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<blockquote data-quote="Deuce Traveler" data-source="post: 7502415" data-attributes="member: 34958"><p><strong>Judgment of Round 1, Match 2: Gradine vs tglassy</strong></p><p></p><p>First of all, let me apologize for the hiccup in the number of ingredients. It should have been six, and I posted five. [MENTION=67]Rune[/MENTION] graciously bailed me out from my mistake. Second, let me thank the patient participants for volunteering in the first place. It’s difficult to post a piece for critiques when you put so much of yourself into it.</p><p></p><p><strong>Accordance to the Rules</strong></p><p></p><p>Both entries were posted in time, so no advantage on either side here. My word counter says that tglassy’s entry was 739 words, while Gradine’s was 747 words. Again, no advantage to either side as both made the 750 word limit.</p><p></p><p><strong>Grammar and Readability</strong></p><p></p><p>“Speak of the Devil”, by tglassy, is a creepy tale appropriately taking place in a carnival. The entry is easily understood, though I only found one small error where the villain, Piddlestomper, uses the word ‘whether’ where tglassy meant ‘weather’. Gradine’s “Have you seen this calf?” is a lot more whimsical in tone, but equal to “Speak of the Devil” in readability. “Have you seen this calf?” also has a slight spelling error as “...they most search...” should have been “...they must search...”. I think it’s interesting that both entries used the words ‘checkmate’ and the idea of a carnival, despite the lack of ‘carnival’, ‘chess’, or ‘checkmate’ in the list of ingredients. </p><p></p><p>No advantage to either entry.</p><p></p><p><strong>First Ingredient: Lost Minotaur</strong></p><p></p><p>In “Speak of the Devil”, the minotaur is a prized exhibit for a traveling carnival, while in “Have you seen this calf?” he is a classmate. Both are ‘lost’ in the sense they are missing and stuck in a maze, but neither of them are really lost in the maze itself. The minotaur in “Speak of the Devil” has a knack for working his way through the maze and chasing the party. He has no personality, but serves as a threat. In “Have you seen this calf?”, the entry specifically says that Minnie Taur is not lost in the maze, but is instead bad at the puzzles. Minnie Taur has more personality and is friendly to the party, but the challenge is getting him to help the kids out due to his sour relationship with Connor. </p><p></p><p>Both entries have creatures missing, stuck in a maze, but using their navigation skills as minotaurs to enable themselves to find their way through. Both are integral to the story, since if they weren’t lost, the heroes wouldn’t be looking into what happened to them. Both need to be minotaurs due to their ability to navigate the mazes. Good job to both writers.</p><p></p><p>No advantage to either entry.</p><p></p><p><strong>Second Ingredient: Disguised Warehouse</strong></p><p></p><p>In “Speak of the Devil”, the warehouse is disguised as something mundane, while hiding a labyrinth. It’s not clear whether the warehouse has been changed into a maze through a powerful illusion or whether it is in some sort of pocket dimension. Further, although it definitely is disguised, I came away thinking that I could have switched the warehouse with an old courthouse, temple, etc. and have the same transition. In “Have you seen this calf?”, the warehouse is also used to hide a maze, but it also served as the old storage facility of a gaming company, which is a lure for the children. This connects to a later puzzle and thus becomes more integral to the overall entry.</p><p></p><p>One point to Gradine.</p><p></p><p><strong>Third Ingredient: Idiomatic Confusion</strong></p><p></p><p>In “Speak of the Devil”, idiom-based puzzles serve as the idiomatic confusion. The antagonist hints at this when he delivers his monologue that opens the challenge of the labyrinth. In “Have you seen this calf?”, the idiomatic confusion comes from the young kids looking for the perfect game for them to play and being drawn to the challenge of the maze in its pursuit. In actuality, the prize is a card commemorating a perfect game from a sport.</p><p></p><p>“Speak of the Devil” makes the idiomatic confusion integral to several challenges the party will face in the maze, while “Have you seen this calf?” makes the confusion a motivator and connection to another ingredient.</p><p></p><p>Both writers did a fantastic job here, but neither has an advantage over the other. I am very pleased with how cleverly both of you managed a difficult ingredient. Great job!</p><p></p><p><strong>Fourth Ingredient: Affably Evil</strong></p><p></p><p>Both entries used affable as a descriptor for their antagonist. In “Have you seen this calf?”, it serves to hide the culpability of the villain, Explicia Malevolen. The use of affable is a bit weaker in “Speak of the Devil”, as people that know Piddlestomper are wary of him, despite him being openly friendly and polite. </p><p></p><p>Although Explicia Malevolen is evil in that she wants to use children as hostages, she could easily be replaced with a warehouse owner that is concerned about the missing children but is fearful about going to the authorities. Piddlestomper’s evil is integral to the structure of “Speak of the Devil” since he is a more active opponent and consorts with a devil that ultimately decides the fate of the participants.</p><p></p><p>I was actually hoping for some fleshed out villains with this one. Ah well.</p><p></p><p>One point to tglassy.</p><p></p><p><strong>Fifth Ingredient: Perfect Game</strong></p><p></p><p>In “Speak of the Devil”, perfect game is used in two ways. First, the adventurers have to run through the maze perfectly to avoid being grabbed by the devil. Second, the antagonist has to have a set series of 10 out of 10 victories to avoid his soul being taken by the devil. However, the terms could have been altered so that he has to win close to a perfect game. Maybe a less than perfect game with 7 out of 10 victories. Perhaps other participants that escaped previous matches had wild tales about something that happened to them in a traveling carnival that just passed through, causing the adventurers to go investigate.</p><p></p><p>In “Have you seen this calf?”, the perfect game is a McGuffin that is a motivator for the children. With some tweaking, it could have been replaced with any other McGuffin, like a ‘Really Neat Game’. However, this ingredient is directly connected to the Idiomatic Confusion, and taking it out would also ruin a second ingredient. Here, the ‘Perfect Game’ ingredient and the ‘Idiomatic Confusion’ ingredient are tightly bonded.</p><p></p><p>It’s that integration that has me lean to giving one point to Gradine.</p><p></p><p><strong>Sixth Ingredient: Found Wanting</strong></p><p></p><p>Neither entry does anything clever with this ingredient. “Speak of the Devil” uses it to tie into the devil taking the souls of those that lose. It is integral to the adventure, and taking this away from the devil’s motivation ruins the conclusion of the adventure. However, it is only integral at the very end. “Have you seen this calf?” uses this as a motivator for a minor villain in the story, since he bullies Minnie Taur at the start of the adventure, and then continues to try to steal from the minotaur he doesn’t respect at the end. Take this opinion of Minnie Taur away from Connor, and the party suddenly has a lot less of a challenge navigating this adventure with the NPCs.</p><p></p><p>No advantage to either.</p><p></p><p><strong>Potential for a Dungeon Master</strong></p><p></p><p>“Speak of the Devil” has a lot of utility and can be placed in just about any campaign world. It would make for a short adventure as it is written, which is more of an observation than a critique. “Have you seen this calf?” has a lot more going on when it comes to dynamics between its various NPCs, but it is quite limited for how it can be incorporated into other campaigns. “Have you seen this calf?” is also short, like “Speak of the Devil”, but I believe it has a bit more charm.</p><p></p><p>No advantage to either.</p><p></p><p><strong>Judgement</strong></p><p></p><p>This was difficult for me to judge, as both of you are experienced in this competition and it shows here. However, I am giving the slight advantage to Gradine. In the end, it was the weak use of warehouse as a location that hurt tglassy. Such a minor flaw, but so important when going against an experienced contestant. </p><p></p><p>Gradine advances to the next round.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deuce Traveler, post: 7502415, member: 34958"] [b]Judgment of Round 1, Match 2: Gradine vs tglassy[/b] First of all, let me apologize for the hiccup in the number of ingredients. It should have been six, and I posted five. [MENTION=67]Rune[/MENTION] graciously bailed me out from my mistake. Second, let me thank the patient participants for volunteering in the first place. It’s difficult to post a piece for critiques when you put so much of yourself into it. [b]Accordance to the Rules[/b] Both entries were posted in time, so no advantage on either side here. My word counter says that tglassy’s entry was 739 words, while Gradine’s was 747 words. Again, no advantage to either side as both made the 750 word limit. [b]Grammar and Readability[/b] “Speak of the Devil”, by tglassy, is a creepy tale appropriately taking place in a carnival. The entry is easily understood, though I only found one small error where the villain, Piddlestomper, uses the word ‘whether’ where tglassy meant ‘weather’. Gradine’s “Have you seen this calf?” is a lot more whimsical in tone, but equal to “Speak of the Devil” in readability. “Have you seen this calf?” also has a slight spelling error as “...they most search...” should have been “...they must search...”. I think it’s interesting that both entries used the words ‘checkmate’ and the idea of a carnival, despite the lack of ‘carnival’, ‘chess’, or ‘checkmate’ in the list of ingredients. No advantage to either entry. [b]First Ingredient: Lost Minotaur[/b] In “Speak of the Devil”, the minotaur is a prized exhibit for a traveling carnival, while in “Have you seen this calf?” he is a classmate. Both are ‘lost’ in the sense they are missing and stuck in a maze, but neither of them are really lost in the maze itself. The minotaur in “Speak of the Devil” has a knack for working his way through the maze and chasing the party. He has no personality, but serves as a threat. In “Have you seen this calf?”, the entry specifically says that Minnie Taur is not lost in the maze, but is instead bad at the puzzles. Minnie Taur has more personality and is friendly to the party, but the challenge is getting him to help the kids out due to his sour relationship with Connor. Both entries have creatures missing, stuck in a maze, but using their navigation skills as minotaurs to enable themselves to find their way through. Both are integral to the story, since if they weren’t lost, the heroes wouldn’t be looking into what happened to them. Both need to be minotaurs due to their ability to navigate the mazes. Good job to both writers. No advantage to either entry. [b]Second Ingredient: Disguised Warehouse[/b] In “Speak of the Devil”, the warehouse is disguised as something mundane, while hiding a labyrinth. It’s not clear whether the warehouse has been changed into a maze through a powerful illusion or whether it is in some sort of pocket dimension. Further, although it definitely is disguised, I came away thinking that I could have switched the warehouse with an old courthouse, temple, etc. and have the same transition. In “Have you seen this calf?”, the warehouse is also used to hide a maze, but it also served as the old storage facility of a gaming company, which is a lure for the children. This connects to a later puzzle and thus becomes more integral to the overall entry. One point to Gradine. [b]Third Ingredient: Idiomatic Confusion[/b] In “Speak of the Devil”, idiom-based puzzles serve as the idiomatic confusion. The antagonist hints at this when he delivers his monologue that opens the challenge of the labyrinth. In “Have you seen this calf?”, the idiomatic confusion comes from the young kids looking for the perfect game for them to play and being drawn to the challenge of the maze in its pursuit. In actuality, the prize is a card commemorating a perfect game from a sport. “Speak of the Devil” makes the idiomatic confusion integral to several challenges the party will face in the maze, while “Have you seen this calf?” makes the confusion a motivator and connection to another ingredient. Both writers did a fantastic job here, but neither has an advantage over the other. I am very pleased with how cleverly both of you managed a difficult ingredient. Great job! [b]Fourth Ingredient: Affably Evil[/b] Both entries used affable as a descriptor for their antagonist. In “Have you seen this calf?”, it serves to hide the culpability of the villain, Explicia Malevolen. The use of affable is a bit weaker in “Speak of the Devil”, as people that know Piddlestomper are wary of him, despite him being openly friendly and polite. Although Explicia Malevolen is evil in that she wants to use children as hostages, she could easily be replaced with a warehouse owner that is concerned about the missing children but is fearful about going to the authorities. Piddlestomper’s evil is integral to the structure of “Speak of the Devil” since he is a more active opponent and consorts with a devil that ultimately decides the fate of the participants. I was actually hoping for some fleshed out villains with this one. Ah well. One point to tglassy. [b]Fifth Ingredient: Perfect Game[/b] In “Speak of the Devil”, perfect game is used in two ways. First, the adventurers have to run through the maze perfectly to avoid being grabbed by the devil. Second, the antagonist has to have a set series of 10 out of 10 victories to avoid his soul being taken by the devil. However, the terms could have been altered so that he has to win close to a perfect game. Maybe a less than perfect game with 7 out of 10 victories. Perhaps other participants that escaped previous matches had wild tales about something that happened to them in a traveling carnival that just passed through, causing the adventurers to go investigate. In “Have you seen this calf?”, the perfect game is a McGuffin that is a motivator for the children. With some tweaking, it could have been replaced with any other McGuffin, like a ‘Really Neat Game’. However, this ingredient is directly connected to the Idiomatic Confusion, and taking it out would also ruin a second ingredient. Here, the ‘Perfect Game’ ingredient and the ‘Idiomatic Confusion’ ingredient are tightly bonded. It’s that integration that has me lean to giving one point to Gradine. [b]Sixth Ingredient: Found Wanting[/b] Neither entry does anything clever with this ingredient. “Speak of the Devil” uses it to tie into the devil taking the souls of those that lose. It is integral to the adventure, and taking this away from the devil’s motivation ruins the conclusion of the adventure. However, it is only integral at the very end. “Have you seen this calf?” uses this as a motivator for a minor villain in the story, since he bullies Minnie Taur at the start of the adventure, and then continues to try to steal from the minotaur he doesn’t respect at the end. Take this opinion of Minnie Taur away from Connor, and the party suddenly has a lot less of a challenge navigating this adventure with the NPCs. No advantage to either. [b]Potential for a Dungeon Master[/b] “Speak of the Devil” has a lot of utility and can be placed in just about any campaign world. It would make for a short adventure as it is written, which is more of an observation than a critique. “Have you seen this calf?” has a lot more going on when it comes to dynamics between its various NPCs, but it is quite limited for how it can be incorporated into other campaigns. “Have you seen this calf?” is also short, like “Speak of the Devil”, but I believe it has a bit more charm. No advantage to either. [b]Judgement[/b] This was difficult for me to judge, as both of you are experienced in this competition and it shows here. However, I am giving the slight advantage to Gradine. In the end, it was the weak use of warehouse as a location that hurt tglassy. Such a minor flaw, but so important when going against an experienced contestant. Gradine advances to the next round. [/QUOTE]
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