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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Deuce Traveler" data-source="post: 7509004" data-attributes="member: 34958">Judgment of Round 2, Match 1: hawkeyefan vs MortalPlagueWe have two non-fantasy RPG entries.  What a treat!I’m settling on a point system.  Two points for the rules; one for being on time and the other for the word limit.  Two points for grammar and readability.  Two points for how integral is each ingredient; adjective for one point and the subject for the other.  Two points for the utility of the adventure for a Dungeon Master.Accordance to RulesBoth writers posted their entries on time, but hawkeyefan’s Catalyst went over at 1546 words according to wordcounter.net.  This could have been easily avoided, as there are some sentences that provide little to the entry; i.e. “The Agents can be familiar with one another or this can be their first meeting” and “You can use the information scattered about King’s room as potential leads for future scenarios”.  Two points to MortalPlague and one point to hawkeyefan.Score:hawkeyefan 1, MortalPlague 2Grammar and ReadabilityThere were small errors in Catalyst, such as “The Dread Virago’s poison has left him a paranoid mess. He says he thought if he got a pure specimen, the damage could be undone. But that’s not true. There’s nothing pure anymore. Maritime has just opened his eyes, and Delta Green’s just as much a part of the problem as any of the things they hunt.”  There is no use of quotation marks here, so it’s hard to determine what is a quote for the DM to use.  If this is not supposed to be a quote, then the middle portion of the above should be: “The events in Maritime Labs have opened my eyes.”  Also, why would Delta Green be as much of a problem?  Is that the agent’s paranoia due to his transformation or did I miss something?Morality Index is an easier story to follow although there are a handful of unnecessary commas.  MortalPlague takes this category, with two points for him and one point for hawkeyefan.Score:hawkeyefan 2, MortalPlague 4First Ingredient: High TollI really liked MortalPlague’s use of this ingredient being a high-pitched bell sound.  It was a clever twist, though nothing in the entry made it integral.  Why did distance of the emission of the sound matter instead of the decibal level?  Why couldn’t a beam of light at a particular wavelength not work better for a fail safe, especially if the hull had been opened and no sound could have been possible in the vacuum?  Sound as a fail safe seems to be a bad idea in space.I’m guessing that High Toll in hawkeyefan’s entry was the high toll that the agent suffered in performing his duty.  That’s a nice touch, and the agent’s diminishing sanity does drive the plot along.  Therefore I felt it was more integral to the entry.  hawkeyefan scores two points here to MortalPlague’s one.Score:hawkeyefan 4, MortalPlague 5Second Ingredient: Time BombBoth stories had a time bomb, but in hawkeyefan’s entry it was more of a mention.  The agent they were tracking down had a few clues about what was going on, but they were located in his residence.  When the players track down the bomb and its associated note, it is just as quickly dismissed without any indication that the bomb has been armed or is otherwise relevant to their adventure.MortalPlague’s entry has a bit more to the time bomb, but not by much.  The characters are told to use a time bomb to destroy the ship and its evidence at the end of the adventure, and the robot might go hostile if they try to prepare it, but nothing in the adventure requires the bomb to be used.  The party could have shot at the ship to destroy it or even ignored the order to use a bomb in the first place.  Neither entry even made it necessary for the bomb to be set-up on a timer, as a trigger would have worked equally well.One point for each, but no real edge to either.Scorehawkeyefan 5, MortalPlague 6Third Ingredient: Affluent PanhandlerBoth writers did well with this ingredient.  hawkeyefan’s affluent panhandler was the crazed agent the team was sent to recover.  He’s a well-to-do member of their deep-pocketed organization, but his addled mind has turned him into a beggar.  MortalPlague’s affluent panhandler is a poor, but entertaining space traveler who is suddenly made rich due to all of the dead crewmen.  His behavior also provides an important clue to why the robot may have gone crazy.  This character seems like he would be a lot of fun, though not as helpful to the party’s adventure as the crazed agent from ‘Catalyst’.I’m going to call this one a tie, and grant two points to both.Scorehawkeyefan 7, MortalPlague 8Fourth Ingredient: Phobic MedusaAgain, a good job by both writers.  The medusa in both entries is an antagonist that reacts in a way involving fear.  In ‘Mortal Index’, the medusa is a crazed robot that can quickly go from neutral to homicidal if triggered by its fear.  Although robotic, she does have medusa-like abilities, such as the ability to paralyze and sensors that snake their way from her head.In ‘Catalyst’, the medusa is a squid-like tentacled horror.  It saps the will from those around it by increasing their fear, making them unable to act against it, effectively paralyzing them emotionally.  At the same time, it forces a growing sense of horror around those it infects.  I like it.Two points to each.Scorehawkeyefan 9, MortalPlague 10Fifth Ingredient: Indignant RetortThe indignant retort in ‘Catalyst’ is the last entry the missing agent sent to headquarters.  Here it is the warning sign to headquarters that something has gone wrong… and therefore the catalyst to the adventure.  It is also connected to the high toll ingredient, as it is the first indication that the agent is beginning to lose his mind.  This is a nice way to bond the two ingredients.I’m trying to figure out whether the Indignant Retort in ‘Morality Index’ is the survivor’s indignant reaction to being rescued or the medusa’s violent reply when she feels threatened.  It fits the survivor better, but his reaction isn’t really integral to the story.  It feels more integral to the story if it is coming from the medusa, but there is nothing indignant about her reaction.One point to MortalPlague and two points to hawkeyefan.Scorehawkeyefan 11, MortalPlague 11Sixth Ingredient: Dirty SecretI don’t have much to say on this.  Both writers used this ingredient as a central part of the plot.  In hawkeyefan’s entry, the workers of Maritime Labs are trying to hide their involvement with a Deep One.  In MortalPlague’s entry, the adventurers are hired by a company trying to hide the complicitness in the accidental death of a ship’s crew.  Both uses of the ingredient affect how the party gets involved and how the non-player characters react to the plot.  Good job and full points to each.Scorehawkeyefan 13, MortalPlague 13Seventh Ingredient: Pure SampleIn ‘Catalyst’, the Pure Sample is the creature that the agent found.  It is tied to the Phobic Medusa ingredient, and if it is preserved it may help cure the agent’s madness and the High Toll it took.  That’s a nice touch.In ‘Mortal Index’, the party is only going to get paid if it retrieves the code intact, and this code is inside the Phobic Medusa.  So they can’t just blow the medusa to pieces and hope to get paid for the leftover bits.So the use of this ingredient was integral in both cases.  Again, a good job by each.Scorehawkeyefan 15, MortalPlague 15Potential for Dungeon MasterBoth entries had its problems.  In ‘Catalyst’, why does a routine autopsy reveal Deep One DNA?  Is every coroner in the world on the agency’s payroll and trained for these special tests?  If the party does research about Hector Miranda, they will find out he works for the nearby labs.  Therefore, before going out to the town they can go to Hector Miranda’s known place of work, sneak in at night, and solve the problem with hardly any work.  After that, they can go to the agent’s residence and just pick up the creature inside.‘Mortal Index’ has a more entertaining character and a more complex narrative.  Traveling to the ship is the only linear part of the adventure, and I could see a lot of non-linear ways that the adventure can unfold.  A confrontational party is going to find itself in a crazed shoot-out in the confines of a spaceship, while a more rational group of sleuths will slowly uncover the mystery and have a chance to find a non-violent solution.  I’m giving MortalPlague the edge here.Scorehawkeyefan 16, MortalPlague 17Judgmenthawkeyefan, this is a much better entry than your last one, however you suffered for not following the rules of the competition.  Still, you make solid use of your ingredients, which I do appreciate.  Tighten up the writing and you’ll do fine in the competition next year.MortalPlague, congratulations.  I really enjoyed reading your entry, despite a few concerns over some logic.  I vote for you to advance to the final round.</blockquote>

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