Wild Stewardess Action! - And Madness Followed COMPLETE!

barsoomcore

Unattainable Ideal
Stay tuned, Angel fans!

Next session is scheduled for a few weeks from this Saturday! Find out what Tong Shan, Li Fa, Muen Wei-Yong and Zheng Ming-Wa get up to at the wedding of Tang Fei Liu! Oh, it's gonna be a corker, it is!
 

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barsoomcore

Unattainable Ideal
Wedding Bells -- Part One

Tang Fei Liu smiled gratefully. Wei-yong tried not to compare the wealthy merchant's daughter's fine robes with her own threadbare, stained travel furs. The two women still looked a lot alike, but they were very, very different

"The wedding is tomorrow, and of course my family has no house in Hsiao-pei-ho, so I and my ladies-in-waiting are staying at the Inn of the Fabled Stone. If you would be so terribly kind, ladies, to join us there, it would be a great honour."

Shan spoke, her furrowed brow indicating intense thought.

"You want us to become ladies-in-waiting?"

"No, no," Fei Liu waved a delicately jeweled set of fingers, "For tonight, the night before the wedding. I would be terribly honoured if you would be my bridal guards for this night."

Shan sighed in relief. Fa nodded.

"I see. This is one of those charming rustic customs where the bride sits secluded while everyone in town tries to get into her room. And we fight them off."

Fei Liu laughed.

"I'm sure there won't be any need for fighting. The people of Hsiao-pei-ho are good, kind people. It's all in fun, of course, but I would be very honoured."

Ming-Wa stepped forward and bowed stiffly.

"The honour is ours, Miss Tang. We will perform our duty as the Goddess commands."

"Of course, ladies, we will be pleased to provide your food and drink and a room at the inn for yourselves as well."

Shan and Wei-Yong brightened up considerably.

"As the Goddess commands."

*****

"This is the best job ever."

Shan held up a cup of wine and shared a grin with Wei-Yong. They sat with Ming-Wa and Fa at the foot of a staircase leading up to the balcony that circled the main room of the Inn of the Fabled Stone. The inn was packed with merrymakers in advance of the big wedding, and loud singing and the pounding of drunken fists more or less in time gave the place a festive atmosphere.

So far, nobody had troubled them or tried to get past them. The innkeeper grinned as he rolled another big ceramic jug of wine out from the storeroom. He'd been doing this steadily all night, and the sound of the paper seals breaking every time a table opened another came regularly through the din.

The Inn of Fabled Stone was constructed of heavy beams and pillars, with a high ceiling lost in a haze of smoke and dangling banners. Rough chandeliers creaked from oily ropes, swaying in the drunken roar of the of the crowd.

Wei-Yong stood up to stretch, leaning her lanky frame against the rough-hewn banister.

"You sure are tall."

She turned and looked down at the fellow who'd spoken.

"You sure are small."

"Ho Sien Ku. Hi. You wanna go somewhere?"

"What?"

"Somewhere. Anywhere."

"No. Go away, small person."

"I got songbirds."

"I'm not hungry."

Sien Ku stared at the tall woman in the rather wild furs and grinned.

"You're my kind of crazy, lady."

"Go away."

"I'll come back later."

Wei-Yong growled as the jaunty little fellow strolled off. Shan watched him go, considering.

"He's not, you know, ugly."

Wei-Yong gave her friend a glare.

"He doesn't even come up to my shoulder."

"Well, when you're lying down -- "

"Shan!"

Both women chuckled. They looked up as two women approached, and heard Ming-Wa and Fa stand up behind them. These were big women, broad-shouldered and heavy-set. Both carried two big jugs of wine, still sealed with paper across the mouths. They grinned at Shan and Wei-Yong, set all the jugs down and then one of the women picked up one and, eyeing Wei-Yong with a challenging glower, punched the seal open. The bar went almost completely silent, except for one young fellow still singing the chorus of "The Prettiest Maid".

"Where is my maid, my prettiest maid, where has my maid gone?"

Wei-Yong lifted her chin.

"A drinking contest, huh?"

She reached down and picked up a jug. It was heavy, sloshing with wine. She reached into the quiver that hung at her hip and yanked out an arrow. Flipping the shaft around in one hand, she stabbed it point-first through the seal and into the wine.

Her mouth opened as she withdrew the shaft and she caught the wine dripping off the arrowhead on her tongue. She considered. She grinned at her challenger.

And she passed the jug to Shan.

The challenger's glower lost a lot of its challenge as Shan easily hefted the jug, tilting it up over her head. Wine cascaded down into her open mouth.

Caught off guard, the other woman hurriedly followed Shan's example.

"I have no breakfast, my table's not laid, somebody tell me what's happened to my maid?"

For a few seconds, everyone in the bar (except the soloist who moved on to the third verse) watched as the two big women gulped wine. Wei-Yong grinned. She'd won nearly as much money on Shan's drinking as Shan had won on Wei-Yong's archery. Ming-Wa watched in testy disapproval, and Fa kept her eyes on the crowd, ignoring the contest.

The local woman put up a good fight, but Shan was still going strong when her rival coughed, spluttered, and put the half-empty jug down, shaking her head. The bar erupted in cheers and yells of outrage, and coins changed hands all around.

Shan paid no notice. She kept going until she'd finished the first jug, set it down, picked up the other and turned to the second woman.

"You ready?"

Wei-Yong, seeing Ming-Wa's disapproval, leaned over and spoke quietly.

"We all serve the Goddess in our ways, Ming-Wa."

The soloist finished his warbling tune.

"And your maid will never come home...."

After the second woman had also stumbled backwards, unable to keep up with Shan's spectacular capacity, the big swordswoman grinned. She passed the half-empty jugs to Wei-Yong, who did her best. Soon they were singing "The Prettiest Maid" themselves.

"This is the best job ever."

"Couple of ladies like you two shouldn't be working at all."

Shan and Wei-Yong turned at the smooth, cultured voice. And raised their eyebrows in unison at the two well-dressed young men smiling at them. Shan nudged Wei-Yong.

"You can have the tall one."

Both women grinned with such excited glee that the young men stepped back a bit.

"So," drawled Wei-Yong, "We shouldn't be working? Couple of--" she bowed elaborately to Shan, "ladies like us?"

Shan attempted to bow back. Given her size, her armour and her intoxication, it was spectacular, if not entirely successful.

The men looked at each other, gathering their courage.

"Why don't you come with us? We've got cash. Enough for a good time."

Wei-Yong waved a finger at them.

"No. No sir. We're guarding. What's 'er name, looks like me. Tang. Miss Tang. Little Miss Merchant Tang. Wee Little -- Ouch."

Wei-Yong frowned as Ming-Wa cracked her one across the skull.

"Hey. Shan. Ming-Wa's hitting me."

"That's because you're drunk, Wei-Yong."

"M'not."

"Sir, does she look drunk to you?"

The young men drew themselves up as though it were time for them to assert some control over the situation.

"We are prepared to offer you ladies a sizeable sum of money if you will vacate the stairs temporarily."

Shan crossed her arms as Wei-Yong slumped against the railing.

"Not happening, handsome. But you can sit right here next to me, if you like."

"Gems?"

"Nope."

"Gold cloth?"

"Nothing doing."

"An estate in the valley?"

"Pass on by, buddy."

"Is there anything you'd like?"

Wei-Yong perked up.

"How about a dance, cutie?"

"What?"

The startled young man found himself with nearly six feet of drunk Wei-Yong in his arms before he'd registered the question. Shan watched with approval.

"Hey, look at them go. She's got moves, that girl."

Fa chuckled at the sight. Wei-Yong was all arms and legs, stumbling and laughing but somehow managing to keep circling to the music. Seeing her example, patrons all across the jug-room leapt to their feet and in seconds the place was a madhouse of sudden clattering dance steps as the band raised their volume and their tempo, and soon everyone was whirling and stomping around the room.

Shan grabbed the other fellow and swept him into the crowd, keeping close to the stairs but otherwise enjoying herself. Fa grinned to notice the young man's feet seemingly suspended above the floorboards as Shan whirled him around.

Ming-Wa tapped one slippered foot, her face as serious and composed as ever.

That dance finished and another one started, and another, and eventually Wei-Yong and Shan returned to the steps, laughing and heaving with their exertions.

"Ming-Wa, you ought to dance sometime. You could use it."

Ming-Wa sniffed.

"I do as the Goddess commands. Bless her always."

The others mumbled, "Bless her always," in response.

"For servants of the Goddess, you are very shabbily dressed. But then I suppose you really are little more than peasant girls with aspirations, aren't you?"

The four women looked up from where they sat on the steps to see a heavy-set woman in fine silk robes sneering down at them.

"Pao Hsien, tailor. I can have fine new clothes ready for you all tomorrow morning if you will stand aside."

Ming-Wa stood up.

"The Goddess abhors vanity."

"Does she really? Funny how everyone makes such a big point about how beautiful she is, then."

The other three stood up, anger darkening their features. Ming-Wa raised an accusing finger.

"Do not dare to speak ill of the Goddess."

"No, no, of course not. Now, about these new clothes. You cannot deny you require new clothes." The woman sneered. "Rather desperately, I'd say."

Ming-Wa glowered. Fa shook her head with a smile.

"Our apologies, Madam Tailor, but our duty demands we stay here. Thank you for your offer."

The tailor sniffed and returned to the crowd. The four grinned at each other.

"Fools!"

Fa turned in time to see six black-clad figures plunging through the crowd towards them. Pao Hsien stood across the room, pointing at them.

"You serve evil incarnate, you twisted fools! You will burn with your foul mistress in the fires of hell when we are done with you!"

Shan's grin broadened.

"This is the best job ever."
 
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barsoomcore

Unattainable Ideal
Oops, I did it again.

Here we go with "Wedding Bells" -- the sequel to last episode ("Racing the Snake") -- in which our heroines are tasked with stopping evil, protecting the innocents, and making sure a wedding goes off without more than the expected number of hitches.

Fasten your seat belts and make sure your seatback is in the locked and upright position. The ladies are taking the bad guys to school once again, kiddos.
 



barsoomcore

Unattainable Ideal
Usually, at the sudden appearance of onrushing doom, Wei-Yong and Shan would react with immediate and unequivocal results.

This time, intoxicated as they were, their reactions, while immediate, were not quite as effective as usual.

Wei-Yong fumbled with her bow, dropped it, smacked her head on the railing and collapsed on the stairs in an ungainly tangle of limbs, groaning.

Shan looked around at the incoming assailants and put up her fists, ignoring the flashing knives in their hands.

Ming-Wa, unable to ignore the knives, grabbed her big friend and heaved with all her strength, trying to drag Shan backwards. And having no effect whatsoever. Shan, unaware that Ming-Wa was clinging to her armour, leaned forward, lifting the slender woman right off the ground. Ming-Wa's slippers dangled above the floorboards as she kicked, trying to get Shan to notice her.

Li Fa raced to the top of the stairs, trying to put some distance between her friends and herself before she called upon the dark hungry power that served her will. Whirling up on the balcony, she looked down into the large common area to see four assailants come leaping through the crowd towards the others. And two clambering up the pillars to where she stood, alone.

Ming-Wa dropped from her friend's shoulders and scrambled back as Shan lurched forward, shrugging her armoured shoulders and raising her arms to catch the slashing blades on the reinforced plates that protected her. The sudden din of metal on metal drowned out the cries of the crowd, which made the explosive grunt of the first fellow to receive one of Shan's fists in his gut all the more penetrating. He went down, unconscious, while Shan continued to fend off the other three.

Wei-Yong shook her addled head and saw the two climbing towards Fa.

"I'm coming, Li Fa!"

She staggered up the steps and leapt up onto the railing to get a better angle against the two men clinging below.

Her balance was not up to its usual standards, however, and her long legs flew out from under her and she crashed down on to the balcony planks, smacking her head hard again.

"Ow."

Seeing she was not about to be rescued, Li Fa set about smacking her would-be assailants with her oaken staff as they tried to climb over the balcony railing. Shouts of pain followed as her sturdy staff cracked sharply across hairy knuckles, and wailing, the two unfortunates plunged into the crowd below, demolishing tables and disappearing into a mass of drunken, angry patrons.

Wei-Yong got woozily to her feet, grinned at Li Fa, and then caught sight of her friend Shan with three knife-wielding bad guys around her.

"I'm coming, Shan!"

Fa watched as the lanky woman leapt from the balcony to snatch at a hanging banner.

"Try not to kick too much butt, girl."

Fa winced as her friend lost her grip and with a strangled yelp plummetted into the crowd.

But watched, bemused, as the drunken woman bounced to her feet, sprang over half-a-dozen brawling regulars, and swung a broken chair leg at one of Shan's attackers. The wood connected with the man's knife and sent it flying to embed itself in a pillar next to Shan's head. Startled, Shan appeared to notice for the first time that her opponents were armed, and with very little fuss, set about taking their knives away.

The surprised assassins had only a second or so to gape at their suddenly empty hands before Shan's fists began connecting sharply with their jaws. And, shortly thereafter, their skulls connected sharply with the floorboards.

Li Fa, standing up on the balcony, flicked a copper coin at a woozy thug as he tried to stand up.

"Go back to your mistress. Maybe she'll sell you some better clothes."

Shan grinned as she helped a reeling Wei-Yong to stay on her feet.

"This is the best job ever."

*****

"You seem taller in the sunlight."

"Not so loud, please."

Wei-Yong winced as her small admirer, Ho Sien Ku, kept up a stream of noisy compliments alongside her.

The four women (and one small man) had joined a massive procession as Tang Fei Liu and her bridal party made their way to the Temple of the Submissive Eye. Most of the town had come out to join the celebrations, and the long parade wound up through the steep streets of Hsiao-pei-ho from the Inn of the Fabled Stone, where less-energetic celebrants still remained, drinking what little of the landlord's stock had survived the night's debauchery.

Li Fa, taking pity on her hung-over friend, crossed to where Ho Sien Ku was. She addressed him gravely.

"Who was that woman last night? The tailor?"

Ming-Wa joined in, her face set in repressed fury.

"Is she an enemy of the Goddess?"

Sien Ku obviously didn't quite know how to take the very serious and intense queries addressed to him. He bowed, stumbling a little as he tried to keep up with the longer-legged women.

"Your ladyships. The tailor? Pao Hsien? I, I wouldn't know, your ladyships. She's very wealthy, I know. They say foreigners visit her sometimes."

"What kind of foreigners? What about?"

Li Fa put a restraining hand on her friend. Ming-Wa narrowed her eyes at the short Sien Ku, her anger at the notion that anyone could disregard her beloved Goddess apparent on her face.

"I don't know. I don't know. It's just, just what people say. I don't know."

Sien Ku looked longingly at where Wei-Yong walked with Tong Shan. Li Fa took pity on the man and asked a less accusatory question.

"What else have people been saying?"

She smiled. Li Fa smiled very rarely, her usual expression being one of stern patience. But she offered the trepidatious Sien Ku a warm smile that made her seem ten years younger than usual, and he relaxed a fair bit.

"Well, they say that Caedmonish bandits have been coming down from the mountain passes and kidnapping the children."

"What children?"

"The children who've been disappearing."

"Children have been disappearing?"

"Yes, for a while now."

"Who's been taking them?"

"Bandits from Caedmon."

"Hm."

The women slowed, along with the townspeople around them, as they came up over a rise in the street and caught sight of the temple, situated on a broad lawn of carefully-trimmed grass, overlooking the river where it tumbled along in its rocky bed. The Temple of the Submissive Eye stood a full three stories high, open on all sides, surrounding a massive statue of the Goddess in all her glory. The upper floors of the temple were open galleries running around all sides of the statue as it rose up to nearly touch the roof of the temple itself. Through arches the statue could be seen, blinding with gold and color. All along the eaves at each floor hung brightly coloured bells with long streamers that caught the wind and set the bells ringing in an unending musical chatter that rang out over the nearby streets.

Shan, Ming-Wa, Wei-Yong and Fa all bowed their heads and made an obeisance, breathing prayers to their cherished Goddess.

Half the city seemed to be pouring into the temple grounds, greeting the elderly Chief Sister with familiar waves. Yan Ting bowed and waved back, wrinkled face beaming. She caught sight of the Angels and hurried over, bowing incessantly.

"Ladies, ladies, ladies! Welcome! The Submissive Eye welcomes the blessed agents of Her Glorious Dedication."

Ming-Wa sank to her knees on the grass and bowed.

"The Bended Knee thanks the Submissive Eye. All praise to Her Infinite Beauty."

Li Fa did likewise.

"The Gentle Hand thanks the Submissive Eye. All praise to Her Endless Compassion."

Wei-Yong and Shan remained standing, but bowed. They mumbled in unison, "The Fierce Heart thanks the Submissive Eye. All praise to Her Unbounded Will."

All five women spoke in ritual.

"Body and Heart and Mind we serve thee, Goddess. Body and Heart and Mind."

Straightening up, Ming-Wa regarded the temple, rapidly filling up with townspeople, with satisfaction. She smiled.

"It's a beautiful temple, Sister Yan. You honour Her well."

The old lady bowed, pleased, and led the four women up the exterior steps and into the ground floor of the temple.

From here, the statue towered above, the Goddess' perfect face smiling down in serene grace on all the worshippers clustered around her feet. Overcome with religious fervour, Ming-Wa sank to her knees again and sang a prayer of thanksgiving. Wei-Yong and Shan and Fa looked around.

There were many Sisterhoods in service to the Goddess, each with its own traditions and means of expressing devotion. The Submissive Eye was one such, common in rural communities, usually building and tending temples much like this one, though none of the Angels had seen one quite so grandiose. The pillars and beams were decorated with intricate filigree, the railings bright and multi-colored and joyous. The floor where Ming-Wa knelt was formed of well-set marble blocks, polished to a mirror-like finish and inlaid with silver and gold in Tianese characters expressing love and thanks towards the Goddess.

Townspeople milled about, pressed together in their desire to watch the ceremony. Ming-Wa had to stand to avoid being crushed in the crowd. Above them, on the first balcony, facing the statue, knelt Tang Fei Liu and Xue Li. Beside them stood Uncle Tan, who would be performing the marriage ceremony itself. He opened his mouth to speak to the crowd below.

Before he could speak, the floor shook and with a sudden, splintering crack that seemed to shake even the massive statue of the Goddess, heavy marble blocks flew into the air, plunging earthward and crushing wedding guests before they could scream.

Once the demonic beasts, their clawed feet scraping on the stone and their long foreclaws dripping with foul ichor, pulled themselves out of the smoking hole in the floor, there was plenty of time of screaming.
 


barsoomcore

Unattainable Ideal
One of the more annoying aspects of Barsoom is that practically nobody anywhere agrees on what to call just about anything. Drove my players crazy trying to figure out where Lohan-El was -- till they discovered that nobody in Lohan-El called it "Lohan-El".
 

Stone Angel

First Post
As I sit and wonder about this story hour and it is good by the way, really good. I can't help but think you were in a room full of drunken stewardesses and you played D&D awesome and at the same time a huge let down. And then I wonder where did I go wrong, *hustles off to try and convince fiancee that she should become an airline attendant.


LOL Your story hour really is good Barsoomcore I like it a lot

The Seraph of Earth and Stone
 

barsoomcore said:
One of the more annoying aspects of Barsoom is that practically nobody anywhere agrees on what to call just about anything. Drove my players crazy trying to figure out where Lohan-El was -- till they discovered that nobody in Lohan-El called it "Lohan-El".
Yet not at all unrealistic. When we can't really agree on whether to say German, Deutsch, aleman, tedesco, nemetskii or various other appellations that are obviously not cognates for the exact same nationality, why should a fantasy world be any different?
 

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