An attempt at a background -Holy Champion-

[Brakkis]

Hello everyone. Let me first say that this is my first attempt at creating a homebrew background. I started trying to create it because I wanted a sort of cross between the Acolyte and the Soldier backgrounds as both backgrounds slightly fit the character I was creating, but neither one properly fit his backstory as much as I liked.

So here is what I have come up with thus far. It is not complete at this time because well, I'd like some input and suggestions before I further it.

Holy Champion
As a child you felt called to do something more than merely be a soldier. You wanted to train yourself, and put those skills to a greater purpose. You joined a divine order, taking vows that you would use your skills and talents to help those in need, to better the lives of those around you not just by spreading the word of your diety, but by defending people from those who would bring darkness and harm upon them. In the following years you rose through the order, achieving a rank of importance and command among your brothers and sisters.
Work with your DM to determine which order you joined and which god, or pantheon of gods, that order worships. What sort of sort of experiences did you have while defending people and upholding the virtues of your order? Did you fight common thugs, an organized cult, in invading army? Is the order part of a nation's military, or do they give aid to numerous nations when called upon?

Skill Proficiencies: Athletics, Religion
Tool Proficiencies: Vehicles (Land)
Languages: One of your choice
Equipment: An insignia of rank, a holy symbol, a set of traveler's clothes, and a belt pouch containing 15gp

Feature
Beacon of Hope - As a holy champion you have earned the respect and often even the admiration of your fellow man. From commoners to nobles, people tend to see you as a symbol of light and justice. You and your companions can expect to be given a place to rest and heal at any religious establishment that follows your deity, or one with close ties. Authority and military figures considered allies of your order will recognize your rank and status, and may defer to your judgment. You may exert your status to requisition simple supplies and transportation for yourself and your companions from local townships willing to aid you on your journey.


That is as far as I've gotten on the background thus far. I haven't determined characteristics for it yet, and I would appreciate some feedback and suggestions on not only those but what I have done up to this point. I also posted this on reddit but well, I've never really gotten much of a response when I post things there so I'm trying my hand here to see what I can get.

 

[Illithidbix]

The proficiencies and equipment are, of course fine.

Beacon of Hope is mostly entirely in keeping with existing features, right down to using the same language as Shelter of the Faithful and Military Rank.
- I'd probably be happy with it as a DM.

If I want to be critical of it; it does seem to get both the primary perks of both features and seeing what you've given up from both:

As an acolyte, you command the respect of those who share your faith, and you can perform the religious ceremonies of your deity. You and your adventuring companions can expect to receive free healing and care at a temple, shrine, or other established presence of your faith, though you must provide any material components needed for spells. Those who share your religion will support you (but only you) at a modest lifestyle.

You might also have ties to a specific temple dedicated to your chosen deity or pantheon, and you have a residence there. This could be the temple where you used to serve, if you remain on good terms with it, or a temple where you have found a new home. While near your temple, you can call upon the priests for assistance, provided the assistance you ask for is not hazardous and you remain in good standing with your temple.

You have a military rank from your career as a soldier. Soldiers loyal to your former military organization still recognize your authority and influence, and they defer to you if they are of a lower rank. You can invoke your rank to exert influence over other soldiers and requisition simple equipment or horses for temporary use. You can also usually gain access to friendly military encampments and fortresses where your rank is recognized.

Shelter and free healing from those of the same faith and requisitioning simple

I suppose you have dropped calling upon priests of your temple for assistance/pulling rank on soldiers.
The language also seems to imply "Authority and military figures.... may defer to your judgment"; whilst "Military Rank" makes it clear that it only grants "deference" from those of lower rank.

I suppose it is:
"You may exert your status to requisition simple supplies and transportation for yourself and your companions from local townships willing to aid you on your journey."
vs
"You can invoke your rank to exert influence over other soldiers and requisition simple equipment or horses for temporary use."

This is really attacking it with a fine-toothed comb, It's not exactly going to be game breaking and I'd be happy enough with it as a DM.
As a DM I'd probably put an emphasis that you're going to be held to Paragon of Virtue standard and any perceived scandle (or that of your companion) will reflect badly on you.
- And people may insist on asking answers to awkward moral quandaries at you.

 

[Brakkis]

I wasn't necessarily sure how to word Beacon of Hope in that I wanted to keep the ability for shelter and healing from acolyte, and I wanted the supply obtaining from military rank but I didn't want the additional feature of being able to "recruit" mercenaries/soldiers or priests to assist in a given task. I felt that the character would put himself forward to handle a situation rather than risk the lives of those who need his assistance in the first place.

I think I'll reword the "defer" line to something more along the lines of "may request your opinion or thoughts on the matter" as that would imply they may be asking for your aid I'd think. More quest giving potential from an RP standpoint.