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<blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 7855194" data-attributes="member: 67"><p>[spoiler=Commentary on my R2M2 entry]Astute observers may note that I posted my submission for round two within three minutes of deadline. This is, of course, because I was racing the clock to put out a polished version. We almost got one. I had, after a draft that I was more or less happy with, a surplus of nearly 500 words. I had allotted myself plenty of time for the final editing/reformatting passes, but at 500 words, it was just barely enough and I still missed a typo here and there.</p><p></p><p>The judges have commented on my clipped writing style and a resulting difficulty in reading the entry. It wasn’t my intention to do so this time around; it was an unfortunate necessity. I had come to a point where I felt I could cut no more content of subsequence. I had more to trim and I had to make very quick decisions about where to do it. Oh well.</p><p></p><p>On the whole, though, I like the entry and I think it would be fun to play or run.</p><p></p><p>I spent the whole first evening working out those ingredients. But I couldn’t think of a good hook. To my mind, a good hook should draw upon at least one of three things. The most important of these: curiosity. After that: greed. Finally: responsibility to others. The hook that I landed on draws on the first two in order. And, of course, responsibility to others plays a large part of moving the adventure along once they get to it.</p><p></p><p>Thus began the actual writing.</p><p></p><p>About that hook: It had opened up the door to the adventure but it caused a few problems as well. For one thing, now that I had called out the material component of the <em>plane shift</em> spell (a tuning fork), I suddenly had something that could be mistaken for the “rings a bell” ingredient. Considering that I had a better intended use for the ingredient down the line, this could be a problem. But I really liked the hook, so no change.</p><p></p><p>The same thing happened with a different ingredient. Because <em>plane shift</em> utilizes a teleportation circle, I now I had a means for Sun-King to travel between sky and lake. Which, of course, the deity was inclined to destroy. But that meant that this damaged teleportation circle (that could still receive) could also stand in for an ingredient: the “malfunctioning teleporter”. I liked the modron much more, but it was OK.</p><p></p><p>Of course, the modron wasn’t actually integral to the adventure, anyway, and, in fact, could be bypassed completely if the players had access to <em>plane shift</em> on their own. Other than acting as a hook and possible entry to the inverted tower, the modron was pretty much a b-plot. </p><p></p><p>And about that bell? Did it really even need to be a bell? Well, yeah, it actually did. But it really wasn’t clear at all.</p><p></p><p>Since it was underwater, it was silent. But it created ripples across the usually pristine surface of the lake. Rings, as it were. It was this disruption that signalled to the ever downward-looking Sun-King and summoned the deity home (a thing I assumed the players would want to try to end Halpess and/or solve the Florasapien problem).</p><p></p><p>Did the inverted tower need to be a tower? Again, yes. Because the inverted tower was a reflection of Sun-King’s tower. Which, of course (being a place of petition and holy site for the Florasapiens’ worship of a sun-deity and the point of ascension for Sun-King’s daily rule), needed to reach into the sky.</p><p></p><p>About the consort: this was actually the first ingredient I worked out. The key to it all. I wondered what kind of constant companion I could come up with for the sun and after some deliberation I landed on reflection. Once I had that, the tower became obvious as well.</p><p></p><p>Of coarse, Tranquility’s presence in the adventure is felt mostly in its absence. But I wanted the deity’s personality to pervade throughout, nevertheless. And what was that personality? Exactly the opposite of the fiery sun, of course. And since it was a deity of reflection, I could play around with the meaning of that word, as well. Not just physical reflection, but introspection and wisdom, as well. The ingredient became a theme for the adventure and that meant I had a natural foil for the antagonist.</p><p></p><p>Speaking of whom, we come to the unlucky vampire: Of course, one must wonder if misfortune heaped upon one’s self can truly be called bad luck. I figured I could play around with that. Is the nature of the curse self-fulfilling? Could the unlucky vampire, through better decisions, have negated the curse? How good of a villain could he be when he is almost certainly going to be a pushover in combat anyway?</p><p></p><p>All fun things to explore, I thought. I was disappointed that I had to cut one line explicitly pointing out that, because he chose to enter the tower the hard way, Halpess lacked freedom of movement and therefore the enhanced unluck he was suffering would be felt on virtually every combat roll. An easy thing to miss while running a game, but I had 500 words to cut and those were some of them.</p><p></p><p>Swollen village: Sun god. Plant people. Uncontrollable growth. Stakes for the adventure. Looked good to me.</p><p></p><p>Finally, the divine culture: another major theme of the adventure was going to be the importance of culture (specifically, the importance of learning it). The plant people’s culture (as well as the adventure) was centered around the two deities’ relationship. All well and good. Of course, the actual deities did not have a culture within the adventure and the plant-folk were not themselves divine, but it looked good enough. Still pretty solid. I’d risk it.</p><p></p><p>Time to edit. Five hundred words to cut, while also fixing formatting inconsistencies. Less time than I needed. But I made it. Not my best entry, perhaps, but among the better ones.[/spoiler]</p><p></p><p>I must confess, [USER=6799753]@lowkey13[/USER] was a foe I figured quite likely to have my number. This thought was only reinforced as I read the entry. Creativity and wit seamlessly blend into a deceptively tight framework. Of particular note, your “rings a bell” use exemplifies everything an IRON DM ingredient should be. It is evocative, integral (to the adventure as a whole and to the PCs specifically), and inherently interconnected with the others. AND it provides a thematic underpinning for the adventure. Well done, sir. We need more of <em>that</em>. I certainly hope to see you compete again!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rune, post: 7855194, member: 67"] [spoiler=Commentary on my R2M2 entry]Astute observers may note that I posted my submission for round two within three minutes of deadline. This is, of course, because I was racing the clock to put out a polished version. We almost got one. I had, after a draft that I was more or less happy with, a surplus of nearly 500 words. I had allotted myself plenty of time for the final editing/reformatting passes, but at 500 words, it was just barely enough and I still missed a typo here and there. The judges have commented on my clipped writing style and a resulting difficulty in reading the entry. It wasn’t my intention to do so this time around; it was an unfortunate necessity. I had come to a point where I felt I could cut no more content of subsequence. I had more to trim and I had to make very quick decisions about where to do it. Oh well. On the whole, though, I like the entry and I think it would be fun to play or run. I spent the whole first evening working out those ingredients. But I couldn’t think of a good hook. To my mind, a good hook should draw upon at least one of three things. The most important of these: curiosity. After that: greed. Finally: responsibility to others. The hook that I landed on draws on the first two in order. And, of course, responsibility to others plays a large part of moving the adventure along once they get to it. Thus began the actual writing. About that hook: It had opened up the door to the adventure but it caused a few problems as well. For one thing, now that I had called out the material component of the [I]plane shift[/I] spell (a tuning fork), I suddenly had something that could be mistaken for the “rings a bell” ingredient. Considering that I had a better intended use for the ingredient down the line, this could be a problem. But I really liked the hook, so no change. The same thing happened with a different ingredient. Because [I]plane shift[/I] utilizes a teleportation circle, I now I had a means for Sun-King to travel between sky and lake. Which, of course, the deity was inclined to destroy. But that meant that this damaged teleportation circle (that could still receive) could also stand in for an ingredient: the “malfunctioning teleporter”. I liked the modron much more, but it was OK. Of course, the modron wasn’t actually integral to the adventure, anyway, and, in fact, could be bypassed completely if the players had access to [I]plane shift[/I] on their own. Other than acting as a hook and possible entry to the inverted tower, the modron was pretty much a b-plot. And about that bell? Did it really even need to be a bell? Well, yeah, it actually did. But it really wasn’t clear at all. Since it was underwater, it was silent. But it created ripples across the usually pristine surface of the lake. Rings, as it were. It was this disruption that signalled to the ever downward-looking Sun-King and summoned the deity home (a thing I assumed the players would want to try to end Halpess and/or solve the Florasapien problem). Did the inverted tower need to be a tower? Again, yes. Because the inverted tower was a reflection of Sun-King’s tower. Which, of course (being a place of petition and holy site for the Florasapiens’ worship of a sun-deity and the point of ascension for Sun-King’s daily rule), needed to reach into the sky. About the consort: this was actually the first ingredient I worked out. The key to it all. I wondered what kind of constant companion I could come up with for the sun and after some deliberation I landed on reflection. Once I had that, the tower became obvious as well. Of coarse, Tranquility’s presence in the adventure is felt mostly in its absence. But I wanted the deity’s personality to pervade throughout, nevertheless. And what was that personality? Exactly the opposite of the fiery sun, of course. And since it was a deity of reflection, I could play around with the meaning of that word, as well. Not just physical reflection, but introspection and wisdom, as well. The ingredient became a theme for the adventure and that meant I had a natural foil for the antagonist. Speaking of whom, we come to the unlucky vampire: Of course, one must wonder if misfortune heaped upon one’s self can truly be called bad luck. I figured I could play around with that. Is the nature of the curse self-fulfilling? Could the unlucky vampire, through better decisions, have negated the curse? How good of a villain could he be when he is almost certainly going to be a pushover in combat anyway? All fun things to explore, I thought. I was disappointed that I had to cut one line explicitly pointing out that, because he chose to enter the tower the hard way, Halpess lacked freedom of movement and therefore the enhanced unluck he was suffering would be felt on virtually every combat roll. An easy thing to miss while running a game, but I had 500 words to cut and those were some of them. Swollen village: Sun god. Plant people. Uncontrollable growth. Stakes for the adventure. Looked good to me. Finally, the divine culture: another major theme of the adventure was going to be the importance of culture (specifically, the importance of learning it). The plant people’s culture (as well as the adventure) was centered around the two deities’ relationship. All well and good. Of course, the actual deities did not have a culture within the adventure and the plant-folk were not themselves divine, but it looked good enough. Still pretty solid. I’d risk it. Time to edit. Five hundred words to cut, while also fixing formatting inconsistencies. Less time than I needed. But I made it. Not my best entry, perhaps, but among the better ones.[/spoiler] I must confess, [USER=6799753]@lowkey13[/USER] was a foe I figured quite likely to have my number. This thought was only reinforced as I read the entry. Creativity and wit seamlessly blend into a deceptively tight framework. Of particular note, your “rings a bell” use exemplifies everything an IRON DM ingredient should be. It is evocative, integral (to the adventure as a whole and to the PCs specifically), and inherently interconnected with the others. AND it provides a thematic underpinning for the adventure. Well done, sir. We need more of [I]that[/I]. I certainly hope to see you compete again! [/QUOTE]
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