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[Attn: Writers who wanna write for Eberron] Plot workshopping?
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<blockquote data-quote="RangerWickett" data-source="post: 1708431" data-attributes="member: 63"><p>New, better synopsis.</p><p></p><p>Eberron - Passage</p><p></p><p>House Orien, in the last days of the war, used its teleportation powers to steal huge caches of magical treasures, hiding them in a secret location even its own agents knew only by description, not geography.</p><p></p><p>A short vignet introduces our three main characters – Hawkins d’Orien, a sorcerer who abandoned his house and abuses his teleportation powers to live as a thief; Labeth Porter, a kalashtar woman who served in the Aundair military with her husband, until he died and left her with no one to trust; and Alloy, a warforged paladin who sought a simpler life among the Talenta halflings, but now finds that life hollow.</p><p></p><p>Labeth meets Hawkins when she tries to collect a bounty on him, but he flees by teleportation. She tracks him to Sharn, to a gala being held by Ghen d’Orien, Hawkins’ father. Hawkins hates his father and blames him for the death of his wife Shela and son Kev, so when a strange warforged is nearly tossed from the balcony by Ghen, Hawkins intercedes, becoming friends with him. This warforged, Alloy, is trying to access records of the dragonmarked houses so he can identify a body he found in the Mournland. In order to afford access, Hawkins and Alloy pursue a bounty on brigands in the King’s Forest, but in the process, Labeth tries to collect on Hawkins. The brigands attack, and the three of them fight together and escape.</p><p></p><p>They discover a common interest. They identify the mark Alloy saw as a Siberys Mark of Passage, from Hawkins’ own house, and Labeth shares that at the gala she overheard Ghen mention “retrieving the cache during the eclipse.” Hawkins admits that he was involved in a great theft that House Orien orchestrated in the last days of the war, in which he had delivered the stolen treasure by teleportation, never knowing exactly where the cache was. Most suspiciously, Labeth recognized one of the guests at Ghen’s party as an Inspired, an agent of the Dreaming Dark. For their own reasons – revenge, greed, or a need for a purpose – they set out to thwart Ghen’s plan.</p><p></p><p>They teleport to Aundair, to House Orien’s headquarters, looking for information, and they find a trail of clues that lead them to many smaller caches of treasure. Along the way they run afoul of Ghen’s henchmen, and must seek refuge with a friend of Hawkins, Parison d’Jorasco, who bears the dragonmark of healing. Hearing news from Labeth’s sources of Dreaming Dark activity in the Eldeen Reaches, the group teleports to a planar observatory there, near where Labeth’s husband died. There they learn of a rare planar transit – Shavarath, plane of battle, will pass between Eberron and Dolurrh, plane of dead, briefly eclipsing Eberron from the realm of the dead. The Dreaming Dark are there collecting lingering souls as a tribute, and Labeth fears they have taken that of her husband. The group again encounter’s Ghen’s henchmen, and again they flee, but this time are followed, and though the heroes escape, Parison is killed.</p><p></p><p>Embittered, wanting revenge. the group pieces together their clues and determine Ghen is planning something major at the Glowing Chasm in the Mournland. During the eclipse of Dolurrh, Ghen will use an eldritch machine powered by all the stolen magic to bring a creature from Dal Quor, the region of dreams, the greatest use of the Mark of Passage ever. It is unsafe to teleport because Ghen would detect it, so, with the aid of Alloy’s halfling dinosaur riding allies, the group hijacks a lightning rail train in Talenta and rides it into the Mournland. During their trip, spirits appear on the train, as if drawn to the Glowing Chasm as well. The train is attacked by a Lyrandar airship, and the heroes are taken captive, to watch the ritual. Ghen does not kill them; in fact he claims he will use the dream energy of Dal Quor to fulfill the desires of so many: to undo the Last War, and create peace. He will use the quori to fulfill his dream.</p><p></p><p>With Dolurrh cut off, the ritual directs a resurrection spell to call a quori spirit into a body of a member of House Orien, awakening a Siberys dragonmark that will allow the quori to travel between the planes, bringing other quori with it. The body they use is that of Kev, Hawkins’ dead son, long preserved, and at the sight, Hawkins’ spirit breaks. Likewise, Labeth believes her husband’s spirit has been devoured by the ritual, and she despairs. However, the planar convergence releases energies that bend to desire, and Alloy is able to free Labeth and himself long enough to cut the ritual short. Ghen’s attempt to control the power fails, and the severance of dream energy twists the desires of those present, killing everyone except those who teleport away, and Labeth and Hawkins, who had no dreams to sunder. Ghen lies dying, and the quori spirit, animated in Kev’s body, teleports away, needing to rest until the planar transit ends. If it is exposed to sunlight, its hold over the body will falter.</p><p></p><p>But all is not despair. The spirit of Labeth’s husband speaks to her, telling her to be again the brave woman he loved. She then convinces Hawkins to fight to rescue his son. Tracking him to Sharn, they teleport and face the quori spirit, minions of the Dreaming Dark, and the remnants of Ghen’s henchmen. The fight jumps between the towers of the city with repeated teleports, climaxing at Ghen’s manor, nestled low beneath the towers. But at high noon, the sun passes directly overhead, and Hawkins narrowly able to drive out the spirit from his son’s body before the transit ends. The quori is slain and pulled to Dolurrh. Hawkins is reunited with his son, and he goes to stay with House Jorasco to heal, while Labeth leaves on a journey to find a place to be home.</p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p>Is that better?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RangerWickett, post: 1708431, member: 63"] New, better synopsis. Eberron - Passage House Orien, in the last days of the war, used its teleportation powers to steal huge caches of magical treasures, hiding them in a secret location even its own agents knew only by description, not geography. A short vignet introduces our three main characters – Hawkins d’Orien, a sorcerer who abandoned his house and abuses his teleportation powers to live as a thief; Labeth Porter, a kalashtar woman who served in the Aundair military with her husband, until he died and left her with no one to trust; and Alloy, a warforged paladin who sought a simpler life among the Talenta halflings, but now finds that life hollow. Labeth meets Hawkins when she tries to collect a bounty on him, but he flees by teleportation. She tracks him to Sharn, to a gala being held by Ghen d’Orien, Hawkins’ father. Hawkins hates his father and blames him for the death of his wife Shela and son Kev, so when a strange warforged is nearly tossed from the balcony by Ghen, Hawkins intercedes, becoming friends with him. This warforged, Alloy, is trying to access records of the dragonmarked houses so he can identify a body he found in the Mournland. In order to afford access, Hawkins and Alloy pursue a bounty on brigands in the King’s Forest, but in the process, Labeth tries to collect on Hawkins. The brigands attack, and the three of them fight together and escape. They discover a common interest. They identify the mark Alloy saw as a Siberys Mark of Passage, from Hawkins’ own house, and Labeth shares that at the gala she overheard Ghen mention “retrieving the cache during the eclipse.” Hawkins admits that he was involved in a great theft that House Orien orchestrated in the last days of the war, in which he had delivered the stolen treasure by teleportation, never knowing exactly where the cache was. Most suspiciously, Labeth recognized one of the guests at Ghen’s party as an Inspired, an agent of the Dreaming Dark. For their own reasons – revenge, greed, or a need for a purpose – they set out to thwart Ghen’s plan. They teleport to Aundair, to House Orien’s headquarters, looking for information, and they find a trail of clues that lead them to many smaller caches of treasure. Along the way they run afoul of Ghen’s henchmen, and must seek refuge with a friend of Hawkins, Parison d’Jorasco, who bears the dragonmark of healing. Hearing news from Labeth’s sources of Dreaming Dark activity in the Eldeen Reaches, the group teleports to a planar observatory there, near where Labeth’s husband died. There they learn of a rare planar transit – Shavarath, plane of battle, will pass between Eberron and Dolurrh, plane of dead, briefly eclipsing Eberron from the realm of the dead. The Dreaming Dark are there collecting lingering souls as a tribute, and Labeth fears they have taken that of her husband. The group again encounter’s Ghen’s henchmen, and again they flee, but this time are followed, and though the heroes escape, Parison is killed. Embittered, wanting revenge. the group pieces together their clues and determine Ghen is planning something major at the Glowing Chasm in the Mournland. During the eclipse of Dolurrh, Ghen will use an eldritch machine powered by all the stolen magic to bring a creature from Dal Quor, the region of dreams, the greatest use of the Mark of Passage ever. It is unsafe to teleport because Ghen would detect it, so, with the aid of Alloy’s halfling dinosaur riding allies, the group hijacks a lightning rail train in Talenta and rides it into the Mournland. During their trip, spirits appear on the train, as if drawn to the Glowing Chasm as well. The train is attacked by a Lyrandar airship, and the heroes are taken captive, to watch the ritual. Ghen does not kill them; in fact he claims he will use the dream energy of Dal Quor to fulfill the desires of so many: to undo the Last War, and create peace. He will use the quori to fulfill his dream. With Dolurrh cut off, the ritual directs a resurrection spell to call a quori spirit into a body of a member of House Orien, awakening a Siberys dragonmark that will allow the quori to travel between the planes, bringing other quori with it. The body they use is that of Kev, Hawkins’ dead son, long preserved, and at the sight, Hawkins’ spirit breaks. Likewise, Labeth believes her husband’s spirit has been devoured by the ritual, and she despairs. However, the planar convergence releases energies that bend to desire, and Alloy is able to free Labeth and himself long enough to cut the ritual short. Ghen’s attempt to control the power fails, and the severance of dream energy twists the desires of those present, killing everyone except those who teleport away, and Labeth and Hawkins, who had no dreams to sunder. Ghen lies dying, and the quori spirit, animated in Kev’s body, teleports away, needing to rest until the planar transit ends. If it is exposed to sunlight, its hold over the body will falter. But all is not despair. The spirit of Labeth’s husband speaks to her, telling her to be again the brave woman he loved. She then convinces Hawkins to fight to rescue his son. Tracking him to Sharn, they teleport and face the quori spirit, minions of the Dreaming Dark, and the remnants of Ghen’s henchmen. The fight jumps between the towers of the city with repeated teleports, climaxing at Ghen’s manor, nestled low beneath the towers. But at high noon, the sun passes directly overhead, and Hawkins narrowly able to drive out the spirit from his son’s body before the transit ends. The quori is slain and pulled to Dolurrh. Hawkins is reunited with his son, and he goes to stay with House Jorasco to heal, while Labeth leaves on a journey to find a place to be home. Is that better? [/QUOTE]
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[Attn: Writers who wanna write for Eberron] Plot workshopping?
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