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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Imhotepthewise" data-source="post: 7503901" data-attributes="member: 976">After Judgement DiscussionAfter Judgement DiscussionFirst of all, I want to thank [MENTION=50987]CleverNickName[/MENTION] for being my honorable competitor and writing an excellent entry!Secondly, I want to than [MENTION=67]Rune[/MENTION] for his fair and honest judgement. I appreciate he never belittles anyone and is always encouraging us to try harder.I got the ingredients Sunday night and started to take them apart to see what could be done. Having so many time ingredients with only one “thing” in the middle was giving me the vapours.  If the meaning of the ingredient is not giving me anything, I usually find something in the alternate meanings of the word to make it work.After a couple hours, I gave up and went to bed. I woke up with another half-assed idea that went nowhere.  Despondently, I wrote an apology to post to [MENTION=50987]CleverNickName[/MENTION] and my fellow Iron DM crowd that I forfeited. I just didn’t have anything. I couldn’t put three yet six ingredients together.Then she showed up.The mother is the well. The wish is her prayer not to be found. The unscripted revelation is the unknown effect of the visual obscurement of her that kept her from being found by the bandits. Nobody asked for it to happen that way, and nobody knows who or what made it happen. She hadn’t asked for anything karma couldn’t have given her without much to be expended. This happens in a magical world, shouldn’t it?One of the things I have been pinged on in the past is either drop it in by stating the ingredient word for word or trying to cleverly state it differently.  It is a fair gig, because  the ingredient has to be part of the story, not just tacked on.  This is the bedrock of Iron DM.  In my last three Iron DM entries, I really have tried to NOT telegraph the ingredient, but to make it discoverable by the story.Another problem I have had in the past is my use of tenses. I am a technical writer by trade, so I don’t mix tenses as often, so I have to really self-edit this.  I tried to work hard on this in this entry.I have found I often underuse the word count. I build my entry and when I see my word count, I usually have about 40 to 50 words to go. I read it again, and if I have said what I want to say, I am loath to add words just for fluff or to restate the obvious. This is a fight I have at work all the time. Keep it simple, say what you have to say.So my girl’s story came together. She survived when it was nearly impossible that she would not. She was not totally safe (not totally invisible), but concealed enough for the bandits not find her. The fact that the party had a chance to see her was that they were smarter and more experienced. Looking for secret doors is a lot different than following victims on a dirt road.Pregnancy brings a lot of time related issues to the table. There is the wait wait wait followed by the Oh My God the Baby’s Coming!The absolute most miserable ingredient for me was Time Flies. I felt it was my weakest element, but I feel time spent with kids is the best example of this ingredient. As a parent of grown children and no grandchildren in the offing, I can tell you I miss this the most.So, I was very happy with my entry. As far as an adventure I would like to play, it is my favorite entry of mine so far. I wrote it pretty generically because I think it would work in a lot of genres (fantasy, western, post-apocalyptic, etc).So thank you to the judges and my fellow competitors for allowing me to join you once again. I hope to give it another try next time!</blockquote>

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