There are several sites with their own version of "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End", a drinking song mentioned in Terry Pratchett's Diskworld...
All are appropriately inappropriate.
All are appropriately inappropriate.
D&D 5E Short, Funny Bard Songs Please
Check out the work of Dan Marcotte, otherwise known as Dan the Bard. He writes filks and ballads, including many songs with D&D references. You can find several samples of his work at his site: http://www.danthebard.com/
WayOfTheFourElements
Hero
There once was a man with a sword
who was feeling a little bit bored
so he invited his friend
and his friend met his end
Until the cleric had his life restored
who was feeling a little bit bored
so he invited his friend
and his friend met his end
Until the cleric had his life restored
BIGGTeddybear
First Post
Did someone delete my contributions?
Mod Note:
Yes. You should have gotten an alert about the warning. Apologies if that didn't come through.
Your contributions failed to abide by EN World's "Keep it clean" rule. EN World aims to be family friendly and those were a bit too direct to pass muster. Sorry.
I mean, the offensiveness of lot of traditional bawdy tavern songs varies quite a bit depending on which of their many different versions you're doing. So you might want to seek out one of the less outrageous versions of Barnacle Bill the Sailor, or The Ball of Kerrimiur, or The Good Ship Venus
brodahisou
Drunken Bard
I'm aware that this is an old post but I found it while looking for inspiration for my bard character. I have re-written a few songs for certain situations and thought I would share them. I'm pretty new to D&D and I'm no lyrist but I thought these were fun and other people might like to use them for their bard character.
My character is Wood Elf bard who's drunk a lot of the time. In my group there is a Firbolg cleric, a wood elf druid who was brought up in the underdark and an Aarakocra ranger, so some of the songs are specifically geared towards them but could be easily amended to suit your group.
The first song I did was to expand on one of the songs provided by gmbinder.com in their "Bard Songs for the Un-Inspired Bard." I don't know who did the original but they provided the first 5 lines and then I did the rest. As bards can choose spells from any class at level 10, 14 and 18 I thought this would be a fun song to sing when they do.
A More Powerful Bard (Sung to “Part of your world”)
Look at my spells, Aren’t they neat?
Wouldn’t you think my collections complete?
wouldn’t you think I’m a bard, A bard who can cast anything?!
Look at this tome, magics untold
How many wonders can one volume hold?
Looking around here you'd think
Sure, he can beguile anything
I've got cantrips and charms a-plenty
I've got banjos and trumpets galore
You want magic amulets?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
I wanna cast the enchantments that wizards do
I wanna see what the sorcerers are invoking
Flying around on those, what do you call 'em?
Oh, brooms
Strumming the lute, you don't get too far
Grimoires are required for major arcane casting
What are those big bad spells again? Oh yeah,
Curses
Out where they enthral, out where they jinx
Out where they hex all who stand in their way
Spell casting free, wish I could be
A more powerful bard
Here's a few healing songs
Watch me heal you (Sung to "Watch Me Dance")
Watch me heal you, heal you right away
I’ll take away your cuts and bruises, you’ll be right as rain
Watch me cure you, cure you right away
You’ll be up and fighting and making those who hurt you pay
Crucial Healing (Sung to Sexual Healing)
When you get that feeling
You want some crucial healing
Essential healing, oh yeah
Makes you feel so fine
Helps to relieve your mind
Incredible healing baby, is good for you
Effectual healing is something that's good for you
Whenever blood red teardrops are fallin'
And your emotional stability is leaving you
There is something I can do
You can lie there injured and call out to me, buddy
And you know I'll be there to help you
The health I give you is free from me
If you don't know the thing you're feeling
Oh I can tell you, partner, that it's crucial healing
Now the next song is a bit specific, but I'm sure you could mess around with it to suit your group. This was written with our wood elf druid in mind. My party never asked but I was going to say I stole the song from a cleric.
Healing From a Prayer (Sung to “Livin’ on a Prayer”)
Bittle[or other character name] used to live in the underdark, It's where he found refuge
He's a wood elf at heart, he's no drow, he's no drow
Bittle dreamed of running away,
He came to the surface, where the sky was so big,
But It’s ok, It’s ok
I said, you've gotta hold on to the lifeforce you’ve got
I can really make a difference if you make it or not
I’m know some magic and that's a lot for health
We'll give it a spell
Whoa, your half way dead
Whoa oh, Healing from a prayer
Take my hand, you’ll make it, I swear
Whoa oh, Healing from a prayer
Again the next song was done with our Firbolg character in mind, but as I said before you can easily tweak it for your characters.
Healing Morlock (Sung to “Like a Virgin”)
We made it through the wilderness
Now we’re in this mine
We got pretty lost, until we got in this fight
We’ve been beat, dead on our feet
We’ve been had, we’ve been beat, yeah we’re black and blue
yeah we’re black and blue, oooh
Healing Morlock [or other character name]
Healing him for the very first time
Healing Morlock
I’ll make his heart beat back in time
I’m gonna give you all my heal, boy
Your fear is fading fast
I’ve just saved your ass, Let’s hope it lasts
You’ll be fine, in no time
I’ll make you strong, yeah I’ll make you bold, You just need to hold out
Yeah, you need to hold out, so I can keep you from the cold
Healing Morlock
Healing him for the very first time
Healing Morlock
I’ll make his heart beat back in time
Whoa-oh-oh
Whoa-oh-oh, ah
Whoa-oh-oh
You’ll be fine in no time
We’ll be friends until the end of time, ‘cause you made me heal
Yeah, you made me heal your thick ass hide
Healing Morlock
Healing him for the very first time
Healing Morlock
I’ll make his heart beat back in time
The plan is that if I have to heal him again I can sing the same song but it'll be "Healing Morlock
Healing him for the second/third/fourth time, etc.
This next one was written with my friends Aarakocra character in mind but you can replace the start with the classic "Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga" or anything really, or obviously just leave it out.
I'm Renowned For My Healing (Sung to "Hooked on a Feeling")
Aarakocra, Aarakocra, Aarakocra
Aarakocra, Aarakocra, Aarakocra
Aarakocra, Aarakocra, Aarakocra
You can't stop this bleeding
Deep inside of you
Boy, you just don't realise
that you’re going to die
When I hold you
With my cords of light
I'll let you know
Everything's alright
I'm renowned for my healing
You're gonna be believing
That I can heal you
We got into this battle
It was pretty tough
Boy, it got me thirsty
For another cup of wine
You got burnt by a dragon [or You got stabbed by goblin/other creature]
But I can be your cure
You won't be a victim
I'll help you endure
All the good times
that we've got ahead
You'll keep your health boy
Yeah you won't be dead
I'm renowned for my healing
You're gonna be believing
That I can heal you
Heal (Sung to "Jump")
You get beaten up' and sometimes knocked down
Your pretty tough, one of the toughest around
And I know, just how to heal
You got to roll with the punches and parry that steel
I can make your wounds disappear
If you're injured I can intervene
It's not the worst that I've seen
although, that wound is pretty obscene
Ah, might as well Heal
Might as well heal
Go ahead and heal
Go ahead and heal
Now I did very little with the next two songs, as well, why mess with a classic.
Never Gonna Give You Up
We're no strangers to death
You know the rules and so do I
A full recovery's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other bard
I just wanna fix you with my healing
Why don't you just take my hand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run away and desert you
Never gonna let you die
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna run you through and hurt you
We've not known each other very long
Your heart's been aching, But you've had a sword put through
Your insides are out and feeling all wrong
You're not the same but I will help fix it
And if you ask me for some healing
I'll keep you from your final sleep
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run away and desert you
Never gonna let you die
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna run you through and hurt you
Help!
(Help) You need somebody
(Help) Not just anybody
(Help) You know you need a bard
(Help!)
When you were younger so much younger than today
You never needed anybody's help in any way
But now those days are gone, your not so self assured
As now your injured and crawling on all fours
I'll Help you if I can, when you fall down
And I know you appreciate me being 'round
I'll Help get your feet back on the ground
As you scream please, please help me?
And now your lifeforce is starting to drain away
Your vitality seems to vanish in the haze
Coz every now and then you fail a saving throw
I know that you need me like you've never done before
I'll Help you if I can, when you fall down
And I know you appreciate me being 'round
I'll Help get your feet back on the ground
As you scream please, please help me?
Help me, help me, oooh
I hope you enjoy these and I appreciate any feedback.
My character is Wood Elf bard who's drunk a lot of the time. In my group there is a Firbolg cleric, a wood elf druid who was brought up in the underdark and an Aarakocra ranger, so some of the songs are specifically geared towards them but could be easily amended to suit your group.
The first song I did was to expand on one of the songs provided by gmbinder.com in their "Bard Songs for the Un-Inspired Bard." I don't know who did the original but they provided the first 5 lines and then I did the rest. As bards can choose spells from any class at level 10, 14 and 18 I thought this would be a fun song to sing when they do.
A More Powerful Bard (Sung to “Part of your world”)
Look at my spells, Aren’t they neat?
Wouldn’t you think my collections complete?
wouldn’t you think I’m a bard, A bard who can cast anything?!
Look at this tome, magics untold
How many wonders can one volume hold?
Looking around here you'd think
Sure, he can beguile anything
I've got cantrips and charms a-plenty
I've got banjos and trumpets galore
You want magic amulets?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
I wanna cast the enchantments that wizards do
I wanna see what the sorcerers are invoking
Flying around on those, what do you call 'em?
Oh, brooms
Strumming the lute, you don't get too far
Grimoires are required for major arcane casting
What are those big bad spells again? Oh yeah,
Curses
Out where they enthral, out where they jinx
Out where they hex all who stand in their way
Spell casting free, wish I could be
A more powerful bard
Here's a few healing songs
Watch me heal you (Sung to "Watch Me Dance")
Watch me heal you, heal you right away
I’ll take away your cuts and bruises, you’ll be right as rain
Watch me cure you, cure you right away
You’ll be up and fighting and making those who hurt you pay
Crucial Healing (Sung to Sexual Healing)
When you get that feeling
You want some crucial healing
Essential healing, oh yeah
Makes you feel so fine
Helps to relieve your mind
Incredible healing baby, is good for you
Effectual healing is something that's good for you
Whenever blood red teardrops are fallin'
And your emotional stability is leaving you
There is something I can do
You can lie there injured and call out to me, buddy
And you know I'll be there to help you
The health I give you is free from me
If you don't know the thing you're feeling
Oh I can tell you, partner, that it's crucial healing
Now the next song is a bit specific, but I'm sure you could mess around with it to suit your group. This was written with our wood elf druid in mind. My party never asked but I was going to say I stole the song from a cleric.
Healing From a Prayer (Sung to “Livin’ on a Prayer”)
Bittle[or other character name] used to live in the underdark, It's where he found refuge
He's a wood elf at heart, he's no drow, he's no drow
Bittle dreamed of running away,
He came to the surface, where the sky was so big,
But It’s ok, It’s ok
I said, you've gotta hold on to the lifeforce you’ve got
I can really make a difference if you make it or not
I’m know some magic and that's a lot for health
We'll give it a spell
Whoa, your half way dead
Whoa oh, Healing from a prayer
Take my hand, you’ll make it, I swear
Whoa oh, Healing from a prayer
Again the next song was done with our Firbolg character in mind, but as I said before you can easily tweak it for your characters.
Healing Morlock (Sung to “Like a Virgin”)
We made it through the wilderness
Now we’re in this mine
We got pretty lost, until we got in this fight
We’ve been beat, dead on our feet
We’ve been had, we’ve been beat, yeah we’re black and blue
yeah we’re black and blue, oooh
Healing Morlock [or other character name]
Healing him for the very first time
Healing Morlock
I’ll make his heart beat back in time
I’m gonna give you all my heal, boy
Your fear is fading fast
I’ve just saved your ass, Let’s hope it lasts
You’ll be fine, in no time
I’ll make you strong, yeah I’ll make you bold, You just need to hold out
Yeah, you need to hold out, so I can keep you from the cold
Healing Morlock
Healing him for the very first time
Healing Morlock
I’ll make his heart beat back in time
Whoa-oh-oh
Whoa-oh-oh, ah
Whoa-oh-oh
You’ll be fine in no time
We’ll be friends until the end of time, ‘cause you made me heal
Yeah, you made me heal your thick ass hide
Healing Morlock
Healing him for the very first time
Healing Morlock
I’ll make his heart beat back in time
The plan is that if I have to heal him again I can sing the same song but it'll be "Healing Morlock
Healing him for the second/third/fourth time, etc.
This next one was written with my friends Aarakocra character in mind but you can replace the start with the classic "Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga" or anything really, or obviously just leave it out.
I'm Renowned For My Healing (Sung to "Hooked on a Feeling")
Aarakocra, Aarakocra, Aarakocra
Aarakocra, Aarakocra, Aarakocra
Aarakocra, Aarakocra, Aarakocra
You can't stop this bleeding
Deep inside of you
Boy, you just don't realise
that you’re going to die
When I hold you
With my cords of light
I'll let you know
Everything's alright
I'm renowned for my healing
You're gonna be believing
That I can heal you
We got into this battle
It was pretty tough
Boy, it got me thirsty
For another cup of wine
You got burnt by a dragon [or You got stabbed by goblin/other creature]
But I can be your cure
You won't be a victim
I'll help you endure
All the good times
that we've got ahead
You'll keep your health boy
Yeah you won't be dead
I'm renowned for my healing
You're gonna be believing
That I can heal you
Heal (Sung to "Jump")
You get beaten up' and sometimes knocked down
Your pretty tough, one of the toughest around
And I know, just how to heal
You got to roll with the punches and parry that steel
I can make your wounds disappear
If you're injured I can intervene
It's not the worst that I've seen
although, that wound is pretty obscene
Ah, might as well Heal
Might as well heal
Go ahead and heal
Go ahead and heal
Now I did very little with the next two songs, as well, why mess with a classic.
Never Gonna Give You Up
We're no strangers to death
You know the rules and so do I
A full recovery's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other bard
I just wanna fix you with my healing
Why don't you just take my hand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run away and desert you
Never gonna let you die
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna run you through and hurt you
We've not known each other very long
Your heart's been aching, But you've had a sword put through
Your insides are out and feeling all wrong
You're not the same but I will help fix it
And if you ask me for some healing
I'll keep you from your final sleep
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run away and desert you
Never gonna let you die
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna run you through and hurt you
Help!
(Help) You need somebody
(Help) Not just anybody
(Help) You know you need a bard
(Help!)
When you were younger so much younger than today
You never needed anybody's help in any way
But now those days are gone, your not so self assured
As now your injured and crawling on all fours
I'll Help you if I can, when you fall down
And I know you appreciate me being 'round
I'll Help get your feet back on the ground
As you scream please, please help me?
And now your lifeforce is starting to drain away
Your vitality seems to vanish in the haze
Coz every now and then you fail a saving throw
I know that you need me like you've never done before
I'll Help you if I can, when you fall down
And I know you appreciate me being 'round
I'll Help get your feet back on the ground
As you scream please, please help me?
Help me, help me, oooh
I hope you enjoy these and I appreciate any feedback.
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