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<blockquote data-quote="your father is" data-source="post: 1705337" data-attributes="member: 5475">Keeping in mind that my opinion is basically worthless, here are my thoughts, Wickett.&nbsp; This is fine for you to use as a guide, but I wouldn't include it on the actual 1-pager.&nbsp; Also, although it can be done, it's dangerous to start a story with characters feeling purposeless.&nbsp; Make sure you give your characters a problem to solve right away.&nbsp; My feeling is that this is where the story should start, with background filled in only as neccessary.&nbsp; This seems much more readable than the early stuff.&nbsp; Remember, you only have about 90,000 words. &nbsp; If this is the ending (and I'm not sure that it is), it needs to be stronger and more decisive.&nbsp; These seem like good scenes.&nbsp; I think you've got a good hook with the teleportation and the visiting lots of kingdoms, since WotC asks you to be specific about geography.&nbsp; My sense is that you wouldn't want more than two main characters -- and both of those should have a strong sense of purpose.&nbsp; I hope some of my comments are useful.&nbsp; Good luck!</blockquote>

[QUOTE="your father is, post: 1705337, member: 5475"] Keeping in mind that my opinion is basically worthless, here are my thoughts, Wickett. This is fine for you to use as a guide, but I wouldn't include it on the actual 1-pager. Also, although it can be done, it's dangerous to start a story with characters feeling purposeless. Make sure you give your characters a problem to solve right away. My feeling is that this is where the story should [i]start[/i], with background filled in only as neccessary. This seems much more readable than the early stuff. Remember, you only have about 90,000 words. If this is the ending (and I'm not sure that it is), it needs to be stronger and more decisive. These seem like good scenes. I think you've got a good hook with the teleportation and the visiting lots of kingdoms, since WotC asks you to be specific about geography. My sense is that you wouldn't want more than two main characters -- and both of those should have a strong sense of purpose. I hope some of my comments are useful. Good luck! [/QUOTE]

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