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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Radiating Gnome" data-source="post: 7651712" data-attributes="member: 150">As I often do, I was kicking around my RSS feeds looking for inspiration. This week, I came across an article called "<a href="http://writerunboxed.com/2013/06/25/why-authors-should-help-other-authors" target="_blank">Should Authors Help Other Authors</a>." And, as usual, I consider applying the same question to DMs.  [PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]And, really, it's a lame question. We do. Unlike writing novels, DMing is an essentially social activity, and through sites like EN world, we have a strong tradition of giving each other the benefit of our experience -- often whether anyone asked for it or not. There's also very little competitive reason to NOT give each other advice -- most of us aren't making money as DMs (and if you are, I want to know how).  So, really, the important question isn't whether we should help each other out, but HOW we should go about it.  8 Rules for DMs Helping Dms   These are written assuming a forum post style in which one DM has asked for help from a community of others -- it might look slightly different in different situations.   <ol> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Do you need to tell a game story? Really? I am probably as guilty of this as anyone else - you want to try to show another DM how to solve their problem by telling them a story that happened in your game. And, sometimes, it really might be the right way to try to help them.  But, I know for myself, a lot of the time I get into telling the story and making myself sound cool (or trying to), and it becomes a distraction.  Too often when we start telling our own gaming stories, what we're demonstrating is that we're not really listening very well to the OP and paying attention to their problem -- we're just looking for an opportunity to promote ourselves.  So, go start your own thread to promote yourself. Telling stories is a HUGE part of what we do here on EN World, but it doesn't belong in someone else's thread about their problems. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Be Nice [video=youtube;nTh5JzRziHE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTh5JzRziHE[/video] Hey, it's just all around good advice. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Respect the OP - The Original Poster is probably asking a question or griping about a specific problem in their game. It's important to respect them enough to stay on topic in their thread and do your best to take what they're telling you at face value. If you find it difficult to do that, you probably don't need to post in their thread. This respect can have a lot of different shapes </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Ask Questions, don't give answers.  This is incredibly important when it comes to coaching and mentoring. Giving people answers is much less effective than helping them make their own discoveries.  That's why we learn so much better by doing things than we do by being told.  Of course, to follow my own advice, this rule should have been "How do you learn and absorb ideas best -- by being told them or by figuring them out for yourself? Maybe I should read my own column?  Nah, boring….. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Lay Off System Debate - If your pet system handles the situation better than the one the DM asking for help is using, it may be helpful to encourage them to look at adding that rule as a house rule to their game, but that's about as far as you should go.  They're playing the game they're playing for a reason -- if only because those are the books they own.  This is not the place to try to convince them that your other system is the right way to go. That's probably not an option they have at this point. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Yes And. This is quickly becoming one of the oldest saws in the advice chest for DMs dealing with players, but it can be just as valid for coaching and advising each other -- and <a href="http://www.fastcompany.com/3004491/how-toyes-and-your-way-better-banter" target="_blank">for fun, witty banter</a>. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Be Constructive, not Destructive - Another vital consideration is the tone and approach you take. One of the things we do very well, in our nerd culture, is find fault. I saw Man of Steel last night, and I can give you a list of things I thought were deeply wrong with it. But when someone comes to you for advice, especially in a creative endeavor like DMing, that sort of fault-finding and destructive tone can be really discouraging.  Help by identifying the things that the other DM is doing well, and help them leverage those strengths to solve their problems -- and again, do that by asking questions. </li> <li data-xf-list-type="ol">Keep in mind, there are as many right answers as there are DMs - We all think we're right. Hell, we all KNOW we're right. And we probably are all right.  And that's the trick. There's plenty of room in the big tent for us all to be right -- so taking a position that tries to claim that you are right and others are wrong is counterproductive. Ask questions, and as other DMs chime in and offer their ideas, make sure your responses to them are engaged and exhibit the same sort of constructive, yes-anding, and are question driven. </li> </ol>Credit Where Credit is Due Department: I kicked this idea around with a few of my RBDM friends (Rune and Wicht, especially), so I owe them thanks for helping me crystalize my ideas. Anything you like was probably their idea -- anything wrong or stupid is all me.There's my list -- what do you guys think? Do you have better ideas for how DMs should give each other advice? When you're on the receiving end, what makes someone's advice helpful?</blockquote>

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