The Mother of Dreams - Episode 5 (updated February 1st, 2005)

[Graywolf-ELM]

The cads. How dare they.

GW

 

[Acquana]

Hey hey! Storyhour! w007!

Looks like you've got some fan-art coming!

 

[RangerWickett]

Graywolf, and anyone else who is reading this story, I'd like to know what you think of it so far. What characters do you like? What parts have you enjoyed most or least. I'm hoping for a bit of honest criticism, as well as some positive reinforcement that I'm getting some things right.

 

[Dæmon]

The narrative is compelling and the characterization interesting, though I can not offer criticisms as I have not read it in a critical manner, only as something enjoyable to read.

 

[Graywolf-ELM]

Graywolf, and anyone else who is reading this story, I'd like to know what you think of it so far. What characters do you like? What parts have you enjoyed most or least. I'm hoping for a bit of honest criticism, as well as some positive reinforcement that I'm getting some things right.

I have been enjoying the story itself. You've been quite prolific of late, which is nice.

Some comments then both ways.
- Over time, I have completely forgotten that Babb is a minotaur until it is mentioned specifically. In contrast, the dark elf is mentioned and her heritage brought up on a regular basis, but not in a "grab your torch and pitchforks" kind of way. I get the feeling from the story that Minotaurs are either common, or beneath notice as there is very little reaction in the story to him. My story hour is pretty young, so I don't claim to know it all. Something I try to do is reference race or class periodically to keep the reader in mind of who is actually what. Things such as "The goblin slipped around the corner so quietly he went unnoticed by the Orc." rather than "Rhgl snuck around the corner..." His name has been mentioned recently, so I try to call up his race or class sometimes. Sorry I don't mean to stick on the thought.

- The different kinds of magic issue is new to me and kind of interesting. Contact between races can disrupt magic use, which can be used in so many ways. I wonder of the PC's use this to their advantage in the future. It can also make healing difficult without a party of the same racial makeup.

- Many of the story hours tend to gloss over the non-combat scenes. Yours does not. I am ok with that, it makes for a longer story, and gives a little more insight into the characters. Too much insight can drag a little at times. It seems that the party is still has work to do on "working together" or they don't mind having disparate goals.

- I have enjoyed the way you have written the combat scenes. Good descriptive that doesn't scream rounds of combat in D&D but has a recognizable quality to it.

That's enough from me. I hope it is helpful, as with anything like this, it is surely subjective no matter how hard I try to be objective.
GW

 

[Graywolf-ELM]

I hope my comments were not taken in a bad way. I can do technical review pretty well, but my assessment of writing should be taken with a grain of salt. All comments were intended in a constructive and positive way. In short, I look forward to your next update.

GW

 

[Acquana]

Aw, dont' worry about Wickett, he's a tough one. After all, he's taken criticism from me. I'm pretty harsh.

He's just being lazy and not updating!

 

[RangerWickett]

It's not that I'm lazy. I appreciate the critiques and such, but I won't be updating. This is a teaser, and if you want more, you'll need to email me.