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<blockquote data-quote="Deuce Traveler" data-source="post: 7859553" data-attributes="member: 34958"><p>Man, oh man... here we are at the final round. Rune's "Valley of Redemption" is going against Iron Sky's "The 9th Pace" for the 2019 title. I'll try not to be too verbose here because we have a lot to go through.</p><p></p><p>Timeliness and Word Count</p><p></p><p>Full credit to both for being on time and within the word limit. Both were posted with less than two hours left and with 5 minutes of one another. Also both were posted with around a dozen words left to spare before the entries would of hit the word limit, according to wordcounter.net. Nice job to both.</p><p></p><p>Rune 2, Iron Sky 2</p><p></p><p></p><p>Grammar and Readability</p><p></p><p>I had some problems with these entries from the get-go. Iron Sky introduces too many characters in the beginning and does not do a great job differing them, making the plot line harder to follow until the second half of the entry. I came away feeling that parts were chopped from the beginning to make the word count. Rune had a spelling error: "besideswhich" in the Jeremiah Knight entry. I was also distracted by his entry's over-use of commas in the "One who is Many" and "Return to Decadence" sections. Half credit to each.</p><p></p><p>Rune 3, Iron Sky 3</p><p></p><p>I came away feeling that maybe the large list of ingredients and the generous word count caused some issues. Both entries feel a bit bloated with lots of characters and competing goals. Both entries had small, packaged adventure hiding a much larger threat. Let's see if the ingredients help find us a winner.</p><p></p><p>Ingredient: Underwater Waterfall</p><p></p><p>This is used to good effect in Iron Sky's entry. A waterfall that keeps a horrible evil cooled off and dormant. Disrupting this effect will have serious repercussions in the adventure. The waterfall in Rune's entry happens to be an entrance to an amphibious demon, which can also be used as a way to weaken the demon with holy water. I'm giving Iron Sky the edge on this one.</p><p></p><p>Rune 3, Iron Sky 4</p><p></p><p>Ingredient: Wandslinger's Disgrace</p><p></p><p>Iron Sky's Fearson seems like a cool character, but I'm still confused about why he is disgraced? Because he broke the town's wandslinging code? And he had an audience of thousands? Was that a small city, because if so that would go against the frontier feel of the rest of the tale. Rune's Jebediah Knight is a mirror-image to Fearson. He is the wandslinger, but he is relegated to the sidelines while the party does all the work. Both characters could help the party if certain conditions are met. Neither's assistance is vital, but more helpful. It's a wash.</p><p></p><p>Rune 5, Iron Sky 6</p><p></p><p>Ingredient: Doctor's Orders</p><p></p><p>Rune's doctor is more vital to the story-line, but doesn't give too much in the way of orders, besides a prescription for the priest. Iron Sky's doctor is more bossy and gives orders constantly and she may 'curse' the party and demand they help her for a cure, but other than that she is not as vital to the story-line. And I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a 'geas' she casts, since geas usually can only be planted on willing participants. Part credit for each.</p><p></p><p>Rune 6, Iron Sky 7</p><p></p><p>Ingredient: Wicked Valley</p><p></p><p>This just happens to be where each story takes place. I think we could have changed the valley to a hilly location and not really have suffered much.</p><p></p><p>Rune 7, Iron Sky 8</p><p></p><p>Ingredient: Herald of Storms</p><p></p><p>Iron Sky's Hatepuna is a frightening demon who can unleash horrible weather upon the area if she is freed. Rune's Herald of Storms is part of a prophecy and an indication to the party that something has gone wrong. It serves as a hint of what to do next, and therefore I'm giving the edge to Rune here.</p><p></p><p>Rune 8, Iron Sky 8</p><p></p><p>Ingredient: Amphibious Lurker</p><p></p><p>An end boss for both adventures. A demon-possessed cone snail in Iron Sky's entry, while Rune has the frog-demon in his.</p><p></p><p>Rune 10, Iron Sky 10</p><p></p><p>Ingredient: Glowing Basement</p><p></p><p>The doctor in Rune's entry has a glowing basement some of the time... when the doctor is in and engaged in his morbid work. This tells the villagers that something odd is happening. Iron Sky's glowing basement is more the bottom level of a temple that glows due to the effects with Hatepuna. But this effect is only found if the party meets particular objectives. Edge to Rune.</p><p></p><p>Rune 12, Iron Sky 11</p><p></p><p>Ingredient: Beef</p><p></p><p>Tainted beef is critical to both adventures. For Iron Sky it's the tainted beef that is of concern to one gang, but then ends up poisoning a demon that is helping to seal a greater evil. For Rune, where the implications of where the beef comes from drives the adventure.</p><p></p><p>Rune 14, Iron Sky 13</p><p></p><p>Usability for DM.</p><p></p><p>Iron Sky's entry has a ton of usage for the game master and a lot of flexibility for how the adventure can unfold. My one serious concern is the large number of NPCs with competing agendas can be a bit to manage and is hard to follow.</p><p></p><p>Rune's entry is more straight-foward, and therefore feels smaller. It also had a huge plot hole with the captured minotaur quest. If the Doc has been doing this for awhile, then it should be obvious to the town's people that something wrong is happening. Wouldn't the laborers and drifters who help in this talk? Even if these are somewhat new happenings, wouldn't everyone in town know that meat shouldn't be arriving from the cellar of a town doctor?</p><p></p><p>Rune 15, Iron Sky 15</p><p></p><p>Final Decision</p><p></p><p>[spoiler]</p><p>Uh oh, we're tied. Both entries are good, but I don't believe they are the best work from either of you. In this case I'm giving the edge to Iron Sky. I am having too much trouble with the plot hole mentioned above, and I do appreciate the multiple paths the adventure could take.</p><p>[/spoiler]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deuce Traveler, post: 7859553, member: 34958"] Man, oh man... here we are at the final round. Rune's "Valley of Redemption" is going against Iron Sky's "The 9th Pace" for the 2019 title. I'll try not to be too verbose here because we have a lot to go through. Timeliness and Word Count Full credit to both for being on time and within the word limit. Both were posted with less than two hours left and with 5 minutes of one another. Also both were posted with around a dozen words left to spare before the entries would of hit the word limit, according to wordcounter.net. Nice job to both. Rune 2, Iron Sky 2 Grammar and Readability I had some problems with these entries from the get-go. Iron Sky introduces too many characters in the beginning and does not do a great job differing them, making the plot line harder to follow until the second half of the entry. I came away feeling that parts were chopped from the beginning to make the word count. Rune had a spelling error: "besideswhich" in the Jeremiah Knight entry. I was also distracted by his entry's over-use of commas in the "One who is Many" and "Return to Decadence" sections. Half credit to each. Rune 3, Iron Sky 3 I came away feeling that maybe the large list of ingredients and the generous word count caused some issues. Both entries feel a bit bloated with lots of characters and competing goals. Both entries had small, packaged adventure hiding a much larger threat. Let's see if the ingredients help find us a winner. Ingredient: Underwater Waterfall This is used to good effect in Iron Sky's entry. A waterfall that keeps a horrible evil cooled off and dormant. Disrupting this effect will have serious repercussions in the adventure. The waterfall in Rune's entry happens to be an entrance to an amphibious demon, which can also be used as a way to weaken the demon with holy water. I'm giving Iron Sky the edge on this one. Rune 3, Iron Sky 4 Ingredient: Wandslinger's Disgrace Iron Sky's Fearson seems like a cool character, but I'm still confused about why he is disgraced? Because he broke the town's wandslinging code? And he had an audience of thousands? Was that a small city, because if so that would go against the frontier feel of the rest of the tale. Rune's Jebediah Knight is a mirror-image to Fearson. He is the wandslinger, but he is relegated to the sidelines while the party does all the work. Both characters could help the party if certain conditions are met. Neither's assistance is vital, but more helpful. It's a wash. Rune 5, Iron Sky 6 Ingredient: Doctor's Orders Rune's doctor is more vital to the story-line, but doesn't give too much in the way of orders, besides a prescription for the priest. Iron Sky's doctor is more bossy and gives orders constantly and she may 'curse' the party and demand they help her for a cure, but other than that she is not as vital to the story-line. And I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a 'geas' she casts, since geas usually can only be planted on willing participants. Part credit for each. Rune 6, Iron Sky 7 Ingredient: Wicked Valley This just happens to be where each story takes place. I think we could have changed the valley to a hilly location and not really have suffered much. Rune 7, Iron Sky 8 Ingredient: Herald of Storms Iron Sky's Hatepuna is a frightening demon who can unleash horrible weather upon the area if she is freed. Rune's Herald of Storms is part of a prophecy and an indication to the party that something has gone wrong. It serves as a hint of what to do next, and therefore I'm giving the edge to Rune here. Rune 8, Iron Sky 8 Ingredient: Amphibious Lurker An end boss for both adventures. A demon-possessed cone snail in Iron Sky's entry, while Rune has the frog-demon in his. Rune 10, Iron Sky 10 Ingredient: Glowing Basement The doctor in Rune's entry has a glowing basement some of the time... when the doctor is in and engaged in his morbid work. This tells the villagers that something odd is happening. Iron Sky's glowing basement is more the bottom level of a temple that glows due to the effects with Hatepuna. But this effect is only found if the party meets particular objectives. Edge to Rune. Rune 12, Iron Sky 11 Ingredient: Beef Tainted beef is critical to both adventures. For Iron Sky it's the tainted beef that is of concern to one gang, but then ends up poisoning a demon that is helping to seal a greater evil. For Rune, where the implications of where the beef comes from drives the adventure. Rune 14, Iron Sky 13 Usability for DM. Iron Sky's entry has a ton of usage for the game master and a lot of flexibility for how the adventure can unfold. My one serious concern is the large number of NPCs with competing agendas can be a bit to manage and is hard to follow. Rune's entry is more straight-foward, and therefore feels smaller. It also had a huge plot hole with the captured minotaur quest. If the Doc has been doing this for awhile, then it should be obvious to the town's people that something wrong is happening. Wouldn't the laborers and drifters who help in this talk? Even if these are somewhat new happenings, wouldn't everyone in town know that meat shouldn't be arriving from the cellar of a town doctor? Rune 15, Iron Sky 15 Final Decision [spoiler] Uh oh, we're tied. Both entries are good, but I don't believe they are the best work from either of you. In this case I'm giving the edge to Iron Sky. I am having too much trouble with the plot hole mentioned above, and I do appreciate the multiple paths the adventure could take. [/spoiler] [/QUOTE]
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