D&D General I’m Trying to Love D&D Again—and I’ve Got Some Complaints. Young Grognard posting.

A lot of what the OP complains of resonates with me.

The most fun I have ever had with RPGs was as an 11-13-year-old playing AD&D at school in a group of 10 - 15 other players. No one thought of splitting up into smaller interest groups, everyone who wanted to play was welcome to join. About 5-6 of the group took turns to be DM, building the world together by extending each others maps.

As I got older the groups became smaller, people started to become more and more selective about what sort of game they wanted to play, what sort of people they wanted to play with. It got to the point where it was a struggle to form a group of 3 players, and after that took a long break from the hobby.

In a way this seems like the logical end-point, but it really was solo play that has bought me back to the hobby. It is an option where I can experience much of the wonder of playing an RPG without all the problems caused by people contaminating the fiction with their real-life issues and agendas.

Jeff2222 said:

A lot of what the OP complains of resonates with me.

The most fun I have ever had with RPGs was as an 11-13-year-old playing AD&D at school in a group of 10 - 15 other players. No one thought of splitting up into smaller interest groups, everyone who wanted to play was welcome to join. About 5-6 of the group took turns to be DM, building the world together by extending each others maps.

As I got older the groups became smaller, people started to become more and more selective about what sort of game they wanted to play, what sort of people they wanted to play with. It got to the point where it was a struggle to form a group of 3 players, and after that took a long break from the hobby.

In a way this seems like the logical end-point, but it really was solo play that has bought me back to the hobby. It is an option where I can experience much of the wonder of playing an RPG without all the problems caused by people contaminating the fiction with their real-life issues and agendas.

Click to expand...

I can't imagine wanting to play the game alone; interacting with other people and all of their wonderful ideas is what makes it fun for me, precisely because they are different from my own. So your post reads as very sad to me. If playing the game in that way brings you joy, then bless, but it is hard for me to understand.

Jeff2222 said:

A lot of what the OP complains of resonates with me.

The most fun I have ever had with RPGs was as an 11-13-year-old playing AD&D at school in a group of 10 - 15 other players. No one thought of splitting up into smaller interest groups, everyone who wanted to play was welcome to join. About 5-6 of the group took turns to be DM, building the world together by extending each others maps.

Click to expand...

When you are a kid, you have perceived near infinite amount of one of the most precious resources. Free time. Besides school, some homework and few chores, all you do is hang around and have fun with friends. At that age, friendships are made with ease, if you like same stuff and aren't mean to each other, you are besties. Then there is proximity factor, same school, you are there every day, see each other, hang around. And if you grew up in the ad&d era, there wasn't that much else to do with friends in free time.

Also, ad&d was last d&d rule set that accommodated large player groups.

Jeff2222 said:

As I got older the groups became smaller, people started to become more and more selective about what sort of game they wanted to play, what sort of people they wanted to play with. It got to the point where it was a struggle to form a group of 3 players, and after that took a long break from the hobby.

Click to expand...

That's growing up. You have less time. You learn what you like and dislike. You learn what type of people you want around you. When free time is limited, you start making cost-benefit analysis where to put that time and with whom to share it. With time, people's hobbies change, priorities change.

But you can view friendships like that also. Very few childhood friendships survive to adulthood. Rare few transform in adult friendships, few become acquaintances, rest just wither away.

Jeff2222 said:

In a way this seems like the logical end-point, but it really was solo play that has bought me back to the hobby. It is an option where I can experience much of the wonder of playing an RPG without all the problems caused by people contaminating the fiction with their real-life issues and agendas.

Click to expand...

I would disagree with this part in general, but if you like it, good for you, i'm glad you found new love for hobby. I think that social aspect is integral part of ttrpg experience which solo play lacks. IMHO, logical end point is finding compatible group of people you enjoy playing make pretend and throwing dices for a few hours every so often. Same as any other adult hobby that requires other people.

I think when you call collaborative storytelling "other players contaminating the fiction", the appeal of TTRPG is lost on you in general. Good that Solo RPG works, probably the best for everyone involved.

Retros_x said:

I think when you call collaborative storytelling "other players contaminating the fiction", the appeal of TTRPG is lost on you in general. Good that Solo RPG works, probably the best for everyone involved.

Click to expand...

You selectively ignored the second part of that sentence, which was "...with their real-life issues and agendas"; and people bringing such things with them to the game is indeed bad for the game.

Lanefan said:

You selectively ignored the second part of that sentence, which was "...with their real-life issues and agendas"; and people bringing such things with them to the game is indeed bad for the game.

Click to expand...

As was already discussed earlier in the thread, if I think being asked for basic courtesies like using someone's correct name or pronouns is an imposition on my game time, I'm the problem. If I have no issue with including tropes like political marriages or captured princesses in my game but balk at a couple of gay NPCs being portrayed/featured in plot in the exact same way as straight ones, I'm the person bringing real life problems (prejudice) into the game.

Lanefan said:

You selectively ignored the second part of that sentence, which was "...with their real-life issues and agendas"; and people bringing such things with them to the game is indeed bad for the game.

Click to expand...

Nah.

People pretending the other people at the table don't have real lives that impact their biases and perceptions and thus how they play is bad for the game.

Solo play options make a lot of sense to me and harken back to CYOA style books like Joe Dever’s Lone Wolf or Steve Jackson’s Sorcery in spirit, not to mention the Basic Red Box set. There’s obviously less friction in getting commitments from people - I think solo rules are something we should see more of TTRPGs, not because they insulate people away from socializing with others and having to hear other people’s opinions (the shock, the horror), but because it’s simply a fun and rewarding play style in its own right.

Lanefan said:

You selectively ignored the second part of that sentence, which was "...with their real-life issues and agendas"; and people bringing such things with them to the game is indeed bad for the game.

Click to expand...

I can't imagine any other hobby where "don't expect me to care about who you are" works well for anyone

There has always been a strong overlap between the Pride Club and D&D Club at my school. I suspect at quite a few schools. Not that all or most of the kids in D&D Club are LGBTQ+, but quite a lot of them are outsiders for a variety of reasons, and I suspect what draws them to the game is the opportunity to interact in a fantasy world where they aren't feeling ostracized and judged.

Well, that and the fact that I actively seek out the kids I see sitting by themselves all the time and encourage them to give the club a try.

Point is, wanting to feel safe and valued for who you are isn't an agenda. It's a basic human need. It's down near the bottom of Mazlowe's hierarchy of needs, in fact. But that doesn't mean kids are coming to the game to argue politics or something. They just want to play D&D and participate in a story of fantastical adventure, just like everyone else who loves the game. All they ask is to not be bugged about using they/them pronouns, or whatever, while doing so. Is that really a big ask? To let them play a game as their authentic selves?

For the most part, this hobby has always appealed to those of us who didn't fit in because we weren't fitting exactly into society's perfect little boxes. We're all on the same team. We're each other's people. Even if we sometimes like to argue about stuff on a forum. So we gotta support each other. Nerds should be the first to extend friendship and empathy to our fellow travellers.