X-PATH 2 : The Forge of F.U. (Completed 15 April 2005)
Capellan
Explorer
2 : Knockin' On Heaven's Door
"Wark hate guard duty." Wark observed. Thark grunted, which Wark took as encouragement to continue, "It cold out here. And there no booze. Wark hate it."
"Ulfe say guard." Thark scratched himself vigorously, "What Ulfe say, Orc do ... unless Orc want head on spike and body in stew-pot. Thark not want that. Wark not want either, less Wark even dumber Orc than Wark look."
Wark bared his teeth,
"Wark smart Orc! Thark better keep gob shut or Wark shut it for Thark."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!"
There was no telling how long this enlightened exchange of views would have continued, but it was around that moment that Thark's head exploded.
"Guh?"
As last words go, Wark's weren't the most eloquent. Of course, it's difficult to be pithy when someone just cut you in half with a shotgun blast.
* * *
"Yo!" Simon said in satisfaction, twirling his Beretta around his finger, "Did you see the way I capped that first dude? That was some Ninja stylin'."
"You have a very small gun." Fabio observed.
"They're both dead, and that's what counts." Floyd blew the smoke away from the mouth of his shotgun and wandered up to prod one of the bodies with his boot. "Ugly lookin' sons o' bitches, ain't they? Though some to think of it, I got me a cousin as looks a bit like this one on the left, here."
"Whatever." Beverly looked up from filing her nails, "Like, can we carry on now?"
"We can." Smith confirmed, "The trail's got a switchback here, then it goes up some stairs."
"'afore we go on, Simon should search these here bodies." Floyd shouldered his weapon.
"Ninja!" Simon crouched beside the corpses.
"Ninja, search, whatever." Floyd glanced around, "Think there's any more o' these uglies?"
His question was answered by a hail of arrows.
"Arrow slits!" Smith pointed out the narrow cuts in the side of the mountain, previously overlooked by the five WCX employees, "Get up against the wall and they won't be able to see you!" He then promptly ignored his own advice by charging up the mountain trail, and out of sight.
"Where all do you think he's going?" Floyd jammed his shotgun into an arrow slit and pulled the trigger. He was rewarded by the wet sound of a body spreading itself over three times its usual volume.
"Only one way to find out." Beverly flounced up the stairs in Smith's wake, her miniskirt bouncing as she went.
"I see London, I see France, Bev's not wearing underp - ow!" Simon rubbed his ear and glared at Floyd, "What was that for?"
"Smith ain't here to do it, so ah'm fillin' in for him."
At that moment, the eponymous Smith shouted from further up the mountain,
"Found a door!"
* * *
Having yelled his discovery to the others, Smith thumbed the switch on his flashlight - which was taped to the barrel of his shotgun - and stepped through the half-open doors.
Beyond the doors lay a rectangular stone chamber. A chasm some twenty feet wide split the room, the two sides linked only by a rickety bridge of rope and ageing wood. Arrows zipped out of the darkness on the far side of the room, one scratching the flesh of Smith's arm.
"Onward Christian Soldiers!" the Mormon sang, racing across the bridge with complete disregard for its dubious quality of engineering. His shotgun boomed, sparks flying in the darkness as the shell struck some boulders. Two grey-skinned humanoids moved into sight as he cleared the end of the bridge, snatching up massive two-handed axes as they came.
"Cool, a bridge!" Beverly peeked her head inside. She pulled out a flashlight of her own and peered over the side of the bridge. Then, obeying a primal instinct of the young, she spat over the edge and watched her saliva plummet into the darkness.
"Git outta the way there, girl." Floyd stepped through the doors and peered across at the dimly illuminated Smith. The Mormon's shotgun boomed again, but his target batted the barrel aside at the last moment, and the blast discharged into the ceiling. "Looks like Smith could do with some help. Hear me, Oh King, and bring down upon these squares the blue suede shoes o' doom."
A glowing, sequinned boot appeared in the air above the melee, and immediately aimed a solid kick at the head of one of the creatures.
"Now is the time for heroes." Fabio intoned, after sneaking a glance at the pre-prepared list of dramatic lines he'd written on his arm. He ran across the bridge and engaged one of the two grey-skinned humanoids.
"Ninja!" Simon vaulted across the bridge in Fabio's wake.
"I'll 'ninjure' him, in a minute." Floyd grumbled. "Come on, girl, let's get over there and help out."
* * *
"Five to two odds, Sir. Looks like they have this fight sewn up."
"Don't bet on it, Johnson. The battlefield is a fickle bitch."
* * *
Smith fired from the hip. The shot was hurried, but the shotgun slug tore a shallow wound across the side of his opponent. The grey-skinned humanoid roared its anger, swinging its axe in a massive overhead arc.
"God is with me." Smith stepped aside of the blow and raised his weapon for another shot.
Which is about the moment that the other creature's axe smashed six of his ribs and lacerated his lung.
The Mormon swayed for a moment, staring in shock at the ruinous mess that was his chest, then he toppled face-first into a rapidly spreading pool of his own blood.
The last thing he heard was Beverly taking the Lord's name in vain,
"Jesus! A bunch more of them just came in behind us!"
"Wark hate guard duty." Wark observed. Thark grunted, which Wark took as encouragement to continue, "It cold out here. And there no booze. Wark hate it."
"Ulfe say guard." Thark scratched himself vigorously, "What Ulfe say, Orc do ... unless Orc want head on spike and body in stew-pot. Thark not want that. Wark not want either, less Wark even dumber Orc than Wark look."
Wark bared his teeth,
"Wark smart Orc! Thark better keep gob shut or Wark shut it for Thark."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!"
There was no telling how long this enlightened exchange of views would have continued, but it was around that moment that Thark's head exploded.
"Guh?"
As last words go, Wark's weren't the most eloquent. Of course, it's difficult to be pithy when someone just cut you in half with a shotgun blast.
* * *
"Yo!" Simon said in satisfaction, twirling his Beretta around his finger, "Did you see the way I capped that first dude? That was some Ninja stylin'."
"You have a very small gun." Fabio observed.
"They're both dead, and that's what counts." Floyd blew the smoke away from the mouth of his shotgun and wandered up to prod one of the bodies with his boot. "Ugly lookin' sons o' bitches, ain't they? Though some to think of it, I got me a cousin as looks a bit like this one on the left, here."
"Whatever." Beverly looked up from filing her nails, "Like, can we carry on now?"
"We can." Smith confirmed, "The trail's got a switchback here, then it goes up some stairs."
"'afore we go on, Simon should search these here bodies." Floyd shouldered his weapon.
"Ninja!" Simon crouched beside the corpses.
"Ninja, search, whatever." Floyd glanced around, "Think there's any more o' these uglies?"
His question was answered by a hail of arrows.
"Arrow slits!" Smith pointed out the narrow cuts in the side of the mountain, previously overlooked by the five WCX employees, "Get up against the wall and they won't be able to see you!" He then promptly ignored his own advice by charging up the mountain trail, and out of sight.
"Where all do you think he's going?" Floyd jammed his shotgun into an arrow slit and pulled the trigger. He was rewarded by the wet sound of a body spreading itself over three times its usual volume.
"Only one way to find out." Beverly flounced up the stairs in Smith's wake, her miniskirt bouncing as she went.
"I see London, I see France, Bev's not wearing underp - ow!" Simon rubbed his ear and glared at Floyd, "What was that for?"
"Smith ain't here to do it, so ah'm fillin' in for him."
At that moment, the eponymous Smith shouted from further up the mountain,
"Found a door!"
* * *
Having yelled his discovery to the others, Smith thumbed the switch on his flashlight - which was taped to the barrel of his shotgun - and stepped through the half-open doors.
Beyond the doors lay a rectangular stone chamber. A chasm some twenty feet wide split the room, the two sides linked only by a rickety bridge of rope and ageing wood. Arrows zipped out of the darkness on the far side of the room, one scratching the flesh of Smith's arm.
"Onward Christian Soldiers!" the Mormon sang, racing across the bridge with complete disregard for its dubious quality of engineering. His shotgun boomed, sparks flying in the darkness as the shell struck some boulders. Two grey-skinned humanoids moved into sight as he cleared the end of the bridge, snatching up massive two-handed axes as they came.
"Cool, a bridge!" Beverly peeked her head inside. She pulled out a flashlight of her own and peered over the side of the bridge. Then, obeying a primal instinct of the young, she spat over the edge and watched her saliva plummet into the darkness.
"Git outta the way there, girl." Floyd stepped through the doors and peered across at the dimly illuminated Smith. The Mormon's shotgun boomed again, but his target batted the barrel aside at the last moment, and the blast discharged into the ceiling. "Looks like Smith could do with some help. Hear me, Oh King, and bring down upon these squares the blue suede shoes o' doom."
A glowing, sequinned boot appeared in the air above the melee, and immediately aimed a solid kick at the head of one of the creatures.
"Now is the time for heroes." Fabio intoned, after sneaking a glance at the pre-prepared list of dramatic lines he'd written on his arm. He ran across the bridge and engaged one of the two grey-skinned humanoids.
"Ninja!" Simon vaulted across the bridge in Fabio's wake.
"I'll 'ninjure' him, in a minute." Floyd grumbled. "Come on, girl, let's get over there and help out."
* * *
"Five to two odds, Sir. Looks like they have this fight sewn up."
"Don't bet on it, Johnson. The battlefield is a fickle bitch."
* * *
Smith fired from the hip. The shot was hurried, but the shotgun slug tore a shallow wound across the side of his opponent. The grey-skinned humanoid roared its anger, swinging its axe in a massive overhead arc.
"God is with me." Smith stepped aside of the blow and raised his weapon for another shot.
Which is about the moment that the other creature's axe smashed six of his ribs and lacerated his lung.
The Mormon swayed for a moment, staring in shock at the ruinous mess that was his chest, then he toppled face-first into a rapidly spreading pool of his own blood.
The last thing he heard was Beverly taking the Lord's name in vain,
"Jesus! A bunch more of them just came in behind us!"
Graywolf-ELM
Explorer
How did I miss this? Was this played out before you came to the US?
Looking forward to more.
GW
Looking forward to more.
GW
arwink
Clockwork Golem
Graywolf-ELM said:
Nope. The US released him back into the wild for a few weeks around Christmas, so we played then. The entiring of the Forge was covered in a two-day marathon session rather than a series of Thursday night games, which is how we actually managed to convince Simon to show up with some regularity
Capellan
Explorer
3 : Bridge Over troubled Waters
Beverly followed up her warning with a grenade. Her throw landed right in the midst of the four humanoids that had appeared behind the group. The grenade detonated with a flash of white flame, spraying red hot shards of metal in all directions. Two of the creatures were knocked from the ledge, and fell screaming into the darkness. The other pair reeled, dazed and bloodied.
"That should slow them down." the young heiress flicked her hair.
"Ninja jump!" Simon leapt onto a broad, flat rock and flourished his rapier.
"Aren't ninja supposed to be quiet, and crap?" Bev asked.
"Ninja thrust!" Simon stabbed the creature which had felled Smith, piercing it through the throat. The beast gurgled and fell. Bev raised her eyebrows,
"Ooh, I could get to like the ninja thrust."
Fabio pouted.
"It's time for a little rhythm and black'n'blues." Floyd flicked the switch on his golden guitar, then swung the blade at the other humanoid. The creature and its head parted ways like a punk band with creative differences.
"You two." Floyd gestured at Simon and Beverly, "See to those two behind us." he gestured, and a cheesburger appeare in his hand. Talking a deep bite that left trickles of grease running down his chin, he continued through a mouthful of food. "Fubio, keep wutch dun thur. Ull see tuh Smuth."
Pushing the rest of the cheeseburger into his mouth in a single piece, the servant of Elvis mumbles his way through a prayer. The power of rock and roll flows from his fingers, filling Smith with energy and strength.
"Praise the Lord." the Mormon opens his eyes.
"Hail to the King, ba - urrgk." A morningstar smashed into the side of Floyd's head.
* * *
"Did we get a close-up of that?"
Johnson punched buttons on the console in front of him,
"Yes sir. Camera three." he brought the footage up on the main screen.
"Excellent." Patton gave a dry cackle, "That's the kind of shot that sells an extra thousand laser discs. Make sure it goes in the promo shots. In slow motion: I want everyone to see the way that tooth came flying out."
"Looks like a pretty nasty hit, Sir. I guess he won't be eating any more cheeseburgers for a while."
"That's no bad thing. Boy could stand to lose a few pounds."
* * *
Three more of the bestial-looking humanoids streamed out of the darkness, led by one whose beard and hair were thickly streaked with grey. He barked orders at the others as they attacked, sweeping his axe to drive back Fabio and the still-reeling Floyd.
Smith rolled backwards and came to his feet, narrowly avoiding another sweep of the wickedly sharp axe.
"We could use a little help here!" he yelled over his shoulder.
"Kinda busy!" Beverly yelled back. She and Simon opened fire on the two creatures behind them, but only one fell. The other roared its rage and ran across the rope bridge. As Simon desperately fumbled to re-draw his rapier, the creature grabbed Beverly and began to wrestle her toward the edge. She gave a scream of frustration as the 'Super-Ninja' struggled with his sword "Simon! Quit playing with it! Get it out and stick it in him!"
"I'm trying!"
"Not hard enough!" Bev tosses her head in the time-honoured fashion of teen girls everywhere, then drives her knee into her opponent's groin. The humanoid's eye bulge to about twice theit usual side, and he suddenly finds far more important things to be holding than Beverly.
"Hai-Yah!" Simon finally sinks his sword into their opponent, who has most definitely lost his Dex bonus. The creature expires with a soft gurgle. Beverly looks askance at the Ninja.
"What was that?"
"That was my Ninja battle-cry."
"Does Miss Piggy know you're stealing her line?"
* * *
The screen showed Fabio duck under his opponent's blow, then lance his sword into the creature's leg. The beast stumbled, leaving an opening, but the handsome human was already turning to engage a few foe. A brief smile flickered on his lips as he heard the soft, wet crunch of the creature's skull, which meant that Smith had finished the job.
To his left, another of the humanoids fell, screaming as it clutched the severed stump of its arm. Floyd kicked it aside and stepped into the gap, standing side by side with Fabio as they both chopped at the creatures' leader. The grey-hair batted Floyd's blow aside, but Fabio's blade gouged its shoulder. It grunted, shifting to protect its injured side, but Fabio stepped to its left, giving Smith room to stretch their line, and suddenly the creature was menaced on three sides. Seconds later, it fell, blood oozing from three new wounds.
Patton cackled his glee,
"God damn! I think we just saw those boys use teamwork."
"Yes sir. They were most impressive."
"They were -" the General broke off an a deep-throated roar of rage blasted from the speakers, setting the whole room throbbing with bass. His dry skin creaked into a cold smile of bone-yellow teeth, "- teamwork or not, seems like life's decided to take a piss on their parade, eh Johnson?"
Beverly followed up her warning with a grenade. Her throw landed right in the midst of the four humanoids that had appeared behind the group. The grenade detonated with a flash of white flame, spraying red hot shards of metal in all directions. Two of the creatures were knocked from the ledge, and fell screaming into the darkness. The other pair reeled, dazed and bloodied.
"That should slow them down." the young heiress flicked her hair.
"Ninja jump!" Simon leapt onto a broad, flat rock and flourished his rapier.
"Aren't ninja supposed to be quiet, and crap?" Bev asked.
"Ninja thrust!" Simon stabbed the creature which had felled Smith, piercing it through the throat. The beast gurgled and fell. Bev raised her eyebrows,
"Ooh, I could get to like the ninja thrust."
Fabio pouted.
"It's time for a little rhythm and black'n'blues." Floyd flicked the switch on his golden guitar, then swung the blade at the other humanoid. The creature and its head parted ways like a punk band with creative differences.
"You two." Floyd gestured at Simon and Beverly, "See to those two behind us." he gestured, and a cheesburger appeare in his hand. Talking a deep bite that left trickles of grease running down his chin, he continued through a mouthful of food. "Fubio, keep wutch dun thur. Ull see tuh Smuth."
Pushing the rest of the cheeseburger into his mouth in a single piece, the servant of Elvis mumbles his way through a prayer. The power of rock and roll flows from his fingers, filling Smith with energy and strength.
"Praise the Lord." the Mormon opens his eyes.
"Hail to the King, ba - urrgk." A morningstar smashed into the side of Floyd's head.
* * *
"Did we get a close-up of that?"
Johnson punched buttons on the console in front of him,
"Yes sir. Camera three." he brought the footage up on the main screen.
"Excellent." Patton gave a dry cackle, "That's the kind of shot that sells an extra thousand laser discs. Make sure it goes in the promo shots. In slow motion: I want everyone to see the way that tooth came flying out."
"Looks like a pretty nasty hit, Sir. I guess he won't be eating any more cheeseburgers for a while."
"That's no bad thing. Boy could stand to lose a few pounds."
* * *
Three more of the bestial-looking humanoids streamed out of the darkness, led by one whose beard and hair were thickly streaked with grey. He barked orders at the others as they attacked, sweeping his axe to drive back Fabio and the still-reeling Floyd.
Smith rolled backwards and came to his feet, narrowly avoiding another sweep of the wickedly sharp axe.
"We could use a little help here!" he yelled over his shoulder.
"Kinda busy!" Beverly yelled back. She and Simon opened fire on the two creatures behind them, but only one fell. The other roared its rage and ran across the rope bridge. As Simon desperately fumbled to re-draw his rapier, the creature grabbed Beverly and began to wrestle her toward the edge. She gave a scream of frustration as the 'Super-Ninja' struggled with his sword "Simon! Quit playing with it! Get it out and stick it in him!"
"I'm trying!"
"Not hard enough!" Bev tosses her head in the time-honoured fashion of teen girls everywhere, then drives her knee into her opponent's groin. The humanoid's eye bulge to about twice theit usual side, and he suddenly finds far more important things to be holding than Beverly.
"Hai-Yah!" Simon finally sinks his sword into their opponent, who has most definitely lost his Dex bonus. The creature expires with a soft gurgle. Beverly looks askance at the Ninja.
"What was that?"
"That was my Ninja battle-cry."
"Does Miss Piggy know you're stealing her line?"
* * *
The screen showed Fabio duck under his opponent's blow, then lance his sword into the creature's leg. The beast stumbled, leaving an opening, but the handsome human was already turning to engage a few foe. A brief smile flickered on his lips as he heard the soft, wet crunch of the creature's skull, which meant that Smith had finished the job.
To his left, another of the humanoids fell, screaming as it clutched the severed stump of its arm. Floyd kicked it aside and stepped into the gap, standing side by side with Fabio as they both chopped at the creatures' leader. The grey-hair batted Floyd's blow aside, but Fabio's blade gouged its shoulder. It grunted, shifting to protect its injured side, but Fabio stepped to its left, giving Smith room to stretch their line, and suddenly the creature was menaced on three sides. Seconds later, it fell, blood oozing from three new wounds.
Patton cackled his glee,
"God damn! I think we just saw those boys use teamwork."
"Yes sir. They were most impressive."
"They were -" the General broke off an a deep-throated roar of rage blasted from the speakers, setting the whole room throbbing with bass. His dry skin creaked into a cold smile of bone-yellow teeth, "- teamwork or not, seems like life's decided to take a piss on their parade, eh Johnson?"
Graywolf-ELM
Explorer
And so it was written. And they came from far and wide to read the words. Oft repeated and spread throughout the lands.
GW
GW
Capellan
Explorer
4 : (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
The creature that burst out of the darkness was fully nine feet tall, and as broad across the shoulders as any two men. A pair of slavering wolves raced at its heels, tongues lollign over yellowed teeth.
"The Great Ulfe crush you all!" the creature bellowed, swinging a massive, ironbound club. The weapon was easily six feet in length, with a studded metal cap. It struck Fabio in the side with a sound quite like fresh snow underfoot, but even more like multiple ribs being reduced to bone fragments.
The wolves raced over Fabio's crumpling form. The first – a black-haired, brutish looking beast with a scar over one eye – snapped its jaws around Beverly's leg. With a snarl and a twist of its head, it dragged her to the floor, teeth tearing at herthigh. The girl screamed, flailing at the wolf ineffectually with her hands.
"Bad doggy." Smith's close brush with death appeared to have given him a sense of humour. He buried the point of his pick into its brain. The wolf slumped to the stone floor, stone dead. The second wolf, however, lunged over the falen body of its comrade, biting hard onto Smith's forearm. The Mormon grunted, nearly dragged down by the sudden weight of the beat, but managed to recover his balance at the last moment.
"Don'be cruel, son. Don't be cruel." Floyd invoked a protective spell to ward himself from their new opponent, then stepped forward into the breach, rhinestones glinting.
"Simon, try and get behind it!" Smith yelled as he tried to fend off the snarling wolf. The young man looked at the massive bulk of their enemy, its shoulders almost brushing the walls as it raised it club once more.
"Dude, I'm a ninja, not a magician."
"Then get this overgrown chihuahua off me so I can go help fight it!"
"Raaaaaaaaaargh!" Ulfe's mighty swing missed Floyd by inches. His club slammed into the floor, pulverising one of the tiles and sending shards of stone in all directions.
Still on the floor, Beverly snatched up her pistol, then rolled away from the melee and got shakily to her feet.
"Damn it, this was a seven hundred dollar dress." Which would put the cost of fabric at a hundred dollars per square inch.
Simon lanced in with his rapier, spearing the wolf in its haunches, but the creature hung onto Smith's arm, finally pulling him from his feet. The Mormon and the wolf rolled on the floor, teeth against pick, until finally there was a dull crunch and a whimper from the wolf.
"Nooooooo! Fang!" the Great Ulfe roared his anguish as the second of his two pets was killed. With a mighty bellow, he swing his club once more, the force of the blow sending Floyd staggering backwards. "I kill you all!"
The massive humanoid lurched forward, club flashing in wide arcs. A boulder shattered to dust from one blow; a ten thousdand year-old stalagmite was shorn off with another. Floyd, Simon and Beverly dodged and fell back, until their backs were to the very lip of the ledge.
"Now you die!" Ulfe rejoiced, stepping over the corpse of his beloved pet. He raised his club to snuff out Floyd's life forever -
and then Smith swung his arm up from under Fang's body, shotgun clenched in hand.
The blast to his groin killed the Great Ulfe instantly. But then, it's doubtful he would have wanted to live, after it, in any case.
* * *
"What the hell are they playing at?" Patton fumed.
"Looks like they're holing up to rest, sir."
"I can see that, Johnson!" the General snapped, brown-stained teeth clenched in fury, ""Don't these boys understand the meanin' of the word 'entertainment'? Wehre's the fun of watchin' them st on their cans for sixteen hours?"
"Well to be fair, sir, we can edit this out of the broadcast."
"I ain't talkin' about the broadcast! I'm talkin' about me!" Patton scowled. "Answer me this, Johnson: are any of those fools injured?"
Johnson checked the life-meters, though he already knew what they said,
"Everything in the green, sir."
"Everything in the green. They even got the pretty-boy back on his feet." Patton spat, "They're as fit as they were when they first started out, so what are they playin' at, givin' up the battlefield like that?"
"I don't know, sir. Should I contact them and order them to move on?"
Patton nodded, then held up his hand,
"Wait. I changed my mind."
"Sir?"
"Look a camera three, Johnson. I think that will get the message through better than we ever could, eh?"
* * *
Simon sighed and flipped closed the third chest.
"Empty, just like all the others."
"Cleaned out, you mean." Smith folded his arms and gave Floyd a dark look, "Whatever was left of the tribe ovviously took everything and ran, while we were sitting around waiting for you."
"I was out o' benedictions from the King." Floyd relpied mildly, "I needed to subsume myself in the power of his rock and roll."
"We should have pressed on."
"And if we had another fight like that last one?"
"That's why we all took the deduction for emergency medical aid, remember?"
"I can't believe it's not filled with gold." Fabio stared disconsolately at the chest: and I don't mean Beverly's, for once.
The group moved on, bickering as they went, through several more deserted chambers, until at last they came to a large, cave, filled with boxes and crates.
"Whole bunch of stuff over here has been moved, recently." Simon pointed to drag marks in the earth floor, then clambered on to one of the crates for a better look, "Hey! There's a passageway behind this stuff."
Smith and Fabio pulled more of the boxes aside, to reveal a dark tunnel leading further into the mountain.
Beverly wrinkled her nose,
"Does anyone else smell smoke?"
The creature that burst out of the darkness was fully nine feet tall, and as broad across the shoulders as any two men. A pair of slavering wolves raced at its heels, tongues lollign over yellowed teeth.
"The Great Ulfe crush you all!" the creature bellowed, swinging a massive, ironbound club. The weapon was easily six feet in length, with a studded metal cap. It struck Fabio in the side with a sound quite like fresh snow underfoot, but even more like multiple ribs being reduced to bone fragments.
The wolves raced over Fabio's crumpling form. The first – a black-haired, brutish looking beast with a scar over one eye – snapped its jaws around Beverly's leg. With a snarl and a twist of its head, it dragged her to the floor, teeth tearing at herthigh. The girl screamed, flailing at the wolf ineffectually with her hands.
"Bad doggy." Smith's close brush with death appeared to have given him a sense of humour. He buried the point of his pick into its brain. The wolf slumped to the stone floor, stone dead. The second wolf, however, lunged over the falen body of its comrade, biting hard onto Smith's forearm. The Mormon grunted, nearly dragged down by the sudden weight of the beat, but managed to recover his balance at the last moment.
"Don'be cruel, son. Don't be cruel." Floyd invoked a protective spell to ward himself from their new opponent, then stepped forward into the breach, rhinestones glinting.
"Simon, try and get behind it!" Smith yelled as he tried to fend off the snarling wolf. The young man looked at the massive bulk of their enemy, its shoulders almost brushing the walls as it raised it club once more.
"Dude, I'm a ninja, not a magician."
"Then get this overgrown chihuahua off me so I can go help fight it!"
"Raaaaaaaaaargh!" Ulfe's mighty swing missed Floyd by inches. His club slammed into the floor, pulverising one of the tiles and sending shards of stone in all directions.
Still on the floor, Beverly snatched up her pistol, then rolled away from the melee and got shakily to her feet.
"Damn it, this was a seven hundred dollar dress." Which would put the cost of fabric at a hundred dollars per square inch.
Simon lanced in with his rapier, spearing the wolf in its haunches, but the creature hung onto Smith's arm, finally pulling him from his feet. The Mormon and the wolf rolled on the floor, teeth against pick, until finally there was a dull crunch and a whimper from the wolf.
"Nooooooo! Fang!" the Great Ulfe roared his anguish as the second of his two pets was killed. With a mighty bellow, he swing his club once more, the force of the blow sending Floyd staggering backwards. "I kill you all!"
The massive humanoid lurched forward, club flashing in wide arcs. A boulder shattered to dust from one blow; a ten thousdand year-old stalagmite was shorn off with another. Floyd, Simon and Beverly dodged and fell back, until their backs were to the very lip of the ledge.
"Now you die!" Ulfe rejoiced, stepping over the corpse of his beloved pet. He raised his club to snuff out Floyd's life forever -
and then Smith swung his arm up from under Fang's body, shotgun clenched in hand.
The blast to his groin killed the Great Ulfe instantly. But then, it's doubtful he would have wanted to live, after it, in any case.
* * *
"What the hell are they playing at?" Patton fumed.
"Looks like they're holing up to rest, sir."
"I can see that, Johnson!" the General snapped, brown-stained teeth clenched in fury, ""Don't these boys understand the meanin' of the word 'entertainment'? Wehre's the fun of watchin' them st on their cans for sixteen hours?"
"Well to be fair, sir, we can edit this out of the broadcast."
"I ain't talkin' about the broadcast! I'm talkin' about me!" Patton scowled. "Answer me this, Johnson: are any of those fools injured?"
Johnson checked the life-meters, though he already knew what they said,
"Everything in the green, sir."
"Everything in the green. They even got the pretty-boy back on his feet." Patton spat, "They're as fit as they were when they first started out, so what are they playin' at, givin' up the battlefield like that?"
"I don't know, sir. Should I contact them and order them to move on?"
Patton nodded, then held up his hand,
"Wait. I changed my mind."
"Sir?"
"Look a camera three, Johnson. I think that will get the message through better than we ever could, eh?"
* * *
Simon sighed and flipped closed the third chest.
"Empty, just like all the others."
"Cleaned out, you mean." Smith folded his arms and gave Floyd a dark look, "Whatever was left of the tribe ovviously took everything and ran, while we were sitting around waiting for you."
"I was out o' benedictions from the King." Floyd relpied mildly, "I needed to subsume myself in the power of his rock and roll."
"We should have pressed on."
"And if we had another fight like that last one?"
"That's why we all took the deduction for emergency medical aid, remember?"
"I can't believe it's not filled with gold." Fabio stared disconsolately at the chest: and I don't mean Beverly's, for once.
The group moved on, bickering as they went, through several more deserted chambers, until at last they came to a large, cave, filled with boxes and crates.
"Whole bunch of stuff over here has been moved, recently." Simon pointed to drag marks in the earth floor, then clambered on to one of the crates for a better look, "Hey! There's a passageway behind this stuff."
Smith and Fabio pulled more of the boxes aside, to reveal a dark tunnel leading further into the mountain.
Beverly wrinkled her nose,
"Does anyone else smell smoke?"
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