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<blockquote data-quote="Deuce Traveler" data-source="post: 7852597" data-attributes="member: 34958"><p>Deuce Traveler's judgement for Round 2, Match 2</p><p></p><p>"The Long Day" by [USER=67]@Rune[/USER] versus "Mad Mages and Grognards" by [USER=6799753]@lowkey13[/USER]</p><p></p><p>The list of ingredients meshed together well enough for a high-fantasy adventure, and that's what both authors provided for the D&D 5E system. At first glance at the ingredients, I'm expecting to see an unlucky vampire getting caught by the danger of either the sun or the teleporter. And I see an inverted tower, a village, and a divine culture all fitting together. But maybe this is too obvious and the entries will do something surprising. Let's see how the authors approached the ingredients and how different each entry was from the other.</p><p></p><p>Timeliness and Word Count:</p><p></p><p>Both submissions made it before the time limit. And both submissions were below the 1500 word count limit. Full points to both.</p><p></p><p>Score: Rune 2 vs Lowkey13 2</p><p></p><p>Grammar and Readability:</p><p></p><p>Both entries had a threat and important stakes, while at the same time delivering some silly elements.</p><p>Lowkey13's "Mad Mages and Grognards" plays as both a homage of classical D&D and a lampooning of grognards. A casual fan unfamiliar with the game's history would miss that Zagyg was Gary Gygax's creation (Gygax..Zagyg...) and so there's an added clever twist that it is Zagyg wanting to return to an earlier version of D&D. As a grognard myself, I want to point out that I wouldn't call a return to older versions of the game a 'regression'. In all seriousness, you could have played with this and brought it back to the older versions of basic D&D, which was separate from AD&D first edition. Heck, you could have taken it back to Chainmail. Ok, this old grognard is digressing now. Full points for the easy to follow readability and use of grammar.</p><p></p><p>Rune's "The Long Day" is another fun romp dealing with divinities, vampires, backfiring machinations, and a rogue modron. This thing is packed to the gills with plot and characters, but it reads like it was chopped up a bit too much. This terse and efficient text is typical for an entry from Rune, as it is his way to stuff in more information into an entry. This time I think he chopped too much, making it a little harder to follow. It's still a good entry, and I'm willing to bet he makes it up on the ingredients.</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 4 vs Rune 3</p><p></p><p>First Ingredient: The Sun's Consort</p><p></p><p>I was going to quibble a bit at Rune's entry. Tranquility doesn't seem to have much to do and is a passive and almost boring player in the drama. I even questioned whether she met the 'consort' portion of the ingredient, or whether she could be exchanged for "The Sun's McGuffin". Upon mulitple readings I changed my mind. Her passivity and manner is opposite that of the sun-diety's fiery nature, and their being consorts would fit in many a mythology.</p><p></p><p>Lowkey13's use of the ingredient is more stretched. Being a grognard, I know that Pelor is a sun diety in Greyhawk. However, I don't see how the use of a donkey consort is an integral use of the ingredient, or why it is dressed in Zagyg's regalia. I was tempted to give zero points for this, as the donkey consort could be exchanged for just about anything without it impacting the story. Heck, the regalia on the donkey seems more important than the 'consort' itself. I am grudgingly giving a single point here, because the bizarreness of the situation should result in the party asking important questions, which in turn leads them to clues they need to confront Zagyg.</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 5 vs Rune 5</p><p></p><p>Second Ingredient: Inverted Tower</p><p></p><p>I'm giving full points to each. Both gave flavorful reasons for the ingredient's use in their entries. Rune's entry fit with Tranquility's realm pointing in the opposite direction of the sun diety, while Lowkey13's entry made sense knowing the canon of Zagyg and his ruins. Magic-users in the original game used towers. Zagyg's facility was destroyed and he was thought to have been killed, when in actuality he just used his powers and resources to build downwards...</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 7 vs Rune 7</p><p></p><p>Third Ingredient: Divine Culture</p><p></p><p>"The Long Day" really nails this ingredient as it permeates through the entirety of the entry. The culture in the tale is both relateable in some ways (i.e. tourism) while also being quite alien, but the very active divinities drive their entire culture.</p><p></p><p>"Mad Mages and Grognards" mentions a religious festival in a town, which acts as a hook in the adventure, but otherwise the culture of the local populace doesn't have much effect.</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 8 vs Rune 9</p><p></p><p>Fourth Ingredient: Swollen Village</p><p></p><p>Again, "The Long Day" really nails an ingredient here. The people of the village are literally being swollen, which ends up raising the stakes for the adventurers concerned for the life of fellow sentient beings.</p><p></p><p>In "Mad Mages and Grognards", the village is swollen due to refugees pouring in from different realms outside of Greyhawk. This brings the party into the adventure, while showing them that something is going terribly wrong.</p><p></p><p>Full points to both.</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 10 vs Rune 11</p><p></p><p>Fifth Ingredient: Malfunctioning Teleporter</p><p></p><p>Interestingly, both entries use this ingredient to get the party from another realm and into this specific adventure. The ingredient continues to be in play in both; Rune has a comically malfunctioning moldron tagging along with the party while Lowkey13 has more refugees pouring into Greyhawk.</p><p>Full points to both.</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 12 vs Rune 13</p><p></p><p>Sixth Ingredient: Unlucky Vampire</p><p></p><p>In "The Long Day", Rune's vampire is the main antagonist that drives the entire plot. The vampire has screwed himself over, but is willing to take everyone else down with him as he desperately flails around in a likely doomed attempt to save himself. He is central to the adventure and removing this ingredient ruins the adventure.</p><p></p><p>In "Mad Mages and Grognards", Lowkey13's unlucky vampire is Sir Fang... who may no longer be a vampire adventurer due to Zagyg's machinations. He's another clue to the party that something is going wrong, but he could have claimed to be draconic or cambion before the transformation without affecting the tale, and he's an incidental character.</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 13 vs Rune 15</p><p></p><p>Seventh Ingredient: Rings a Bell</p><p></p><p>I'm going to quibble a bit here. Lowkey13's bell could have been a chime, harpsichord, or cowbell and it wouldn't have changed anything outside of the mood of the moment. However, I am going to agree that a bell works well here, especially thinking about how a bell holds special signifance in fantasy lore. And the effects of the bell are completely integral to the story. This is Lowkey13's best use of an ingredient in this match. Bonus props for throwing Lum into the tale, and I love the riddle at the end. True to classic D&D!</p><p></p><p>Rune's bell isn't as integral. The sun-king is summoned by the bell in order to bring in the night, but I really felt that it could have been any other instrument, and it would have been fit better if Tranquility sung to him or played an instrument to him in order to soothe his fiery temper. Unlike in his opponent's entry, a bell just doesn't seem to fit right here.</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 15 vs Rune 16</p><p></p><p>Utility for a Game Master</p><p></p><p>Honestly, I'd rather be a player in Lowkey13's "Mad Mages and Grognards" than Rune's "The Long Day". I take a bit of an affront with a bride donkey wearing Zagyg's (Gygax's) regalia, but enough of this was the right sort of nostalgic for me. But Rune's entry has a lot more depth to it and potential for where the character's might branch off. I do wish there was more to the "Ascent" part of Rune's possible party paths, however. Lowkey13's entry was more a straight dungeon crawl with little deviation outside of the oddball characters that could potentially be summoned in from outside the realm of Greyhawk.</p><p></p><p>Final Decision:</p><p></p><p>[spoiler]</p><p></p><p>I can't fault either entry too much, and am willing to award full points to both.</p><p></p><p>Score: Lowkey13 16 vs Rune 17</p><p></p><p>Good job, both of you. Lowkey13, I think you lost a bit on the word count talking about NPCs the party meets. In the future, use fewer words on the non-ingredient portions of your plot. Use those saved words to beef up the importance of your ingredients. I also noticed that you used less than 1400 words on this entry, which means you could have tossed in an extra 100 points to make some ingredients more integral. I truly enjoyed your entry, but you just need to tighten it up some when you compete next year.</p><p>Rune, I choose you to go to the finals.</p><p>[/spoiler]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deuce Traveler, post: 7852597, member: 34958"] Deuce Traveler's judgement for Round 2, Match 2 "The Long Day" by [USER=67]@Rune[/USER] versus "Mad Mages and Grognards" by [USER=6799753]@lowkey13[/USER] The list of ingredients meshed together well enough for a high-fantasy adventure, and that's what both authors provided for the D&D 5E system. At first glance at the ingredients, I'm expecting to see an unlucky vampire getting caught by the danger of either the sun or the teleporter. And I see an inverted tower, a village, and a divine culture all fitting together. But maybe this is too obvious and the entries will do something surprising. Let's see how the authors approached the ingredients and how different each entry was from the other. Timeliness and Word Count: Both submissions made it before the time limit. And both submissions were below the 1500 word count limit. Full points to both. Score: Rune 2 vs Lowkey13 2 Grammar and Readability: Both entries had a threat and important stakes, while at the same time delivering some silly elements. Lowkey13's "Mad Mages and Grognards" plays as both a homage of classical D&D and a lampooning of grognards. A casual fan unfamiliar with the game's history would miss that Zagyg was Gary Gygax's creation (Gygax..Zagyg...) and so there's an added clever twist that it is Zagyg wanting to return to an earlier version of D&D. As a grognard myself, I want to point out that I wouldn't call a return to older versions of the game a 'regression'. In all seriousness, you could have played with this and brought it back to the older versions of basic D&D, which was separate from AD&D first edition. Heck, you could have taken it back to Chainmail. Ok, this old grognard is digressing now. Full points for the easy to follow readability and use of grammar. Rune's "The Long Day" is another fun romp dealing with divinities, vampires, backfiring machinations, and a rogue modron. This thing is packed to the gills with plot and characters, but it reads like it was chopped up a bit too much. This terse and efficient text is typical for an entry from Rune, as it is his way to stuff in more information into an entry. This time I think he chopped too much, making it a little harder to follow. It's still a good entry, and I'm willing to bet he makes it up on the ingredients. Score: Lowkey13 4 vs Rune 3 First Ingredient: The Sun's Consort I was going to quibble a bit at Rune's entry. Tranquility doesn't seem to have much to do and is a passive and almost boring player in the drama. I even questioned whether she met the 'consort' portion of the ingredient, or whether she could be exchanged for "The Sun's McGuffin". Upon mulitple readings I changed my mind. Her passivity and manner is opposite that of the sun-diety's fiery nature, and their being consorts would fit in many a mythology. Lowkey13's use of the ingredient is more stretched. Being a grognard, I know that Pelor is a sun diety in Greyhawk. However, I don't see how the use of a donkey consort is an integral use of the ingredient, or why it is dressed in Zagyg's regalia. I was tempted to give zero points for this, as the donkey consort could be exchanged for just about anything without it impacting the story. Heck, the regalia on the donkey seems more important than the 'consort' itself. I am grudgingly giving a single point here, because the bizarreness of the situation should result in the party asking important questions, which in turn leads them to clues they need to confront Zagyg. Score: Lowkey13 5 vs Rune 5 Second Ingredient: Inverted Tower I'm giving full points to each. Both gave flavorful reasons for the ingredient's use in their entries. Rune's entry fit with Tranquility's realm pointing in the opposite direction of the sun diety, while Lowkey13's entry made sense knowing the canon of Zagyg and his ruins. Magic-users in the original game used towers. Zagyg's facility was destroyed and he was thought to have been killed, when in actuality he just used his powers and resources to build downwards... Score: Lowkey13 7 vs Rune 7 Third Ingredient: Divine Culture "The Long Day" really nails this ingredient as it permeates through the entirety of the entry. The culture in the tale is both relateable in some ways (i.e. tourism) while also being quite alien, but the very active divinities drive their entire culture. "Mad Mages and Grognards" mentions a religious festival in a town, which acts as a hook in the adventure, but otherwise the culture of the local populace doesn't have much effect. Score: Lowkey13 8 vs Rune 9 Fourth Ingredient: Swollen Village Again, "The Long Day" really nails an ingredient here. The people of the village are literally being swollen, which ends up raising the stakes for the adventurers concerned for the life of fellow sentient beings. In "Mad Mages and Grognards", the village is swollen due to refugees pouring in from different realms outside of Greyhawk. This brings the party into the adventure, while showing them that something is going terribly wrong. Full points to both. Score: Lowkey13 10 vs Rune 11 Fifth Ingredient: Malfunctioning Teleporter Interestingly, both entries use this ingredient to get the party from another realm and into this specific adventure. The ingredient continues to be in play in both; Rune has a comically malfunctioning moldron tagging along with the party while Lowkey13 has more refugees pouring into Greyhawk. Full points to both. Score: Lowkey13 12 vs Rune 13 Sixth Ingredient: Unlucky Vampire In "The Long Day", Rune's vampire is the main antagonist that drives the entire plot. The vampire has screwed himself over, but is willing to take everyone else down with him as he desperately flails around in a likely doomed attempt to save himself. He is central to the adventure and removing this ingredient ruins the adventure. In "Mad Mages and Grognards", Lowkey13's unlucky vampire is Sir Fang... who may no longer be a vampire adventurer due to Zagyg's machinations. He's another clue to the party that something is going wrong, but he could have claimed to be draconic or cambion before the transformation without affecting the tale, and he's an incidental character. Score: Lowkey13 13 vs Rune 15 Seventh Ingredient: Rings a Bell I'm going to quibble a bit here. Lowkey13's bell could have been a chime, harpsichord, or cowbell and it wouldn't have changed anything outside of the mood of the moment. However, I am going to agree that a bell works well here, especially thinking about how a bell holds special signifance in fantasy lore. And the effects of the bell are completely integral to the story. This is Lowkey13's best use of an ingredient in this match. Bonus props for throwing Lum into the tale, and I love the riddle at the end. True to classic D&D! Rune's bell isn't as integral. The sun-king is summoned by the bell in order to bring in the night, but I really felt that it could have been any other instrument, and it would have been fit better if Tranquility sung to him or played an instrument to him in order to soothe his fiery temper. Unlike in his opponent's entry, a bell just doesn't seem to fit right here. Score: Lowkey13 15 vs Rune 16 Utility for a Game Master Honestly, I'd rather be a player in Lowkey13's "Mad Mages and Grognards" than Rune's "The Long Day". I take a bit of an affront with a bride donkey wearing Zagyg's (Gygax's) regalia, but enough of this was the right sort of nostalgic for me. But Rune's entry has a lot more depth to it and potential for where the character's might branch off. I do wish there was more to the "Ascent" part of Rune's possible party paths, however. Lowkey13's entry was more a straight dungeon crawl with little deviation outside of the oddball characters that could potentially be summoned in from outside the realm of Greyhawk. Final Decision: [spoiler] I can't fault either entry too much, and am willing to award full points to both. Score: Lowkey13 16 vs Rune 17 Good job, both of you. Lowkey13, I think you lost a bit on the word count talking about NPCs the party meets. In the future, use fewer words on the non-ingredient portions of your plot. Use those saved words to beef up the importance of your ingredients. I also noticed that you used less than 1400 words on this entry, which means you could have tossed in an extra 100 points to make some ingredients more integral. I truly enjoyed your entry, but you just need to tighten it up some when you compete next year. Rune, I choose you to go to the finals. [/spoiler] [/QUOTE]
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