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<blockquote data-quote="Deuce Traveler" data-source="post: 7844071" data-attributes="member: 34958"><p>Deuce Traveler's judgement for Round 2, Match 1</p><p></p><p>"Pendragon: Love Eternal" by [USER=6954514]@Wisdom Seeker[/USER] versus "Arrow, by Versace" by [USER=60965]@Iron Sky[/USER] </p><p></p><p>I'll be the first to admit that I purposely picked ingredients that didn't seem like they would fit well together. Right off I will say that Iron Sky's entry was not an easy initial read. I did like a lot of what I read though, since I do enjoy a Neil Gaiman-like story of mythical figures in a modernized setting. Wisdom Seeker's entry takes place in 16th century Earth, and was a much easier read involving courtly intrigue. I think it's interesting that both writers skipped out on the typical Tolkienesque setting. Let's break out the points.</p><p></p><p>Timeliness and Word Count: </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, Wisdom Seeker's entry was both less than an hour late, though at least the word count was met. I cut the conclusion out as a penalty and will be judging from there. Iron Sky's entry was on time and within the word limit.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 1, Iron Sky 2</p><p></p><p>Grammar and Readability:</p><p></p><p>I'm not familiar with the Pendragon RPG outside of what I've heard in the gaming community, but I know it's well respected. I had some trouble following the events in the "Love Eternal" tale, but it did read like some Arthurian adventure and was readable. On the other hand, "Arrow" had a lot of sentence structure issues. One example right from the beginning: "First wrong guess or too long without an attempt, she raises an eyebrow" should be instead "If the players give a initial wrong guess or take too long to answer, she raises an eyebrow". There are a lot of errors like that, but I'm not going to nitpick all of them now. Advantage on this one goes to Wisdom Seeker.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 3, Iron Sky 3</p><p></p><p>Oh no... it's a tie. Let's see what happens when we grade the use of ingredients.</p><p></p><p>First Ingredient: Laconic Sphynx</p><p></p><p>Laconic means "terse or concise". So yeah... I was a bit unfair with this, because you want a sphynx that delivers riddles, but the laconic part of this gets tricky. Neither entry satisfied the laconic piece. In "Arrow" I get the sense that the sphynx (Phix) likes riddles, but it seems really talkative. I liked the riddles, but I never got the sense of the laconic characteristic. The Spartans were laconic. They would respond to long lists of demands with short, witty responses like "Then we'll fight in the shade." The problem with Derull in "Love Eternal" is that it seems laconic in the sense that it is "no-nonsense" and doesn't seem to explain anything, but otherwise the sphynx part of it does not shine through. It could have been a laconic dragon or laconic djinni for the same result. Even then, I think the laconic part is a stretch only because of a piece of the entry that says the sphynx refuses to answer a question. I'm giving an edge to Phix, who is a cool character with wonderful riddles. Derull just isn't developed enough.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 3, Iron Sky 4</p><p></p><p>Thieving Caravan</p><p></p><p>In "Arrow", the thieving caravan doesn't seem to really fit. The players form a caravan with the sphynx, but they aren't necessarily thieves until the Louvre, and even then the characters might choose a different path to their goal. In random encoutners there are thief-like groups that may attack the caravan... but this is still not enough. In "Love Eternal", the characters meet a bunch of bandits that attack their caravan. Later the bandits are living luxuriously out of the now-stolen caravan and its supplies, and the characters have to deal with that. So in "Love Eternal", the thieving caravan seems more integral to the adventure and I'm giving Wisdom Seeker the edge here.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 5, Iron Sky 5</p><p></p><p>Astral Jaunt</p><p></p><p>Both entries use the Astral Plane towards the very end of the adventure. Neither one uses the Astral Plane in all it's cool and bizarre glory. Instead it's just tacked on to help finish off the adventure. It's an unintegral wash.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 6, Iron Sky 6</p><p></p><p>Last Crownbearer</p><p></p><p>"Eternal Love" does something interesting with this ingredient. The supposed 'king' isn't a rightful king at all, but that's unbeknowest to him. So he can keep on believing he is the rightful wearer of the crown at the end or give it up. Several characters vie for the crown and perhaps the true last crownbearer waits at the end of the adventure. This ingredient is used well and is integrated in several different ways. "Arrow" has this sentence that is mostly unintelligible "The saddlebag always slung over her side blazes like a beacon to arcane detection, radiating from a Zeus' vacant olive-wreath crown." The words 'Zeus' and 'crown' never turn back up. I am guessing that now that Zeus is probably dead, that Eros is taking over his mantle, but it's not explicity said. I would agree that in my interpratetion, Eros is integral to the plot so I'll give Iron Sky a point here, but this ingredient is strongly won by Wisdom Seeker.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 8, Iron Sky 7</p><p></p><p>Affluent Troll</p><p></p><p>In "Eternal Love" the troll becomes affluent when he steals the caravan away from the characters. He also acts like a fantasy troll once he has the crown and treasures; basically he behaves like a bestial lout. It would have been better if he demanded a toll first or if there was a bridge involved. In "Arrow", I'm not sure what makes Jotunn a troll except the ingredient requires one. He could easily have been a rival god instead. Because of his position, I am assuming he is affluent. "Eternal Love" gets an edge here.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 10, Iron Sky 8</p><p></p><p>Crystal Seal</p><p></p><p>In "Arrow" the word 'crystal' comes up in both figurines and with crystal meth. I have trouble seeing how integral either's 'crystal' traits is in the adventure. In "Love Eternal", the crystal is really a precious gem and MacGuffin in the story. This is a problem though, because in reality a gem is not a crystal. There are web pages dedicated to the differences between them. Both entries are a wash here.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 11, Iron Sky 9</p><p></p><p>Fountain of Love</p><p></p><p>Iron Sky uses a captured Eros pretty effectively here. The captured god is being manipulated into using his essence as a sort of aphrodesic product set loose upon the world market. Eros is a fountain of love being sold off. The whole adventure is wrapped around this situation with the players likely setting him free. Wisdom Seeker has the fountain of love as more as a visual effect and wrap-up at the end. The fountain could be replaced with a portal or fairy ring or anything else.</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 12, Iron Sky 11</p><p></p><p>Well that's it for ingredients. Now let's look at the GM's perspective. </p><p></p><p>Utility for a Game Master</p><p></p><p>I admit I have some major issues with both of these adventures.</p><p></p><p>"Arrow" has a lot of grammar issues and therefore is hard to follow and understand in places. I'm taking a guess here, but it looks like this is what is happening: In our modern times the ancient gods are all dead or dying from some cause. A mythological troll takes advantage of the situation and captures Eros to use his essence to grow rich. The characters are somehow brought in to find out what happened, but are told to talk to a Sphinx about it. The Sphynx gives advice in riddle form and tells them where to go next, but insists on tagging along and forcing the characters to use ground transportation as they have to reveal clues to what is actually going on. What if the characters leave the sphynx and take air transportation anyway? Or teleport? Or if they have mind readers and can circumvent riddles and the lies of Jotunn and his allies? There does seem to be some flexibility here in the terms of stealing objects, negotiating, and fighting, which I do appreciate as a GM.</p><p></p><p>"Love Eternal" is more of a railroad, though, and there seems to be more that can be broken. The adventurers are transporting a young lord so he can be wed. Right in the beginning they are threatened and are supposed to surrender the crown to protect their ward. During this same encounter, an assassin is mentioned that they may or may not see at first (their companion notices the killer though). What if the party does not surrender, fights the troll and the bandits, and win? What if they notice the assassin and track him or her down early? What if they see one or both these threats and do not continue on their path, but backtrack in order to find a potentially safer road? What if they convince their ward that the crown isn't worth his life and leave the crown behind with the bandits and continue on their way? What if the party doesn't notice the power of the crown's gem, or what if they decide it's not safe to contact a sphynx for advice and help? So much could derail this adventure and as a player I wouldn't choose half the decisions that would keep it on track. Not only that, but I was wondering what would happen to the woman the lord was supposed to marry and the relations between the territories. It seems a missed opportunity for mentioning hooks at the end. Of course, I can't also count some of the resolution since it was cut-off due to the lateness of the piece.</p><p></p><p>Because of this, I give an edge to "Arrow".</p><p></p><p>Score: Wisdom Seeker 13, Iron Sky 13</p><p></p><p>Well, damn. I've pretty much tied it on points and am left to go with my gut. I'm going with Iron Sky's "Arrow, by Versace". Neither entry really blew me away, but "Arrow" was on-time and has a lot more memorable NPCs. I did like elements of "Pendragon: Eternal Love", but in the end I felt it was rushed and lacked cohesion in the second half. The bandits and troll were used well, and the young, spoiled lordling seems like a horribly fun obstacle to the characters' goals. But not enough is fleshed out with the guardian, the assassin, the wizard, and the lord's ancestor.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deuce Traveler, post: 7844071, member: 34958"] Deuce Traveler's judgement for Round 2, Match 1 "Pendragon: Love Eternal" by [USER=6954514]@Wisdom Seeker[/USER] versus "Arrow, by Versace" by [USER=60965]@Iron Sky[/USER] I'll be the first to admit that I purposely picked ingredients that didn't seem like they would fit well together. Right off I will say that Iron Sky's entry was not an easy initial read. I did like a lot of what I read though, since I do enjoy a Neil Gaiman-like story of mythical figures in a modernized setting. Wisdom Seeker's entry takes place in 16th century Earth, and was a much easier read involving courtly intrigue. I think it's interesting that both writers skipped out on the typical Tolkienesque setting. Let's break out the points. Timeliness and Word Count: Unfortunately, Wisdom Seeker's entry was both less than an hour late, though at least the word count was met. I cut the conclusion out as a penalty and will be judging from there. Iron Sky's entry was on time and within the word limit. Score: Wisdom Seeker 1, Iron Sky 2 Grammar and Readability: I'm not familiar with the Pendragon RPG outside of what I've heard in the gaming community, but I know it's well respected. I had some trouble following the events in the "Love Eternal" tale, but it did read like some Arthurian adventure and was readable. On the other hand, "Arrow" had a lot of sentence structure issues. One example right from the beginning: "First wrong guess or too long without an attempt, she raises an eyebrow" should be instead "If the players give a initial wrong guess or take too long to answer, she raises an eyebrow". There are a lot of errors like that, but I'm not going to nitpick all of them now. Advantage on this one goes to Wisdom Seeker. Score: Wisdom Seeker 3, Iron Sky 3 Oh no... it's a tie. Let's see what happens when we grade the use of ingredients. First Ingredient: Laconic Sphynx Laconic means "terse or concise". So yeah... I was a bit unfair with this, because you want a sphynx that delivers riddles, but the laconic part of this gets tricky. Neither entry satisfied the laconic piece. In "Arrow" I get the sense that the sphynx (Phix) likes riddles, but it seems really talkative. I liked the riddles, but I never got the sense of the laconic characteristic. The Spartans were laconic. They would respond to long lists of demands with short, witty responses like "Then we'll fight in the shade." The problem with Derull in "Love Eternal" is that it seems laconic in the sense that it is "no-nonsense" and doesn't seem to explain anything, but otherwise the sphynx part of it does not shine through. It could have been a laconic dragon or laconic djinni for the same result. Even then, I think the laconic part is a stretch only because of a piece of the entry that says the sphynx refuses to answer a question. I'm giving an edge to Phix, who is a cool character with wonderful riddles. Derull just isn't developed enough. Score: Wisdom Seeker 3, Iron Sky 4 Thieving Caravan In "Arrow", the thieving caravan doesn't seem to really fit. The players form a caravan with the sphynx, but they aren't necessarily thieves until the Louvre, and even then the characters might choose a different path to their goal. In random encoutners there are thief-like groups that may attack the caravan... but this is still not enough. In "Love Eternal", the characters meet a bunch of bandits that attack their caravan. Later the bandits are living luxuriously out of the now-stolen caravan and its supplies, and the characters have to deal with that. So in "Love Eternal", the thieving caravan seems more integral to the adventure and I'm giving Wisdom Seeker the edge here. Score: Wisdom Seeker 5, Iron Sky 5 Astral Jaunt Both entries use the Astral Plane towards the very end of the adventure. Neither one uses the Astral Plane in all it's cool and bizarre glory. Instead it's just tacked on to help finish off the adventure. It's an unintegral wash. Score: Wisdom Seeker 6, Iron Sky 6 Last Crownbearer "Eternal Love" does something interesting with this ingredient. The supposed 'king' isn't a rightful king at all, but that's unbeknowest to him. So he can keep on believing he is the rightful wearer of the crown at the end or give it up. Several characters vie for the crown and perhaps the true last crownbearer waits at the end of the adventure. This ingredient is used well and is integrated in several different ways. "Arrow" has this sentence that is mostly unintelligible "The saddlebag always slung over her side blazes like a beacon to arcane detection, radiating from a Zeus' vacant olive-wreath crown." The words 'Zeus' and 'crown' never turn back up. I am guessing that now that Zeus is probably dead, that Eros is taking over his mantle, but it's not explicity said. I would agree that in my interpratetion, Eros is integral to the plot so I'll give Iron Sky a point here, but this ingredient is strongly won by Wisdom Seeker. Score: Wisdom Seeker 8, Iron Sky 7 Affluent Troll In "Eternal Love" the troll becomes affluent when he steals the caravan away from the characters. He also acts like a fantasy troll once he has the crown and treasures; basically he behaves like a bestial lout. It would have been better if he demanded a toll first or if there was a bridge involved. In "Arrow", I'm not sure what makes Jotunn a troll except the ingredient requires one. He could easily have been a rival god instead. Because of his position, I am assuming he is affluent. "Eternal Love" gets an edge here. Score: Wisdom Seeker 10, Iron Sky 8 Crystal Seal In "Arrow" the word 'crystal' comes up in both figurines and with crystal meth. I have trouble seeing how integral either's 'crystal' traits is in the adventure. In "Love Eternal", the crystal is really a precious gem and MacGuffin in the story. This is a problem though, because in reality a gem is not a crystal. There are web pages dedicated to the differences between them. Both entries are a wash here. Score: Wisdom Seeker 11, Iron Sky 9 Fountain of Love Iron Sky uses a captured Eros pretty effectively here. The captured god is being manipulated into using his essence as a sort of aphrodesic product set loose upon the world market. Eros is a fountain of love being sold off. The whole adventure is wrapped around this situation with the players likely setting him free. Wisdom Seeker has the fountain of love as more as a visual effect and wrap-up at the end. The fountain could be replaced with a portal or fairy ring or anything else. Score: Wisdom Seeker 12, Iron Sky 11 Well that's it for ingredients. Now let's look at the GM's perspective. Utility for a Game Master I admit I have some major issues with both of these adventures. "Arrow" has a lot of grammar issues and therefore is hard to follow and understand in places. I'm taking a guess here, but it looks like this is what is happening: In our modern times the ancient gods are all dead or dying from some cause. A mythological troll takes advantage of the situation and captures Eros to use his essence to grow rich. The characters are somehow brought in to find out what happened, but are told to talk to a Sphinx about it. The Sphynx gives advice in riddle form and tells them where to go next, but insists on tagging along and forcing the characters to use ground transportation as they have to reveal clues to what is actually going on. What if the characters leave the sphynx and take air transportation anyway? Or teleport? Or if they have mind readers and can circumvent riddles and the lies of Jotunn and his allies? There does seem to be some flexibility here in the terms of stealing objects, negotiating, and fighting, which I do appreciate as a GM. "Love Eternal" is more of a railroad, though, and there seems to be more that can be broken. The adventurers are transporting a young lord so he can be wed. Right in the beginning they are threatened and are supposed to surrender the crown to protect their ward. During this same encounter, an assassin is mentioned that they may or may not see at first (their companion notices the killer though). What if the party does not surrender, fights the troll and the bandits, and win? What if they notice the assassin and track him or her down early? What if they see one or both these threats and do not continue on their path, but backtrack in order to find a potentially safer road? What if they convince their ward that the crown isn't worth his life and leave the crown behind with the bandits and continue on their way? What if the party doesn't notice the power of the crown's gem, or what if they decide it's not safe to contact a sphynx for advice and help? So much could derail this adventure and as a player I wouldn't choose half the decisions that would keep it on track. Not only that, but I was wondering what would happen to the woman the lord was supposed to marry and the relations between the territories. It seems a missed opportunity for mentioning hooks at the end. Of course, I can't also count some of the resolution since it was cut-off due to the lateness of the piece. Because of this, I give an edge to "Arrow". Score: Wisdom Seeker 13, Iron Sky 13 Well, damn. I've pretty much tied it on points and am left to go with my gut. I'm going with Iron Sky's "Arrow, by Versace". Neither entry really blew me away, but "Arrow" was on-time and has a lot more memorable NPCs. I did like elements of "Pendragon: Eternal Love", but in the end I felt it was rushed and lacked cohesion in the second half. The bandits and troll were used well, and the young, spoiled lordling seems like a horribly fun obstacle to the characters' goals. But not enough is fleshed out with the guardian, the assassin, the wizard, and the lord's ancestor. [/QUOTE]
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