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Adventures in the Eastern Provinces
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<blockquote data-quote="the Jester" data-source="post: 5052047" data-attributes="member: 1210"><p>Shar points down at the bottom of the lower section. “There he is!” </p><p></p><p>Cavemouth and Sepia leap down after the goblin spelunker, who snarls and draws his pick. He swings it at the goliath, but Cavemouth parries the blow, and Sepia rushes around behind the goblin. The three of them engage in a furious series of blows and parries, and when the goblin hits Cavemouth with his pick, he cries, “FLAME ON!”</p><p></p><p><strong>WHOOMPH!</strong> The pick bursts into flame. Cavemouth cries out as he starts to burn. </p><p></p><p>“Nya!” the goblin chortles, and knees the hulking fighter in the groin. With a groan, Cavemouth staggers, holding his aching crotch. </p><p></p><p>Up top, Shifty and Shar send arrows and shuriken at the other skunk-beast, wounding it badly. It chitters and clambers down the wall, moving to aid its goblin master. Cavemouth, seeing it coming, gives a nasty snarl and whips his axe into it, slicing through both of its forelimbs. Blood gushes out in a massive flood, and the creature sprawls on the ground dead. </p><p></p><p>“MY PETS!” the goblin howls, and slams his pick into Cavemouth’s thigh. </p><p></p><p>“Aargh!” cries the goliath, and the goblin yanks him from his feet. He crashes to the ground and the little spelunker stomps his groin again. “Oooohhh,” he groans.</p><p></p><p>Shifty leaps to the bottom of the room, tumbling to absorb the fall. But the spelunker darts around the corner- there is a smaller alcove in the back of the room, behind the elevated area in the back of the room- and vanishes back out of view. Shar, atop the eastern elevated area, curses. “Where did he go?” she cries. </p><p></p><p>“We’ll find him,” Shifty promises, fading into the shadows.</p><p></p><p>Cavemouth clambers to his feet, his balls aching like never before, and staggers around the corner. “Where are you, you little bastard?” he cries. </p><p></p><p>Sepia edges around the corner as well, scanning the shadows for him. “Come out, we can negotiate,” she calls. “We have gold!” She pulls a few gold pieces out of her belt pouch and tosses them into the dark back corner of the room.</p><p></p><p>The spelunker emerges from cover, his pick held before him warily. </p><p></p><p>“GOTCHA, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!” screams Shifty, leaping out of hiding and hurling a shuriken. It sinks deep into the goblin’s cheek. The spelunker cries out in pain and staggers. Shifty leaps forward, and the two of them exchange another series of blows and parries even as Cavemouth roars and staggers bow-legged to the fight. </p><p></p><p>Only to have another kick to the groin land solidly right between his legs. </p><p></p><p>“Your testes belong on my neck,” he groans, and cuts at the goblin with his axe. </p><p></p><p>The goblin, for his part, swings his flaming pick at Cavemouth and catches him in the ribs. Bone cracks and Cavemouth crumples into unconsciousness. Shar, still unable to see what is happening, curses and starts to climb down.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile, Sepia says, “Wait, let’s talk about this!”</p><p></p><p>The goblin’s response is to groin stomp the unconscious goliath and then dart back around the corner. Shifty thrusts with his shortsword, pricking the goblin in the armpit, and then pursues. The goblin reaches the eastern wall and starts to climb up towards the ledge that holds his escape- the passage back out to the level’s egress. Unfortunately for him, in his frantic haste, he attempts to climb up a crumbling part of the wall, and it simply slides out from underneath him, leaving him right where he started. He whirls around as Shifty springs forward and pokes him again. </p><p></p><p>“We have gold!” Sepia tries again, even as Shar reaches the bottom and hurries to where she can see her fallen friend. </p><p></p><p>“Why would I trust you? You already offered a parlay once, and then attacked me again when I tried to accept!” The goblin whirls his pick and swings towards Shifty’s pate, but the gnome ducks the worst of the blow. The small wound he takes is enough, however; he farts and vanishes.*</p><p></p><p>Sepia steps in, her brass knuckles on her hands, and throws another couple of coins at the goblin. “Shifty, knock it off! That was him, not me!” She moves to stand right in front of the bleeding goblin. “Come on, we can be reasonable,” she says. “Here, have some coins.”</p><p></p><p>The goblin hesitates, but is clearly ready to strike. “Put your weapons down and I’m willing to talk,” he growls. </p><p></p><p>Shifty reappears. “Put your weapon down, or we’ll kill you.”</p><p></p><p>The goblin snarls and sneers at him... but neither one attacks. After a long moment (and a hard look from Sepia), the gnome steps back. “Fine,” he says. “We’ll talk.”</p><p></p><p>From around the corner, Cavemouth comes staggering, clearly still aching between his legs. He is shaking with anger. “You owe me balls!” he roars. </p><p></p><p>“What’s your name?” asks Sepia, trying to be reasonable. </p><p></p><p>“I am called Mulcoyle,” the goblin replies. “My folk had a deal with you. You were to leave us alone. Why have you attacked me?”</p><p></p><p>“Uh, we didn’t realize that you were part of that same group of goblins,” Shifty says. (While not technically a lie, the truth is more like the party didn’t stop to think about it, nor did they care.) </p><p></p><p>“And there are still goblin bandits on the road near here,” Cavemouth adds. He shakes a finger at Mulcoyle.</p><p></p><p>“If those don’t stop, we’re coming back and wiping you all out!” Shifty declares.</p><p></p><p>“My people have not raided since you came,” the goblin retorts. “They must be other tribes. You should take it up with the goblins in the Black Brambles, not us- we have honored our agreement! Unlike you!”</p><p></p><p>Shar shrugs eloquently. Weapon arms tense again. </p><p></p><p>“Well, how do we know that it isn’t you? Does your tribe have an identifying mark or anything?” Sepia asks, trying to keep things reasonable. </p><p></p><p>“Of course! We are the Broken Nose tribe! Our sigil is obvious.”</p><p></p><p>“All right, listen,” says Shifty. “We’re the authority in this area now. If we see <em>a single one</em> of your tribesmen on a bandit raid, we’re going to come back and wipe you all out. So you had better tell your people to keep their noses clean if they want to live.”</p><p></p><p>“I already told you, we are honoring our half of the agreement. It is you that has transgressed.”</p><p></p><p>“We’re sorry,” Sepia replies. “We didn’t realize you were part of the same tribe.”</p><p></p><p>“I am an explorer,” he huffs.</p><p></p><p>“You mean you don’t know what is on this level?” demands Shifty. It is clear from his tone that he doesn’t believe the spelunker.</p><p></p><p>“Of course I do- now that I have explored it. But we only came to this rift when it opened in the recent earthquake. Before that, we had no knowledge of it at all.”</p><p></p><p>“Well, what else is here?” asks Shar. “Tell us what you know and we’ll show mercy to you.”</p><p></p><p>“We are already showing mercy,” Sepia points out. “But here are another couple of coins.”</p><p></p><p>With her kinder words and a few gold pieces, Sepia gradually manages to win Mulcoyle over. The party agrees not to try to take his magic pick, but only after it becomes clear that doing so will lead to renewed combat. A glance at Cavemouth, still holding his groin, is enough to convince the party that picking the fight up where they left off will no doubt cause them severe pain, even if it doesn’t kill or seriously injure any of them. </p><p></p><p>But it’s not a one-sided deal. Mulcoyle shows the party a wall in the very back of the room where fancy crystals are growing from the wet native rock. Although it would take hours to mine them out, the party and the goblin come to an accommodation that satisfies both sides: Mulcoyle will get his fellow goblins to mine the crystals, and the party will get half of them. Moreover, Mulcoyle will effectively act as the party’s representative with the Broken Nose goblins, keeping them out of trouble. As for what the goblin gets out of the deal, it soon becomes obvious to our heroes that he plans to capitalize on both the earnings from the crystal mining and the implied threat of their return and reprisals to make a power play in his tribe.</p><p></p><p>As for information, the goblin tells the party, “This level is mostly rats, with one area inhabited by- I don’t know your word for them. We call them <em>kruthiks.</em> They are like... like insects, but also like reptiles. They are very dangerous scavenging beasts.”</p><p></p><p>“It’s probably not worth messing with them,” opines Shar. </p><p></p><p>The goblin goes on to tell them, “The fourth level, at the bottom of the shaft, is mostly a pool of water. I looked at it from a rope, and there are ledges and boats down there.”</p><p></p><p>”Boats?” repeats Shar.</p><p></p><p>“Yes. I didn’t get close enough to see much more.”</p><p></p><p>“Very interesting,” says Sepia. </p><p></p><p>A little more posturing and discussion, and the goblin prepares to depart. But before he does, Cavemouth looms over him. “You owe me balls!” the warrior snarls at the goblin. “Don’t forget, or I will take yours!”</p><p></p><p>“With any luck,” the goblin replies, “I will bring you my chieftain’s balls.” And he grins.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>Next Time:</strong></em> Our heroes head down further- and meet their first dragon!</p><p></p><p></p><p>*Shifty’s player always says that he farts invisibility when he uses his gnomish racial reactive invisibility power.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="the Jester, post: 5052047, member: 1210"] Shar points down at the bottom of the lower section. “There he is!” Cavemouth and Sepia leap down after the goblin spelunker, who snarls and draws his pick. He swings it at the goliath, but Cavemouth parries the blow, and Sepia rushes around behind the goblin. The three of them engage in a furious series of blows and parries, and when the goblin hits Cavemouth with his pick, he cries, “FLAME ON!” [b]WHOOMPH![/B] The pick bursts into flame. Cavemouth cries out as he starts to burn. “Nya!” the goblin chortles, and knees the hulking fighter in the groin. With a groan, Cavemouth staggers, holding his aching crotch. Up top, Shifty and Shar send arrows and shuriken at the other skunk-beast, wounding it badly. It chitters and clambers down the wall, moving to aid its goblin master. Cavemouth, seeing it coming, gives a nasty snarl and whips his axe into it, slicing through both of its forelimbs. Blood gushes out in a massive flood, and the creature sprawls on the ground dead. “MY PETS!” the goblin howls, and slams his pick into Cavemouth’s thigh. “Aargh!” cries the goliath, and the goblin yanks him from his feet. He crashes to the ground and the little spelunker stomps his groin again. “Oooohhh,” he groans. Shifty leaps to the bottom of the room, tumbling to absorb the fall. But the spelunker darts around the corner- there is a smaller alcove in the back of the room, behind the elevated area in the back of the room- and vanishes back out of view. Shar, atop the eastern elevated area, curses. “Where did he go?” she cries. “We’ll find him,” Shifty promises, fading into the shadows. Cavemouth clambers to his feet, his balls aching like never before, and staggers around the corner. “Where are you, you little bastard?” he cries. Sepia edges around the corner as well, scanning the shadows for him. “Come out, we can negotiate,” she calls. “We have gold!” She pulls a few gold pieces out of her belt pouch and tosses them into the dark back corner of the room. The spelunker emerges from cover, his pick held before him warily. “GOTCHA, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!” screams Shifty, leaping out of hiding and hurling a shuriken. It sinks deep into the goblin’s cheek. The spelunker cries out in pain and staggers. Shifty leaps forward, and the two of them exchange another series of blows and parries even as Cavemouth roars and staggers bow-legged to the fight. Only to have another kick to the groin land solidly right between his legs. “Your testes belong on my neck,” he groans, and cuts at the goblin with his axe. The goblin, for his part, swings his flaming pick at Cavemouth and catches him in the ribs. Bone cracks and Cavemouth crumples into unconsciousness. Shar, still unable to see what is happening, curses and starts to climb down. Meanwhile, Sepia says, “Wait, let’s talk about this!” The goblin’s response is to groin stomp the unconscious goliath and then dart back around the corner. Shifty thrusts with his shortsword, pricking the goblin in the armpit, and then pursues. The goblin reaches the eastern wall and starts to climb up towards the ledge that holds his escape- the passage back out to the level’s egress. Unfortunately for him, in his frantic haste, he attempts to climb up a crumbling part of the wall, and it simply slides out from underneath him, leaving him right where he started. He whirls around as Shifty springs forward and pokes him again. “We have gold!” Sepia tries again, even as Shar reaches the bottom and hurries to where she can see her fallen friend. “Why would I trust you? You already offered a parlay once, and then attacked me again when I tried to accept!” The goblin whirls his pick and swings towards Shifty’s pate, but the gnome ducks the worst of the blow. The small wound he takes is enough, however; he farts and vanishes.* Sepia steps in, her brass knuckles on her hands, and throws another couple of coins at the goblin. “Shifty, knock it off! That was him, not me!” She moves to stand right in front of the bleeding goblin. “Come on, we can be reasonable,” she says. “Here, have some coins.” The goblin hesitates, but is clearly ready to strike. “Put your weapons down and I’m willing to talk,” he growls. Shifty reappears. “Put your weapon down, or we’ll kill you.” The goblin snarls and sneers at him... but neither one attacks. After a long moment (and a hard look from Sepia), the gnome steps back. “Fine,” he says. “We’ll talk.” From around the corner, Cavemouth comes staggering, clearly still aching between his legs. He is shaking with anger. “You owe me balls!” he roars. “What’s your name?” asks Sepia, trying to be reasonable. “I am called Mulcoyle,” the goblin replies. “My folk had a deal with you. You were to leave us alone. Why have you attacked me?” “Uh, we didn’t realize that you were part of that same group of goblins,” Shifty says. (While not technically a lie, the truth is more like the party didn’t stop to think about it, nor did they care.) “And there are still goblin bandits on the road near here,” Cavemouth adds. He shakes a finger at Mulcoyle. “If those don’t stop, we’re coming back and wiping you all out!” Shifty declares. “My people have not raided since you came,” the goblin retorts. “They must be other tribes. You should take it up with the goblins in the Black Brambles, not us- we have honored our agreement! Unlike you!” Shar shrugs eloquently. Weapon arms tense again. “Well, how do we know that it isn’t you? Does your tribe have an identifying mark or anything?” Sepia asks, trying to keep things reasonable. “Of course! We are the Broken Nose tribe! Our sigil is obvious.” “All right, listen,” says Shifty. “We’re the authority in this area now. If we see [i]a single one[/i] of your tribesmen on a bandit raid, we’re going to come back and wipe you all out. So you had better tell your people to keep their noses clean if they want to live.” “I already told you, we are honoring our half of the agreement. It is you that has transgressed.” “We’re sorry,” Sepia replies. “We didn’t realize you were part of the same tribe.” “I am an explorer,” he huffs. “You mean you don’t know what is on this level?” demands Shifty. It is clear from his tone that he doesn’t believe the spelunker. “Of course I do- now that I have explored it. But we only came to this rift when it opened in the recent earthquake. Before that, we had no knowledge of it at all.” “Well, what else is here?” asks Shar. “Tell us what you know and we’ll show mercy to you.” “We are already showing mercy,” Sepia points out. “But here are another couple of coins.” With her kinder words and a few gold pieces, Sepia gradually manages to win Mulcoyle over. The party agrees not to try to take his magic pick, but only after it becomes clear that doing so will lead to renewed combat. A glance at Cavemouth, still holding his groin, is enough to convince the party that picking the fight up where they left off will no doubt cause them severe pain, even if it doesn’t kill or seriously injure any of them. But it’s not a one-sided deal. Mulcoyle shows the party a wall in the very back of the room where fancy crystals are growing from the wet native rock. Although it would take hours to mine them out, the party and the goblin come to an accommodation that satisfies both sides: Mulcoyle will get his fellow goblins to mine the crystals, and the party will get half of them. Moreover, Mulcoyle will effectively act as the party’s representative with the Broken Nose goblins, keeping them out of trouble. As for what the goblin gets out of the deal, it soon becomes obvious to our heroes that he plans to capitalize on both the earnings from the crystal mining and the implied threat of their return and reprisals to make a power play in his tribe. As for information, the goblin tells the party, “This level is mostly rats, with one area inhabited by- I don’t know your word for them. We call them [i]kruthiks.[/i] They are like... like insects, but also like reptiles. They are very dangerous scavenging beasts.” “It’s probably not worth messing with them,” opines Shar. The goblin goes on to tell them, “The fourth level, at the bottom of the shaft, is mostly a pool of water. I looked at it from a rope, and there are ledges and boats down there.” ”Boats?” repeats Shar. “Yes. I didn’t get close enough to see much more.” “Very interesting,” says Sepia. A little more posturing and discussion, and the goblin prepares to depart. But before he does, Cavemouth looms over him. “You owe me balls!” the warrior snarls at the goblin. “Don’t forget, or I will take yours!” “With any luck,” the goblin replies, “I will bring you my chieftain’s balls.” And he grins. [i][b]Next Time:[/b][/i][b][/b] Our heroes head down further- and meet their first dragon! *Shifty’s player always says that he farts invisibility when he uses his gnomish racial reactive invisibility power. [/QUOTE]
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