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<blockquote data-quote="Deuce Traveler" data-source="post: 7510770" data-attributes="member: 34958"><p><strong>Round 2, Match 2: CleverNickName’s “The Cake of Kings” vs Gradine’s “The Twisted Court”</strong></p><p></p><p>Most likely due to the hippogriff and mind flayer ingredients, these were both fantasy entries. I will use the same scoring system that I used for Round 2, Match 1. I will admit that I chose my parts of the ingredients in order to be a bastard and make this as difficult as possible. For instance, I chose Hungry Hippogriff as an ingredient, mainly for how hard it would be to make the ingredient integral in any story dark enough to include malison, mindflayers, and burning rain. So with that, I’ll read the entries and pass my judgment. I apologize ahead of time if I make grammar errors of my own, but I must admit to physical exhaustion and no rest coming in the next few days, so better I finish judging this now then later.</p><p></p><p><strong>Accordance to Rules</strong></p><p>Both entries were easily on time; fantastic job to both writers. “The Cake of Kings” came in at 1494 words, while I have “The Twisted Court” at 1498 words. It looks like both writers made it a point to be as economical as possible. Two points to each.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 2, Gradine 2</p><p></p><p><strong>Grammar and Readability</strong></p><p></p><p>My spell checker found an error in “The Cake of Kings”. “Their extra effort will be rewarded with a special commendation from the local Order of Paladins, for having the decency to bring even this uworthy criminal back to face the justice of the court.” The word ‘uworthy’ is probably meant to be ‘unworthy’. Otherwise the entry flows well and is easily understood despite its wide-range of characters, events, and locales.</p><p></p><p>“The Twisted Court” has a problem with its flow right from the beginning, where it focuses one instance on “one town” then mentions some mountains that “form the natural border between the two”. Two what? You just had me focused on one town. After a couple of rereads, I figured it out, but that didn’t start off as a good sign. Another part had this error: “While it is still half-eagle, half-lion, its lion tail has been replaced two tails…” This should have been typed as “While it is still half-eagle, half-lion, its lion tail has been replaced <em>by</em> two tails...”</p><p></p><p>The rest of the entry was hard to follow, with a list of numerous characters all following their own agenda which might clash with the party’s plans. While I had ‘The Cake of Kings’ figured out after the first reading, I had to reread portions of “The Twisted Court” multiple times before I understood everything that was happening.</p><p></p><p>Two points to CleverNickName and one point to Gradine. </p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 4, Gradine 3</p><p></p><p><strong>First Ingredient: Mindful Mindflayer</strong></p><p></p><p>Both entries used this ingredient in the same exact way. Both mindflayers were mindful by putting their goals first and having a willingness to use dialogue, deception, and a magical curse to do their work for them instead of starting with direct confrontation or being influenced by petty emotions. But in neither entry did I feel that the monsters had to be mindflayers; any intelligent and powerful creature or evil spellcaster with the ability to influence minds would have worked. This is unfortunate, since mindflayers have so many unique traits that could have been incorporated. One point for each writer.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 5, Gradine 4</p><p></p><p><strong>Second Ingredient: Con Artist</strong></p><p></p><p>In CleverNickName’s story, there is a criminal named Tarn who spiked the cake with a dangerous poison. But I didn’t really see him as a con artist. A liar at best and an attempted assassin at worst. He isn’t running a con in the entry, and certainly isn’t any sort of artist considering how easy he is caught. I am not awarding any points for his inclusion.</p><p></p><p>In Grandine’s entry, I was trying to figure out if the con artist was Bragi for lying about paternity, the mindflayer for trying to delay the adventurers until they fall under the curse, or the hobgoblin warlord for pretending to be an heir. Ultimately I decided it must be the hobgoblin, but I also felt he was more of a liar than a con artist since there is little indication of him going out of his way to establish the con. So I’ll give a point for the con, but zero for the artistry.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 4, Gradine 4</p><p></p><p><strong>Third Ingredient: Ancient Culture</strong></p><p></p><p>CleverNickName gets some clever (pun intended) use out of this pair of words, where an ingredient that the adventurers have to track down is a living mold and vital ingredient for a cake that is to be made. This was pretty meta, too. An ingredient for the entry ended up being and ingredient for the cake. I’m awarding two points for this one.</p><p></p><p>Grandine’s entry used the ingredient in a much more standard way, where the ancient culture was reflected in the ancient ruins of a lost empire. The ancient history seemed vital to the entry, but I never got a feel about the culture. The little tidbits that were mentioned about the hobgoblins didn’t seem vital. I am awarding one point.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 6, Gradine 5</p><p></p><p><strong>Fourth Ingredient: Royal Mint</strong></p><p></p><p>This ingredient is integral to “The Twisted Court”, with different actors all trying to get control of it. Because there are royal lineages involved, the first part of the ingredient is as important as the mint itself. This is a solid use of the ingredient and changing the first and second parts of it cannot be done without changing important pieces of the entry. Great work and two points.</p><p></p><p>“The Cake of Kings” really stretches the ingredient here. The mint part works, even though the monster guarding it is really straining the ingredient’s use. However, the royal part of the ingredient face plants. I award only a point.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 7, Gradine 7</p><p></p><p><strong>Fifth Ingredient: Incremental Malison</strong></p><p></p><p>Both entries had an incremental malison being employed by a mindflayer, with the curse being a creation of the mindflayer in “The Cake of Kings” and being something the mindflayer of “The Twisted Court” would use to his advantage. They are also both used as a timer; in the first, take too long and the pet hippogriff dies, and in the second, take too long and the characters themselves fall to insanity.</p><p></p><p>The problem I have with the use of the ingredient in “The Cake of Kings” is that there are more pressing reasons to deal with the mindflayer besides a dying hippogriff. For one, he has abducted other humans. Second, he is an evil mindflayer bent on destroying the kingdom. A sick hippogriff seems minor in comparison.</p><p></p><p>In “The Twisted Court”, the incremental malison has effected an important NPC and the PCs themselves. Further, there is concern that is is stretching its evil influence to other places and drawing people to the mint. There is a stronger sense of terror and urgency here. I award one point to “The Cake of Kings” and two points to “The Twisted Court”.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 8, Gradine 9</p><p></p><p><strong>Sixth Ingredient: Hungry Hippogriff</strong></p><p></p><p>I was surprised by how well the Hungry Hippogriff was used in “The Cake of Kings”. It was important that it was hungry, due to its devouring of the cake which sets off many of the events of the adventure. Also it was important due to the hippogriff being a royal pet and the symbol of royalty, since the royalty task the adventurers into helping when their pet gets sick. Nicely done and two points awarded. I can’t see getting the same effect out of switching the Hungry Hippogriff with Hungry Hippo, Hungry Lion, Angry Hippogriff, etc.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, “The Twisted Court” didn’t seem to have a use for the ‘hungry’ portion of the Hippogriff. Surely it is hungry and therefore a threat to the characters, especially with its ability to swallow an opponent whole. But that seems to have little importance to the entry as I could have said Firebreathing Hippogriff and made it equally deadly without changing much else. However, the hippogriff did seem to be integral to the royalty in the same manner as the one in “The Cake of Kings” and I will award one point.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 10, Gradine 10</p><p></p><p><strong>Seventh Ingredient: Burning Rain</strong></p><p></p><p>I feel like both entries phoned this one in. In “The Twisted Court”, a final decision by the party can result in the destruction of the Royal Mint by exploiting some poorly designed engineering. This would end the curse, but the same sort of destruction could have been through Rushing Water if the site was built on a dam or Creeping Lava if it used molten magma flow. I did like how the ingredient tied to the Royal Mint, however. I would have elevated that to give preference to the ingredient if it was used properly.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, “The Cake of Kings” just tacks on some acid rain as part of a scavenger hunt in a dangerous part of the kingdom. The ingredient only gets a short two or three sentences and never has relevance again. Zero points for both entries.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 10, Gradine 10</p><p></p><p><strong>Potential for Dungeon Master</strong></p><p></p><p>This is where “The Cake of Kings” really suffers. I applaud the entry for being well-written, and I love the whimsical feeling for the majority of it. However, I can’t see myself running it in its current form. Players matter little in this railroad of an adventure. They are brought in to investigate a missing cake, but as they are making progress Character A shows up and sets them upon Path A. Then when that is complete, Character B shows up and sets them upon Path B. The characters are going through a story, but aren’t affecting the world around them and there is little room to cut their own path. Also, the first half is almost perfect in tone, but the introduction of a mindflayer abducting townsfolk derails it. What starts off as a fun romp in a magical kingdom where the largest concerns are royal relationships, exotic animals, and missing cake, turns into a horror story about people that have been abducted over the years. Why the hell is the court so concerned about minor issues like cake when there is an evil overlord nearby enthralling their people? Man, that is messed up. Also, why would a mindflayer pay off a known criminal instead of enthralling a trusted chef? I award one point for the first half of the adventure, where a DM could run it as a fun one-off.</p><p></p><p>“The Twisted Court” is more of a sandbox, where the character can become involved in a multitude of ways and their actions have ripple effects on several involved NPCs. Further, at the end of the adventure there are several hooks that can lead to follow-on missions. An evil party would also be as at home in this adventure as a good-aligned one, and the events could easily be part of a larger campaign. I award Grandine two points here.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>CleverNickName 11, Gradine 12</p><p></p><p><strong>Judgment</strong></p><p>This was a strange one to judge. Both writers showed that they are very talented when coming up with adventuring ideas. However, ingredients were just shoe-horned in with both entries. I am giving Gradine the edge, but do not believe this to have been his best work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deuce Traveler, post: 7510770, member: 34958"] [b]Round 2, Match 2: CleverNickName’s “The Cake of Kings” vs Gradine’s “The Twisted Court”[/b] Most likely due to the hippogriff and mind flayer ingredients, these were both fantasy entries. I will use the same scoring system that I used for Round 2, Match 1. I will admit that I chose my parts of the ingredients in order to be a bastard and make this as difficult as possible. For instance, I chose Hungry Hippogriff as an ingredient, mainly for how hard it would be to make the ingredient integral in any story dark enough to include malison, mindflayers, and burning rain. So with that, I’ll read the entries and pass my judgment. I apologize ahead of time if I make grammar errors of my own, but I must admit to physical exhaustion and no rest coming in the next few days, so better I finish judging this now then later. [b]Accordance to Rules[/b] Both entries were easily on time; fantastic job to both writers. “The Cake of Kings” came in at 1494 words, while I have “The Twisted Court” at 1498 words. It looks like both writers made it a point to be as economical as possible. Two points to each. Score: CleverNickName 2, Gradine 2 [b]Grammar and Readability[/b] My spell checker found an error in “The Cake of Kings”. “Their extra effort will be rewarded with a special commendation from the local Order of Paladins, for having the decency to bring even this uworthy criminal back to face the justice of the court.” The word ‘uworthy’ is probably meant to be ‘unworthy’. Otherwise the entry flows well and is easily understood despite its wide-range of characters, events, and locales. “The Twisted Court” has a problem with its flow right from the beginning, where it focuses one instance on “one town” then mentions some mountains that “form the natural border between the two”. Two what? You just had me focused on one town. After a couple of rereads, I figured it out, but that didn’t start off as a good sign. Another part had this error: “While it is still half-eagle, half-lion, its lion tail has been replaced two tails…” This should have been typed as “While it is still half-eagle, half-lion, its lion tail has been replaced [i]by[/i] two tails...” The rest of the entry was hard to follow, with a list of numerous characters all following their own agenda which might clash with the party’s plans. While I had ‘The Cake of Kings’ figured out after the first reading, I had to reread portions of “The Twisted Court” multiple times before I understood everything that was happening. Two points to CleverNickName and one point to Gradine. Score: CleverNickName 4, Gradine 3 [b]First Ingredient: Mindful Mindflayer[/b] Both entries used this ingredient in the same exact way. Both mindflayers were mindful by putting their goals first and having a willingness to use dialogue, deception, and a magical curse to do their work for them instead of starting with direct confrontation or being influenced by petty emotions. But in neither entry did I feel that the monsters had to be mindflayers; any intelligent and powerful creature or evil spellcaster with the ability to influence minds would have worked. This is unfortunate, since mindflayers have so many unique traits that could have been incorporated. One point for each writer. Score: CleverNickName 5, Gradine 4 [b]Second Ingredient: Con Artist[/b] In CleverNickName’s story, there is a criminal named Tarn who spiked the cake with a dangerous poison. But I didn’t really see him as a con artist. A liar at best and an attempted assassin at worst. He isn’t running a con in the entry, and certainly isn’t any sort of artist considering how easy he is caught. I am not awarding any points for his inclusion. In Grandine’s entry, I was trying to figure out if the con artist was Bragi for lying about paternity, the mindflayer for trying to delay the adventurers until they fall under the curse, or the hobgoblin warlord for pretending to be an heir. Ultimately I decided it must be the hobgoblin, but I also felt he was more of a liar than a con artist since there is little indication of him going out of his way to establish the con. So I’ll give a point for the con, but zero for the artistry. Score: CleverNickName 4, Gradine 4 [b]Third Ingredient: Ancient Culture[/b] CleverNickName gets some clever (pun intended) use out of this pair of words, where an ingredient that the adventurers have to track down is a living mold and vital ingredient for a cake that is to be made. This was pretty meta, too. An ingredient for the entry ended up being and ingredient for the cake. I’m awarding two points for this one. Grandine’s entry used the ingredient in a much more standard way, where the ancient culture was reflected in the ancient ruins of a lost empire. The ancient history seemed vital to the entry, but I never got a feel about the culture. The little tidbits that were mentioned about the hobgoblins didn’t seem vital. I am awarding one point. Score: CleverNickName 6, Gradine 5 [b]Fourth Ingredient: Royal Mint[/b] This ingredient is integral to “The Twisted Court”, with different actors all trying to get control of it. Because there are royal lineages involved, the first part of the ingredient is as important as the mint itself. This is a solid use of the ingredient and changing the first and second parts of it cannot be done without changing important pieces of the entry. Great work and two points. “The Cake of Kings” really stretches the ingredient here. The mint part works, even though the monster guarding it is really straining the ingredient’s use. However, the royal part of the ingredient face plants. I award only a point. Score: CleverNickName 7, Gradine 7 [b]Fifth Ingredient: Incremental Malison[/b] Both entries had an incremental malison being employed by a mindflayer, with the curse being a creation of the mindflayer in “The Cake of Kings” and being something the mindflayer of “The Twisted Court” would use to his advantage. They are also both used as a timer; in the first, take too long and the pet hippogriff dies, and in the second, take too long and the characters themselves fall to insanity. The problem I have with the use of the ingredient in “The Cake of Kings” is that there are more pressing reasons to deal with the mindflayer besides a dying hippogriff. For one, he has abducted other humans. Second, he is an evil mindflayer bent on destroying the kingdom. A sick hippogriff seems minor in comparison. In “The Twisted Court”, the incremental malison has effected an important NPC and the PCs themselves. Further, there is concern that is is stretching its evil influence to other places and drawing people to the mint. There is a stronger sense of terror and urgency here. I award one point to “The Cake of Kings” and two points to “The Twisted Court”. Score: CleverNickName 8, Gradine 9 [b]Sixth Ingredient: Hungry Hippogriff[/b] I was surprised by how well the Hungry Hippogriff was used in “The Cake of Kings”. It was important that it was hungry, due to its devouring of the cake which sets off many of the events of the adventure. Also it was important due to the hippogriff being a royal pet and the symbol of royalty, since the royalty task the adventurers into helping when their pet gets sick. Nicely done and two points awarded. I can’t see getting the same effect out of switching the Hungry Hippogriff with Hungry Hippo, Hungry Lion, Angry Hippogriff, etc. On the other hand, “The Twisted Court” didn’t seem to have a use for the ‘hungry’ portion of the Hippogriff. Surely it is hungry and therefore a threat to the characters, especially with its ability to swallow an opponent whole. But that seems to have little importance to the entry as I could have said Firebreathing Hippogriff and made it equally deadly without changing much else. However, the hippogriff did seem to be integral to the royalty in the same manner as the one in “The Cake of Kings” and I will award one point. Score: CleverNickName 10, Gradine 10 [b]Seventh Ingredient: Burning Rain[/b] I feel like both entries phoned this one in. In “The Twisted Court”, a final decision by the party can result in the destruction of the Royal Mint by exploiting some poorly designed engineering. This would end the curse, but the same sort of destruction could have been through Rushing Water if the site was built on a dam or Creeping Lava if it used molten magma flow. I did like how the ingredient tied to the Royal Mint, however. I would have elevated that to give preference to the ingredient if it was used properly. On the other hand, “The Cake of Kings” just tacks on some acid rain as part of a scavenger hunt in a dangerous part of the kingdom. The ingredient only gets a short two or three sentences and never has relevance again. Zero points for both entries. Score: CleverNickName 10, Gradine 10 [b]Potential for Dungeon Master[/b] This is where “The Cake of Kings” really suffers. I applaud the entry for being well-written, and I love the whimsical feeling for the majority of it. However, I can’t see myself running it in its current form. Players matter little in this railroad of an adventure. They are brought in to investigate a missing cake, but as they are making progress Character A shows up and sets them upon Path A. Then when that is complete, Character B shows up and sets them upon Path B. The characters are going through a story, but aren’t affecting the world around them and there is little room to cut their own path. Also, the first half is almost perfect in tone, but the introduction of a mindflayer abducting townsfolk derails it. What starts off as a fun romp in a magical kingdom where the largest concerns are royal relationships, exotic animals, and missing cake, turns into a horror story about people that have been abducted over the years. Why the hell is the court so concerned about minor issues like cake when there is an evil overlord nearby enthralling their people? Man, that is messed up. Also, why would a mindflayer pay off a known criminal instead of enthralling a trusted chef? I award one point for the first half of the adventure, where a DM could run it as a fun one-off. “The Twisted Court” is more of a sandbox, where the character can become involved in a multitude of ways and their actions have ripple effects on several involved NPCs. Further, at the end of the adventure there are several hooks that can lead to follow-on missions. An evil party would also be as at home in this adventure as a good-aligned one, and the events could easily be part of a larger campaign. I award Grandine two points here. Score: CleverNickName 11, Gradine 12 [b]Judgment[/b] This was a strange one to judge. Both writers showed that they are very talented when coming up with adventuring ideas. However, ingredients were just shoe-horned in with both entries. I am giving Gradine the edge, but do not believe this to have been his best work. [/QUOTE]
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