JoeNotCharles
First Post
Evening falls, and the tavern surges with locals coming off of a long day's labour. They fill the tables near the door, calling for beer and meat, laughing and joking with each other, and catcalling the waitresses. There are cheaper inns in town, and ones with better beer if you know where to look, but these people are here for the atmosphere - to gawk at glamorous adventurers and colourful foreigners.
Tonight, they're also here for a contest.
The jester sweeps through the room, doffing his outlandish hat to several pretty ladies in the audience, and bounds onto the stage.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, welcome, to the first Talebearer's Challenge, sponsored by the Jongleur's Guild of Bacarte! Tonight's the night that YOU can win fabulous prizes, just by entertaining your fellow patrons! (And hopefully providing us with material for years to come...)"
"So, let's see who's signed up..." His face falls as he looks at the signup sheet. "Two? That's it? Ah, well, we have to start somewhere, I suppose. Good news, boys - the competition's aenemic today! (That means it's flabby, try to stay with me here.)"
"Let me remind you of the rules. You come up, you tell a story, you earn your applause. Whoever gets the most applause wins..." With a flourish he pulls a velvet bag from midair, and opens it to reveal the sparkle of gold. "...50 gold pieces! 50 whole gold for one evening's work! (And we'd better get more than two entries next time, or this'll bankrupt us...)" The jester drops the sack on a stool next to him, pulls out a handful of coins, and spins them merrily from hand to hand. Suddenly he tosses the coins into the audience! People in the near seats scramble to grab them - and then stop when they realize the coins have vanished. The jester grins, poises his hand above the sack, and with a flourish makes the coins appear again and fall into the bag with a loud clink. "Sorry, folks - to win these coins, you have to enter!"
There is polite applause, which the jester waves away. "All right, WHO's up first? Petey! Petey the Weasel - get up here!"
The boil-faced youth stands up, accompanied by hollering and cheering from a large group of tables whose occupants look suspiciously similar. He makes his way to the stage and looks around uncomfortably. Finally the jongleur prompts, "So... you're here to tell us the story of the Princess in the Ice Tower?"
"Right... yeah. Ok. So, there's this princess, right? And she wants to see the world, so she runs away and goes to sea. And at first the sailors want to throw her off the ship, 'cause it's bad luck, right? But they find out she can talk to the birds and animals, 'cause that's what princesses do, and she charms the fish right into their nets, so they all eat like kings for a while and then they all love her."
He pauses and takes a huge breath. The jester mutters, "Slow down a bit, we've got time." Petey continues at a less breakneck pace.
"So, one day, the princess is fishing off the back of the ship, right, and she catches a big golden fish. And the fish says to her, 'I may look like a fish, but I'm really the King of the Sea! And if you spare my life, I'll give you three wishes!' So she figures this is a good deal, and she throws the fish back and makes her first wish, right?"
"So she's been watching this handsome young sailor who's always up in the rigging, right? But he's always up in the rigging staring out over the ocean and never looks down to see her, so she figures he's never even noticed her. So her first wish is for him to fall in love with her. And as soon as she thinks it, he looks down from the rigging, right into her eyes, and then his foot slips and falls right down, and bashes his head on the side of the ship, and slips under the water."
"And she screams and runs over to the side of the ship, but there's no sign of him, right? Just the big golden fish swimming along the side of the ship. And she yells at the fish and says, 'What about my wish?' And the fish says, 'Oh, you got your wish. He loves you. He's down in the Weed Kingdom now, trapped way down there under the waves, and he'll never get out or see the sun again, but his love for you is keeping him alive.' And then the fish disappears."
"Well, the princess figures she's learned her lesson, right? She's not gonna use any more of those wishes if they're gonna turn out like that! But the next day a big storm blows up, and a huge fog, and the ship starts pitching and rolling and all the crew start praying. And she figures there's no way they'll get out of this, she can barely see the other side of the deck and she can hear the waves crashing on rocks all around her, there's no WAY anybody could see to steer, and she closes her eyes and says to herself, 'Please, Sea King, you done me wrong with my last wish, but please listen to me now - save this ship and bring me safe to land and I'll never ask anything else from you again!'"
"Well, right away the screaming of the sailors stops and they stop hauling every which way and start working together as a team. They get the sails trimmed right up without ever saying a word, and the man on the tiller spins it around without ever straining to see through the fog, and the ship navigates around those rocks without even scraping one of them. And pretty soon they come out of the fog, right, and the princess looks around and sees all the men staring straight ahead like zombies, right, and as the sun hits them one by one they fall down stone dead. And that's when she realizes that she wished for the Sea King to save the ship, and to save her, but she didn't say anything about saving the crew."
"So now the crew's all dead, right, and the ship's drifting with no-one to steer it, but the princess doesn't panic, 'cause she remembers she wished to come safe to land so she figures she'll have to wash ashore sooner or later. And sure enough, before the end of the day the ship runs aground on a drifting island. So she leaves the ship, right, and walks up to the center of the island, and finds a great big tower."
"Now in this tower lived an evil warlock, right? And he sees her coming up the path and decides that a beautiful princess is just what he needs for his evil magic. So as soon as she knocks on the door, right, he casts a spell and captures her in a big iron cage. And she lives in the cage for weeks while he mutters over his old books and his experiments, but she knows the time's coming closer when he'll be ready to cast his big spell, and then he'll kill her or... or do horrible things to her."
He pauses a moment and looks around at the crowd. The jester is grinning in anticipation.
"So she says to him, right, she says, 'You better let me go, because I'm a friend of the Sea King and he owes me a favour!' But the warlock says, 'You fool, don't you know that you should never ask the sea for favours? It's wild and it's fickle and it'll give you your dreams and take 'em away again just as quick! You try to turn the Sea King against me, and you'll be sorry!' And the princess says, 'I tell you, the Sea King owes me a favour, and he always does what I ask, so let me go or I'll ask him to kill you!' But the warlock just laughs at her."
"So the princess yells as loud as she can, 'Sea King! You see this evil, wicked creature, this warlock in front of you? Kill him! That's my last wish - kill him for me!' And suddenly a man's standing there in the room, strong and handsome but with golden scales for skin. And he looks at the warlock, and he looks at the spellbooks, and he looks at the princess in the cage, and he nods and says to her, 'You did well to call on me. This man is working a great evil to gain power over all nature, and it will not stand. You are quite right - he must be stopped.'"
"And then suddenly the man is gone and the princess hears a horrible grumbling and groaning sound and the tower windows become blocked up, just like that, and the room becomes deathly cold, right? And the whole tower gets covered in snow, and everyone, warlock and princess and experiments and all, gets entombed in a big block of ice. And they say that island is still out there somewhere, drifting along in the shifting seas, and the ice has never melted even though everyone in the tower is long dead."
There's a pause, as Petey looks around at his audience expectantly, and then the jester mutters, "Not bad, kid, not bad, ending could use some punching up, but we'll work on that. Let's give him a hand, everybody! Petey the Weasel, everyone! Take a bow, Petey!" Petey hesitantly bows, and the two tables of people with the strong family resemblance to him erupt in cheering.
Tonight, they're also here for a contest.
The jester sweeps through the room, doffing his outlandish hat to several pretty ladies in the audience, and bounds onto the stage.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, welcome, to the first Talebearer's Challenge, sponsored by the Jongleur's Guild of Bacarte! Tonight's the night that YOU can win fabulous prizes, just by entertaining your fellow patrons! (And hopefully providing us with material for years to come...)"
"So, let's see who's signed up..." His face falls as he looks at the signup sheet. "Two? That's it? Ah, well, we have to start somewhere, I suppose. Good news, boys - the competition's aenemic today! (That means it's flabby, try to stay with me here.)"
"Let me remind you of the rules. You come up, you tell a story, you earn your applause. Whoever gets the most applause wins..." With a flourish he pulls a velvet bag from midair, and opens it to reveal the sparkle of gold. "...50 gold pieces! 50 whole gold for one evening's work! (And we'd better get more than two entries next time, or this'll bankrupt us...)" The jester drops the sack on a stool next to him, pulls out a handful of coins, and spins them merrily from hand to hand. Suddenly he tosses the coins into the audience! People in the near seats scramble to grab them - and then stop when they realize the coins have vanished. The jester grins, poises his hand above the sack, and with a flourish makes the coins appear again and fall into the bag with a loud clink. "Sorry, folks - to win these coins, you have to enter!"
There is polite applause, which the jester waves away. "All right, WHO's up first? Petey! Petey the Weasel - get up here!"
The boil-faced youth stands up, accompanied by hollering and cheering from a large group of tables whose occupants look suspiciously similar. He makes his way to the stage and looks around uncomfortably. Finally the jongleur prompts, "So... you're here to tell us the story of the Princess in the Ice Tower?"
"Right... yeah. Ok. So, there's this princess, right? And she wants to see the world, so she runs away and goes to sea. And at first the sailors want to throw her off the ship, 'cause it's bad luck, right? But they find out she can talk to the birds and animals, 'cause that's what princesses do, and she charms the fish right into their nets, so they all eat like kings for a while and then they all love her."
He pauses and takes a huge breath. The jester mutters, "Slow down a bit, we've got time." Petey continues at a less breakneck pace.
"So, one day, the princess is fishing off the back of the ship, right, and she catches a big golden fish. And the fish says to her, 'I may look like a fish, but I'm really the King of the Sea! And if you spare my life, I'll give you three wishes!' So she figures this is a good deal, and she throws the fish back and makes her first wish, right?"
"So she's been watching this handsome young sailor who's always up in the rigging, right? But he's always up in the rigging staring out over the ocean and never looks down to see her, so she figures he's never even noticed her. So her first wish is for him to fall in love with her. And as soon as she thinks it, he looks down from the rigging, right into her eyes, and then his foot slips and falls right down, and bashes his head on the side of the ship, and slips under the water."
"And she screams and runs over to the side of the ship, but there's no sign of him, right? Just the big golden fish swimming along the side of the ship. And she yells at the fish and says, 'What about my wish?' And the fish says, 'Oh, you got your wish. He loves you. He's down in the Weed Kingdom now, trapped way down there under the waves, and he'll never get out or see the sun again, but his love for you is keeping him alive.' And then the fish disappears."
"Well, the princess figures she's learned her lesson, right? She's not gonna use any more of those wishes if they're gonna turn out like that! But the next day a big storm blows up, and a huge fog, and the ship starts pitching and rolling and all the crew start praying. And she figures there's no way they'll get out of this, she can barely see the other side of the deck and she can hear the waves crashing on rocks all around her, there's no WAY anybody could see to steer, and she closes her eyes and says to herself, 'Please, Sea King, you done me wrong with my last wish, but please listen to me now - save this ship and bring me safe to land and I'll never ask anything else from you again!'"
"Well, right away the screaming of the sailors stops and they stop hauling every which way and start working together as a team. They get the sails trimmed right up without ever saying a word, and the man on the tiller spins it around without ever straining to see through the fog, and the ship navigates around those rocks without even scraping one of them. And pretty soon they come out of the fog, right, and the princess looks around and sees all the men staring straight ahead like zombies, right, and as the sun hits them one by one they fall down stone dead. And that's when she realizes that she wished for the Sea King to save the ship, and to save her, but she didn't say anything about saving the crew."
"So now the crew's all dead, right, and the ship's drifting with no-one to steer it, but the princess doesn't panic, 'cause she remembers she wished to come safe to land so she figures she'll have to wash ashore sooner or later. And sure enough, before the end of the day the ship runs aground on a drifting island. So she leaves the ship, right, and walks up to the center of the island, and finds a great big tower."
"Now in this tower lived an evil warlock, right? And he sees her coming up the path and decides that a beautiful princess is just what he needs for his evil magic. So as soon as she knocks on the door, right, he casts a spell and captures her in a big iron cage. And she lives in the cage for weeks while he mutters over his old books and his experiments, but she knows the time's coming closer when he'll be ready to cast his big spell, and then he'll kill her or... or do horrible things to her."
He pauses a moment and looks around at the crowd. The jester is grinning in anticipation.
"So she says to him, right, she says, 'You better let me go, because I'm a friend of the Sea King and he owes me a favour!' But the warlock says, 'You fool, don't you know that you should never ask the sea for favours? It's wild and it's fickle and it'll give you your dreams and take 'em away again just as quick! You try to turn the Sea King against me, and you'll be sorry!' And the princess says, 'I tell you, the Sea King owes me a favour, and he always does what I ask, so let me go or I'll ask him to kill you!' But the warlock just laughs at her."
"So the princess yells as loud as she can, 'Sea King! You see this evil, wicked creature, this warlock in front of you? Kill him! That's my last wish - kill him for me!' And suddenly a man's standing there in the room, strong and handsome but with golden scales for skin. And he looks at the warlock, and he looks at the spellbooks, and he looks at the princess in the cage, and he nods and says to her, 'You did well to call on me. This man is working a great evil to gain power over all nature, and it will not stand. You are quite right - he must be stopped.'"
"And then suddenly the man is gone and the princess hears a horrible grumbling and groaning sound and the tower windows become blocked up, just like that, and the room becomes deathly cold, right? And the whole tower gets covered in snow, and everyone, warlock and princess and experiments and all, gets entombed in a big block of ice. And they say that island is still out there somewhere, drifting along in the shifting seas, and the ice has never melted even though everyone in the tower is long dead."
There's a pause, as Petey looks around at his audience expectantly, and then the jester mutters, "Not bad, kid, not bad, ending could use some punching up, but we'll work on that. Let's give him a hand, everybody! Petey the Weasel, everyone! Take a bow, Petey!" Petey hesitantly bows, and the two tables of people with the strong family resemblance to him erupt in cheering.