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Al-Qadim: Land of Fate (5e conversion)
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<blockquote data-quote="Ath-kethin" data-source="post: 6815255" data-attributes="member: 6798775"><p>I like the formatting and the approach in general. </p><p></p><p>A couple of things I noticed:</p><p></p><p>The description of the <em>sword of the believer</em> seems a little wordy. Perhaps revise as "This sword provides a +1 bonus on attack and damage rolls against Unenlightened creatures. If used against an Enlightened creature, the blade passes harmlessly through their body." </p><p></p><p>For the weapons vs. genies:</p><p></p><p>1) Does the rhythm of the weapon names work better if you add a "the" in front of the genie type? <em>weapon of <u>the</u> dao's doom</em>, <em>weapon of <u>the</u> djinn's judgement</em>," etc.</p><p>2) Why add the ghul? It seems an odd pairing, given how much hatred exists between the genies and the ghuls. The alliteration in the name is great though</p><p></p><p>Please please please check your spelling. </p><p></p><p>You have multiple instances of "through" being spelled "thru."</p><p></p><p>In the chart under the <em>telescope of fantastic visions</em>, #2 should read "Wondrous creatures <u>soar</u> through the sky or gallop across the horizon in the distance." #3 should read "A threshold appears as <u>a</u> planar portal."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ath-kethin, post: 6815255, member: 6798775"] I like the formatting and the approach in general. A couple of things I noticed: The description of the [I]sword of the believer[/I] seems a little wordy. Perhaps revise as "This sword provides a +1 bonus on attack and damage rolls against Unenlightened creatures. If used against an Enlightened creature, the blade passes harmlessly through their body." For the weapons vs. genies: 1) Does the rhythm of the weapon names work better if you add a "the" in front of the genie type? [I]weapon of [U]the[/U] dao's doom[/I], [I]weapon of [U]the[/U] djinn's judgement[/I]," etc. 2) Why add the ghul? It seems an odd pairing, given how much hatred exists between the genies and the ghuls. The alliteration in the name is great though Please please please check your spelling. You have multiple instances of "through" being spelled "thru." In the chart under the [I]telescope of fantastic visions[/I], #2 should read "Wondrous creatures [U]soar[/U] through the sky or gallop across the horizon in the distance." #3 should read "A threshold appears as [U]a[/U] planar portal." [/QUOTE]
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Al-Qadim: Land of Fate (5e conversion)
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