So, Imagine your SO just told you they want to get pregnant

[Dog Moon]

Say yes and put your balls in hot water every day for 10 minutes. That will make you infertile.

This is a serious response? I can't imagine anyone doing this...

Well, in response to the OP, I know what I would say and my wife and I have discussed this, though I'm only 30 and she's 26, but clearly what I would say is very different than what you would say.

I suppose the best thing to do is speak the truth. You don't want one side holding a grudge against the other for the rest of your lives because you had to hide your feelings or she has to hide hers... which is probably why she ended up saying something in the first place.

 

[Kramodlog]

This is a serious response? I can't imagine anyone doing this...

Heat does induce infertility in men. Look it up. As for actually doing it, I saw a report on some Russians doing it. They were White Trash.

 

[Elf Witch]

I thought Adoption might be a better way to go--(potentially) fewer health risks, and maybe skip the diaper stage.
Any thoughts on that? Comments? Horror Stories? Encouragements/discouragements?
Seriously--I never really looked into any of this. Most of my (mis)information is from TV shows.

Adoption is an option but beware that some agencies will not allow people in their forties to adopt so you might have to go private or out of country. Adoption can cost more than having a baby.

There are good reasons not to adopt a baby first of all less of a waiting list. You to get to avoid all the baby stuff like sleepless nights and no time for anything stage. There are a lot of great kids needing homes overlooked by people wanting babies.

The bad reasons is that as children get older they can develop a lot of issues and some serious mental health issues especially if they have had a lot of trauma in their lives. You really need to research both the good and bad about adopting an older child.

You need to talk very honestly to your SO about this. If she really wants a baby and you don't then because of her age she needs to decide if she can live with you and be happy not having the baby or if she needs to find someone who wants a family. This is not one of those easily compromises that couples can make.

 

[billd91]

Yeah, seems she has been thinking about this a while. And is aware of the risks and whatnot.

I have reservations--not sure the human race is worth continuing, and not sure I want to be responsible for inflicting life on anyone, especially not someone I'm supposed to love without reservation.

So that conversation is not going to end well...

If this is an honest window into your mindset, you are so not the person to be raising kids. And that includes adoption. There's nothing wrong with not being cut out to raise kids, and I have seen someone turn 180 on the kids issue (he's actually a reasonably decent father now), but wow does your post say you aren't in an appropriate headspace for parenthood.

 

[Janx]

2 years ago, me and the missus weren't wanting kids. then all of a sudden, she changed her mind.

We were just shy of 40 then. Been married 15+ years.

When she told me she wanted a kid, I changed my mind as well.

We've gone through half of my IRA on IVF and just found out 3 days ago that #4 didn't take.

Each failed attempt is a crushing disappointment. If you think cooking your balls is a good idea, then you're basically wanting to crush her hopes every time. That's dishonest and hurtful. Get on the bus or get off, don't be a dick.

At this point, we're considering switching to looking into Adoption. Which has its own expenses and annoyances like a having another human inspect our home and lives to see if we're worthy of raising a child.

 

[sabrinathecat]

Because Haru Kiri would not be understood for what it is by the government, nor would it have the desired effect on the culture. (Any further down this road leads to political discussion)

If you feel your life was inflicted on you then why are you still here?

Of course. Not being honest would be a waste of everyone's time. (And there are limits to how much of an ass I am willing to be)
Kids are fun. But... Humans...
"What do you think of Western Civilization?" "I think it would be a very good idea."
Any further down that road leads to political discussion.

If this is an honest window into your mindset, you are so not the person to be raising kids. And that includes adoption. There's nothing wrong with not being cut out to raise kids, and I have seen someone turn 180 on the kids issue (he's actually a reasonably decent father now), but wow does your post say you aren't in an appropriate headspace for parenthood.

Maybe all parents to be should have their home and lives inspected? Just another impractical thought.

At this point, we're considering switching to looking into Adoption. Which has its own expenses and annoyances like a having another human inspect our home and lives to see if we're worthy of raising a child.

Thank you all for your considered advice and thoughts.

 

[Umbran]

Maybe all parents to be should have their home and lives inspected? Just another impractical thought.

Well, there is a slight difference - in adoption, there's an agency that has been handed the welfare of the child. If they *didn't* look into the home to be sure it was okay, they'd be held responsible for what happened afterwards, would they not?

If you're having your own child, there is no such agency other than yourself. The kid's welfare is in your own hands from the start. And still, if there's serious question brought up, someone *will* come into your home and inspect it. In most states, the child welfare authorities are over-tasked, but they are not to be trifled with.

 

[jcayer]

I had to think about my response here quite a bit. So far, you've mostly received feedback about you, the risks, etc.
I'm going to tell you about the rewards. To put it in perspective, I have 2 daughters, 7 and 10. I just turned 41.

Unconditional love. There is nothing better than walking in the door after a horrible day and having a little person there, anxiously awaiting you with hugs and kisses. It can make EVERY day worth living. On the flip side, even your good days can be made better just by listening to them giggle and scream while they play with you.

My 10 year old is relatively intelligent and is now getting to the point where I can have logical and informative conversations with here about science. We recently started watching COSMOS together. I don't know what I love more, watching the show, or stopping it to explain a principal she doesn't understand and then watching her eyes light up when she gets it.

When your child decides to like something you're interested in, you've just discovered someone who will always be there to do that with you...even waiting in a line for an event. My older one got involved in FLL(First Lego League), it's a Lego robotics competition, you have no idea how happy I was to coach her team. My little one is so jealous that she can't do it, that she and I dedicate time to work on "her" lego robot.

There are hundreds of reasons to not have a kid and just as many to have one. Sure, throwing up in bed in the middle night sucks. But sharing their pride when they make honors in school, or sharing an interest/hobby with them is a fantastic feeling.
And you're never really ready. The question is if you're willing.

 

[trappedslider]

If you're having your own child, there is no such agency other than yourself. The kid's welfare is in your own hands from the start. And still, if there's serious question brought up, someone *will* come into your home and inspect it. In most states, the child welfare authorities are over-tasked, but they are not to be trifled with.

That even extends to The Sims series of games....

 

[Zombie_Babies]

I thought Adoption might be a better way to go--(potentially) fewer health risks, and maybe skip the diaper stage.
Any thoughts on that? Comments? Horror Stories? Encouragements/discouragements?
Seriously--I never really looked into any of this. Most of my (mis)information is from TV shows.

I have a 15 year old stepson and my wife and I have decided not to have any more kids. We'd like to enjoy our lives while we're still able to properly appreciate things and with a kid that's getting closer and closer to being able to be on his own (yeah, still some time left, of course, but we're 15 years into it - not like a baby) we'd rather not start over. Plus it wouldn't be all that cool for him, either. He'd get a brother or sister but it wouldn't be like a brother or sister cuz the age difference is just too much. Lots of reasons not to have another one, that's for sure. Some aren't even that particularly selfish.

Anyhoo, I've sort of done the 'kid but miss the diaper stage' thing and I can definitely recommend it. You still form the bond and you get to the cool stuff faster. A baby is a blob of need, a kid is like getting a toy on Christmas and getting the batteries for it - you can start to enjoy the cool stuff sooner. Of course it also puts you into the scary stuff faster (school, sexual activity, college, driving, etc). But still, I think I prefer it.

Adoption can be pretty damned cool. A friend of mine adopted twin boys from S Korea and then went back and adopted a baby girl. They're all growing up, they're all fantastic kids and it was more than a win for all of them. They went though Family Adoption Consultants and couldn't have been happier with the organization. Really, considering your age and your opinion on humanity I'd have to say that adoption is the best course of action for many reasons - including, of course, the fact that you can take a kid who may lead a crappy life and give them one that they probably would never have known. It'd offset some of the awful out there quite a bit and we all know it's better to do something about a problem than to just complain about it.