Artifacts

demiurge1138

Inventor of Super-Toast
Does anybody have any good artifact stories? Either creative/devious/unusual uses for traditional in-print artifacts, or "new" artifacts from their own campaigns.

I'll throw out an atifact from one of my old campaign's that had an oddly pervasive effect- Frosted Unlucky Charms. This seemingly mundane breakfast cereal, complete with tiny clorful marshmellows, was found in the pantry of an evil kobold sorcerer (among cans of Sprite- literally- and large ominous vats marked "Pudding"). They radiated evil and magic to artifact-like proportions, but their only supernatural properties were their addictive nature and the ability to stay crunchy in milk.
They were so delicious that when the party brought some back to their hometown to sell off after an adventure, the storekeeper sold his soul to the Nine Hells in order to learn the secrets of their manufacture. And that was a tie-in to an infernal agenda that eventually led the party to invade Hell, but that's another story...

Demiurge out.
 
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Well, you got this crystal polyhedricalistic thingy, right. And it's got 20 faces, right. With, like, mystic runes of numbers and stuff carved on each face, right, stuff like "I", "II", "III", "IV". You know, mystical stuff, right. And then it gets unearthed by iggorant people looking for things Man Was Not Meant To Know, right. And then they auction it off for TEN! MILLION! DOLLARS! or something.


Hong "and then smoke came out" Ooi
 


So there was this ring, right, and whenever it activated it permanently drained one point from each ability score. You couldn't identify it, and it was inevitable that someone would put it on. Well, that activated it. The upside was that activating it unleashed a wildfire spell that lasted until the current situation/encounter was over. (This was the wild magic rough equivalent of a wish- extremely versatile and powerful).

Well, once someone put the ring on they'd already 'paid' for it with a huge hit on stats, so it was very unlikely they'd easily give it up...
 

I remember, from my one campaign I've been in, that we came upon a hidden valley that was covered in frost and rime and ice. Hundreds of griffins (or was it some other monster?) were frozen in the valley. In the center of the valley was a horn.

We knew it was an artifact, but we were too scared to use it. This was back in the day when all artifacts were scary-in-a-bad-way...

Don't know what adventure that came out of (if someone knows, I'd appreciate the name of it, and of the frosty horn)...
 


My friend created a ring called the Ring of Armageddon once. It had all kinds of powers, but once it was worn, if it was ever removed, well, armageddon began. Evil.

In our last game, we acquired a magical zucchini. We knew it radiated strong evocation magic. My character eventually used it on an assassin type guy that was chasing us. It exploded all over him in a mass of zucchini goo. Don't know where he got the idea for that.
 

I've really only created one (three) artifacts.

One of them spanned two campaigns (in the same world).

It was a rapier. Funny thing was, it was picked up and used by a swashbuckling thief-type (Jedidiah) in a 2E adventure early on and he started using it right away. From many combats, and me finally getting tired of him asking all the time if he hit (since he knew it was magical but not HOW magical) he figured out it was +1. So he never even bothered to get it identified.

Oh, and it talked - a lot. And bragged. It was named "Vern" and when asked what powers it had, it proudly exclaims - "I can do AN-Y-THING!"

But this character never identified it, never bothered to ask it to do much, until finally, many moons later, in a nasty combat, someone got the idea to get the sword to shut up by asking it to do a meteor swarm - which it then did.

They eventually figured out it really COULD do anything - except for the problem that it was really all an illusion. But the rapier firmly believed it was all real, whatever you had it do. And there was a small (usually 1%) chance that an illusion would actually become real, which sometimes had some bizarre effects. (In one case it actually led to the introduction of a new PC - ah, fate is fickle).

What was really pathetic was just how ineffective this swashbuckler was in combat - such that once, just so he could actually get to finish off an opponent, Vern gave the illusion that he killed his opponent in one round even as he took another 12 to finish off his enemy - while the rest of the PCs had already finished off each of their foes by round 3 or 4.

So Vern was an artifact, and a rather annoying one at that. The one really powerful thing it could do was illusions - whatever you could think up, it could do, though sometimes this could have bad effects - like if you ask it to do something that really an illusion couldn't accomplish, well, you'd THINK it did it - like rescuing someone from a rug of smothering - they appear safe and sound, while they are really suffocating. That isn't too good.

It really showed how powerful it was, though, in dealing with OTHER illusions - those it could affect fully, since they weren't real either. So in one case, they were in a room where the walls were closing in - except it was all an illusion. Well, they didn't know that, but the Swashbuckler (wisdom 4, another good combination...) asked Vern to stop the walls - so then a huge wooden structure appeared that stopped them, and put a hole in the (illusionary) wall. And that illusion now is what the room looks like rather than the trap illusion.

My favorite was when there was a room in a module full of alcoves - like 100 of them, and when the party walks in, undead come out of each of them - really nasty. Except that they are all illusions. Well - the party didn't know this either, but Jedidiah still asked Vern to take care of them - so then music starts, and out of a shaft of light walks "The Cleric with no Name" - wearing a big hat, spurs, leather chaps, and a holster on each hip - and in each holster - a HOLY SYMBOL! The music swells, The Cleric with No Name walks up to stand down the 100 undead, then quick draws out the holy symbls in unision, turning them all to dust, then quickly twirling the two holy simbols in his fingers before quickly reholstering them, then riding off into the sunset (yes, the sunset was visible in the underground room, must long enough for the Cleric with No Name to walk off into it).

In the later campaign, a different party rediscovered Vern, and also determined that there were two other rapiers made, that were made to work together.

One character found one of them - it also talked, but only in the head of the owner. Its powers were different and more limited. It was also much more sober than Vern. An additional benefit of both was that when the two blades were within a reasonably close proximity to each other (a few hundred yards) they both went from +1 to +2 - and if they had found the fourth blade, they'd all have been +3.

There was a lot more roleplaying involved with the items than actual powers. I'd have to say my only experience with artifacts was a rewarding one. It was sometimes silly and Vern managed to annoy just about everybody, but they didn't want to get rid of Vern - it was a delicate balance.
 

Vulgo duermo ic luz ri caldul
Asrul anki soovan ash gri lazdul
Consa kiersa ta consa carthasana reaz...


Forged in death and bathed in blood
For them were slain a great armed flood
Control their power, control the world
All desire answered, all dreams unfurled
Nine were bound to nine gems made
Into a crown that holds the world's fate
Nine armies destroyed, a young girl slain
Milenia shall pass until nine are gathered
Once more to each other that they might be shattered
Their fate to be returned as undone
By royal blood, or else by none.
 

Another one of my favorites was the Iron Collar of Caarcrinolaas. Caarcrinolaas was an archfiend in the service of Mammon, and the lover of Glaysa, daughter of Asmodeus. He was also the party's "inside contact" in a war against Mammon they conducted at epic levels. They didn't know that, killed him, and the barbarian proptly clipped on his Iron Collar.

The Iron Collar had some nice bonuses- Strength and Charisma enhancements, and an immunity to vorpal weapons. But it kept growing. Iron plates would spring up under his skin. The idea was that the collar would eventually form a cocoon around him, and Caarcrinolaas would be reborn, but, sadly, the barbarian was consumed by the Far Realm before I could pull it off.

Demiurge out.
 

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