Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[sniffles]

The funniest/stupidest story I ever heard about a DnD game was the one about the player who didn't know what a gazebo was. The DM stated that there was a large gazebo off to the left of the party as they entered the town square. The player immediately readied his bow and ran for cover at the corner of a nearby building.

The rest of the party just stood there! How could they just stand there like that!? The player asked the DM what the gazebo was doing. The DM responded, " It's a gazebo!" The player took this to mean that he should know what it was going to do, so he put several arrows into it one after another.

When the DM said that the arrows had no effect on the gazebo whatsoever, the player's face went pale, and he drew his sword and charged in to save hs fellow party members who were still just standing there. The DM had had enough, and the dreaded gazebo, finally tiring of all the taunting, rose up and swiftly killed the foolish attacker.

That's an o-o-o-o-old story.

 

[VirgilCaine]

For my group of 20th level characters who had a policy of carry everything you own, leave nothing behind, it went something like this when ransacking a powerful and old lich wizard's main lair who was known to be especially sinister....

The appropriate response to this situation is "Ah, . Last set of astral bodies gone. Let's come back in a few weeks when the wizard has more scrolls of Astral Spell prepped. Let's see what the Council of Eight has decided to do for their game this afternoon."

( or "I turn on my ring of X-ray Vision and Arcane Sight to see through the walls, examine the lock mechanism and look for traps, etc. What do I see?")

 

[the_mighty_agrippa]

Damn, where to begin?

1. The first-level party of five spies a well-armed, uniformed band of two-score gnolls marching in tight military formation within the domain of a human city known to tolerate non-human mercs and muscle. The PC ranger draws his bow and fires a wild shot at medium range. The gnolls calmly form ranks and load their crossbows for a missile volley. The PCs don't move and the ranger fires two more wild shots. The gnoll leader steps forward, raises his sword and the PCs stay still. The ranger fires two more shots, including one that hits for about 3 points of damage. The gnoll's sword comes down and forty heavy crossbow bolts rip through the party.

No survivors.

2. PCs, heavily wounded and diseased, decide to camp in an evil temple with incorporeal undead floating around - for four days.

3. A 2E gnome tries to vault a 30 foot chasm in combat. Odds were 1:20 tops! If a 2E gnome falls down a chasm, do cavedwellers like gnome salsa?

4. A DM with a woody for lesbians and woman dominance challenged my much lower level 2E berserker to a fistfight with her mid-level guard captain NPC. 2E berserkers? Immune to subdual damage while in fury.

5. A PC gained four levels after a good round with a Deck of Many Things. The PC dies next game, because the player never bothered to update his character sheet. Fails saves, runs out of HP and doesn't catch the problem for months after he died.

6. Two halflings disguise themselves as goblins - very well, I might add - to bluff their way past an orc sentry. One even passes himself off as a Bugs Bunny inspired goblin tranvestite. They mosey up to the orc and... don't speak orc OR goblin.

7. A 2E pally played by a real holy roller constantly detects evil on everything. The DM tries several tactics to have the PC only use the tactic when necessary but the PC continues to scan priests, merchants, etc at every chance. But the DM gets a reprieve; when we find a bone dagger made from a human child's leg, no Detect Evil. The other PCs put the highly evil demi-artifact in the pally's backpack. The next time he detects evil, he's also trying to climb a sheer rock face in heavy armor and beat back a wyvern. Multitasking did him in.

8. Same player. Paladin stands guard while two PC dwarves beat a caravan master for additional gold.

9. Same player. After the death of his noble godgiven steed, his paladin is convinced by the chaotic neutral barbarian that the party should not have to go hungry...

 

[the_mighty_agrippa]

Jeez! I totally forgot this one.

(This is right around the time Bill & Ted came out, so people were saying "dude" and "awesome" all the time)

DM: You draw the Moon card. *rolls* You get one wish.
PC: Yeah! I wish for the most massive battleaxe!
DM: Okeh... like a magical giant's axe or an intelligent axe?
PC: Dude, gimme the most massive battleaxe ever!


DM: The sky becomes dark and it becomes dark, like a cloud has blocked out the sun.
PC: Sweet.
DM: Roll save vs breath weapon

Here lies PC. Let this axe serve as his monument.

 

[Crust]

I had a PC touch a prismatic sphere once.

 

[Vurt]

We once had a character in a 2nd ed. game who stuck his head in a bag of holding, simply because another character used ventreloquism to convince the player that the bag was intelligent and was commanding him to do so.

Wait, so lemme get this straight. It wasn't a bag of devouring?!?

Cheers,
Vurt

 

[avigor]

My dad told me a story once of an adventure he had in a 1st or 2nd ed D&D game: His party was sneaking past a dragon, and his halfling instead snuk up to its nose. He the told the DM, "I am punching to subdue." He rolled a natural 20. The DM asked him to roll again. Another natural 20.

The result was the dragon was amused by the halfling, and let the halfing pick any one item out of his treasure hoard as a gift. The dragon then turned to the other party members and told them that he was going to get the same deal from them.

 

[Lord Ipplepop]

I'm not sure if this is actually right for the "stupidest"; however, it is certainly the "unluckiest".
IN the middle of the game, the Elven Archer was insulted by another character by saying he couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. WHen one happened to present itself, the archer was going to prove that he could, in fact, hit it... and rolled a "1". He then attempted to shoot the ground, and rolled a "1" (although ,I still don't understand the need for the roll at that point.).

 

[STARP_Social_Officer]

Old 1E game. Very first campaign. Very first character.
DM: There's three gorgons chasing you.
Me (mage): Run!
Buddy: We run through the nearest door and close it.
DM: OK. You've escaped the gorgons.
Me: I'll handle this! I prepare a fireball and open the door. When the door's open I fling the fireball into the room and we'll eat roasted gorgon.
DM: OK. You open the door. The gorgons are right on the other side. Roll vs. breath weapon.
Me: Fail.
Buddy: Fail.
DM: Roll new characters please.

Not my finest hour. I admit I was young and naive, but in truth nothing's really changed in all these years.

After all the posts we've had, I don't think anybody could ever hope to top the Head of Vecna. I read that one at work and...well, let's just say I shouldn't have read it at work.

 

[Superj3nius]

alright so were 3rd level doing our 1t dugeon cral and weve got this LN cleric who doenst really understand how to use spells and has crappy strength so hes basially a dwarven cure potion cuz he cant do anything else thats benificial to our group..........

so were exiting and our 4 person party is exiting this dungeon and every on has atleast 200gp worth of stuff except for our cleric that gets the left over crap . and trys to steal the map back to town and the key to the last room but he trys to do it stealthily..........and fails , so then he keeps on trying until we find another room as were exiting the dungeon with a key in it!!! so he secretly takes it and trys to take control of the group with only him his crap stregth and crap magic.
the next few rounds went like this:
Josh =cleric dwarf
Underhill=rouge halfling
danthar=fighter dwarf
Damashi=sorcerer elf (me)

D- "so josh did you find anythiong in that corner over there?"
J- "um no i didnt find anything"
DM- dude just say you found the key cuz i can see where this is going
J- NO *roll for bluff check* 12 total
D- *roll sense motive* 19 total
DM- what ever, alright so damashi you sense that the cleric is in fact lying
J - i uh cast doom on Damashi
D - *roll for save* 17 total
J- I pull out my hammer
D - magic missle!! 4pts of damage
U - i sneak attack!! 8 pts of damage
d- i smash his brain in 10 pts of damage
DM- alright josh you have 0 hp what are you going to do?
J - inflict light wounds on damashi! *rolls concentration check* fails
D- magic missles 6 pts of damage
U - i tie him up
d- and we turn him in for money

from that point on that player could not make a soild character. it was either lame or uber retarted example
4 chain devils arecomming orc barbarian takes out his spiked chain and runs up to his death
that player was a douche and we no longer play with him but always talk about his stupid characters