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Message: <blockquote data-quote="I'm A Banana" data-source="post: 2395167" data-attributes="member: 2067">W00t! <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />'twould be my pleasure!I mostly meant that we are all pretty superficial creatures when first considering someone. Not that that's a bad thing by any means, but that a lot of time what we first look for in a person doesn't tell you anything about their deapth as a person.Men may judge their prospective mates on an impossible ideal of feminine beauty and behavior. They mythical 36-24-36, frex. It's like the idea that everyone knows what a circle looks like, but no one can draw a perfect circle freehand, so the closer a drawn circle is to this ideal form, the more asthetically pleasing it tends to be. Everyone knows it's shallow and kind of empty in the end, but it's there at the beginning. When you're in a relationship deep enough, you're going to see the little flaws and little uglies, and then the imaginary 1-10 scale doesn't apply anymore, because she's grown beyond the skin to something more meaningful. She's beautiful when she's ugly. She *becomes* your new ideal, based on what deeper qualities she has that keep you interested once you, say, notice the hairy birthmark on her back. After you get more deeply entangled, you think that just makes her more beautiful to you. She becomes the woman who can look good in baggy sweatpants, the woman who has a certain grace just laying beside you at night, the women who, when she's sweaty and smelly and maybe has put on a few pounds since you first met her, is still, to you, perfect.While men may rank women on that 1-10 appearance scale as their shallow first glance, women (I'm going from word-of-mouth here, not from experience being a woman. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />) tend to do the same thing, but replace "mythical good looks," with, perhaps, "mythical confidence."  Men have a perfect mental physical form that no woman ever really can match, and women have a perfect mental 'alpha male' that no man can ever really match. A powerful, confident man, master of his world, head of his class, with the respect and admiration of his peers, at the top of his game and able to deal with anything without loosing his cool. He's knowledgable and witty, able to make you feel like a more confident person just by being NEAR him. Money is part of it (becuase money makes one more confident), but so is ego, success in general, acting talent, ability to provide (because that, like money, breeds an automatic confidence), and how you treat girls "right" (e.g.: you DON'T worship the ground they walk on), etc. That's just as shallow and empty in the end as good looks, because just as a woman dresses to kill when going out on the market, a man will cultivate a confidence that he can show off (which is where I usually fall flat, myself -- my life hasn't taught me to be prideful about myself). This is just as much preening and cawing as a woman who spends an hour getting ready to go out for the night, it's just in a slightly different direction. It's about demonstrating mastery and skill in the world, not about just being lovely yourself. The more "alpha male" a guy tends to be, the more automatically attractive to women he is, just like the more "perfect 10" a girl tends to be, the more automatically attractive she is to men.And like men who find their women transcend that initial scale once you get to know them better, women (as far as I've seen) often find their men transcend their initial "alpha male" scale. They see their men fail, they see their men struggle, and that just shows how perfect for you he really is. Like a woman wrist-deep in garden fertilizer during a sweltering summer day while dressed in something her grandma handed down becomes the icon of beauty for a man, a man who "opens up" and "is sensitive" and "has an artistic side" becomes the icon of alpha male for a woman. This doesn't happen right away in a relationship, but it gradually comes as comfort increases and the partners come to realize that the other isn't the epitome of beauty 24/7, or is sometimes shy or affraid of things. The flaws become virtues.Women who only go for rich guys are like guys who only go for near-10's. It's shallow and narrow. In an ideal world, both will be comfortable when they notice their partner ISN'T the dream date they were cracked up to be at first impressions. If they're the kind of guy to break up with a girl for gaining weight, or the kind of girl to break up with a guy for loosing big on his investments, then I think they're missing the point.The problem isn't that girls are attracted to guys with money or confidence -- I can understand that, like I can understand guys that are attracted to girls with big cup sizes. The problem is when they refuse to look beyond these qualities, because no one is rich and confient when they've just been laid off because of budget cuts, and no one looks like a supermodel when dealing with a clogged garbage disposal.It's part of life. People are multifaceted. The "only hot girls" guys and the "only rich guys" girls don't care about people as much as they care about their own status. Which, again, in itself, isn't WRONG. But it's definately not the way I'd like to live life.</blockquote>

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