Stupid Monsters Part 3
Li Shenron
Legend
We actually played the "Something's Cooking" adventure... it was supposed to be a semi-serious adventure but my players thought the Calzone Golem was actually cool. It had a certain "Mickey the apprentice sorcerer" vibe to it 
ExploderWizard
Hero
Great stuff.
My favorite is the bhut. For tougher challenges you can use giant bhuts.
I like big bhuts and I cannot lie.
My favorite is the bhut. For tougher challenges you can use giant bhuts.
I like big bhuts and I cannot lie.
We actually played the "Something's Cooking" adventure... it was supposed to be a semi-serious adventure but my players thought the Calzone Golem was actually cool. It had a certain "Mickey the apprentice sorcerer" vibe to it
I agree. They should have as many golems as humanly possible and also they should expand the list of animals to match National Geographic Animals Encyclopedia
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Dragonbait
Explorer
I used the Calzone golem twice. A very popular opponent for multiple groups. One group thought it would be interesting to fight more food-themed enemies..
Fighting Foodons, anyone?
Some of the monsters on the list were pretty cool. The wolf-spiders were cool. Dabus were cool but a headache. Tortles and Dracotaurs are awesomeness. Leave them alone!
Edit: Leave them alone is meant to be read in the voice from the old Meme "Leave Brittany Alone!"
Fighting Foodons, anyone?
Some of the monsters on the list were pretty cool. The wolf-spiders were cool. Dabus were cool but a headache. Tortles and Dracotaurs are awesomeness. Leave them alone!
Edit: Leave them alone is meant to be read in the voice from the old Meme "Leave Brittany Alone!"
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OhGodtheRats
First Post
Yeah, while I was researching this I was kind of surprised the rather popular history of the Calzone Golem which, despite the core assumption, wasn't a joke monster. Despite having a monster description that involved cheese by the pound and boiling hot spaghetti sauce blood.
2 other related things:
I am a dork. Want to hear me sing the Tarantubat song? Because I did that. Mostly so that when I'm on the podcast tonight and most people hear my voice for the first time it won't be the first time but the second and it won't be able to help being an improvement. Yeah, that's a sentence right there. Sure.
Enjoy my shame. I sang this for a week in December when I originally wrote that Stupid Monsters installment.
http://www.sarahdarkmagic.com/sites/www.sarahdarkmagic.com/files/jared/JaredSingsTarantubatSong.mp3
Secondly: Stupid Monsters Part 4: Blacklisted should be going up next week. I found far too many monsters and if they were a little too scandalous (like the Zebrataur with an afro, zulu shield, and spear) or just downright wrong (original decapus hentai monster) then it went there. It's not all controversial or touchy....I literally found too many monsters for WotC to publish in an article.
-Jared
"who is oddly proud that his D&D experience has come full circle with WotC endorsing Stupid Monsters Part 3"
Edit: [MENTION=29182]Dragonbait[/MENTION]: I only mock the things I love. Well, now that's the case. You'll note that this chapter of Stupid Monsters has 100% less use of the word "Retarded". Honestly though? I love the Dabus. But since I can draw really fast and love puzzles, I'm biased. I'd hate to run them "straight" in a game. That said? One of my new goals with Part 3 & 4 (because I actually play the game now like a fiend) was to introduce people to new horrible things. The dumbest monster on that list though? Athas Dolphin. I don't know why, but it stands out in my mind.
2 other related things:
I am a dork. Want to hear me sing the Tarantubat song? Because I did that. Mostly so that when I'm on the podcast tonight and most people hear my voice for the first time it won't be the first time but the second and it won't be able to help being an improvement. Yeah, that's a sentence right there. Sure.
Enjoy my shame. I sang this for a week in December when I originally wrote that Stupid Monsters installment.
http://www.sarahdarkmagic.com/sites/www.sarahdarkmagic.com/files/jared/JaredSingsTarantubatSong.mp3
Secondly: Stupid Monsters Part 4: Blacklisted should be going up next week. I found far too many monsters and if they were a little too scandalous (like the Zebrataur with an afro, zulu shield, and spear) or just downright wrong (original decapus hentai monster) then it went there. It's not all controversial or touchy....I literally found too many monsters for WotC to publish in an article.
-Jared
"who is oddly proud that his D&D experience has come full circle with WotC endorsing Stupid Monsters Part 3"
Edit: [MENTION=29182]Dragonbait[/MENTION]: I only mock the things I love. Well, now that's the case. You'll note that this chapter of Stupid Monsters has 100% less use of the word "Retarded". Honestly though? I love the Dabus. But since I can draw really fast and love puzzles, I'm biased. I'd hate to run them "straight" in a game. That said? One of my new goals with Part 3 & 4 (because I actually play the game now like a fiend) was to introduce people to new horrible things. The dumbest monster on that list though? Athas Dolphin. I don't know why, but it stands out in my mind.
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TarionzCousin
Second Most Angelic Devil Ever
I wish. Sigh.
[sblock]MOO!!![/SBLOCK]
I'm reminded of when we cavorted with Bearillas, Flamingorillas, Scorpigeons, Bullemurs, Penguingolans, Joy Behir and Justin Bieberlith, among others...
http://www.enworld.org/forum/meta/280237-xp-levels-revealed-23.html#post5393625
http://www.enworld.org/forum/meta/280237-xp-levels-revealed-23.html#post5393625
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Echohawk
Shirokinukatsukami fan
I agree. They should have as many golems as humanly possible and also they should expand the list of animals to match National Geographic Animals Encyclopedia
As many golems as possible, eh?
[sblock]True Golems
- Golem, Adamantine (Epic Level Handbook)
- Golem, Aelder (Savage Coast Monstrous Compendium Appendix)
- Golem, Alchemical (Monster Manual III)
- Golem, Amber (Mystara Monstrous Compendium Appendix)
- Golem, Armor (Sword and Shield)
- Golem, Ash (Monstrous Compendium Dark Sun Appendix: Terrors of the Desert)
- Golem, Bamboo Warrior (Rage of the Rakasta)
- Golem, Black, Greater (Dungeon #14)
- Golem, Black (Dungeon #14)
- Golem, Blade (Polyhedron #75)
- Golem, Blood (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Golem, Blood Claw (Diablo II: To Hell and Back)
- Golem, Blood Golem of Hextor (Fiend Folio)
- Golem, Blood Rock Golem of Hextor (Fantastic Locations: The Frostfell Rift)
- Golem, Bone (Mystaran) (Dungeons & Dragons Rules Cyclopedia)
- Golem, Bone (Ravenloft) (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Bone (Tellenian) (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Brain (Fiend Folio)
- Golem, Brass (Monster Manual II)
- Golem, Brass (Alternative I) (Polyhedron #30)
- Golem, Brass (Alternative II) (Dungeon #45)
- Golem, Bronze (Mystaran) (Dungeons & Dragons Rules Cyclopedia)
- Golem, Bronze (Tellenian) (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Burning Man (Monstrous Compendium Annual Volume Two)
- Golem, Cadaver (Heroes of Horror)
- Golem, Calzone (Knowledge Arcana: Issue 9)
- Golem, Cannon (Dragon #355)
- Golem, Chain (Monster Manual II)
- Golem, Chalk (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Chess (Vortex of Madness and Other Planar Perils)
- Golem, Chia (Dragon #228)
- Golem, Chitin (Monstrous Compendium Dark Sun Appendix: Terrors of the Desert)
- Golem, Chocolate (Dragon #228)
- Golem, Clay (Monster Manual v.3.5)
- Golem, Clay (Diablo) (Diablo II: To Hell and Back)
- Golem, Coal (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Golem, Copper (Polyhedron #30)
- Golem, Coral (Stormwrack)
- Golem, Crystal (Dungeon #42)
- Golem, Curse-Scribed (Expedition to Castle Ravenloft)
- Golem, Demonflesh (Fiend Folio)
- Golem, Diamond (Monsters of Faer˚n)
- Golem, Doll (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Dragonbone (Draconomicon)
- Golem, Dragonflesh (Monster Manual II)
- Golem, Drakestone (Draconomicon)
- Golem, Equine (Arms and Equipment Guide)
- Golem, Emerald (Monsters of Faer˚n)
- Golem, Ether (Guide to the Ethereal Plane)
- Golem, Fang (Monster Manual IV)
- Golem, Fire (Diablo II: To Hell and Back)
- Golem, Flesh (Monster Manual v.3.5)
- Golem, Flesh (Ravenloft) (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Fungus (Dragon #341)
- Golem, Furnace (Monstrous Compendium Spelljammer Appendix)
- Golem, Ganetra (Nightstorm (HWA3))
- Golem, Gargoyle (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Gear (Dungeon #126)
- Golem, Glass (Ravenloft) (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Glass (Tellenian) (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Glassine Horror (Savage Coast Monstrous Compendium Appendix)
- Golem, Gloom (Monster Manual III)
- Golem, Gold (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Golem, Grave Dirt (Libris Mortis)
- Golem, Hammer (Monstrous Compendium Annual Volume One)
- Golem, Hangman (Monster Manual III)
- Golem, Hellfire (Fiend Folio)
- Golem, Ice (Frostburn)
- Golem, Ice, Black (Dragon #324)
- Golem, Ice (Mystaran) (Quest for the Silver Sword)
- Golem, Ice (Tellenian) (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Incarnum (Magic of Incarnum)
- Golem, Iron (Monster Manual v.3.5)
- Golem, Iron, Lesser (Harvest of Darkness)
- Golem, Iron, Spider (Dungeon #84)
- Golem, Iron (Diablo) (Diablo II: To Hell and Back)
- Golem, Iron Gargoyle (Mystara Monstrous Compendium Appendix)
- Golem, Ironwyrm (Draconomicon)
- Golem, Junk (Dragon #341)
- Golem, Leather (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Lemorian (Dungeon #142)
- Golem, Lightning (Monstrous Compendium Forgotten Realms Appendix (MC11))
- Golem, Loam (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Maggot (Dragon #339)
- Golem, Magic (Monstrous Compendium Annual Volume Three)
- Golem, Magma (Dark Sun Monstrous Compendium Appendix II)
- Golem, Mechanical (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Metagolem (Monstrous Compendium Annual Volume One)
- Golem, Minogon (Dragon #302)
- Golem, Mist (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Mithral (Epic Level Handbook)
- Golem, Mithral Guardian (Undermountain: The Lost Level)
- Golem, Mithril (Blood and Shadows: The Dark Elves of Tellene)
- Golem, Mud (Monster Manual III)
- Golem, Nyraala (Dragon #255)
- Golem, Oak (Polyhedron #30)
- Golem, Obsidian (Athasian) (Monstrous Compendium Dark Sun Appendix: Terrors of the Desert)
- Golem, Obsidian (Mystaran) (Dungeons & Dragons Rules Cyclopedia)
- Golem, Old One Guardian (Dragon #302)
- Golem, Paper (Dragon #341)
- Golem, Phantom Flyer (Monstrous Compendium Annual Volume Two)
- Golem, Prismatic (Monster Manual III)
- Golem, Quartz (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Radiant (Monstrous Compendium Spelljammer Appendix)
- Golem, Rag (Imagine #19)
- Golem, Razor (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Golem, Red (Savage Coast Monstrous Compendium Appendix)
- Golem, Relief (Dragon #334)
- Golem, Rock (Athasian) (Monstrous Compendium Dark Sun Appendix: Terrors of the Desert)
- Golem, Rock (Mystaran) (Mystara Monstrous Compendium Appendix)
- Golem, Rope (Dragon #302)
- Golem, Ruby (Monsters of Faer˚n)
- Golem, Rune (Dragon #343)
- Golem, Salt (Athasian) (Dark Sun Monstrous Compendium Appendix II)
- Golem, Salt (Tellenian) (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Sand (Sandstorm)
- Golem, Sand (Athasian) (Monstrous Compendium Dark Sun Appendix: Terrors of the Desert)
- Golem, Sand (Tellenian) (Midnight's Terror)
- Golem, Sardorian (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Golem, Seashell (Dungeon #85)
- Golem, Serpent Griffon (In the Cage: A Guide to Sigil)
- Golem, Serpentflesh (Serpent Kingdoms)
- Golem, Shaboath (Lords of Madness)
- Golem, Shadesteel (Monster Manual III)
- Golem, Shadesteel, Greater (Monster Manual III)
- Golem, Shadow (Polyhedron #30)
- Golem, Sickstone (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Golem, Siege (Cityscape)
- Golem, Silver (Mystara Monstrous Compendium Appendix)
- Golem, Skeletal (Mystara Monstrous Compendium Appendix)
- Golem, Sleepwalker (Dungeon #63)
- Golem, Slime (Ravager of Time (I8))
- Golem, Snow (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Soap (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Spiderstone (City of the Spider Queen)
- Golem, Stained Glass (Monster Manual II)
- Golem, Stone (Monster Manual v.3.5)
- Golem, Stone, Greater (Monster Manual v.3.5)
- Golem, Stone, Survey Construct (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Golem, Plush (Dragon #228)
- Golem, Puzzle (Dragon #302)
- Golem, Straw (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Thayan (Monsters of Faer˚n)
- Golem, Tin (Dragon #341)
- Golem, Tombstone (Libris Mortis)
- Golem, Training (Dungeon #117)
- Golem, Transient (Children of the Night: The Created)
- Golem, Twine (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Vault Guardian (Ruins of Zhentil Keep)
- Golem, Wax (Dragon #341)
- Golem, Wax (Ravenloft) (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem, Wax (Tellenian) (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Web (Monster Manual III)
- Golem, Wood (Dragon #341)
- Golem, Wood, Hard (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Wood, Soft (Dangerous Denizens)
- Golem, Wood (Alternate) (Dungeon #14)
- Golem, Wood (Alternate II) (Dragon #119)
- Golem, Wood (Athasian) (Monstrous Compendium Dark Sun Appendix: Terrors of the Desert)
- Golem, Wood (Mystaran) (Dungeons & Dragons Rules Cyclopedia)
- Golem, Zombie (Denizens of Dread)
- Golem Remnant (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Golem Swarm (Dragon #309)
- Elder Eidolon (Lords of Madness: The Book of Aberrations)
- Golem, Dread (Ravenloft Player's Handbook)
- Glyph Guardian (Dragon #302)
- Half-Golem (Template) (Monster Manual II)
- Half-Golem, Brass (More Half Golems! (A Monster Manual II Web Enhancement))
- Half-Golem, Clay (Monster Manual II)
- Half-Golem, Dragonflesh (More Half Golems! (A Monster Manual II Web Enhancement))
- Half-Golem, Flesh (Monster Manual II)
- Half-Golem, Iron (Monster Manual II)
- Half-Golem, Stained Glass (More Half Golems! (A Monster Manual II Web Enhancement))
- Half-Golem, Stone (Monster Manual II)
- Ahmi Vanjuko (Ravenloft Monstrous Compendium Appendices I & II)
- Awtawmatawn (Shattered Statue (DQ1))
- Clay Watchers (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Desmond LaRouche (Half-Golem) (Ravenloft Monstrous Compendium Appendices I & II)
- Feuer (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Rabbi Loew's Golem (Dragon #297)
- Ruby (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Terrible Iron Golem (Dungeon #112)
- The Sphinx (Dragon #297)
- Tod (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Verran's Flesh (Wizards of the Coast web site)
- Wilbur the Pig-Iron Pig Golem (Polyhedron #62)
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