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<blockquote data-quote="Gradine" data-source="post: 7853041" data-attributes="member: 57112"><p><strong><u>Gradine's Judgment, Round 2 Match 2</u></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p> <strong>Rules and Readability</strong></p><p></p><p>Both entries are fairly well-formatted and edited, and easy to read. Both Mad Mages and Grognards (hereafter "Grognards") and The Long Day (hereafter "Long") are well within word count as well. I will say that the occasional clipped tone and diction in "Long", while understandably a necessity to cram in as much as possible within the word count, does make the adventure quite a bit less pleasant to read through.</p><p></p><p><strong> Adventure Flow & Potential</strong></p><p></p><p>This is my subjective "what did I generally like/dislike about the adventures" section of the judgment. I'll start with "Grognards". This should be a fun if extraordinarily taxing romp through editions past as well as a way to poke good fun at Greyhawk purists. I approve in all cases. It's a bit of a shame that such a colorful locale as the Free City devolves into a fairly bog-standard dungeon-crawl, whereas I would've expected at least some deviation from the 1e norms to draw attention to/poke fun at the events happening. The final riddle is similarly disappointing; it is entirely disconnected from anything that came before; I would've like for it to have been tied to something from earlier, at a minimum; were it also tied to an ingredient that would have been ever better.</p><p></p><p>"Long" is, similarly, a journey to a strange location with even stranger people to meet. But what starts as an interesting puzzle of communication and culture once-more descends into a dungeon crawl through an inverted tower. The inhabitants here are at least explained and indicative of the issues involved, and the fact that the entire thing is underwater with automatic <em>freedom of movement</em> applied makes the journey itself more interesting.</p><p></p><p>Both adventures have strong hooks: in the case of "Grognards", the PCs are summoned against their will; "Long's" heroes must be petitioned, but there is plenty worthy motivation for both heroes both good and mercenary. The stakes are tied directly to the PCs' fates in "Grognards" which makes them inherently stronger than those in "Long's", whose PCs aren't personally involved in any of the adventure's precedings. This doesn't make it a bad adventure by any stretch, and in fact the stakes are not only pretty evident but ramped up and paced well; just not as strong as they are in "Grognards".</p><p></p><p><strong>The Ingredients</strong></p><p></p><p>So far, I think that "Long" has a slight edge in terms of strength of its adventure. Let's see how the ingredients shake out.</p><p></p><p><strong><em>The Sun's Consort</em></strong></p><p>"Grognards" has the whole festival of debauchery with Pelor and the donkey which... doesn't strike me as a canonical tribute to Greyhawk's sun god? But who am I to complain. The donkey's relevance to the adventure is in providing clues linking Zagyg to the bells and the changes, but its relevance as The Sun's Consort seems... to be entirely lacking. If The Sun's Consort had any relevance beyond "let's throw a party for Pelor every night! For reasons!" it would have been quite a bit stronger. Maybe having the consort provide the clue to the final puzzle as well? Meanwhile, Providence plays a much more central role in "Long", both as a consort to the sun and within the adventure's structure as well.</p><p></p><p><strong><em>Inverted Tower</em></strong></p><p>This is another one of those ingredients I was hoping for so much more from. Both entries have a dungeon that is a tower built down into the underground. "Long's" tower dungeon is a little more interesting on balance, but there's otherwise little to no reason given in either why the structure is a tower and why it's inverted the way it is.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>Divine Culture</strong></em></p><p>My guess in "Grognards" is that this is the festival to Pelor, which is a thing that happens, sure, and it does provide the PC's a useful cure as well, but the revelry doesn't seem to match the source (a nighttime frivolity marrying a sun god to a donkey?) and in either case its shape has no direct relevance to the adventure. It could have been any non-religious ceremony, and the clue could have been presented in any form. That this ingredient is tied in very well to The Sun's Consort is actually quite good and is to be commended; I just wish that either were more directly relevant to the proceedings. In "Long", the Divine Culture and their deities' behaviors are the crux of the adventure.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>Swollen Village</strong></em></p><p>Fun fact: I got this term from a textbook on turn of the 20th century urban and rural education written in the 1970's and I still could not tell you in the least bit what the hell it's supposed to mean. Both entries do a pretty good job of pulling this one off, though I again have to give this one to "Long" as it's a little more creative in how its inhabitants get "swollen" and its location matches the term "village" quite a bit more than The Free City of Greyhawk does.</p><p><em><strong></strong></em></p><p><em><strong>Malfunctioning Teleporter</strong></em></p><p>This is the misfire that sends the party to Greyhawk in "Grognards"; it's left unsaid, but this is probably responsible for all of the other campaign setting refugees as well. I actually like this use a bit more than in "Long", where its existence as an impediment to the sun's return feels somewhat unnecessary and tacked on, particularly as there is lack of any instructions on how, exactly to repair it.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>Unlucky Vampire</strong></em></p><p>"Sir Fang" seems like they would be a really fun NPC to have the PCs interact with, but sadly, his relevance to the adventure begins and ends with his introduction. The party could let him join them, or they could not. He's not really needed in the final dungeon or at really any point within "Grognards". He doesn't even have any reason to be a vampire, other than that's what the ingredient says. "Halpess" is a little more relevant in "Long" given his nature as the primary antagonist. I'm not sure that either his lack of luck nor his status as a vampire are strictly necessary; however the vampire's weaknesses play well with some of the settings' other trappings, which isn't terrible.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>Rings a Bell</strong></em></p><p>I was expecting this to be a difficult one, but both entries used bells to quite good effect. I actually have to give this one "Grognards"; not only is the bell itself a bit more central than it is in "Long" (where its use is more denouement than climax), but for a secondary reference that I am not sure was intentional (though intentional or not, I count an ingredient's existence) in the role memory plays in the adventure; both in the literal sense (characters beginning to forget where they came from/how they got there) and in the meta sense (remembering the way we <em>used </em>to play the game; the way Greyhawk <em>used to be</em>). If that was intentional, bravo!</p><p></p><p><strong>In Conclusion</strong></p><p></p><p>While I enjoy both of these entries quite a deal, I feel like one of the two stands out, not just on the strength of its adventure but on its usage of ingredients.</p><p></p><p>[SPOILER="The Judgment"]</p><p>Ultimately, "The Long Day" stands as the better adventure and does a better job incorporating its ingredients. This is not to say that "Mad Mages and Grognards" was not a good adventure; it definitely is and it seems like it would be a great deal of fun, especially to the folks who would get the references. But too many of the ingredients were incidental or irrelevant. A strong Iron DM adventure makes those ingredients central; changing or removing them should fundamentally change the nature of the adventure.</p><p></p><p>Thus, it appears that, by unanimous decision, Rune advances to the finals to face Iron Sky! Congratulations!</p><p></p><p>lowkey, I think you know that this was not your best work, and your comments in the other thread revealed that you had some timing issues that prevented you from fully fleshing out your original idea (which I would love to have seen!). That this was your "last-minute backup" says a lot more about your skill and talent as an adventure designer than one might imagine. You've already shown your ability to put together some great works, and I'm excited to see what you have to bring to the table next year.</p><p></p><p>As it is, congratulations again to Rune, and we will see you in our finale! </p><p>[/SPOILER]</p><p></p><p>On to the championship!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Gradine, post: 7853041, member: 57112"] [B][U]Gradine's Judgment, Round 2 Match 2[/U] Rules and Readability[/B] Both entries are fairly well-formatted and edited, and easy to read. Both Mad Mages and Grognards (hereafter "Grognards") and The Long Day (hereafter "Long") are well within word count as well. I will say that the occasional clipped tone and diction in "Long", while understandably a necessity to cram in as much as possible within the word count, does make the adventure quite a bit less pleasant to read through. [B] Adventure Flow & Potential[/B] This is my subjective "what did I generally like/dislike about the adventures" section of the judgment. I'll start with "Grognards". This should be a fun if extraordinarily taxing romp through editions past as well as a way to poke good fun at Greyhawk purists. I approve in all cases. It's a bit of a shame that such a colorful locale as the Free City devolves into a fairly bog-standard dungeon-crawl, whereas I would've expected at least some deviation from the 1e norms to draw attention to/poke fun at the events happening. The final riddle is similarly disappointing; it is entirely disconnected from anything that came before; I would've like for it to have been tied to something from earlier, at a minimum; were it also tied to an ingredient that would have been ever better. "Long" is, similarly, a journey to a strange location with even stranger people to meet. But what starts as an interesting puzzle of communication and culture once-more descends into a dungeon crawl through an inverted tower. The inhabitants here are at least explained and indicative of the issues involved, and the fact that the entire thing is underwater with automatic [I]freedom of movement[/I] applied makes the journey itself more interesting. Both adventures have strong hooks: in the case of "Grognards", the PCs are summoned against their will; "Long's" heroes must be petitioned, but there is plenty worthy motivation for both heroes both good and mercenary. The stakes are tied directly to the PCs' fates in "Grognards" which makes them inherently stronger than those in "Long's", whose PCs aren't personally involved in any of the adventure's precedings. This doesn't make it a bad adventure by any stretch, and in fact the stakes are not only pretty evident but ramped up and paced well; just not as strong as they are in "Grognards". [B]The Ingredients[/B] So far, I think that "Long" has a slight edge in terms of strength of its adventure. Let's see how the ingredients shake out. [B][I]The Sun's Consort[/I][/B] "Grognards" has the whole festival of debauchery with Pelor and the donkey which... doesn't strike me as a canonical tribute to Greyhawk's sun god? But who am I to complain. The donkey's relevance to the adventure is in providing clues linking Zagyg to the bells and the changes, but its relevance as The Sun's Consort seems... to be entirely lacking. If The Sun's Consort had any relevance beyond "let's throw a party for Pelor every night! For reasons!" it would have been quite a bit stronger. Maybe having the consort provide the clue to the final puzzle as well? Meanwhile, Providence plays a much more central role in "Long", both as a consort to the sun and within the adventure's structure as well. [B][I]Inverted Tower[/I][/B] This is another one of those ingredients I was hoping for so much more from. Both entries have a dungeon that is a tower built down into the underground. "Long's" tower dungeon is a little more interesting on balance, but there's otherwise little to no reason given in either why the structure is a tower and why it's inverted the way it is. [I][B]Divine Culture[/B][/I] My guess in "Grognards" is that this is the festival to Pelor, which is a thing that happens, sure, and it does provide the PC's a useful cure as well, but the revelry doesn't seem to match the source (a nighttime frivolity marrying a sun god to a donkey?) and in either case its shape has no direct relevance to the adventure. It could have been any non-religious ceremony, and the clue could have been presented in any form. That this ingredient is tied in very well to The Sun's Consort is actually quite good and is to be commended; I just wish that either were more directly relevant to the proceedings. In "Long", the Divine Culture and their deities' behaviors are the crux of the adventure. [I][B]Swollen Village[/B][/I] Fun fact: I got this term from a textbook on turn of the 20th century urban and rural education written in the 1970's and I still could not tell you in the least bit what the hell it's supposed to mean. Both entries do a pretty good job of pulling this one off, though I again have to give this one to "Long" as it's a little more creative in how its inhabitants get "swollen" and its location matches the term "village" quite a bit more than The Free City of Greyhawk does. [I][B] Malfunctioning Teleporter[/B][/I] This is the misfire that sends the party to Greyhawk in "Grognards"; it's left unsaid, but this is probably responsible for all of the other campaign setting refugees as well. I actually like this use a bit more than in "Long", where its existence as an impediment to the sun's return feels somewhat unnecessary and tacked on, particularly as there is lack of any instructions on how, exactly to repair it. [I][B]Unlucky Vampire[/B][/I] "Sir Fang" seems like they would be a really fun NPC to have the PCs interact with, but sadly, his relevance to the adventure begins and ends with his introduction. The party could let him join them, or they could not. He's not really needed in the final dungeon or at really any point within "Grognards". He doesn't even have any reason to be a vampire, other than that's what the ingredient says. "Halpess" is a little more relevant in "Long" given his nature as the primary antagonist. I'm not sure that either his lack of luck nor his status as a vampire are strictly necessary; however the vampire's weaknesses play well with some of the settings' other trappings, which isn't terrible. [I][B]Rings a Bell[/B][/I] I was expecting this to be a difficult one, but both entries used bells to quite good effect. I actually have to give this one "Grognards"; not only is the bell itself a bit more central than it is in "Long" (where its use is more denouement than climax), but for a secondary reference that I am not sure was intentional (though intentional or not, I count an ingredient's existence) in the role memory plays in the adventure; both in the literal sense (characters beginning to forget where they came from/how they got there) and in the meta sense (remembering the way we [I]used [/I]to play the game; the way Greyhawk [I]used to be[/I]). If that was intentional, bravo! [B]In Conclusion[/B] While I enjoy both of these entries quite a deal, I feel like one of the two stands out, not just on the strength of its adventure but on its usage of ingredients. [SPOILER="The Judgment"] Ultimately, "The Long Day" stands as the better adventure and does a better job incorporating its ingredients. This is not to say that "Mad Mages and Grognards" was not a good adventure; it definitely is and it seems like it would be a great deal of fun, especially to the folks who would get the references. But too many of the ingredients were incidental or irrelevant. A strong Iron DM adventure makes those ingredients central; changing or removing them should fundamentally change the nature of the adventure. Thus, it appears that, by unanimous decision, Rune advances to the finals to face Iron Sky! Congratulations! lowkey, I think you know that this was not your best work, and your comments in the other thread revealed that you had some timing issues that prevented you from fully fleshing out your original idea (which I would love to have seen!). That this was your "last-minute backup" says a lot more about your skill and talent as an adventure designer than one might imagine. You've already shown your ability to put together some great works, and I'm excited to see what you have to bring to the table next year. As it is, congratulations again to Rune, and we will see you in our finale! [/SPOILER] On to the championship! [/QUOTE]
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