Shard O'Glase
First Post
Shinobi Killfist is perhaps the greatest character of all time. I'd sell my spleen to be able to play in a game like that.
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The Knights of Ill Fortune (or the Chronicles of Kale, Agent of the Empire)
- Thread starter Morrow
- Start date
Gez
First Post
Forrester said:
A shiny metal ass ? This reminds me of someone... Are you a relative of that lovely bladeling harlot ? Hmm, I remember rubbing her with sandpaper until she shone, and then...
Mmh, maybe I should not enter into too much details with all these 5-year-old NPCs around, they could hear things they're too young to know.
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Gather round the fire and I, Throgdizar Thickskin, tell tail of what happened to me when I travel away from home. Remember fire hot if you play with burning sticks your hands will hurt.
I traveling with cousin (sneaky-cousin), pointy eared won, and the slow won. We walking and walking and walking when we sea farmer playing with horsies. We all want to play with horsies. Once we done playing farmer gives us food. Food good, once we eat it time to sleep. But cousin tells me we must keep walking.
We walk to town. We all decide to go to in and find place to sleep for the Knight. I go sleep on nice benches. In keeper wakes me up and tells me my cousin has room for us. Cousins door is a little stuck but I open door. Cousin reminds me I need to wash before I sleep, else mother gets mad (that bad). When I get back cousin’s door stuck. I go back down to bar to sleep.
Next morning farmer no show up for breakfast. We decide maybe he forgot to come and have breakfast with us. We decide to go to farmer and eat they’re. I very hungry and forget to be polite and wait for slow won. Me and cousin go to farm, but no farmer. No farmer in house. Dead farmer in barn. Strange hoof print in the blood. I look around and sea horsies playing in the field. I decide to go over to horsies and bring them back to barn. Cousin comes to help me get horsies.
Then bad thing happens horsies are not good nice horsies, they are bad mean horsies. They look at me and I no move. I get very, very angry at horsies pretending to be nice but really being mean. Slow won and pointy eared won arrive and scare off mean horsies. We try and follow but horsies too fast.
We walk to cave maybe to look for mushrooms (I like mushrooms especially long and slimy mushrooms or the kind with brown spots), if we find rabbit we could make stew. We walk in cave but find no good eats only yucky noisy heads and icky trogs with meat already spoiled.
Something is wrong, things fresh killed should be good to eat.
I traveling with cousin (sneaky-cousin), pointy eared won, and the slow won. We walking and walking and walking when we sea farmer playing with horsies. We all want to play with horsies. Once we done playing farmer gives us food. Food good, once we eat it time to sleep. But cousin tells me we must keep walking.
We walk to town. We all decide to go to in and find place to sleep for the Knight. I go sleep on nice benches. In keeper wakes me up and tells me my cousin has room for us. Cousins door is a little stuck but I open door. Cousin reminds me I need to wash before I sleep, else mother gets mad (that bad). When I get back cousin’s door stuck. I go back down to bar to sleep.
Next morning farmer no show up for breakfast. We decide maybe he forgot to come and have breakfast with us. We decide to go to farmer and eat they’re. I very hungry and forget to be polite and wait for slow won. Me and cousin go to farm, but no farmer. No farmer in house. Dead farmer in barn. Strange hoof print in the blood. I look around and sea horsies playing in the field. I decide to go over to horsies and bring them back to barn. Cousin comes to help me get horsies.
Then bad thing happens horsies are not good nice horsies, they are bad mean horsies. They look at me and I no move. I get very, very angry at horsies pretending to be nice but really being mean. Slow won and pointy eared won arrive and scare off mean horsies. We try and follow but horsies too fast.
We walk to cave maybe to look for mushrooms (I like mushrooms especially long and slimy mushrooms or the kind with brown spots), if we find rabbit we could make stew. We walk in cave but find no good eats only yucky noisy heads and icky trogs with meat already spoiled.
Something is wrong, things fresh killed should be good to eat.
I have changed the thread name to reflect the latest writeup.
We finally had our second session last night and to my great surprise, everyone survived. Two whole sessions without character death! I'm clearly not working hard enough.
I'm sure we can expect a write-up from Shinobi's perspective soon, if only to get his name back on the thread title.
Morrow
We finally had our second session last night and to my great surprise, everyone survived. Two whole sessions without character death! I'm clearly not working hard enough.
I'm sure we can expect a write-up from Shinobi's perspective soon, if only to get his name back on the thread title.
Morrow
Ah, memories.
"I run to catch up."
"What if we all worked together as a team?"
(general laughter)
"Stupid piercing weapons."
"Good thing I took Toughness."
"I'm glad I took Toughness."
"I wish I took Toughness."
"You're going straight for the gems, ain't ya?"
"You know he's not threatening."
"I don't care, I'm tumbling anyway."
...
"So therefore, I will tumble... you know what? Screw tumbling."
"Surrender in the name of Urien!"
"Is that ever going to stop being funny?"
"Hold still while I knock you unconscious!"
"If a ninja can't practice his skills by stealing from party members then what is this world coming to?"
"Throg tired of carrying dwarf."
"I'll charm her with my Shinobi powers! What woman could resist?" (roll, roll) "I rolled a 5 for Diplomacy, so... 3."
"Throg still tired of carrying dwarf."
"I run to catch up."
"What if we all worked together as a team?"
(general laughter)
"Stupid piercing weapons."
"Good thing I took Toughness."
"I'm glad I took Toughness."
"I wish I took Toughness."
"You're going straight for the gems, ain't ya?"
"You know he's not threatening."
"I don't care, I'm tumbling anyway."
...
"So therefore, I will tumble... you know what? Screw tumbling."
"Surrender in the name of Urien!"
"Is that ever going to stop being funny?"
"Hold still while I knock you unconscious!"
"If a ninja can't practice his skills by stealing from party members then what is this world coming to?"
"Throg tired of carrying dwarf."
"I'll charm her with my Shinobi powers! What woman could resist?" (roll, roll) "I rolled a 5 for Diplomacy, so... 3."
"Throg still tired of carrying dwarf."
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throg carries more party members
I continue tail of what happen ... when Throgdizar leave home. So far after leaving home I find nice horsies to play with , mean horsies that try and bite me, heads that scream a lot and worst of all I kill meat but it not smell good to eat after i kill it.
Well after we kill bad tasting monsters one of my friends, Cousin, pointy eared one and Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one), say they see invisible thing leaving room. I know see invisible man but still walk down passage until we come to big room with big campfire in big bowl in the center of the room. Seaky big pile of bones attack me. I attack the bones. Pointy eared friend ran to corner of the room, when an old man came out of shadows to attack him. Lucky Pointy eared one decided to run to the corner.
Pile of bones scratched me ... it hurt ... a lot. But then Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) comes over to help. After that Brave cousin runs behind bones and distracts them. All of us - me, Cousin and Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) do battle with the bones. It is no match for us. Once it falls i notice that cousin is on the floor not moving, he is bleading a lot. Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) is not so smart as me and does not see cousin lying on the floor. He goes to help Pointy eared one fight the old man.
I walk over to Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) and ask him to fix cousin. I walk over to cousin with him to make sure he remembers where cousin is. Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) Stops cousin from bleeding but has no more magic left to fix him.
Pointy eared one bravly kills the old man who was only pretending to be a man but is really an old Trog.
I sit with cousin while the others decide to play in big campfire bowl that is razed high off floor. I am about to warn them that fire is hot when I see the pointy eared one jump into the fire. I cannot sea him, butt I do not smell burning flesh. Instead of screams I hear him claning inside big campfire bowl. Maybe he is not hurt bye fire. Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) is trying to get to pretty stones out of a huge statue of a dragon in the room. I worry that my knew friends will forget about cousin becuase of all the fun they are having with there games. I tell Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) that i will get his pretty stones but then we leave and get cousin fixed.
I climb up statue and pry out the first pretty stone, Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) catches pretty rock and puts it in his bag. Then I realize something very, very important. This is no statue, this is a dragon pretending to be statue. Stupid pretending. I run over to cousin and then run away carrying cousin. My new friends also decide to run away. Dragon seems to be very interested in Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one). I guess he wantes his I back. We all run away... Cousin is very heavy. We leave cave. Pointy eared one and Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) Both say they think the dragon has stopped following us. I no want to check. We climb out of the cave and head back to city. Once we get there we find a temple and heel cousin. he is very generous so I donate all of his gold coins to the temple for him, since he cannot.
Once cousin wakes up he asks me to give pretty copper coins to temple next time instead of boring gold. I am happy he is so generous. I will give both copper and gold next time.
We go back to the in and eat in food, which is very very yummy. There are two beds. My pointy eared friend says we will have to fight over who sleeps on the floor, but since I call out "sleeping on the floor" Just after he says that I am allowed to sleep on the floor. My friends are very nice to me.
I must tell you that some are not as playful as cousin which causes him to get into fights sometimes. I try too explaiun that he is only playing but some are grumpier than others. The next day couisin got inot a fight with Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) and the pointy eared one. I was so sad to hear them fighting that I say we should go back to the caves. The others agree, for they said the old man told them he heard little ones somewhere in the caves. I was sad that they're might be small ones lost in the caves.
So we decided to look around the caves. I was happy to look anywhere but near the sneaky dragon pretending to be a statue. After a while we came to another room with a dragon statue and a big campfire in a bowl. Only this dragon had only one pretty stone instead of two. I didn't want to go near the dragon but the others told me it was fine and this dragon was sure to not eat us. I mentioned to my cousin that the other dragon was sitting on a doorway. We went over to the dragons but to see if this dragon was also sitting on a Doorway, and he was. The others really wanted to go through I didn't want to but the next thing i new i was prying the pretty stone from the dragon. When the dragon stopped pretending he was a statue he started chasing my pointy eared friend who had his pretty stone. We walked through the doow way and down a passage. Soon our Pointy eared friend came running up to us but the dragon was tired of chasing him and decided to sit back down by the passage.
We climbed up a rope and found a pretty water fall. there was butiful music coming from the water. Suddenly everyone started ripping they're shirts and stuffing there ears with the cloth. My friends tried telling me something but i reminded them that of course i could not hear them, they had stopped up they're ears. Soon i understood they wanted me to rip up my shirt and block my ears. I did so.
We went throught the water fall to a room with knee deep water on the other side. We saw a pretty lady. We must have interupted her bath cause she had no clothing on. The others kept walking into her bath so i decided to follow. Cousin walked up to her when I saw sum bones in the water. I walked over to the bones to look at them. I picked them up and showed them to cousin. but he had no time to see what i had found since he was talking to the pretty lady. I waited and waited (but kept sneaking peaks at the pretty lady). finally cousin and the lady walked over to a rock where she gave cousin some armor and a bow. We left the pretty lady there.
Thor (short , bearded one) slips on wet stone as we climb up ramp. He is very lucky for he is caught in spider webs. We sit around hole wondering how we can help friend out of hole. I sad we can no use rope that help us clumb up to pool to help Thor (short , bearded one) . Pointy eared on looks at me funny and goes back down ramp. Later he comes back with rope. he is very smart. Wonder where he find rope?
We came a big stone work bench. Cousin and Thor (short , bearded one) decided to look at the bench. Me and the pointy eared one kept on going. we walked around a passage when we heard voices from behind a wall. The pointy eared one charged the wall then he hit it with his glaive and it dissappeared. I wonder how he did that?
Pointy earned one then fell to the floor. I ran to catch up with him and see a room filled with goblins. I jumped down this sould be fun! Then we attack the goblins. Stupid Goblins stay to fight us. Soon cousin and Thor (short , bearded one) came to help us kill Goblins (yeah!). Soon i get a little angy the goblins have hurt me lots. once i am angy i Before we no it we killed but three of the goblins. Those three ran into the mouth of a montroously huge dragon pretending to be asleep in the back of the cave. Who but a foolish gobin would run into the mouth of a Dragon?
I continue tail of what happen ... when Throgdizar leave home. So far after leaving home I find nice horsies to play with , mean horsies that try and bite me, heads that scream a lot and worst of all I kill meat but it not smell good to eat after i kill it.
Well after we kill bad tasting monsters one of my friends, Cousin, pointy eared one and Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one), say they see invisible thing leaving room. I know see invisible man but still walk down passage until we come to big room with big campfire in big bowl in the center of the room. Seaky big pile of bones attack me. I attack the bones. Pointy eared friend ran to corner of the room, when an old man came out of shadows to attack him. Lucky Pointy eared one decided to run to the corner.
Pile of bones scratched me ... it hurt ... a lot. But then Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) comes over to help. After that Brave cousin runs behind bones and distracts them. All of us - me, Cousin and Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) do battle with the bones. It is no match for us. Once it falls i notice that cousin is on the floor not moving, he is bleading a lot. Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) is not so smart as me and does not see cousin lying on the floor. He goes to help Pointy eared one fight the old man.
I walk over to Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) and ask him to fix cousin. I walk over to cousin with him to make sure he remembers where cousin is. Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) Stops cousin from bleeding but has no more magic left to fix him.
Pointy eared one bravly kills the old man who was only pretending to be a man but is really an old Trog.
I sit with cousin while the others decide to play in big campfire bowl that is razed high off floor. I am about to warn them that fire is hot when I see the pointy eared one jump into the fire. I cannot sea him, butt I do not smell burning flesh. Instead of screams I hear him claning inside big campfire bowl. Maybe he is not hurt bye fire. Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) is trying to get to pretty stones out of a huge statue of a dragon in the room. I worry that my knew friends will forget about cousin becuase of all the fun they are having with there games. I tell Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) that i will get his pretty stones but then we leave and get cousin fixed.
I climb up statue and pry out the first pretty stone, Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) catches pretty rock and puts it in his bag. Then I realize something very, very important. This is no statue, this is a dragon pretending to be statue. Stupid pretending. I run over to cousin and then run away carrying cousin. My new friends also decide to run away. Dragon seems to be very interested in Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one). I guess he wantes his I back. We all run away... Cousin is very heavy. We leave cave. Pointy eared one and Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) Both say they think the dragon has stopped following us. I no want to check. We climb out of the cave and head back to city. Once we get there we find a temple and heel cousin. he is very generous so I donate all of his gold coins to the temple for him, since he cannot.
Once cousin wakes up he asks me to give pretty copper coins to temple next time instead of boring gold. I am happy he is so generous. I will give both copper and gold next time.
We go back to the in and eat in food, which is very very yummy. There are two beds. My pointy eared friend says we will have to fight over who sleeps on the floor, but since I call out "sleeping on the floor" Just after he says that I am allowed to sleep on the floor. My friends are very nice to me.
I must tell you that some are not as playful as cousin which causes him to get into fights sometimes. I try too explaiun that he is only playing but some are grumpier than others. The next day couisin got inot a fight with Thor (in case you forget he is the short , bearded one) and the pointy eared one. I was so sad to hear them fighting that I say we should go back to the caves. The others agree, for they said the old man told them he heard little ones somewhere in the caves. I was sad that they're might be small ones lost in the caves.
So we decided to look around the caves. I was happy to look anywhere but near the sneaky dragon pretending to be a statue. After a while we came to another room with a dragon statue and a big campfire in a bowl. Only this dragon had only one pretty stone instead of two. I didn't want to go near the dragon but the others told me it was fine and this dragon was sure to not eat us. I mentioned to my cousin that the other dragon was sitting on a doorway. We went over to the dragons but to see if this dragon was also sitting on a Doorway, and he was. The others really wanted to go through I didn't want to but the next thing i new i was prying the pretty stone from the dragon. When the dragon stopped pretending he was a statue he started chasing my pointy eared friend who had his pretty stone. We walked through the doow way and down a passage. Soon our Pointy eared friend came running up to us but the dragon was tired of chasing him and decided to sit back down by the passage.
We climbed up a rope and found a pretty water fall. there was butiful music coming from the water. Suddenly everyone started ripping they're shirts and stuffing there ears with the cloth. My friends tried telling me something but i reminded them that of course i could not hear them, they had stopped up they're ears. Soon i understood they wanted me to rip up my shirt and block my ears. I did so.
We went throught the water fall to a room with knee deep water on the other side. We saw a pretty lady. We must have interupted her bath cause she had no clothing on. The others kept walking into her bath so i decided to follow. Cousin walked up to her when I saw sum bones in the water. I walked over to the bones to look at them. I picked them up and showed them to cousin. but he had no time to see what i had found since he was talking to the pretty lady. I waited and waited (but kept sneaking peaks at the pretty lady). finally cousin and the lady walked over to a rock where she gave cousin some armor and a bow. We left the pretty lady there.
Thor (short , bearded one) slips on wet stone as we climb up ramp. He is very lucky for he is caught in spider webs. We sit around hole wondering how we can help friend out of hole. I sad we can no use rope that help us clumb up to pool to help Thor (short , bearded one) . Pointy eared on looks at me funny and goes back down ramp. Later he comes back with rope. he is very smart. Wonder where he find rope?
We came a big stone work bench. Cousin and Thor (short , bearded one) decided to look at the bench. Me and the pointy eared one kept on going. we walked around a passage when we heard voices from behind a wall. The pointy eared one charged the wall then he hit it with his glaive and it dissappeared. I wonder how he did that?
Pointy earned one then fell to the floor. I ran to catch up with him and see a room filled with goblins. I jumped down this sould be fun! Then we attack the goblins. Stupid Goblins stay to fight us. Soon cousin and Thor (short , bearded one) came to help us kill Goblins (yeah!). Soon i get a little angy the goblins have hurt me lots. once i am angy i Before we no it we killed but three of the goblins. Those three ran into the mouth of a montroously huge dragon pretending to be asleep in the back of the cave. Who but a foolish gobin would run into the mouth of a Dragon?
Hopefully, we'll see a writeup of last night's session soon. My players were complaining that we had gone two whole sessions with out any character deaths, and I have to admit I overcompensated just a little. I killed them all. Then I did it again. And then, just for good measure, I did it a third time.
I think everyone had fun, in a bemused, "How did we get into this mess?" fashion, but I'll have to tone down the lethality a little next session. It was entertaining once, but a second time would get old.
Morrow
I think everyone had fun, in a bemused, "How did we get into this mess?" fashion, but I'll have to tone down the lethality a little next session. It was entertaining once, but a second time would get old.
Morrow
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