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Message: <blockquote data-quote="DarrenGMiller" data-source="post: 2489204" data-attributes="member: 23174">One of the things my father has always wanted more than anything else is for me to be "better" than him.  He has worked and struggled for that end all of his life.  Because of him, I have had better opportunities, have a much better education (he dropped out of school young) and have had more help in making my way than he did. My father was born into a tight-knit dutch community in New Jersey in 1930.  His sense of humor, then and now, pulled him through some very tough times.  As I said, he dropped out of school at a young age and can only write upside down (I attribute my poor penmanship to him).  As a young adult, he tried to join the Navy, but was turned away because he did not pass the physical.  Instead, he was drafted into the Army during the Korean War.  He never left the states, instead driving tanks around Killeen, Texas.  He was present for several of the early atomic bomb tests in Nevada.  His stories of watching sheep disintegrate are horriying.  After at least one explosion, he had to walk across "ground zero" recording observations and radiation readings.  Yet, when lawyers called him to sue the government along with others of his unit, he refused.  He was doing his duty, even if that meant he lost all of his teeth and hair and he and my mom had seven failed pregnancies as a result.  I was their eighth and final attempt to have a child. After the Army, he was a produce manager in a grocery store where a police officer came in to take shelter from the rain on a regular basis.  My father used to give the guy an awful time about how easy his job was that he could come inside the store and call his wife to bring his raincoat, etc.  The cop bet my dad that he couldn't do his job, so my father trained to become a police officer and worked in law enforcement for 25 years, never leaving his job at the grocery store, even though he was a full-time police officer.  That meant that he rarely saw his family, but he provided for us and taught us the value of hard work. My parents adopted in 1961 and my older brother was first diagnosed as bi-polar in 1979.  My father showed him more love than I thought humaly possible.  I still think he should have shown more "tough love" than he did, but you see, he blamed himself for my brother's illness.  When my brother died in 1998, his last words to my father were, "I hate you, you b****rd!"  The next morning, my father found his body on the floor of the guest bedroom of their home, where he was staying until his new apartment was ready.  The stuff he put my parents through boggles my mind. My mother had a minor stroke in 1999.  Since then, her behavior become increasingly erratic and even psychotic (she was always a little off balance and it has increased with age).  She abuses my father verbally often (though he deserves some payback for his sarcasm... think Frank and Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond and you have my parents pegged).  She is now scared to ride in cars and will not leave a five mile radius around their house except on rare occasions (which we celebrate).  I moved closer to their home after her stroke (I used to live a few hours away) to help and just provide my dad with some company. So, am I a better person?  Who am I to answer that?  I am a teacher and I try to be a good person and good husband.  I hope my wife and I are blessed with a child and that I can be a good father.  I am my father's son.  He has taught me much, even from his mistakes, which are legion, as mine will be if I get to live as long as he has (when he turned 70, my mother had a huge party, whispering to the guests that he wouldn't see 75.. he has). DM</blockquote>

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