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<blockquote data-quote="Umbran" data-source="post: 8543025" data-attributes="member: 177">There can be a big difference, sometimes.&nbsp; Others, not so much.&nbsp; Indeed, you'll note that the two constructions are relying on different things:&nbsp; One relies on The Rules (you did X, and X is not allowed).&nbsp; The other really relies on the person caring how they come across to others.&nbsp; Folks in the middle of an argument often do not care in that moment how they come across.&nbsp; Indeed, if that was a primary concern, the problem usually wouldn't have happened!&nbsp;Of course.&nbsp; And, indeed, we don't word things in the same way all the time.&nbsp; What I have found is... there's no perfect wording.&nbsp; Indeed, a wording that was successful with one person once may fail with that same person at a later time, in a different situation.&nbsp; We pick approaches as best we can.There are also some practical limitations here.&nbsp; We are working asynchronously.&nbsp; We are going to leave a note, and the person to whom it is directed may not see it for a half hour, and we might not be back on the boards for hours after that.&nbsp; If we are too direct, it may cheese off a poster at us.&nbsp; If we are insufficiently imperative, the poster may not alter course sufficiently to avoid further issues, and things will escalate while we are not around.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Umbran, post: 8543025, member: 177"] There [I]can[/I] be a big difference, sometimes. Others, not so much. Indeed, you'll note that the two constructions are relying on different things: One relies on The Rules (you did X, and X is not allowed). The other really relies on the person caring how they come across to others. Folks in the middle of an argument often [I]do not care[/I] in that moment how they come across. Indeed, if that was a primary concern, the problem usually wouldn't have happened! Of course. And, indeed, we don't word things in the same way all the time. What I have found is... there's no perfect wording. Indeed, a wording that was successful with one person once may fail with that same person at a later time, in a different situation. We pick approaches as best we can. There are also some practical limitations here. We are working asynchronously. We are going to leave a note, and the person to whom it is directed may not see it for a half hour, and we might not be back on the boards for hours after that. If we are too direct, it may cheese off a poster at us. If we are insufficiently imperative, the poster may not alter course sufficiently to avoid further issues, and things will escalate while we are not around. [/QUOTE]

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