Ao the Overkitty
First Post
orchid blossom said:
It would be an even more frightening picture if it was used for one of the rounds.
Oh, that would a nasty one to try and stick in a story.
Spring Ceramic DM™: WINNER POSTED!
It would be an even more frightening picture if it was used for one of the rounds.
Oh, that would a nasty one to try and stick in a story.
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Judgment of Match 1-5: Tzor vs. Zhaneel.
Maldur:
Again mighty hard, But the twist at the end made my choice for me.
Zhaneel get my vote.
Arwink:
Tzor – Little Jimmy
Short, sweet and still showing the occasional rough edge, Tzor manages to turn in one of the quickest tales I’ve read in this competition. An interesting concept, but it looses something due to its quick pace. Short short fiction is always hard to balance in this respect, and Tzor does a fair job with it, but ultimately the narrative tension is dissipated before it even gets a chance to build up. A little more fleshing out, the introduction of some kind of impediment to the narrator’s quest for understanding what’s going on, and this would be a great quick read.
Zhaneel
Zhaneel's story has a really dark undertone that subverts the usual expectations for this kind of story, and it manages to handle its premise more effectively than many that try this kind of twist. It reads a little flatly – there are a number of passive sentences that could be tightened, but on the whole it holds together well and does what it sets out to do. I did like the picture use in this story, although the conversion of the first image into a throwaway metaphor rather than a story element is either brilliant or a quick escape, depending on the point of view the reader chooses to take. While the description itself flashes by, at its core it is a large part of what drives the character and its influence is felt through the story.
The Judgment
Another close round here, mostly because the stories are different enough that drawing any real basis for comparison between them becomes tricky. In the end I gave the round to Zhaneel – the type of story she’s written up isn’t normally something that I go for, but it’s done in such a way that I enjoyed it. The subtext of fantasy heroes being driven by a desire to be noticed more than anything else is great, and I think the story itself is an idea worth toying with and fleshing out.
Piratecat:
Tzor's tale is possibly the shortest I've seen, and it's quite good considering its length. This is also part of its weakness, though, because the brevity doesn't leave any space for drama or action. Events are relayed in general terms and summarized as if from a distance, and so the story is less immediate and gripping than it could be. Even Jimmy remains a plot device, not a person, so we don't grow to care about him.
Despite this, it remains a nice, compact bit of fiction; I wouldn't have believed you if you told me you could cover all four photos in less than a thousand words. Photo use is okay, with no one photo being used in an especially outstanding way.
When I first read Zhaneel's story, I went through a couple of stages: delight at the girl who was effectively invisible, disappointment when I thought it was going to turn into a traditional "girl enters new world to come of age and find herself," and glee when the end turned tricky. This was good writing; it played with the reader's expectations quite nicely, using literary jujitsu to take a cliche' and make it transcend expectations.
Photo use ranged from staid (the robes, the stairs) to creative (crocodile) to completely unexpected (camoflage as a metaphor.)
I was extremely impressed by how compact Tzor's story was; I know that I could't have written something that good in that many words. Nevertheless, better picture use and a good premise/ending give Zhaneel my vote.
FINAL JUDGMENT: 3 out of 3 for Zhaneel, who will go on to the second round.
Maldur:
Again mighty hard, But the twist at the end made my choice for me.
Zhaneel get my vote.
Arwink:
Tzor – Little Jimmy
Short, sweet and still showing the occasional rough edge, Tzor manages to turn in one of the quickest tales I’ve read in this competition. An interesting concept, but it looses something due to its quick pace. Short short fiction is always hard to balance in this respect, and Tzor does a fair job with it, but ultimately the narrative tension is dissipated before it even gets a chance to build up. A little more fleshing out, the introduction of some kind of impediment to the narrator’s quest for understanding what’s going on, and this would be a great quick read.
Zhaneel
Zhaneel's story has a really dark undertone that subverts the usual expectations for this kind of story, and it manages to handle its premise more effectively than many that try this kind of twist. It reads a little flatly – there are a number of passive sentences that could be tightened, but on the whole it holds together well and does what it sets out to do. I did like the picture use in this story, although the conversion of the first image into a throwaway metaphor rather than a story element is either brilliant or a quick escape, depending on the point of view the reader chooses to take. While the description itself flashes by, at its core it is a large part of what drives the character and its influence is felt through the story.
The Judgment
Another close round here, mostly because the stories are different enough that drawing any real basis for comparison between them becomes tricky. In the end I gave the round to Zhaneel – the type of story she’s written up isn’t normally something that I go for, but it’s done in such a way that I enjoyed it. The subtext of fantasy heroes being driven by a desire to be noticed more than anything else is great, and I think the story itself is an idea worth toying with and fleshing out.
Piratecat:
Tzor's tale is possibly the shortest I've seen, and it's quite good considering its length. This is also part of its weakness, though, because the brevity doesn't leave any space for drama or action. Events are relayed in general terms and summarized as if from a distance, and so the story is less immediate and gripping than it could be. Even Jimmy remains a plot device, not a person, so we don't grow to care about him.
Despite this, it remains a nice, compact bit of fiction; I wouldn't have believed you if you told me you could cover all four photos in less than a thousand words. Photo use is okay, with no one photo being used in an especially outstanding way.
When I first read Zhaneel's story, I went through a couple of stages: delight at the girl who was effectively invisible, disappointment when I thought it was going to turn into a traditional "girl enters new world to come of age and find herself," and glee when the end turned tricky. This was good writing; it played with the reader's expectations quite nicely, using literary jujitsu to take a cliche' and make it transcend expectations.
Photo use ranged from staid (the robes, the stairs) to creative (crocodile) to completely unexpected (camoflage as a metaphor.)
I was extremely impressed by how compact Tzor's story was; I know that I could't have written something that good in that many words. Nevertheless, better picture use and a good premise/ending give Zhaneel my vote.
FINAL JUDGMENT: 3 out of 3 for Zhaneel, who will go on to the second round.
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Sialia
First Post
Things have been hectic here, and somehow the thread moved on a few pages past your entry before I got back online. Tonight I realized I had somehow missed it, and had to dig back a few pages to find it.BardStephenFox said:
Wow. Am I sorry I waited so long to get to it!
And then I paged forward and got to read a bunch more wonderful stories I hadn't had a chance to read yet.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
This competition has set up some truly awesome matches in the first round.
I cannot wait for more!!
You guys rock my world.
BSF
Explorer
alsih2o said:
Heh, that's funny but I can attest that it looks nothing like Macbeth! (And no, I am not just an alt ID of Piratecat bouying up another Alt ID of Piratecat. See silly thread for details
Umm, back on topic, yeah, that's the ticket.
My brain still hurts. Looking at the first pictures for round two, I am at a loss as to whether I hope I win or not. (Who am I fooling, of course I want to win.) I need sleep, and yet I'm post here at nearly 1:00 AM. OK, I did just get back from a gamin session, so it makes sense that I am up. Regardless of how this round turns out for me, I am still happy to have written in it. I am appreciative for the work of the judges because it has got to be difficult to have 16 stories to read, knowing that you are just paring it down to 8, then 4, then 2. It is a lot of work for you guys. I love the fact that some of Sialia's artwork is in the competition. I am enjoying the comments on the other stories. I am looking forward to reading them, but not until I am done with the competition. I'm trying to keep my muse from feeling intimidated. It's been a lot of fun and I am looking forward to future competitions.
Thanks!
RangerWickett
Legend
Well, I'm up at 6am after a night of filling my new hard drive with fonts and video game remixes, and I really want to know how I did. But I also want to watch Kill Bill some time today, and if I don't go to sleep until noon, that might be a problem. Hmm.
Oh, what the hell. I'll just go find some more fonts. *grin*
Oh, what the hell. I'll just go find some more fonts. *grin*
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Be aware that Morrus has turned off email notification for a day or two, to see if that's what is causing our intermittant slowdown. If you depend on it to alert you to changes in this thread, you'll have to use the good old traditional "obsessive doublechecking for updates" method for a bit.
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Judgment of Match 1-6: RangerWickett vs. Speaker.
Maldur:
Gods, this is hard. After carefull consideration, involving tealeaves, astrology, tarot readings, and russian roulette (it was that close). I cast my vote for RangerWicket as that is the funniest start of a story yet
Arwink:
Rangerwickett – Random Acts of Kindness
Another really nice opening, finding the balance between conveying information and teasing us with the desire for more information. It raises some interesting questions about the main character, Hamid, but unfortunately not all of these questions seem relevant to the story that follows. What begins as an interesting opening seems to loose focus as we start to delve into Hamid’s story, and there isn’t a strong enough connection between the man as he appears in his tale and the way he is depicted in the introduction with the horse. It reads like the first part of a longer story, rather than something that stands on its own. As a reader, I find myself hungering to see how and where Hamid changes. That we don’t even return to the setting at the beginning of the story, with Hamid and the reporter talking, only strengthens this feeling of wanting more – it leaves the story feeling incomplete and lost in the flashbacks.
The clash of arcane cultures is interesting, but doesn’t really flow fluidly in the story. There’s a lot of unanswered question here, which again contributes to the feeling that we’re only really getting half the story. While the picture use was innovative and interesting, it also tended to be slightly overt – it was noticeable that certain things happened in order to include a picture rather than fitting seamlessly into the story.
Speaker – On the Scales
Speaker gives us an intriguing monologue, and the feel of someone performing rather than telling a story is pervasive throughout this story. The plot is very stripped down and basic, but the style of the story carries it.
My only real complaint is that it rushes through things far to quickly, often glossing over events where I would have preferred to see things approached in a different style. While this story is dense and immediate, it feels more like theatre than fiction – with an actor to give us subtext and emphasis I think it would truly come alive in a way that it doesn’t quite manage here.
Judgment
These are both interesting pieces with very individual strengths, and while Speaker’s is slightly more cohesive in terms of its story the mood and pace of Rangerwickett’s story gives it a little more life than his competitors. My vote for the round goes to Rangerwickett.
Piratecat:
A brief bit of trivia - the turban on the man's head is actually 375 meters long. That's a heck of a turban.
RangerWickett's story delighted me and reminded me why he writes professionally. It started off better than it ended. That's partially because it didn't have closure; we never go back to the framing story of the reporter, and that weakens it more than I would have thought. It also is weakened a bit by some holes in logic and by the fact that despite the framing story it isn't told as if it's recounted. Despite this it's got a fantastic beginning and a very good middle, and it's a good example of storytelling. I suspect that if he hadn't completed it after writing all night it would have been edited to a tighter finish.
Photo use was inventive and fun. The use of the creepers being turned into eyeballs was the best use of a photo, as it established major plot points as it explained a difficult illustration. Tying together the stone head and the turban was nicely done, and the idea of the head under the turban made me laugh. While the ice tunnel usage was unremarkable, the troll prophets at the end of it weren't, so it works decently as an illustration.
Speaker's story reads as a confession, and I'm still not entirely sure if the lack of establishing detail throughout helps or hinders it. I'm tending towards the latter; it's an interesting and effective stylistic choice with some very nice word usage ("The water-tinged shadows danced like demons. We left."), but I find the absence of names and details to be a distraction. I want to know more! I also find that Speaker is suffering from the curse of trying to fit four photos into a relatively short tale. Events occurred only so that they could be illustrated, and that tends to weaken a tale.
Interesting that both competitors put objects under the turban. Photo usage varied; the child hidden under the turban is an interesting twist, but the quickchange of the character from the "eye detectives" in the story left that photo usage less satisfying than it would have been on its own. "Pensive" felt like it was inserted because it had to be there, but the description of the water tunnel was handled very effectively.
Speaker's monologue had me wanting more, but my judgment goes for RangerWickett, with his story that manages to combine humor and action into some very nice imagery.
FINAL JUDGMENT: 3 out of 3 for RangerWickett, who will go on to the second round.
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Judgment of Match 1-6: RangerWickett vs. Speaker.
Maldur:
Gods, this is hard. After carefull consideration, involving tealeaves, astrology, tarot readings, and russian roulette (it was that close). I cast my vote for RangerWicket as that is the funniest start of a story yet
Arwink:
Rangerwickett – Random Acts of Kindness
Another really nice opening, finding the balance between conveying information and teasing us with the desire for more information. It raises some interesting questions about the main character, Hamid, but unfortunately not all of these questions seem relevant to the story that follows. What begins as an interesting opening seems to loose focus as we start to delve into Hamid’s story, and there isn’t a strong enough connection between the man as he appears in his tale and the way he is depicted in the introduction with the horse. It reads like the first part of a longer story, rather than something that stands on its own. As a reader, I find myself hungering to see how and where Hamid changes. That we don’t even return to the setting at the beginning of the story, with Hamid and the reporter talking, only strengthens this feeling of wanting more – it leaves the story feeling incomplete and lost in the flashbacks.
The clash of arcane cultures is interesting, but doesn’t really flow fluidly in the story. There’s a lot of unanswered question here, which again contributes to the feeling that we’re only really getting half the story. While the picture use was innovative and interesting, it also tended to be slightly overt – it was noticeable that certain things happened in order to include a picture rather than fitting seamlessly into the story.
Speaker – On the Scales
Speaker gives us an intriguing monologue, and the feel of someone performing rather than telling a story is pervasive throughout this story. The plot is very stripped down and basic, but the style of the story carries it.
My only real complaint is that it rushes through things far to quickly, often glossing over events where I would have preferred to see things approached in a different style. While this story is dense and immediate, it feels more like theatre than fiction – with an actor to give us subtext and emphasis I think it would truly come alive in a way that it doesn’t quite manage here.
Judgment
These are both interesting pieces with very individual strengths, and while Speaker’s is slightly more cohesive in terms of its story the mood and pace of Rangerwickett’s story gives it a little more life than his competitors. My vote for the round goes to Rangerwickett.
Piratecat:
A brief bit of trivia - the turban on the man's head is actually 375 meters long. That's a heck of a turban.
RangerWickett's story delighted me and reminded me why he writes professionally. It started off better than it ended. That's partially because it didn't have closure; we never go back to the framing story of the reporter, and that weakens it more than I would have thought. It also is weakened a bit by some holes in logic and by the fact that despite the framing story it isn't told as if it's recounted. Despite this it's got a fantastic beginning and a very good middle, and it's a good example of storytelling. I suspect that if he hadn't completed it after writing all night it would have been edited to a tighter finish.
Photo use was inventive and fun. The use of the creepers being turned into eyeballs was the best use of a photo, as it established major plot points as it explained a difficult illustration. Tying together the stone head and the turban was nicely done, and the idea of the head under the turban made me laugh. While the ice tunnel usage was unremarkable, the troll prophets at the end of it weren't, so it works decently as an illustration.
Speaker's story reads as a confession, and I'm still not entirely sure if the lack of establishing detail throughout helps or hinders it. I'm tending towards the latter; it's an interesting and effective stylistic choice with some very nice word usage ("The water-tinged shadows danced like demons. We left."), but I find the absence of names and details to be a distraction. I want to know more! I also find that Speaker is suffering from the curse of trying to fit four photos into a relatively short tale. Events occurred only so that they could be illustrated, and that tends to weaken a tale.
Interesting that both competitors put objects under the turban. Photo usage varied; the child hidden under the turban is an interesting twist, but the quickchange of the character from the "eye detectives" in the story left that photo usage less satisfying than it would have been on its own. "Pensive" felt like it was inserted because it had to be there, but the description of the water tunnel was handled very effectively.
Speaker's monologue had me wanting more, but my judgment goes for RangerWickett, with his story that manages to combine humor and action into some very nice imagery.
FINAL JUDGMENT: 3 out of 3 for RangerWickett, who will go on to the second round.
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RangerWickett
Legend
Piratecat said:
Obsessive checking works.
I didn't realize how much I would squeal to hear I made the cut. Sure, part of it is sleep dep', but I'm still really thrilled you guys liked the story. I'll make sure in the next round not to write past 3am; it make me not use word things good. (Oh, and I hope it wasn't too obvious or too stupid, but all the transformations were based on rhymes.)
Speaker, your story was disturbing, in a nice way. I liked the voice, but I wish you'd written more so I could get into it more. Still, I'm amused that we both had things hidden in the turban. It was fun competing against'cha.
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