April Fools' Dragon Articles: Which were your favorites?

[Blastin]

My favorite has always been "The Random damage table." Was geared as a tool for killer DM's. "Why waste time rolling up random monsters with which to kill the party. Just use the random damage table to roll up an amount of damage and cut out the middle man."
Two of the results I remember:
Roll all the dice the player owns. Add the results. Character takes that much damage.
Roll all dice within 30 feet of player. Add results. Character takes that much damage.

 

[Glyfair]

Comedy is hard. More stuff on comedy you can add to your games would be good, but I'm not so keen on jokes that are really just for the reader of the magazine.

I don't agree. Think about it this way, why are the comics so popular? Have people complained over the years that they didn't use Fineous Fingers, Wormy, Knight's of the Dinner Table or Order of the Stick in their games? No (at least not very often). Yet we often heard when they skipped an issue (especially FF and Wormy in the early days).

Everything doesn't have to be usuable in a game to belong in Dragon. However, there shouldn't be so much that most of an issue is for reading only (or for very limited use). In the old days there was a section of the magazine with that material, or maybe wasn't the main focus (I'm not sure if it was an April issue where the What's New dragon's were all over the magazine, but if not it should have been).

 

[Erik Mona]

I don't think it was in the April issue, but I was always a huge fan of the "U 2 Kan Ern Big Bux" gamer quiz from forever ago. I reread it recently and, well, it wasn't that funny, but back in the day I remember thinking it was the bee's knees.

--Erik

 

[sckeener]

Very, very steeped in the 80s, but quite funny. From Dragon #72:

Valley Elf,

Whenever I think about April fools, I think of the Valley Elf article....

the sad part is I shared with my SO who is only 3 years younger than me (I'm 35) and she has never heard the Valley Girl song...so the parody was lost....

 

[Hussar]

I loved that Graffiti bottle article. I remember one about the Staff of Striking (Union 101) that would pop out a sign "PC's unfair to Magic Items" and proceed to beat the user. Or the Robe of Blending (Chop, Puree and Liquefy).

The kobold one was good too.

I just always loved the cover with the guy giving flowers to the beholder. That always makes me giggle.

 

[Ghendar]

While some of the stuff was genuinely funny, much of it was poop. In general, it was the least useful Dragon in any given year.

 

[Henry]

My personal favorite was the Hopeless Character class by (I think) Roger Moore. It was a reaction to all the "my character is hopeless unless he has all 18's" sentiment at the time:

He got a d2 for hit dice -- which was rerolled (excuse me, re-flipped) every level, and previous hit points forgotten;

He could only use a club, because sharp edges and moving parts were too confusing and dangerous;

He gave a morale bonus to his enemies (my favorite line was, "an army of devas and phase-doppleganger-elf-trolls could be backing the hopeless character up, and the opposition would still feel good")

And instead of keeps, or wizard's towers, or guilds, the Hopeless Character got a farm with a sod hut, and could govern as many pigs or chickens as he wishes, until they overthrow him.

Great article.

 

[Ahrimon]

I wish I could remember which dragon it came from, but it was the half spells that did nothing and could be cast by anyone at any time.

Wish (1/2)
Components: V
"I wish we hadn't done that."
"I wish I had a magic weapon"

Fly (1/2)
Components: S
"I cast Fly (1/2) and jump off the cliff!"

Smuckers Transformation
Transforms the caster into a quivering pile of jelly. Best used when fighting large powerful foes.


That's all I can remember off the top of my head.

 

[Nebulous]

I don't remember the exact issues... late 80s or early 90s anyway. The spells of Nimrod of Nump. Spells like:

Detect Normal Fires (Range: Touch),
Transmute Rock to Stone (any amount of nonmagical rock into stone,
Drawmij's Instant Death (Drawmij, wherever he is and whoever he is dies immediately, with no saving throw).

I remember another issue with magic items such as the Robe of Useless Items, Graffiti Bottle (spews crude writing all over the walls), Brassiere of Controlling Fire Elementals, and the like.

Well, I thought it was all pretty funny at the time.

Maybe it's just the geek in me, but everyone one of those mentioned made me smile.