Too long of a post to quote the whole thing, but I'll give you my impressions:
1) You wrapped mostly reasonable-sounding language around essentially telling me that my impressions and thoughts are wrong. Every single response was effectively, "Here is why you are incorrect." That's not usually an effective way to win somebody over in a debate.
But it's sadly necessary when it's the case that they are laboring under misapprehensions.
2) You also slipped in some rather insulting, snarky characterizations (e.g. of my roleplaying needs) in there, and then concluded with a comment about taking the high road. Again, makes me wonder if it's worth discussing this more, or if I should just conclude that the Warlord proponents are interested only in persuading, not in understanding.
I'm sorry if some snark slipped through, there. I do tend to slip humor in, and it doesn't always work well in the medium.
3) I think I've come a lot more than 1/4 of the way.
Half way would have seen the Warlord in the PH. So maybe more than a 1/4, maybe not. The point is, as compromises go, leaving the Warlord out of the Standard Game was a huge one.
I'm fine with a class that specializes in tactics. I'm fine with martial healing. I'm fine with pretty much all of the mechanics. I just don't like having agency taken away (more on that in a sec), or having "Leader" be a class.
Leader was the role, and it wasn't literal, but jargon describing a support role. A literal leader is something you could do well with a Warlord, since it includes abilities that model leadership benefits mechanically, but the actual decisions-making party-leader or negotiating party-spokesman could be any character, whether a warlord is present or not.
4) I don't think you were understanding my comment about agency. It's not that I fear it's going to get so carried away that somebody is literally going to start playing my character, it's that when the DM says, "Ok, you feel a surge of inspiration from his words..." my reaction is, "Wait a second...says who? Don't I get to describe what I'm thinking and doing?"
I can't see any reason you couldn't. The idea of the power is one thing, but any all-affecting power really should work with the ally's consent. The idea behind most Warlord powers center around teamwork - inspiration, planning, leadership, coordination, &c - if a character concept was enough of a 'lone wolf' I could see the player deciding he's in essence 'not willing.' I could see the same sort of thing coming up with an irreligious or opposed-religion character and support from a cleric, a tone deaf one & a bard (humor again), or a superstitous/religious one and a Warlock.
It's the kind of question of intra-party RP that comes up with some groups and not others, and can be an problem, or even interesting to explore, at times.
In the same way that if we were debating which door to open and the other player rolled a 20 on a Persuade check, if the DM said, "Ok, he convinces you..." I'd be all "Oh no he didn't!" So "the fear you expressed was never realized" is false: the very description of the abilities is what I fear.
I wish there was something I could do to re-assure you. But, ultimately, just like I wouldn't ask you to go parachuting if you were afraid of heights, I wouldn't ask you to play a warlord, nor play opposite one, if it were that phobic about the concept. By the same token, just as the existence of acrophobes doesn't ground every plane on earth, your fear of the very concept of the warlord class doesn't justify my never being allowed to play one.
5) If you seriously think "Wizard" carries the same connotations of supremacy as "Warlord" then we probably shouldn't debate that particular point.
The 'Great & Powerful Oz' ruled a land, because he was a Wizard, and he wasn't even a real one. Warlords just command men, Wizards command reality.
6) Comparing the time to leave out an option with the time to create a homebrew is a strawman because not every DM would have to create their own homebrew.
Not a straw man at all, you were very pointedly comparing the relative inconvenience we would each face from the 'just house rule' it alternative. We're talking tens of thousands of times a greater burden on me than on you. While I don't doubt that fans of the Warlord aren't a majority (in spite of this poll running 2:1 in favor of the Warlord), I doubt very much it's dectractors out number them by that kind of factor.
Even if it were the case, such utilitarianist calculations are no way to design an /inclusive/ game.
7) On the other hand, there is always a possibility (a high possibility) that there will eventually be new official classes, and that they will be allowed in Adventurer's League.
It's a possibility, sure. For instance, they might see one season as a playtest, or be available the season they appear in a new product. If they were popular enough, they might even be let in going forward. I think fans of Psionics, for instance, should reasonably be allowed to hope for just that. I'm not a fan of psionics, myself, I think they're too sci-fi for my D&D preferences, but I'm OK with them being in the pipeline, would have no trouble running for one in an AL even where they were an official option, and hope they see print in a form their supporters want, even if I likely would never play one, or might ban or tweak them (making them definitively 'magic' for instance) in a home campaign I ran.
(The fact that UA "beta classes" are not included is not evidence to the contrary.)
It's evidence that if the Warlord appeared in UA and got a beta version, it likely wouldn't be allowed in AL.
Therefore anybody who plays AL (me) who doesn't want to play alongside a Leader class has a vested interest in making sure it doesn't become official.
That seems like a profound over-reaction. Rather than bear any risk or demonstrate any tolerance for what your fellow 5e fans want from the game, you would block the class entirely?
You think that's coming more than 1/4 of the way towards a middle ground? That's staking out the most extreme position and not budging!
Here, allow me to stake out an equivalent, contrary position: Every table you play at from now on must include a Warlord. Not only must it be part of a standard game, it must be so optimal that no party would ever play without one.
That's how reasonable you just sounded to me. That's how far you are from the middle ground.
8) If it's easy for me to fluff away the Leadership and agency-depriving stuff I don't like, then it's easy for you to fluff it in.
Yep, it's like psionics is magic vs psionics is different. As long as all the functionality is there, the fluff can be left open, or go one way but be re-fluffed the other. No problem there.
And wouldn't you rather have a class fluffed such that there isn't vehemently vocal opposition to it?
The problem here is that there's plenty of opponents of the Warlord who pick one little thing about the class and demand it be cut to save their sensibilities. If we went with 'em all, there'd be nothing left. Death of thousand cuts.
If the Warlord were going into the Standard Game, yes, I think avoiding all fluff that implied obedience or dependence on the part of allies, and playing up the teamwork angle instead, along with many other compromises to save the feelings of players who will never play the class and DMs who might well ban it anyway, would all be tolerable.
Outside the Standard Game, though, objections like that carry much less weight. No one who has an objection to some aspect of the Warlord class or concept is likely to be exposed to it unless they opt into it somehow. IF a DM does, they have the option to cut the objectionable material if it's a personal objection, or otherwise deal with it if one of their players does.
So let's meet halfway and figure out how to fluff the class such that there's no ordering, commanding, etc. It's really not very hard.
I could see it being pushed to require removing a lot of necessary functionality like action-granting, inspiring word, and so forth in the process, so, yeah, it'd be a tooth-and-nail thing trying to preserve abilities without reference to their most obvious fluff, or a whole group of concepts the class is meant to model.
And, again, meeting half way is back there a fair bit, with the Warlord in the Standard Game. Just conceding it to a purely optional status is meeting you a good three-quarters, as I've said.
It's like, I left San Jose, and I'm waiting for you in Chicago, but you're staying in Boston and still asking me to 'meet you half way.' Get in the car already.
But, as a counter-off, how 'bout we meet 13/16th of the way, and we can stipulate that the Warlord cannot ever be allowed in AL without special DM permission and unanimous agreement of all players at the table? You want another steenth? How bout just no Warlord in AL, ever. Just an double-optional class in some future optional supplement, but actually a worthy, complete version, not one sliced to pieces by the combined whittling of a thousand trivial emotional objections?
9) Despite the insinuations (yes, yes, plausible deniability because of the pronouns you used, I know) I didn't avoid 4e because of biases. I drifted away from D&D after 3rd Edition came out.
NP. I drifted away from it in mid-2e, and came back for 3rd. We all have our unique relationships with the game we love.
So literally NO impressions of the Warlord until I started reading the long, angry posts during Next playtest. (To which my first reaction was, "oh god these people are annoying, PLEASE don't give them anything at all resembling this 'Warlord' aberration." I've since tempered that to "Ok, I can see how a tactician class could be a lot of fun." So yes I've come more than 1/4 of the way.)
So you conceived your prejudice upon seeing some of the ire that had been building up for years of edition warring? I'm sorry you had to be introduced to the idea that way.
Please, try not to let it skew your perceptions, though. Or, as I suppose it's too late for that, at least make allowances...
10) Being "the best at" fighting or casting or sneaking is categorically different from being "the best at Leading" when applied not to NPCs but to other party members. If you truly don't see that then I will work on clear language to express it better. But it does seem fairly obvious to me.
In the very narrow sense of 'leading' that I guess you must be referring to, it'd be rather like letting Diplomacy rolls or Reaction Adjustments dictate how players RP, yes. Not what the Warlord was ever about nor ever did, though. An easy mistake to make based on the label of the "Leader" role and the concepts the Warlord could cover, especially if first encountered in post-Edition war diatribes, with all the misrepresentation of the class that comes up every time it's debated.