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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Dakkareth" data-source="post: 1775277" data-attributes="member: 9928">Well, 'gamer' is probably the wrong word to describe me, but 'nerd' fits well enough being the more general term <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink    ;)"  data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" />. The matter with me is mostly, that I'm more than just a little shy and unsecure in situations, where I do not know/understand the various relations and social rules governing behaviour and its perception. Also in my eighteen years of life I've thought friendship and love to be something important to me only for half a year - I guess, that makes me somewhat of a late-comer to this 'social life' thing. Before that I was content to have books, games and the internet. I like to think, that with time I will develop a better ability to find social contact, but I'm not entirely sure about that. Counting people I consider good friends I come up with three and among the more distant friends girls are scarce. Due to my problems described above I'm simply bad at making contact with others. Oh well, maybe the problem will solve itself once I get away from home (and my parents) to study somewhere. I sure like to think so <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f609.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=";)" title="Wink    ;)"  data-smilie="2"data-shortname=";)" />.Now of course the interesting part would be, how I came to be like that. Psychological self-analysis being chronically unreliable my answers are probably more or less off spot, but still ... factors contributing would be 1. the situation in high-school(-equivalent) and 2. the relationship to my parents. When I came to high-school, all of my elementary school friends were gone, while in the rest of the class there were still old cliques of friends. A little shy as I was then already, it was all the harder to find contacts. Being somewhat of an outsider and subject to on and off mobbing through several years hasn't helped either. As for the second reason I have recently realized, that I've been perceiving (rightly to some extent, I'm sure) my mothers as a very controlling and judgemental influence making home a place I wouldn't want an 'outsider' like a visiting friend to come into and making leaving a thing often avoided as I'd have to tell, where I was going, to whom, why, etc. This is, my analysis anyway.Now my being aware of this and my classmates having grown up a bit, the situation is better. We'll see, what comes of it. Why I write this then? Well, it makes me kinda feel better to talk about it and order my thoughts by writing them out. Make of this, what you will.</blockquote>

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