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<blockquote data-quote="Deuce Traveler" data-source="post: 7515974" data-attributes="member: 34958"><p><strong>Final Match: Gradine’s “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood” vs MortalPlague’s “The Culling of Carriage Court”</strong></p><p></p><p>This is it folks. Caesar vs Pompey. Foreman vs Frazier. Freddy vs Jason. Gradine’s “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood” vs MortalPlague’s “The Culling of Carriage Court”. </p><p></p><p>Accordance to Rules</p><p>Both entries were easily on time, so full credit to both writers there. “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood” comes in at a light 1,941 words. Meanwhile “The Culling of Carriage Court” is 1,999 words if I were to count “A macabre adventure for low-level characters” as part of the title. And I will, so both entries receive 2 points from me.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 2, MortalPlague: 2</p><p></p><p></p><p>Grammar and Readability</p><p>Gradine’s entry has a nice, creepy feel to it; perfect for this Halloween season. However, there are a lot of characters to keep track on. I also felt more confused by the background information and had to reread a few sections in order to have a fuller understanding. Some of the logic doesn’t flow, such as if the population is losing five people every night to murders then how is the population maintaining itself? Is this a large city brimming with people? Are some of the people brought back when the cycle starts again? Whether or not it does, how long has this situation been going on? If the city was just recently brought to this evil realm, is it possible the heroes have been sucked in along with it?</p><p></p><p>MortalPlague’s story had some punctuation errors such as a missing comma in the phrase “After their great victory the Empire built a...” I think that should read as “After its great victory, the Empire built a ...”</p><p></p><p>There are spelling errors also: “...each face is scribed with ancient runes...” The word ‘inscribed’ should be used instead.</p><p></p><p>Overall, MortalPlague’s story was much more easy to follow and understand, though. The motivations of each of the NPCs are easy to comprehend, as is how each event leads onto the next.</p><p></p><p>I’m giving one point to Gradine for his excellent punctuation and word use, and one point to MortalPlague for his entry’s readability. </p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 3, MortalPlague: 3</p><p></p><p></p><p>First Ingredient: Byzantine Schemes</p><p>Our first ingredient can be translated to mean complex and devious plots. “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood” definitely has that and more. You have a plotting court (though what their plots are remains vague), a plotting assassin, plotting evil beings that control the wrecked land, etc. The schemes are vital to the plot, too, since each of these actors drive the series of events that the characters find themselves in. There is almost too much going on, and its hard to keep track.</p><p></p><p>Although not as complex, “The Culling of Carriage Court” has its twisting plots from the hag building her undead army, the woman who controls the assassin, and the fey court, whose members are enjoying the results of their murderous mischief. The schemes are also vital to the entry, especially that of the fey court. Both entries get the full two points.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 5, MortalPlague: 5</p><p></p><p>Second Ingredient: Elder Signpost</p><p></p><p>The elder signpost in “The Culling of Carriage Court” is an ancient monolith warning the townsfolk of an ancient evil that lies sealed. No one remembers what it is referring to and its importance, and it really isn’t integral to the story outside of giving clues to the characters. I’ll give its use here one point.</p><p></p><p>I had trouble figuring out what the elder signpost was in “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood”. The only thing I can figure out is that it might have something to do with the seals that the unicorn is repairing. As in, it might be used as a sort of signpost leading people out of the Demiplane of Dread. But that’s a bit of a stretch, and I don’t see its use being vital to the story. I am awarding no points for its use.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 5, MortalPlague: 6</p><p></p><p>Third Ingredient: Dread Ninja</p><p></p><p>In “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood”, the assassin is a major part of the story. He is very much a fictional ninja, complete with the Japanese-themed setting. He is also ‘dread’, as he is more of a spirit enacting his evil will upon others. As a major NPC, he is also pretty vital to the entry. Two points here to Gradine.</p><p></p><p>Shugo does not have to be a ninja in “The Culling of Carriage Court”. Instead Shugo could have easily been made into any generic assassin. You could tweak the story a bit on how he travels to avoid detection and make him a flesh golem. He is still dread when activated, but he spends most of the events in hibernation unless given an assignment. I’m only awarding a point here.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 7, MortalPlague: 7</p><p></p><p>Fourth Ingredient: Pie Wagon</p><p></p><p>I thought we were going to get some comedic entries when I saw ‘pie wagon’ as an ingredient. A wagon makes me think that this is a mobile ingredient, which would make part of the adventure be on some sort of travel. But both adventures were set in a static town and its outskirts. It truly surprised me that both writers went full speed ahead with a Sweeney Todd set of human meat pies. Well, anyway here we are… </p><p></p><p>In “The Culling of Carriage Court”, a meat pie is delivered to the heroes as a hook and they find a piece of jewelry inside inside (as the unicorn ingredient). The wagon portion of this clue is a delivery vehicle that the heroes can track down in order to find one of the antagonists. Therefore the wagon part of this is somewhat significant, although weakly. I’m not giving any points for the pie portion, because this could have been any sort of food and it only works as a weak adventure hook. Only one point awarded, and just barely that.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, in “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood”, the use of the ingredient is almost exactly the same. The wagon is stationary, however, and can easily be interchanged as a shop. There is no reason that the butcher/baker, Pan-ya, has to be making pies as he could just as well have been killing people and turned them into leather (making him a tanner) or been serving meat soup. In fact, Pan-ya has literal relevance to the core of the story except to pad out the adventure, and removing this quest would have little impact on the entry. No points here.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 7, MortalPlague: 8</p><p></p><p>Fifth Ingredient: Red Unicorn</p><p></p><p>I’m struggling to find the significance of the red unicorn in “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood”. First, the red portion of the ingredient is mostly ignored unless we stretch the fact that the unicorn uses blood magic, and blood is red and effects the fur. Also, the only way he stands out as a unicorn is that he lives in a forest and deals with nature seals. I wonder if another evil forest spirit would work better.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, “The Culling of Carriage Court” has the party find an unicorn necklace in their meat pie. It is dripping with red juices. The red unicorn has no other significance and could just have easily been a necklace with ‘Annabelle’ spelled out on it.</p><p></p><p>I’m going to give a point for the weak effort to Gradine, opposed to MortalPlague who gets nothing.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 8, MortalPlague: 8</p><p></p><p>Sixth Ingredient: Deadly Ink</p><p></p><p>No we’re talking! This ingredient is used wonderfully in “The Culling of Carriage Court”. There is a book next to a container of magical red ink. When a name is put into the book, the killer Shugo is activated and he goes to eliminate that person. Pretty darn deadly. Since Shugo is the ‘dread ninja’ ingredient, this also ties nicely with that one. Bravo! A full two points.</p><p></p><p>In “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood”, there is definitely a Mistborn series vibe with writing things down on paper. The unicorn finds out that he can write with blood without his messages becoming corrupted. Put together, the ingredient doesn’t really work. The ink is purely blood, and not really ink. The unicorn is writing with it, though, so I guess it could work. Or maybe he's etching. And the ink definitely isn’t deadly. Sure, someone died so that the unicorn could have it, but the ink in itself isn’t deadly nor does its use lead to something deadly. Now if it was dead ink, or body ink, blood ink, etc, then it might have worked. I’ll give this a point.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 8, MortalPlague: 9</p><p></p><p>Seventh Ingredient: Iron Law</p><p></p><p>The Iron Law is a continuation to the problem we just discussed in the previous ingredient for “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood”. That issue is that the trapped people can’t trust words put to paper in normal ink. To prove it, an edict is written on paper and engraved in iron. The iron edict is shown to be uncorrupted. So the iron part is pretty important, but why would the evil beings manipulating everyone bother to corrupt one document when they know they couldn’t have been able to corrupt the other? Did they want to be caught? Was the change to the edict important? Did one of the documents get corrupted to change her name to another? If everyone knows the princess has volunteered to be sacrificed, and she is willing to volunteer, why would a corruption of the edict matter? Why does this ingredient matter?</p><p></p><p>Cold Iron is hugely important in “The Culling of Carriage Court”, and there were ancient instructions to have iron on hand and maintained to keep the fey trapped. But I don’t know if you can really call those instructions a law, especially since everyone now living has forgotten the old ways and are not maintaining the barriers. In this entry, the iron is critically important while the law part is waved somewhat. </p><p></p><p>I’ll give a point to each.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 9, MortalPlague: 10</p><p></p><p>Eighth Ingredient: Traitor</p><p></p><p>Such a simple ingredient.</p><p></p><p>The ninja in “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood” is a very important character, and it is his treasonous behavior that drives the entire narrative. He is not only a traitor, but he is also the ‘dread ninja’ ingredient. The full two points goes to Gradine.</p><p></p><p>In “The Culling of Carriage Court”, Elsie is a traitor to her ruling government, using this adventure’s ‘dread ninja’ ingredient as her method for revenge. It’s funny to see both entries tie the same two ingredients together, but with different methods. A full two points here, too.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 11, MortalPlague: 12</p><p></p><p>Potential for Dungeon Master</p><p></p><p>Honestly, both adventures have their problems. Let’s start with ““The Culling of Carriage Court”. Why the hell is Greel making meat pies and distributing her goods around town? If she lays low, she’ll continue to slowly build up her undead army. Why do something so dumb that would call attention on her? Especially for a product that might earn her a few silvers at the most. Was she attempting to frame Elsie? Also, the adventurers might not go visit Anabelle’s father right away, and might track down the wagon first, which would lead them right to the climax. Still, the larger backdrop of the adventure is pretty good and there are a ton of really good directions this adventure could lead depending upon the decisions the party makes.</p><p></p><p>However, “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood” is full of logical errors. First, we have a unicorn that writes in blood. I’m having trouble visualizing what the unicorn is actually doing. If he etches his symbols in the trees without blood, I suppose the evil beings warp the symbols? What if the unicorn asked some nice locals to make some iron symbols and help him push them into the tree? Would that work so he could avoid the whole grisly murdering?</p><p></p><p>What’s up with the butcher? He’s horrified by what he is doing, so he should just stop or tell someone to get help and that he can’t stop. Supposedly the evil entities involved changed his cooking recipe, which prompted him to kill. Is this a possession? Are there numerous ways to self this problem non-violently? </p><p></p><p>When the edict was changed by the entities, did the people who read the paper version suddenly become possessed or geased to also act in evil ways, like the butcher? If so, how?</p><p></p><p>If people keep losing their memories of certain incidents, like the princess being killed, are they also ghosts who reset after some days? Are they really alive? If the party fails, will the butcher and people involved in bringing him to justice all forget what happens so that he goes on killing again? If they are not all reviving after some time then I bet they will all have been killed off within a matter of years. There’s some good stuff here, but I just don’t think it comes cleanly together.</p><p></p><p>One point for Gradine, and two points to MortalPlague.</p><p></p><p>Score:</p><p>Gradine: 12, MortalPlague: 14</p><p></p><p>Judgment</p><p></p><p>Despite its problems, I’m voting for “The Culling of Carriage Court”. Despite the weak hook, it flows well, has three different antagonists with competing interests, and has a lot of depth and flexibility for follow-on adventures. As good as Gradine is, I believe MortalPlague is the Iron DM of 2018.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deuce Traveler, post: 7515974, member: 34958"] [b]Final Match: Gradine’s “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood” vs MortalPlague’s “The Culling of Carriage Court”[/b] This is it folks. Caesar vs Pompey. Foreman vs Frazier. Freddy vs Jason. Gradine’s “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood” vs MortalPlague’s “The Culling of Carriage Court”. Accordance to Rules Both entries were easily on time, so full credit to both writers there. “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood” comes in at a light 1,941 words. Meanwhile “The Culling of Carriage Court” is 1,999 words if I were to count “A macabre adventure for low-level characters” as part of the title. And I will, so both entries receive 2 points from me. Score: Gradine: 2, MortalPlague: 2 Grammar and Readability Gradine’s entry has a nice, creepy feel to it; perfect for this Halloween season. However, there are a lot of characters to keep track on. I also felt more confused by the background information and had to reread a few sections in order to have a fuller understanding. Some of the logic doesn’t flow, such as if the population is losing five people every night to murders then how is the population maintaining itself? Is this a large city brimming with people? Are some of the people brought back when the cycle starts again? Whether or not it does, how long has this situation been going on? If the city was just recently brought to this evil realm, is it possible the heroes have been sucked in along with it? MortalPlague’s story had some punctuation errors such as a missing comma in the phrase “After their great victory the Empire built a...” I think that should read as “After its great victory, the Empire built a ...” There are spelling errors also: “...each face is scribed with ancient runes...” The word ‘inscribed’ should be used instead. Overall, MortalPlague’s story was much more easy to follow and understand, though. The motivations of each of the NPCs are easy to comprehend, as is how each event leads onto the next. I’m giving one point to Gradine for his excellent punctuation and word use, and one point to MortalPlague for his entry’s readability. Score: Gradine: 3, MortalPlague: 3 First Ingredient: Byzantine Schemes Our first ingredient can be translated to mean complex and devious plots. “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood” definitely has that and more. You have a plotting court (though what their plots are remains vague), a plotting assassin, plotting evil beings that control the wrecked land, etc. The schemes are vital to the plot, too, since each of these actors drive the series of events that the characters find themselves in. There is almost too much going on, and its hard to keep track. Although not as complex, “The Culling of Carriage Court” has its twisting plots from the hag building her undead army, the woman who controls the assassin, and the fey court, whose members are enjoying the results of their murderous mischief. The schemes are also vital to the entry, especially that of the fey court. Both entries get the full two points. Score: Gradine: 5, MortalPlague: 5 Second Ingredient: Elder Signpost The elder signpost in “The Culling of Carriage Court” is an ancient monolith warning the townsfolk of an ancient evil that lies sealed. No one remembers what it is referring to and its importance, and it really isn’t integral to the story outside of giving clues to the characters. I’ll give its use here one point. I had trouble figuring out what the elder signpost was in “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood”. The only thing I can figure out is that it might have something to do with the seals that the unicorn is repairing. As in, it might be used as a sort of signpost leading people out of the Demiplane of Dread. But that’s a bit of a stretch, and I don’t see its use being vital to the story. I am awarding no points for its use. Score: Gradine: 5, MortalPlague: 6 Third Ingredient: Dread Ninja In “Ravenloft: Writ in Blood”, the assassin is a major part of the story. He is very much a fictional ninja, complete with the Japanese-themed setting. He is also ‘dread’, as he is more of a spirit enacting his evil will upon others. As a major NPC, he is also pretty vital to the entry. Two points here to Gradine. Shugo does not have to be a ninja in “The Culling of Carriage Court”. Instead Shugo could have easily been made into any generic assassin. You could tweak the story a bit on how he travels to avoid detection and make him a flesh golem. He is still dread when activated, but he spends most of the events in hibernation unless given an assignment. I’m only awarding a point here. Score: Gradine: 7, MortalPlague: 7 Fourth Ingredient: Pie Wagon I thought we were going to get some comedic entries when I saw ‘pie wagon’ as an ingredient. A wagon makes me think that this is a mobile ingredient, which would make part of the adventure be on some sort of travel. But both adventures were set in a static town and its outskirts. It truly surprised me that both writers went full speed ahead with a Sweeney Todd set of human meat pies. Well, anyway here we are… In “The Culling of Carriage Court”, a meat pie is delivered to the heroes as a hook and they find a piece of jewelry inside inside (as the unicorn ingredient). The wagon portion of this clue is a delivery vehicle that the heroes can track down in order to find one of the antagonists. Therefore the wagon part of this is somewhat significant, although weakly. I’m not giving any points for the pie portion, because this could have been any sort of food and it only works as a weak adventure hook. Only one point awarded, and just barely that. Meanwhile, in “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood”, the use of the ingredient is almost exactly the same. The wagon is stationary, however, and can easily be interchanged as a shop. There is no reason that the butcher/baker, Pan-ya, has to be making pies as he could just as well have been killing people and turned them into leather (making him a tanner) or been serving meat soup. In fact, Pan-ya has literal relevance to the core of the story except to pad out the adventure, and removing this quest would have little impact on the entry. No points here. Score: Gradine: 7, MortalPlague: 8 Fifth Ingredient: Red Unicorn I’m struggling to find the significance of the red unicorn in “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood”. First, the red portion of the ingredient is mostly ignored unless we stretch the fact that the unicorn uses blood magic, and blood is red and effects the fur. Also, the only way he stands out as a unicorn is that he lives in a forest and deals with nature seals. I wonder if another evil forest spirit would work better. On the other hand, “The Culling of Carriage Court” has the party find an unicorn necklace in their meat pie. It is dripping with red juices. The red unicorn has no other significance and could just have easily been a necklace with ‘Annabelle’ spelled out on it. I’m going to give a point for the weak effort to Gradine, opposed to MortalPlague who gets nothing. Score: Gradine: 8, MortalPlague: 8 Sixth Ingredient: Deadly Ink No we’re talking! This ingredient is used wonderfully in “The Culling of Carriage Court”. There is a book next to a container of magical red ink. When a name is put into the book, the killer Shugo is activated and he goes to eliminate that person. Pretty darn deadly. Since Shugo is the ‘dread ninja’ ingredient, this also ties nicely with that one. Bravo! A full two points. In “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood”, there is definitely a Mistborn series vibe with writing things down on paper. The unicorn finds out that he can write with blood without his messages becoming corrupted. Put together, the ingredient doesn’t really work. The ink is purely blood, and not really ink. The unicorn is writing with it, though, so I guess it could work. Or maybe he's etching. And the ink definitely isn’t deadly. Sure, someone died so that the unicorn could have it, but the ink in itself isn’t deadly nor does its use lead to something deadly. Now if it was dead ink, or body ink, blood ink, etc, then it might have worked. I’ll give this a point. Score: Gradine: 8, MortalPlague: 9 Seventh Ingredient: Iron Law The Iron Law is a continuation to the problem we just discussed in the previous ingredient for “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood”. That issue is that the trapped people can’t trust words put to paper in normal ink. To prove it, an edict is written on paper and engraved in iron. The iron edict is shown to be uncorrupted. So the iron part is pretty important, but why would the evil beings manipulating everyone bother to corrupt one document when they know they couldn’t have been able to corrupt the other? Did they want to be caught? Was the change to the edict important? Did one of the documents get corrupted to change her name to another? If everyone knows the princess has volunteered to be sacrificed, and she is willing to volunteer, why would a corruption of the edict matter? Why does this ingredient matter? Cold Iron is hugely important in “The Culling of Carriage Court”, and there were ancient instructions to have iron on hand and maintained to keep the fey trapped. But I don’t know if you can really call those instructions a law, especially since everyone now living has forgotten the old ways and are not maintaining the barriers. In this entry, the iron is critically important while the law part is waved somewhat. I’ll give a point to each. Score: Gradine: 9, MortalPlague: 10 Eighth Ingredient: Traitor Such a simple ingredient. The ninja in “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood” is a very important character, and it is his treasonous behavior that drives the entire narrative. He is not only a traitor, but he is also the ‘dread ninja’ ingredient. The full two points goes to Gradine. In “The Culling of Carriage Court”, Elsie is a traitor to her ruling government, using this adventure’s ‘dread ninja’ ingredient as her method for revenge. It’s funny to see both entries tie the same two ingredients together, but with different methods. A full two points here, too. Score: Gradine: 11, MortalPlague: 12 Potential for Dungeon Master Honestly, both adventures have their problems. Let’s start with ““The Culling of Carriage Court”. Why the hell is Greel making meat pies and distributing her goods around town? If she lays low, she’ll continue to slowly build up her undead army. Why do something so dumb that would call attention on her? Especially for a product that might earn her a few silvers at the most. Was she attempting to frame Elsie? Also, the adventurers might not go visit Anabelle’s father right away, and might track down the wagon first, which would lead them right to the climax. Still, the larger backdrop of the adventure is pretty good and there are a ton of really good directions this adventure could lead depending upon the decisions the party makes. However, “Ravenloft: A Writ in Blood” is full of logical errors. First, we have a unicorn that writes in blood. I’m having trouble visualizing what the unicorn is actually doing. If he etches his symbols in the trees without blood, I suppose the evil beings warp the symbols? What if the unicorn asked some nice locals to make some iron symbols and help him push them into the tree? Would that work so he could avoid the whole grisly murdering? What’s up with the butcher? He’s horrified by what he is doing, so he should just stop or tell someone to get help and that he can’t stop. Supposedly the evil entities involved changed his cooking recipe, which prompted him to kill. Is this a possession? Are there numerous ways to self this problem non-violently? When the edict was changed by the entities, did the people who read the paper version suddenly become possessed or geased to also act in evil ways, like the butcher? If so, how? If people keep losing their memories of certain incidents, like the princess being killed, are they also ghosts who reset after some days? Are they really alive? If the party fails, will the butcher and people involved in bringing him to justice all forget what happens so that he goes on killing again? If they are not all reviving after some time then I bet they will all have been killed off within a matter of years. There’s some good stuff here, but I just don’t think it comes cleanly together. One point for Gradine, and two points to MortalPlague. Score: Gradine: 12, MortalPlague: 14 Judgment Despite its problems, I’m voting for “The Culling of Carriage Court”. Despite the weak hook, it flows well, has three different antagonists with competing interests, and has a lot of depth and flexibility for follow-on adventures. As good as Gradine is, I believe MortalPlague is the Iron DM of 2018. [/QUOTE]
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