters that rarely accommodate anyone outside the US or Canada, and most of the prospective GMs I find identify themselves as being in the cultures that would recognize my name as masculine (and there are quite a few of those, considering that the vikings made their way through pretty much the entire northern hemisphere). Those that don't often don't ask for pronouns.

 

[templar1138]

Free games get the most applicants so you may be getting lost in the flood of posts. Try direct messaging the DM. Also check the box for campaigns with mature content. I think DMs use that to screen out kids since there are 3x as many games in that category. Paid games seem to have less talk about pronouns.

Good luck. And when this epidemic is over try Adventurers League at your flgs. Everyone I've met there is nice and inclusive even to the socially awkward. You'll eventually find a group of regulars to play with.

I'm well aware of search parameters and the flood of applicants. Like I said, I've been on Roll20 for most of a decade. Also, I tried Adventurers League a while ago and didn't care for the lack of interest in individual character stories.

 

[Morrus]

We’re not doing this here. (And in answer to your question, yes, I expect you’re being weeded out for vehemently refusing to do one simple thing).