There once was an Orc with a Pie....

[Undead Pete]

I posted this on another thread....and, after seeing Teflon Billy's Haiku Contest, I was inspired to start a similar thread for D&D Limericks ( sans prizes...sorry ).

Here's my submission.

There once was a Demon named Orcus
whose minions would never call him "Your Dorkness".
He was known to be fond
of shaking his Wand
and turning them all into corpses.

Let's see what y'all can come up with

 

[MeepoTheMighty]

There once was a Pirate named Cat,
Who had only three legs and a hat.
While sailing the seas,
With the greatest of ease,
He captured a stowaway rat.

There once was an orc from Nantucket
Whose helmet was really a bucket.
He picked up a gnome,
Who was on his way home,
And wondered how far he could chuck it.

There once was a dark elf named Driz'zt
A munchkin, yeah you get the gist.
He's worshiped by twinks,
Who all seem to think,
Drow rangers won't make the DM pissed.

There once was a writer named Cook
Vile Darkness, he put in a book
His orc and his pie,
Brings a tear to my eye,
Cuz I laugh every time that I look.

 

[Undead Pete]

Meepo, you are a GAWD

 

[Piratecat]

There once was a Pirate named Cat,
Who had only three legs and a hat.
While sailing the seas,
With the greatest of ease,
He captured a stowaway rat.

I'm so very flattered!

 

[seasong]

OBLIGATORY
The once was an Orc with a Pie,
An adventure where nobody died,
It was just one room,
No impending doom,
TPK, okay, so I lied.

DICE RELATED
There once was an elf maiden fair,
Who had beauty and charm to spare,
But touch her dice twice,
She'd crush your wrist like a vise,
Her dice are not meant to be shared.

IN GAME, A BIT RISQUE
There once was a beer-guzzling dwarf,
Who liked to visit the wharf,
"The ale there is fair,
In that sailor-filled lair,
And the bard wears naught but a scarf!"

MY LAWFUL STUPID PALADIN FROM 6 YEARS AGO
There once was a swordsman from Sigil,
Who maintained a constant vow vigil,
No lies could abound,
While he was around,
Or he'd beat you to death with his cudgel.

 

[Fred Delles]

Just two (and I don't think they're too good):

There was once a dragon named Lenny
He just had to be feared by many
So he caught an elf girl
But her greatsword she hurled
Last thing he could think: "How uncanny!"


The orc and pie one!

There was once and Orc and a pie
We made a roll on a tasting try.
Prismatic with spice
and everything nice,
But the Orc's blade made all of us die.

 

[Xarlen]

There once was a man named Chick
Who scorned all games unholy with a comic
But Blackleaf's raised alive
D&D's still in thrive
And Mr. Chick is left with that implanted stick.

They went into the Kobolds' Din to Bash
Many a lizard in a big bloody Hack'n'Slash
But fan is hit with Crap
They tripped a Kobold Trap
Into the acid pit they did splash.

A lone half-orc can't be too hard
They're stupid and can't read a card
But second thoughts are fast
Because he's starting to Cast
And now our front line is charred.

 

[Moe Ronalds]

There once was a mage named Gallstaff
He and his group nearly gave their DM a heart attack
One drank all the mountain dew
And stayed at the bar to do
I won't continue as to spare Eric's grandma

 

[WanderingMonster]

SELF REFERENTIAL
A monster who enjoyed a good wander
Went hither and thither and yonder.
He walked til he blistered
His monstress, he missed her
Cause distance doth make the heart fonder.

 

[orbitalfreak]

I ordered from an on-line store
A book said to be filled with gore
Made of darkness so vile
I won't see it for a while
'Cuz it still hasn't shipped to my door.

There was a dwarf from Mithril Hall
When it came to orcs he killed 'em all
He had a flame-red beard
And he was never skeered,
To pound a goblin into the wall.

Monsters are a sight to behold
As adventurers we fit the mold:
We walk into their homes
Smash their guts and bones
And make off with all their gold.

Never say I never told you so
A scarier thing you'll never know
A twisted lich with lots of cloth
Tried to scare the whole world off
When he made the Tarrasque wear a speedo.