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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Donnaf" data-source="post: 1939501" data-attributes="member: 27415">new person readingHello "The Universe"  I am a new person reading the story hour stories, and I think for the most part your "story hour" is pretty good, although I was disappointed (although it was somewhat obviously set-up that Johanna was going to become a member of the unliving -- the zombee bad guys)... your exerpts seem to read more like a play though then a story... I know so much about the characters from your exerpts -- most likely because these characters are already made-up because you roll play out these stories before you write them (I am assuming... just from what the posts inbetween the exerpts say)... so you delve entirely into the characters, but I have yet to know what the background of the world looks like, smells like... ya  de ya de ya So, I hate to say this, especially because this seems to be the only "not extatically positive" feedback you have gotten ever from these posts, but it kinda reads like a teenage goth romance novel... with dramatics and broad heaving chests and power plays, with all the emphasis on those things that you already know from your roll playing, and no "creative indulgences" on things that I am assuming do not show up on roll playing... I would like a little more creativity -- not just repeats of what happened in the last roll playing game... at least in my reading of your exerpt, there is a very short influence on what surroundings are... because it is all about the characters.... and their heaving chests and sexual tension (see prologue 1 between Johanna and KB)oh, and the character KB seems entirely too egotistical to be a good hero -- he seems really full of himself -- and this is a character I wouldn't want to hang out with in real life, and I certainly don't want to read about him...</blockquote>

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