It usually is. I don't think its inherent to being a DM though. I think its inherent to being the social center of the group. Its the same as being the guy who's house everyone comes to when they watch the big game. If he decides someone isn't welcome, that's that.Well, to me, deciding who gets to play in the game is part of the GM's role. YMMV. Even players with lots of leverage (host, GM's wife, etc) approach the GM about getting another player dropped, they don't just declare it to the group.
I dunno, do you think determining who plays is not normally part of the GM's role?
Its not DM authority. It may be social authority that is typically ceded to the DM, but it isn't something that stems from being the DM.
As for the host, stop and think for a second. You're actually saying that the person who owns the home where everyone plays can be vetoed by the DM when he decides that he doesn't want a player to enter his house? Of course you're not. You're recognizing that the host might consult the DM as a social courtesy. But its his freaking house! Nothing in the DMG gives the DM the power to force entry. If the host says you go, attending is a crime.
And of course the DM might object and move the game to another location and the host would have to decide what to do with that, but at this point it should be obvious that we're dealing with social norms and leverage and ultimatums, not with anything that comes from the role of Dungeon Master.
I agree with that, except that I think that in-game decisions that are made for sheer caprice are also abuse. There's not much difference between "its my wife so her character doesn't die" and "I'm the DM so everything I want happens and everything I don't want doesn't. Start roleplaying the way that I like, not the way that you like!"S'mon said:To me, 'abusing the GM's position' would be "Sleep with me for more XP!" or at a milder level "Give me that beer" - using in-game authority to demand out-of-game favours. Blatant favouritism would also qualify - if I let a player play I'm going to treat them equally with the other players; if I can't do that because I don't like them, or because it's my wife and she doesn't like her PC dying*, then I should not GM for that player.