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2 Days 'Till GenCon . . . Why am I not Jazzed?
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<blockquote data-quote="Dave Turner" data-source="post: 2995182" data-attributes="member: 12329"><p>Maybe the B*lls-Out Manifesto will help:</p><p></p><p>Here is my standard Gen-Con advice, titled: The Balls-Out Manifesto</p><p></p><p>I've been thinking a bit about the conventional GenCon wisdom. If you</p><p>cruise EN World or RPG.net and check for "GenCon advice threads", they seem</p><p>to have it all wrong. All of the advice seems too safe: eat sensible meals,</p><p>wear sensible shoes, be sure to get some sleep, don't blow all your money on</p><p>the first day.</p><p></p><p>That's all <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />ed. What GenCon needs is a more balls-out, gonzo approach.</p><p>This is four days of high-octane gaming. My advice would be the exact</p><p>opposite. First, get as little sleep as possible. Those among us who truly</p><p>exemplify the balls-out ethos would score some crystal meth or cocaine for</p><p>their fuel. The less-dedicated will settle for near-continuous caffeine</p><p>ingestion. I would recommend some ephedra-based supplements if you can find</p><p>them. Join every game that you can find, especially those you would never</p><p>normally play. Drop into the LAN party for some 2am Counter-Strike or Halo</p><p>2. Demo all the minis games. Hell, get into the Vampire LARP if you're</p><p>slowing down and need to "game up". Those who garner the most respect at</p><p>GenCon are those who, in a delirous fog of sleep-deprivation, direct their</p><p>2nd level wizards into hand-to-hand combat with the ogre barbarian. You</p><p>will never game with these people again and you don't get to take these</p><p>characters back to your home game. The balls-out gamer leaves no survivors.</p><p></p><p>Good food is the last of your worries. Eat when you must and don't waste</p><p>time with it. The true GenCon warriors just carry PowerBars with them and</p><p>never leave the table. If you eat like <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />, who cares? Four days of bad</p><p>eating is not going to kill you or seriously impact your diet. If you</p><p>normally eat sensibly, then this is a weekend of indulgence that your body</p><p>will absorb with little inconvenience. If you normally eat like <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />, then</p><p>GenCon is hardly the time to turn over a new leaf. Buy the Jumbo pack of</p><p>Little Debbie's snack cakes and have at it. Balls-out is not for the</p><p>faint-hearted.</p><p></p><p>Blow all your money on the first day on your first trip through the Dealers'</p><p>Hall. Borrow money from friends with only a vague intention of repaying</p><p>them. Nothing will change on the second, third, or fourth days in the Hall.</p><p>Any of the "hot" games that you missed in your first-day spending orgy will</p><p>be available in a few weeks on the Internet. You won't have time to read</p><p>any books anyway. You'll be balls-out gaming and will be sleeping on the</p><p>plane back. Purge the urge to spend money in the first few hours and you</p><p>can game with a clear conscience. If you do have a spare moment to read one</p><p>of the books you've purchased, you can score maximum points by trying to use</p><p>it in a game at the Con. So go ahead and buy the new "Complete Dominator"</p><p>book from WotC. When you arrive at your next D&D 3.5 game, ask the DM if</p><p>you can run the new "Turkish Reverser" core class you just bought. It's in</p><p>a WotC book, so it's gotta be balanced, right? Balls-out, my friend.</p><p>Balls-out.</p><p></p><p>This is the vision that we should be aspiring to. There is only one piece</p><p>of advice worth salvaging from those threads: personal hygiene. Balls-out</p><p>gaming does not mean we don't shower and periodically change our clothes.</p><p>The balls-out approach is all about style and there's no style in carrying</p><p>around the stale sweat from having your ass handed to you in Starcraft by a</p><p>13 year old kid at 4am last night. So shower early and shower often. With</p><p>cold water. Hot water is for pussies who eat sensibly and sleep.</p><p></p><p>The uninitiated and the unwashed look fearfully upon the balls-out gamer.</p><p>They read the Balls-Out Manifesto and worry about boorishness and obnoxious</p><p>behavior. But the obnoxious boor at the gaming table isn't the balls-out</p><p>gamer. Balls-out gamers are sharks, not chimpanzees. They drift through</p><p>GenCon and take huge bites of every game that catches their eye. Open their</p><p>stomachs and you'll find a D&D 3.5 PHB along with a platoon of Space Marine</p><p>minis with chainswords and a blue/white weenie deck. The balls-out gamer is</p><p>elegant and sleek, constantly on the move because if he stops swimming, he</p><p>dies. He doesn't scare the tastiest and juiciest games away by drawing</p><p>attention to himself. He bides his time, strikes when it is least expected,</p><p>and savors the tasty underbelly of every game. The balls-out gamer plays</p><p>hard, but he doesn't play stupid.</p><p></p><p>It's not about channeling the spirit of Hunter <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />ing Thompson while you</p><p>prepare to spray the table with a fistful of d10s. You don't need a smack-</p><p>addicted porn star on one arm holding your Jack Daniels while you tap your</p><p>last Swamp to summon your Sengir Vampire. It's not paying the cabana boy to</p><p>scrub your nutsack while you try to stay upright in the shower and plot 40K</p><p>strategies. It's balls-out gaming, not balls-out hedonism.</p><p></p><p>Balls-out gaming is about being a hardcore gamer, not a hardcore rock star.</p><p>It's Pi, not Animal House. It's Fight Club, not Fear and Loathing. The</p><p>player who burns his wizard in the ogre barbarian fight doesn't get respect</p><p>because he's making a crazy play that seems to give the finger to convential</p><p>wisdom. He doesn't get respect because he's playing after drinking 12 cans</p><p>of Schlitz and four Screwdrivers. Most alcohol or drugs hurt your game,</p><p>dulling your tactical wits. Balls-out gamers don't care about fitting in a</p><p>few rounds of anonymous sex with women dressed like Renaissance waitresses</p><p>or Sailor Moon. There are plenty of cheap and easy women in your hometown,</p><p>hotshot. Why are you spending this much money to travel across the country</p><p>to get laid? There are hookers within two miles of your house at a much</p><p>cheaper price. Balls-out gaming is about playing your game.</p><p></p><p>The balls-out gamer gets respect because he's at the end of a 36-hour gaming</p><p>bender and he's still in there swinging, even though his moves are total</p><p>crap. He's in a sharp, lonely place where it's almost impossible to succeed</p><p>on a Concentration check even if you've got a <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /><img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />ing Feat to boost the</p><p>roll. But he's still rolling the dice, still hungry for just one more</p><p>victory before he collapses headfirst at the table and lobotomizes himself</p><p>on a stray d4. He's still rolling dice because when that final critical hit</p><p>comes up, it will be the sweetest, purest critical hit he's ever had.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dave Turner, post: 2995182, member: 12329"] Maybe the B*lls-Out Manifesto will help: Here is my standard Gen-Con advice, titled: The Balls-Out Manifesto I've been thinking a bit about the conventional GenCon wisdom. If you cruise EN World or RPG.net and check for "GenCon advice threads", they seem to have it all wrong. All of the advice seems too safe: eat sensible meals, wear sensible shoes, be sure to get some sleep, don't blow all your money on the first day. That's all :):):):)ed. What GenCon needs is a more balls-out, gonzo approach. This is four days of high-octane gaming. My advice would be the exact opposite. First, get as little sleep as possible. Those among us who truly exemplify the balls-out ethos would score some crystal meth or cocaine for their fuel. The less-dedicated will settle for near-continuous caffeine ingestion. I would recommend some ephedra-based supplements if you can find them. Join every game that you can find, especially those you would never normally play. Drop into the LAN party for some 2am Counter-Strike or Halo 2. Demo all the minis games. Hell, get into the Vampire LARP if you're slowing down and need to "game up". Those who garner the most respect at GenCon are those who, in a delirous fog of sleep-deprivation, direct their 2nd level wizards into hand-to-hand combat with the ogre barbarian. You will never game with these people again and you don't get to take these characters back to your home game. The balls-out gamer leaves no survivors. Good food is the last of your worries. Eat when you must and don't waste time with it. The true GenCon warriors just carry PowerBars with them and never leave the table. If you eat like :):):):), who cares? Four days of bad eating is not going to kill you or seriously impact your diet. If you normally eat sensibly, then this is a weekend of indulgence that your body will absorb with little inconvenience. If you normally eat like :):):):), then GenCon is hardly the time to turn over a new leaf. Buy the Jumbo pack of Little Debbie's snack cakes and have at it. Balls-out is not for the faint-hearted. Blow all your money on the first day on your first trip through the Dealers' Hall. Borrow money from friends with only a vague intention of repaying them. Nothing will change on the second, third, or fourth days in the Hall. Any of the "hot" games that you missed in your first-day spending orgy will be available in a few weeks on the Internet. You won't have time to read any books anyway. You'll be balls-out gaming and will be sleeping on the plane back. Purge the urge to spend money in the first few hours and you can game with a clear conscience. If you do have a spare moment to read one of the books you've purchased, you can score maximum points by trying to use it in a game at the Con. So go ahead and buy the new "Complete Dominator" book from WotC. When you arrive at your next D&D 3.5 game, ask the DM if you can run the new "Turkish Reverser" core class you just bought. It's in a WotC book, so it's gotta be balanced, right? Balls-out, my friend. Balls-out. This is the vision that we should be aspiring to. There is only one piece of advice worth salvaging from those threads: personal hygiene. Balls-out gaming does not mean we don't shower and periodically change our clothes. The balls-out approach is all about style and there's no style in carrying around the stale sweat from having your ass handed to you in Starcraft by a 13 year old kid at 4am last night. So shower early and shower often. With cold water. Hot water is for pussies who eat sensibly and sleep. The uninitiated and the unwashed look fearfully upon the balls-out gamer. They read the Balls-Out Manifesto and worry about boorishness and obnoxious behavior. But the obnoxious boor at the gaming table isn't the balls-out gamer. Balls-out gamers are sharks, not chimpanzees. They drift through GenCon and take huge bites of every game that catches their eye. Open their stomachs and you'll find a D&D 3.5 PHB along with a platoon of Space Marine minis with chainswords and a blue/white weenie deck. The balls-out gamer is elegant and sleek, constantly on the move because if he stops swimming, he dies. He doesn't scare the tastiest and juiciest games away by drawing attention to himself. He bides his time, strikes when it is least expected, and savors the tasty underbelly of every game. The balls-out gamer plays hard, but he doesn't play stupid. It's not about channeling the spirit of Hunter :):):):)ing Thompson while you prepare to spray the table with a fistful of d10s. You don't need a smack- addicted porn star on one arm holding your Jack Daniels while you tap your last Swamp to summon your Sengir Vampire. It's not paying the cabana boy to scrub your nutsack while you try to stay upright in the shower and plot 40K strategies. It's balls-out gaming, not balls-out hedonism. Balls-out gaming is about being a hardcore gamer, not a hardcore rock star. It's Pi, not Animal House. It's Fight Club, not Fear and Loathing. The player who burns his wizard in the ogre barbarian fight doesn't get respect because he's making a crazy play that seems to give the finger to convential wisdom. He doesn't get respect because he's playing after drinking 12 cans of Schlitz and four Screwdrivers. Most alcohol or drugs hurt your game, dulling your tactical wits. Balls-out gamers don't care about fitting in a few rounds of anonymous sex with women dressed like Renaissance waitresses or Sailor Moon. There are plenty of cheap and easy women in your hometown, hotshot. Why are you spending this much money to travel across the country to get laid? There are hookers within two miles of your house at a much cheaper price. Balls-out gaming is about playing your game. The balls-out gamer gets respect because he's at the end of a 36-hour gaming bender and he's still in there swinging, even though his moves are total crap. He's in a sharp, lonely place where it's almost impossible to succeed on a Concentration check even if you've got a :):):):)ing Feat to boost the roll. But he's still rolling the dice, still hungry for just one more victory before he collapses headfirst at the table and lobotomizes himself on a stray d4. He's still rolling dice because when that final critical hit comes up, it will be the sweetest, purest critical hit he's ever had. [/QUOTE]
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